紫薇花开

紫薇花开UID: 2461167

OIn general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon

In modern society, it is a common appearance of people’s longer life. In detail analytical, there are two reasons for this phenomenon to speak as following:
At first, our life condition has a increasing improved. The first thing coming to my eyes is that , we all know, the harvest of food has been got, at least, rice and wheat which are the foundation of our eating. That is to say, people chase more nutrition food than ever, instead of suffering hunger. It is the contribution of science and technology.
Then, the medical care has been enhanced. There are three causes to explain it. First, the whole world
economic condition has a good raise. Almost every country has become more rich than before, as a result, they have spare more money on medicine to get the sanitation better. Second, technique has made the medical instrument become better and better. Today, there are more advanced expedition such as CT, and NMTS. All of these can treat some disease which can’t be treated before. At last, the sanitation sense of people has increased because of the education becoming common.
In sum, although there are many reasons which could explain the phenomenon that people live longer than ever , I also think the life condition and the medical care are the most important because of the explanation above.

过河卒UID: 2572070

OIn general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon

In modern society, it is a common appearance of people’s longer life. In detail analytical, there are two reasons  ...
紫薇花开 发表于 2009-11-7 09:54

In detail analytical， 这个是不是detailed analysis

scutgongUID: 2564275

In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon

In modern society, it is a common appearance（用phenomenon是不是好点）[/color] of people’s longer life. In detail analytical（in detail已经很完整了）, there are two reasons for this phenomenon to speak as following:
At first, our life condition has improved increasingly. The first thing coming to my eyes is that , we all know, the harvest of food has been got, at least, rice and wheat which are the foundation of our eating. （这个句子比较散，可以整合下）That is to say, people chase （acquire好点吧）more nutrition food than ever, instead of suffering hunger. It is the contribution of science and technology.
Then, the medical care has been enhanced. There are three causes to explain it. First, the whole world economic condition has a good raise. Almost every country has become richer than before. As a result, they have spare more money on medicine to get the sanitation better. Second, technique has made the medical instrument become (可以删除)better and better. Today, there are more advanced expedition such as CT, and NMTS. All of these can treat some disease which can’t be treated before. At last, the sense of sanitation has increased because of the increasingly common education.
In sum, although there are many reasons which could explain the phenomenon that people live longer than ever before , I also think the life condition and the medical care are the most important because of the explanation above.

作者存在几个问题。第一，本文字数偏少，如果作者准备不久的话，可以从完整的作文开始联系。第二，句子，词语存在很多的问题。这个可以多看一些范文模仿。

紫薇花开UID: 2461167

唉 ，我就是刚刚准备的，这是我的第一篇作文。
努力吧！！！

紫薇花开UID: 2461167

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Grades (marks) encourage students to learn. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion
It is common sense that everything should have a standard that judge their graduation. It is a essential element of many factors that promote things go up. In the world, there is a economical level standard such as GPA and GDP which divide all the country on the earth into three world. America is a developed country, China is a developing country and India is an undeveloped country. When China move to the developed country, its economy rises at the same time brings the world economy up also. I think it is aptitude to say that marks urge students to learn. That is to say, grades had a good effect on students’ learn.
Firstly, it’s sloth that is human beings’ nature, including students. We can overcome but not escape it by taking some measure, such as extr-environment stimuli and the improving of our inner quality on diligence. For example, industrious farmers gain rich harvest at the end of the year, but sloth farmers have poor gain at the last and even the food could not support their family so that they have to borrow foods from others. Here the rich harvest and the hunger of the family when there is nothing to eat are the extr-environment stimuli to the sloth farmers who gain poor. In the other hand, with the descend of ennui, the lazy farmer may become more and more interested in the work in the field. When the interest came out, it will outweigh the sloth. We all know the large power of interest, such as the invent of farming implement and new cultivating approach which come from the people interested in the farm. That’s the same situation for marks that happen on the students. Grades judge students’ degree of diligence, and at the same time prevent students who get high scores from sloth. Through examination, the more diligent students are, the high grade they got. This kind of extr-environment stimuli makes the sloth students industrious, and alerts the students who have better grade more diligent.
Secondly, grade is a good standard for teacher to judge a student’ weakness on knowledge, and a healthy criterion for students to judge their study means and their knowledge level during a period. For instance, in a long study, we have no idea about what we get and what we haven’t got, and what we have understood and what we haven’t understood at last, which we have remembered and which we haven’t remembered. The main point of the study is the base of examination. form it, teachers can learn that which point their students haven’t mastered and how many students have mastered, as a result, they see where need to reiterate and whether their teaching measure need to be improved and how to improve. For students, I think it is the same important.
All in all, grade can produce a competition in the study, then indirectly, help students overcome the sloth nature, and directly, urge the ennui students up who get a lower score. in the other hand, grade help teacher find their teaching weakness and improve their teaching means, at the same time, offer a hand for students to look for their fault on study and then correct it.

我是chineseladyUID: 2662783

It is common sense that everything should have a standard that judge their graduation. It is a essential element of many factors that promote things go up. In the world, there is a economical level standard such as GPA这不是评价成绩么..?怎么又是经济标准 and GDP which divide all the country on the earth into three world. America is a developed country, China is a developing country and India is an undeveloped country也是发展中吧. When China move to the developed country, its economy rises at the same time brings the world economy up also.这句2个谓语吧...目前我想中国还不太算发达国家, 时态最好将来时合适吧 I think it is aptitude to say that marks urge students to learn. That is to say, grades had这里怎么又过去式? a good effect on students’ learn.

Firstly, it’s sloth that is human beings’ nature, including students-->laziness is one of people's natures. We can overcome (it) but not-->cannot escape it by taking some measure..??, such as extr-environment stimuli and the improving of our inner quality on diligence. For example, industrious farmers gain rich harvest at the end of the year, but sloth farmers have poor gain at the last and even the food 加they produced could not support their family so that they have to borrow foods from others. Here the rich harvest and the hunger of the family when there is nothing to eat are the extr-environment stimuli to the sloth farmers who gain poor. In the other hand, with the descend of ennui, the lazy farmer may become more and more interested in the work in the field. When the interest came out..?好像不对吧这样写, it will outweigh the sloth. We all know the large power of interest, such as the invent of farming implement and new cultivating approach which come from the people interested in the farm. That’s the same situation for marks that happen on the students. Grades judge students’ degree of diligence, and at the same time prevent students who get high scores from sloth. Through examination, the more diligent students are, the high grade they got. This kind of extr-environment stimuli makes the sloth students industrious, and alerts the students who have better grade more diligent.题目是学生和分数的,主要还是应该围绕这里写,其他的farm也可以带一下, 不过写的多了,这要是farm的问题,有点喧宾夺主. 有点跑题. 中间表达也有些语法问题.

Secondly, grade is a good standard for teacher to judge a student’ weakness on knowledge, and a healthy-->proper criterion for students to judge their study means and their knowledge level during a period.主题句不建议写长 For instance, in a long study, we have no idea about what we get and what we haven’t got, and what we have understood and what we haven’t understood at last, which we have remembered and which we haven’t remembered.这里多少有点繁琐写的.-->students have no idea about how much knowledge they mastered during years studying, therefore, examination provides a stage for them to know. The main point of the study is the base of examination. form it, teachers can learn that which point their students haven’t mastered and how many students have mastered, as a result, they see where need to reiterate and whether their teaching measure need to be improved and how to improve. For students, I think it is the same important

All in all, grade can produce a competition in the study, then indirectly, help students overcome the sloth nature, and directly, urge the ennui students up who get a lower score. in the other hand, grade help teacher find their teaching weakness and improve their teaching means题目没说到老师作文也最好不说, at the same time, offer a hand for students to look for their fault on study and then correct it. 句子有些不很对,结构不算紧密.有语法问题.改的不好别介意

紫薇花开UID: 2461167

11月10 综合
this text and the professor are both talking about the effect factors of transition from cottage industry to factory industry, but they have a contradiction on it
firstly, the reaction of the technology to the industry. the text said that it is fundamental because the use of steam engines which improve the products, while the professor disagree with it because of the more employee who she think could be employed by employers so that increase the productive. moreover, she thought that the machine came out later.

secondly, for the establishment of a stronger legal protection. in the text, there is a example of UK which established a
legal protection for private property and as a result, have a increase of cottage production. but the professor hold a averse view that is the example of Holone which also found a similar system on
legal protection nonetheless had little effect which shows that the system has no effect.

thirdly,
for the purpose of reduce the costs of production , the text hold that centralization the spared capitalist and the tighter organization of work would be got in contrast to the professor who thought that the fundament of the factory could made the cost higher for the expense of land, the factory building and at last the high supervise.

at last, the text is in contrast to the professor mainly on three aspects which are technology, the legal protection and the desire of reducing product costs in the end.

scutgongUID: 2564275

this text and the professor are both talking about the effect factors of transition from cottage industry to factory industry, but they have a contradiction on it 7 k- t1 A% S5 m0 L& k' v
firstly, the reaction of the technology to the industry. the text （test这个词很不明确啊，到底是listening test还是reading test呢，最好用passage和lecture区分）said that it is fundamental because the use of steam engines which improve the products, while the professor disagree with it because of the more employees who she thinks thatcould be employed by employers so that increase the productive. moreover, she thought that the machine came out later.
secondly, for the establishment of a stronger legal protection. in the text, there is a example of UK which established
legal protection for private property and as a result, have a increase of cottage production. but the professor hold a averse view that is the example of Holone（Holand） which also found a similar system on legal protection nonetheless had little effect which shows that the system has no effect.

thirdly,
for the purpose of reducing the costs of production , the text hold that centralization the spared capitalist and the tighter organization of work would be got in contrast to the professor who thought that the fundament of the factory could made the cost higher for the expense of land, the factory building and at last the high supervise.

at last, the text is in contrast to the professor mainly on three aspects which are technology, the legal protection and the desire of reducing product costs in the end.

本文的几个要点都给的比较明确，但是也存在不少的缺点。比如，格式（大小写问题）以及词语。望多多注意

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

原来是10G精英组的啊~

恕我直言，LZ的作文在结构和内容上都存在比较大的问题~

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

我觉得这篇文章的词汇、语法、思维方式都有比较严重的问题~

拼写问题，如extr-environment。

名词复数问题，如three world应为three worlds；taking some measure应该是measures；food could not support their family so that they have to borrow foods from others，前后两处food的数不一致。

强调句的过度使用。

主谓一致问题，如It is common sense that everything should have a standard that judge their graduation，其中judge应为judges。

时态问题，如China move to the developed country，move应为moves，而且这个表达方式是不对的；That is to say, grades had a good effect on students’ learn，had用在这里不对，应用一般现在时；Through examination, the more diligent students are, the high grade they got，got应该为get。

句式杂糅的问题，如its economy rises at the same time brings the world economy up also。

词性混乱的问题，如I think it is aptitude to say that marks urge students to learn. 其中aptitude是名词，而此句中it is后面接的应该是个形容词；That is to say, grades had a good effect on students’ learn.learn是动词，这里需要的是名词study；improving of our inner quality on diligence应该把improving改成improvement；sloth farmers have poor gain，sloth是名词，不能做定语，这里需要lazy之类的形容词；with the descend of ennui，descend是动词，这里需要名词descent；as the invent of farming implement，invent是动词，这里需要名词invention。

习惯用法的问题：Firstly, it’s sloth that is human beings’ nature, including students. 强调结构用得太多前面已经提过了，这里的including students用的不是很地道，可以考虑students are no exception；at the last是不对的，可以考虑in the end；In the other hand是不对的，这个搭配是on one hand, on the other hand；interested in the work in the field，直接用be interested in doing sth.就可以；study means，考虑methods。

中式英语：Here the rich harvest and the hunger of the family when there is nothing to eat are the extr-environment stimuli to the sloth farmers who gain poor；That’s the same situation for marks that happen on the students；alerts the students who have better grade more diligent；The main point of the study is the base of examination. form it, teachers can learn that which point their students haven’t mastered and how many students have mastered, as a result, they see where need to reiterate and whether their teaching measure need to be improved and how to improve.

G已经结束了，是时候把精英组组员的身份放下了~

紫薇花开UID: 2461167

没想到会引起这样的风波

草草  对不起！
也对不起我曾经的25分T 作文  
这次是我没有好好的对待那篇作文
草草  对不起！

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

草木在哪里？:O

只是一篇问题比较多的作文而已，不必上升到一定高度，嗯~