新人求批改~~~.....

shajjUID: 2723824

Argument 8


This Omini memorandum recommends that Omini Inc. shoud buy the Mesa Food which has strong growth potential and aggressively promote its brand of salsa nationwide. To support this recommendation, the author cites the increased profits Mesa Food made last year, increased sales of its salsa over each of the past three years. Careful examination of this supporting evidence, however, reveals logical flawed in several critical aspects.

First of all, the author indicates that Mesa food is only a manufacturer of snack food within a relatively small region. It also can be said that the company would not profit in other region if the memo do not provide other evidence shows that residents in other regions would be interested in the Mesa Food because people lives in different places may enjoys a different flavor.

Second, the increased sales of Diabolique Salsa over each of the past three years do not necessarily imply people are interested in it. After all, percentage would be easily misunderstood as that the increased percentage can be 20%, or 5%,or even less than 5%.

Thirdly, 20 percentage increase in profit do not necessarily indicates the increased percentage would remain at 20% this year. Nevertheless we may likely to believe that the profit increase of Meas food would not be so much or even no profit increase and it’s a doubt whether it will be declined this year.

Finally.
Though the 14-to-25 age olds consumes the most snack food, it still remains unconvincing that they would be appealed to the snack food manufactured by Mesa food. Perhaps the majority of the consumers of the mesa food are olds or middle-aged people. The memo fails to rule out these and other possible explanations, I can not accept any conclusion about that Omni Inc can get profits from 14-to-25 years old
by buying mesa food.

In conclusion, the suggestion to buy mesa food is not persuasive. To bolster it, author must provide clearer evidence. Such evidence might include the followings: a survey showing that residents in other region are also interested in the mesa food; a statistics showing that mesa food enjoys a really good market share ; a research showing that 14-to-25 year olds are the major consumers of mesa food.



刚看作文几天...写了一篇,  1小时左右,水平很垃圾...各位老大们帮着看看..汗~

bobo19890313UID: 2622130

你这样是没人来看的，参加作文小组互改，呵呵，加油~~！

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

这个帖子没被锁真是奇迹~