【草莓酱拌饭组】3Issue88 by StupidSteve

stupidsteveUID: 2704849

语法语言很幼稚...论证又肤浅...终于杯具了...前辈们狠拍吧～我还会再改的～
同仁们留链必拍...只要不嫌弃我水平烂...
再哭...杯具了...


TOPIC: ISSUE88 - "Technologies notonly influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."


There's has been a controversy over the issue that does technologies only influence or actually also determine social customs and ethics as the speaker claimed. Analyzing this question requires us a profound and systematic understanding of the apt relations within technologies, social customs and ethics. There’s no denying the fact as speaker cited that technologies influenced social customs and ethics, while, the speaker could hardly convince me that it could also determine them, since they were actually determined by people themselves.

Technologies could and indeed influenced social customs and ethics for the following reasons. Because a technology, mostly conducts as a tool to serve human beings, is meant to advance people's living quality or solve a social problem. Then, if a technology is successfully released, people's lives will be more or less altered by it and changes will also occur to social customs and ethics, the moral principles of people's pursuit for an improved life and society. It could be easily concluded that technology has a function in influencing these two. To illustrate: women's social position, without doubt a crucial part of social customs and ethics, was effectively improved thanks to the Industrial Revolution, the boom of brilliant technologies that diminished the general concept of physical variation, as a vital cause limited women’s social position, between male and female. It showed that men's and women's capacities in acquiring skills, the new criterion brought by technologies surpassed physical strength to value person, were mostly equal.


However, It doesn’t equal to that social customs and ethics were also determined by technologies. A much more profoundand appropriate understanding of this issue in two situations would be as below:

Generally, in one situation, if a technology was designed with a strong purpose to change customs and ethics and the purpose was achieved. While it pictures us an illusion that technologies somehow changed the latter ones, however, we might lost an important component of the chain that it is people's rather a technologies' willingness to change, or determine, customs and ethics. The only role a technology plays in the process is just practicing people's willingness into reality. We developed telecommunication technology in order to make communications convenient, while merely a cellphone set could ever bring us a new concept of women’s social position, since our purpose to develop this technology doesn’t lie in dealing with feminist movement. As a final point, people use technology to determine social customs and ethics.


Alternatively, considering another situation, in which certain customs or ethics were unexpectedly changed or determined after the birth of a technology. Rather than the speaker’s conclusion that they were determined by technology, the fact is more likely that the technology, mostly a shocking one whose unexpected effects were overlooked before its birth, raised several social problems or dilemmas in a certain fresh new field that no one had ever stepped in before. Since the field was a novel one that merely exist a suitable custom or ethic, people were urged to re-consider or re-define a good deal of relative moral concepts to form an appropriate system of these two. Hence, technology just provides opportunities for us to step in a circumstance and finally relative social customs and ethics were determined by people. It won’t be difficult to understand that the flourish of Internet force the entire society to re-define the perceptionof privacy, since nobody could foretell the sudden result of Internet that privacy would heavily suffered from such an impact. And undoubtedly, it was people rather Internet, the technology, who contributed to the determination ofprivacy, mostly an ethic.





Accordingly, there's no denying that technology serves a function to influence social customs and ethics, while merely could it determine either of them. Since the relations within them are delivering us a clear concept that it should be human beings living involved customs and ethics, who invent and benefit from technology, actually determine the latter ones. In this process, technology is our instrument, but definitely not the conductor, to realize people’s willingness of the determination.

stupidsteveUID: 2704849

1# stupidsteve 诡异。。。怎么排版又错误了？。。。我先上课去，中午收拾你～

ps:排版问题解决了。。。继续杯具中。。。

NaperyUID: 2710990

There's has been a controversy over the issue that does technologies only influence or actually also determine social customs and ethics as the speaker claimed. Analyzing this question requires us a profound and systematic understanding of the apt relations within technologies, social customs and ethics. There’s no denying the fact as speaker cited that technologies influenced social customs and ethics, while, the speaker could hardly convince me that it could also determine them, since they were actually determined by people themselves.

先说表达：
红色是我觉得有错的地方
蓝色是我觉得不妥当的地方
绿色是我觉得还可以用其他表达的地方

• does引起的是问句吧？可是这里是一个陈述语气。
• 题目的观点是既influence还determine，所以我觉得这里可以直接用题目的not only but also。
• us去掉，直接接后面的成分就好。
• 我觉得可以借用awintro里的两个词，critical and analytical。
• apt relations with...这个表达貌似有点诡异啊 我觉得直接用relationship或者再加一个mutual好了。
• the fact可以去掉，我觉得用在这里有点累赘了。
• were……改成现在时比较好，过去式的话表明是之前发生但是现在没有，题目里的时态也是现在时。
• 囧，我咋觉得这个看起来好北美。呃，我个人不大喜欢这种看起来模板式的表达。。。

再说思维：

背景 => 分析 => 观点

开头表达的挺清楚的，观点比较清晰。
我觉得你可以多看些帖子，看看开头怎么写会更好。
或者看看awintro的范文，可以模仿一下。
这个开头虽然很简洁，但是我觉得如果能够暗示文章后面的内容和结构就好了。
这句话是个老话，很多点评的帖子里都提到了，嘿嘿。

NaperyUID: 2710990

Technologies could and indeed influenced social customs and ethics for the following reasons. Because a technology, mostly conducts as a tool to serve human beings, is meant to advance people's living quality or solve a social problem. Then, if a technology is successfully released, people's lives will be more or less altered by it and changes will also occur to social customs and ethics, the moral principles of people's pursuit for an improved life and society. It could be easily concluded that technology has a function in influencing these two. To illustrate: women's social position, without doubt a crucial part of social customs and ethics, was effectively improved thanks to the Industrial Revolution, the boom of brilliant technologies that diminished the general concept of physical variation, as a vital cause limited women’s social position, between male and female. It showed that men's and women's capacities in acquiring skills, the new criterion brought by technologies surpassed physical strength to value person, were mostly equal.

• 这段的TS，我觉得有点抽象了，或许具体点好一些。
• mostly……这里是个伴随状语从句吧，主语是t，后面还有个is meant……，那这里是不是应该将conducts改成被动时态才是对的吧？要不然语法是有问题的。
• advance作及物动词的话，一般是说to make earlier, to propose, to supply or furnish in expectation of repayment等等，具体的你可以自己查一下，一般的搭配是用improve。
• 社会问题一般不仅仅只有一个吧，我觉得用resolve social problems比较好。
• released，很是怪异。。。。这个你可以查查字典，再斟酌一下。
• occur to...我觉得还不如直接用happen或者take place好
• has a founction in...同5
• thanks to用在这里不恰当，直接用through更好
• diminished  同5
• as改成which is
• limited……这句话表达不地道，有点像中文式的表达。。。
• surpass这里，语法问题。。。
• 个人觉得equal不如parallel之类的词。

句子表达真的有点纠结。。。
无论论证还是举例，都和customs and ethics挂钩，这个例子觉得还表达不够有力。

NaperyUID: 2710990

要赶着去洗澡了。晚点回来给你改好了。