【草莓酱拌饭组】1Issue7[re返修 2楼again] by 爪子

NaperyUID: 2710990

7"The video camera provides such an (accurate and convincing) record of contemporary life
that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

Understanding:
主体：video camera &　written records
共性： Form of documentation
对象：Contemporary life
条件：More accurate & convincing information
Implications:
1.
What is“documentation”? [记录定义]
2.
What is the purpose/influence of it? [记录的作用或者意义]
3.
Definitions of “video camera” and “written record” [forms of documentation同属于是记录方式]
4.
How do they function? [各自的功能]
5.
What are the main differences between “video camera” and “written records”? What are the strong points of each?
[两者的区别，各自最突出的特点]
6.
Are the two mutually exclusive? [Always hold in various situations?]
7.
What does “important” mean? [判断重要的标准]

想到Intro中举出的政府是否该投资美术馆的例子。
Intro给出的一个论证角度：
1.
Yes
2.
Art is important. [of social importance to people, 由这点推出人们应多欣赏art，
那么就引出了该如何获得机会接触art，接着过渡到为人们提供art的地方——博物馆]
3.
Museums are public places where art is available to anyone. [由2引出博物馆的重要性，
再陈述博物馆的突出优势条件，在于博物馆对人们的无偿性服务]

先顶起来。。。。

自己改了第一遍。

这次吸取了不少第一的经验呀，例如不随便乱用词。

也很认真的审题。

觉得自己的thesis和Topic Sentences要好好修炼一下。

这个题目和自己的专业有写挂钩，觉得就类似于问，电子文献是否能取代纸质文献。


Words： 659


The form of repository is written down by the features of universality and particularity in life, chased by the technology boom and information explosion. Burgeoned from the homologous buds, the video record and the written record reconcile in inextricable magic despite whether the nourishment is desirable or not.

Visual medium is indeed of social significance, as multiplied innovations of electronic technologies, in digital society, have facilitated the promising reduplication of various periods through multiple sight-sound repositories. Literally, progressive special effects for the display of content, such as animatronics in Jurassic Park or pyrotechnics in Armageddon, provide readers with more freedom from the constraints of traditional paper-reading just like eye strain, in the design of films. The lifelike animation of extinct dinosaurs, which sometimes shuts up fatigue’s eye, steals people away from their own reality. Engrossed in the astonished visual presentation, not only their sense organs but also perceptions have jointly born witness to the era of Jurassic as if they were personally on the scene. In this light, written records will linger readers’ desire for not exquisitely feasting their eyes with tedious presentation of words.

What’s more, the density of disseminated information from mass global media calls for expanded storage capacity and longevity of records, two so essential attributes attached to the video repository that even accumulative paper would be within sight but beyond reach. While the fragility of digital devices and the rapid obsolescence of supporting techniques could turn these merits into inferiority, the progressive electronic technologies in turn will contribute to fix those problems. For example, video records may leisurely come into exist by virtue of visual memory instead of tapes. Equally, emulators—programs that mimic behaviors —can be created to take the place of obsolete ones as needed, assuming that future electronic technology will be orders of magnitude more powerful than the present.

All the superiority of sight-sound repository, however, fails to speak louder than the lack of stability in documentation. Even homer sometimes nods. As we know, video recording implies fluidity, written recording implies fixity and both of them mutually denote the ability to circulate information. In such an era of boom, transportation and mobility of records have been enhanced, while some types of documents are not subject to change because of their inherit nature of fixity. This unchanging aspect in physical written records of governance and law is crucial to the continuity of policy and administration in guiding the cultivation of society and technology. Sufficiency even excesses of animatronics will ultimately wither the delight and excitement of an exquisite feast without substantial stability. Hence, there is no wonder that why documents have been signified as “Immutable mobiles”.

In reality, well-focused visual repository sometimes is an evil, not a saviour that underlines video recording. Today's challenge in accessing information, due to the fair dependence of video records on devices, is an inevitably derived barrier for those who cannot afford a video camera or who is just crossing the threshold. A high-cost camera or a professional one is positively of effect to the vivid reduplication, whereas it fails to define the portability and immediate access of video records. Denying the access to vital digital information, video records would have turned out to be an impetus leading to the “digital divide” between the information rich and poor. Fortunately, paper is a medium which allows direct exchange of detailed information with its readers, communicating its explicit and regulated content to the whole mass of society no matter the rich or the poor.

As a matter of fact, serving increasing demands of potential records in all possibilities have been a powerful drive in the choice of recording forms. Furthermore, new technologies do not necessarily mean to displace the traditional ones and not a single form has ever proven adequate and ideal for all information needs. Thus, that what matters is not which counts more, but where the complementarity of the video and the written so timely and effectively emerges.





开头依旧觉得很难写。。。
这次尽力做到不罗嗦行文。。。

想说啥就表达啥。。。

偶觉得每段的topic sentences是不是写的太长了？

还有关于事例，偶举得不是很多。。。


写这篇文章之前，很用心的看了下那篇specialist和generalist的文章，觉得真的很强大。。。。

自己的文章写出来以后觉得，真是没法儿比。。。

关于范文，爪子的想了很多，要好好写写去。。。。。

NaperyUID: 2710990

7"The video camera provides such an (accurate and convincing) record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

Words:728

Having enjoyed a universal popularity currently, video repository serves as an immediate respond to the explosion of technology and information. However, this does not merely imply the inferiority of written repository and in reality, the need of history gives voice to the equivalent necessities of written ones.

With supporting electronic technologies and contemporary life having undergone constant innovations, video records make it possible for us to reminisce about the past accurately. BBC television has reenacted the Dunkirk Evacuation as a documentary film in 2004, “Dunkirk”, which was in conformity with every detailed historical fact. Free of the subjective judgments of directors, this kind of film, retelling the famous evacuation in specific angles, communicating the whole historic process of evacuation precisely to audiences. Dissimilarly, a book about this period of history especially like Adolf Hitler’s “Mein Kampf”, marking with strong personal approval of Nazism and whitewashing their evils, will undermine the validity of historical written records and portray an illusive feint by rhetorically making up the superficial history of man.

What’s more, even we leading a modern life, the previous plots could be spelled in a lively and visual way through video recording, whose sounds and images have indicated the advent of a time when silence is betrayal. Released in cinemas worldwide, a movie, “Atonement”, based on Ian McEwan’s novel, contains a continuous shot of Allied troops stranded on the beach of Dunkirk waiting to be evacuated. This video record has successfully led us into the feelings that as if we were the solders in the evacuation, queuing in the water and waiting shoulder-deep for hours with anxiety. Additionally, their persistence has told us that just as constant sacrifice is the price of victory in a war, so is eternal solidarity the price of ultimate success in an evacuation. Such a firm belief was featured evidently through the solders’ eyes and words.

However, a video record sometimes is likely to quote out of a context without a historic and literal documentation qualified as a deep reflection and enlightment for a history event. An elementary knowledge of it is insufficient to enable the readers to avoid misinterpreting related video records. A scene in the film, that the whole root and brain of the British Army had been stranded at Dunkirk and seemed to be captured, will impress people as the evacuation is a colossal military disaster and mislead them not into assigning this deliverance the attributes of a victory. Literally, this evacuation came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of disasters in Ian McEwan’s novel, whose vivid written plots with clear perception witnessed a disaster ultimately turning into triumph, and whose descriptive words also underline the firm belief -- the "Dunkirk Spirit", standing for the solidarity in times of adversity, which is still heard in Britain today.


Born as the fruits of repeatedly rethinking and refining, written records genuinely have conveyed the authors’ inner thoughts as well. In the book “History of the Second World War” written by Kurt Tippelskirch, a Nazi general of Germany, lies his affirmations of Dunkirk Evacuation as he wrote: it is absolutely well-reasoned for their pride for what they have achieved. The mission, informing audience of an executioner’s praise, which these words call for, will fail to be written down only by a video of battlefield filled with heavy fire. And, it was just in the presentation of Willy Brandt for The Nobel Peace Prize Lecture in 1971 that pronounced the peace-loving intentions of the whole Germany. Nor does the charm of a video record about this lecture simply move without what is expressed in the literal scenarios, such as a matter of his will, vigor of his emotion, or even the his deliberations on the value of a society.

In fact, superior written records are treasuries of good words and golden thoughts, which, remembered and cherished, emphasizes the assistance of video recording to survive the perpetual evolution. As an actual living written record, a video record is born to be an appropriate urn of enshrining life values that the history has perceived for the present, which itself will go down in history as a better demonstration for technology innovations.

In a sense, video records create the value of today and urge our retrospect of yesterday as time changes, written records reflect the inherit value of history and sustain the weight of ever-changing time.


终于赶着翻修完了。。。
全部大改造。。。。
接着拍砖吧。。。。求狠拍。。。。

Having enjoyed great popularity currently, video repository serves as an immediate response to the explosion of technology and information. However, this does not merely imply the subordination of written repository and in reality; the need of history gives voice to the equivalent necessities of written ones.

With supporting electronic technologies and contemporary life having undergone constant innovations, video records make it possible for us to recall the past accurately. BBC television reenacted the Dunkirk Evacuation as a documentary film in 2004, “Dunkirk”, which was in conformity with every historical detail. Free of the subjective judgments of directors, this kind of film retells the famous evacuation in specific angles, communicating the whole historic process of evacuation precisely to audience. Otherwise/Differently, a book about this period of history especially like Adolf Hitler’s “Mein Kampf”, marking with strong personal approval of Nazism and whitewashing their evils, will undermine the validity of historical written records and portray an illusive feint by rhetorically making up the superficial history of man.

What’s more, even we are leading a modern life, the previous plots could be reproduced in a lively and visual way through a video record, whose sounds and images have indicated the emergency of a time when “silence” demands betrayal. Released in cinemas worldwide, a movie called “Atonement”, based on Ian McEwan’s novel, contains a continuous shot of Allied troops stranded on the beach of Dunkirk waiting to be evacuated. This video record has successfully led us into the feelings that as if we were the soldiers in the evacuation, queuing in the water and waiting deep-shoulder for hours with anxiety. Besides, their persistence has already told us that just as constant sacrifice is the price of victory in a war, so is eternal solidarity the price of ultimate success in an evacuation. Such is a firm belief that was featured evidently through the soldiers’ eyes and words in the video.

However, a video record sometimes is likely to quote out of a historical event without a historic and literal documentation referred to as deep reflection and enlightment for it. An elementary knowledge of it is insufficient to enable the readers to avoid misinterpreting related video records. A scene in the film, that the whole core of the British Army had been stranded at Dunkirk and seemed captive, will impress people as the evacuation is a colossal military disaster and mislead them into not assigning this evacuation the attributes of a victory. Literally, this evacuation came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of disasters in Ian McEwan’s novel, whose vivid written plots with clear perception witnessed that a disaster ultimately turned into triumph, and whose descriptive words also underlined the firm belief -- the "Dunkirk Spirit", standing for the solidarity in times of adversity, which is still universal in Britain today.

Born as the fruits of repeatedly rethinking and refining by authors, written records genuinely have conveyed the authors’ inner thoughts as well. A book “History of the Second World War” written by Kurt Von Tippelskirch, a Nazi general of Germany, shows the author’s affirmations of Dunkirk Evacuation, as he wrote: it is absolutely well-reasoned for their pride for what they have achieved. The mission, informing the audience of a Nazi's praise, which these words call for, will fail to be written down only by a video of battlefield filled with heavy fire. And, it was just the presentation of Willy Brandt for The Nobel Peace Prize Lecture in 1971 that pronounced the peace-loving intentions of the whole Germany. Nor does the charm of a video record about this lecture simply move without what is expressed in the literal scenarios, such as a matter of his will, vigor of his emotion, or even the his deliberations on the value of a society.

In fact, superior written records are treasuries of good words and golden thoughts, which, remembered and cherished, emphasizes the assistance of video recording to survive the perpetual evolution. As an actual living written record, a video record is born to be an appropriate urn of enshrining life values that the history has perceived for the present, which itself will go down in history as a better demonstration for technology innovations.

In a sense, video records create the value of today and urge our retrospect of yesterday as time changes, written records reflect the inherit value of history and sustain the weight of ever-changing time.

绿色为第三次修改版本。。。

主要是语法和用词上的一些纠正。。。

最后两段觉得写得有些抽象了。。。

等我在琢磨一下~~~

sakuraanneUID: 2253519

看着太痛苦了。。。感觉像G词背多了英语功底本身又不够熟练运用常用词而堆砌起来的。。。表太伤心。。。比如这句，Engrossed in the astonished（应该用astonishing） visual presentation（presentation怪异，平实的不如effect，跳跃点不如magic或adventure）, not only their sense organs(这个直接中文翻译恐怕不合适吧) but also （their）perceptions have jointly born witness（？） to the era of Jurassic as if they were personally on the scene. 因此先不论内容，这文章的语言无论从表达还是结构上都给我理解造成很大困难。粗粗看去大略也能推测出意思，但这种用词和造句方式在准确表达自己的意思上恐怕比较容易先天不足。还是要回到那句，作为非母语人士，能自然地运用难词不容易啊。
shut up这种短语最好不要用，首先是短语使得文体不正式，其次过激单词会显得奇突。
句式有时让人感觉是用中文思维翻译的。。。并不流畅，也并不复杂，只是在简单句里套了很多G词。。。这个还是等66叔有空来给你普及下前车之鉴啊
我还是鼓吹行文质朴流畅的

sakuraanneUID: 2253519

我觉得你这个还是中式思维直接中译英，然后换成红宝词，就像friends里面Joey给Monica, Chandler写领养孩子那个推荐信用电脑查出一堆复杂的单词替换上去一样。。。句式什么的完全不地道。如果你跟66学而argu又没他那么严密的逻辑，那3分也不为怪。。。
我的建议还是好好读些东西背些东西，不要想背了红宝词就一步登天，还得踏踏实实地从简单句写起。

sakuraanneUID: 2253519

主题句和段中内容不大符合，第一个论述段主题句的意思似乎是说video可以促使大批量拷贝--既传播的意义？但后面在使劲说它视觉震撼直观体验的好处。
整篇内容感觉挖掘不深，还停留在普遍浮泛的内容，什么容量啊保存啊，即使用了很多难词展开也没有用，还是显得空洞无物。我认为好文章应该展现个性化思路，让人看到一些觉得不错而自己可能没考虑到的视角和观点，而不是千人一面地停留在肤浅的评论上。

NaperyUID: 2710990

汗，单词的问题如同阴魂不散。
不晓得是不是背了托福单词的原因。

我不怕打击。
好了。话不多说。

爪子这就翻修去。

NaperyUID: 2710990

翻修完成，在二楼，依旧求狠批。。。

NaperyUID: 2710990

自己up~~~

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

词汇没那么awkward了，但是语法问题又出来了，囧~~~

NaperyUID: 2710990

词汇没那么awkward了，但是语法问题又出来了，囧~~~
cinderella1016 发表于 2009-11-10 15:11

词汇是个大问题~~

语法的问题，我自己觉得那个独立主格结构有点问题~~

我去改改~~

阿刘等等~~~

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

词汇的转变是个好转变，但是词汇一清晰，语法问题就很突出了。。。

NaperyUID: 2710990

词汇的转变是个好转变，但是词汇一清晰，语法问题就很突出了。。。
cinderella1016 发表于 2009-11-10 15:23

赞同。。。

我这次很想学着用独立主格，但是用的不顺。。。。

阿刘觉得哪里还有语法问题？

我昨晚一通宵都盯着它看，有点抽搐了，也不晓得哪里有问题了，等爪子缓缓，接着改去。。。。

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

前两段，有问题的地方我划了线~红色是语法问题，其他是词汇用法问题。

Having enjoyed a universal popularity currently, video repository serves as an immediate respond to the explosion of technology and information. However, this does not merely imply the inferiority of written repository and in reality, the need of history gives voice to the equivalent necessities of written ones.

Supporting electronic technologies and contemporary life having undergone constant innovations, video records make it possible for us to reminisce about the past accurately. BBC television has reenacted the Dunkirk Evacuation as a documentary film in 2004, “Dunkirk”, which was in conformity with every detailed historical fact. Free of the subjective judgments of directors, this kind of film, retelling the famous evacuation in specific angles, communicating the whole historic process of evacuation precisely to audiences. Dissimilarly, a book about this period of history especially like Adolf Hitler’s “Mein Kampf”, marking with strong personal approval of Nazism and whitewashing their evils, will undermine the validity of historical written records and portray an illusive feint by rhetorically making up the superficial history of man.

NaperyUID: 2710990

行  后面的 你先别看 我先改改语法 应该不会很长时间 谢谢啦~~

NaperyUID: 2710990

Having enjoyed great popularity currently, video repository serves as an immediate responding to the explosion of technology and information. However, this does not merely imply the inferiorities of written repository and in reality; the need of history gives voice to the equivalent necessities of written ones.

With supporting electronic technologies and contemporary life having undergone constant innovations, video records make it possible for us to recall the past accurately. BBC television reenacted the Dunkirk Evacuation as a documentary film in 2004, “Dunkirk”, which was in conformity with every historical detail. Free of the subjective judgments of directors, this kind of film retells the famous evacuation in specific angles, communicating the whole historic process of evacuation precisely to audience. Otherwise/Differently, a book about this period of history especially like Adolf Hitler’s “Mein Kampf”, marking with strong personal approval of Nazism and whitewashing their evils, will undermine the validity of historical written records and portray an illusive feint by rhetorically making up the superficial history of man.

先改两段。

自我总结下：proofreading做的还是不够好，虽然自己看了很多遍，但很多细节问题没看出来！！！