Argument190=美丽G程小组=小组第三次作业by petric

petricUID: 2719885

190.The following is a letter to the editor of the Glenville Gazette, a local newspaper.

"Over the past few years, the number of people who have purchased advance tickets for the Glenville Summer Concert series has declined, indicating lack of community support. Although the weather has been unpredictable in the past few years, this cannot be the reason for the decline in advance ticket purchases, because many people attended the concerts even in bad weather. Clearly, then, the reason for the decline is the choice of music, so the organizers of the concert should feature more modern music in the future and should be sure to include music composed by Richerts, whose recordings Glenville residents purchase more often than any other contemporary recordings. This strategy will undoubtedly increase advance ticket purchases and will increase attendance at the concerts."

作者认为买预售票数量下降——支持率下降（充分性错误）。不是天气的原因而是——the choice of music（因果错误）,建议the organizers 选新歌包括R的，因为当地居民经常买G的唱片多于其他（类比错误，其他后果）。结论：票会卖的很好（充分性错误）

提纲：
1.
Those who purchased advance tickets might be a small portion of people attend the concert actually. Not alone to directly indicate whether the popularity diminish or not.
2.
the author excludes the weather factors ( however, the reason is not persuasive ) and assumes there is no alternative factors besides the choice of music
3.
no evidence shows the modern music is deficient ; Richerts’ music will still be vogue in the future, and his music is suitable for performing alive to attract people before taste changes.
4.
The author unfairly assumes that the proposed actions are both necessary and sufficient to increase advance ticket purchases and attendance at the concerts


正文
Basing on the hypothesis that lacking of support results in declined sales of advanced tickets, then supposing that music choice rather than weather condition caused the decreased attendance, the author accordingly suggests the concert should perform modern music in represent of Richerts’. However, this argument is in fact logically flawed in the following three main aspects.

A threshold problem involves the vague conception towards actual attendance at the concerts. The author unfairly assumes that advance tickets sales present the whole attendance, upon which the further query about popularity of the concert is based. Yet, cases might be the opposite-- blooming population of audience filled the concert ,most of whom reserved the final tickets. If so, the declined tickets conversely reflect the community support condition.

Even if fewer people patronize the concert just as the author's analysis, the declining number of advance tickets is not necessarily due to the choice of music. At least weather condition cannot be ruled out easily, relied on the former experience. Perhaps, fewer people are inclined to buy advance tickets in the harsh weather currently, although they have no choice to choose weather during the concert and support their adorable players. Besides, it is entirely possible that an increasing number of people are willing to appreciate the concert or listen to the music online due to its convenience. Also, the international financial crisis may bring certain impact on people's expenditures which have nothing to do with the music of concerts. Since the letter fails to account for these alternative explanations for sales of advance tickets, no sound recommendation can be made to persuade me to accept.

Even assuming that the concert should add up some fresh music, there is little information about style of current music. If modern music is sufficient enough, while some classical music is of deficiency but can arouse enthusiasm of audience, changing classical style to remind community's remembrance and heat the atmosphere might be a better idea. Even if modern music is on its way, the author overlooks the tastes toward music composed by Richerts is changing with each passing days. Perhaps, fewer composers published new music during the sales of Richerts' popular records. However, when people are so acquainted and tired of his style, they will abandon those recordings as soon as new ones come. Furthermore, we are not informed whether his music is suitable for performing alive to attract people before taste changes. Either scenario, if true, would undermine the author's claim that the new strategy will undoubtedly make some improvements.

In sum, the argument relies on problematic assumptions which render it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation, the author should provide whether the actual amount of attendance is equal to the sales number of advance tickets. To better assess it, I also need to know whether there is a necessity to feature more modern music in the future and people's preference towards Richerts' music will continue.

jessicamarineUID: 2595044

蓝色 好， 红色 错误， 粉色 修改
提纲：
1.
Those who purchased advance tickets might be a small portion of people attend the concert actually. Not alone to directly indicate whether the popularity diminish or not.
2.
the author excludes the weather factors ( however, the reason is not persuasive ) and assumes there is no alternative factors besides the choice of music
3.
no evidence shows the modern music is deficient ; Richerts’ music will still be vogue in the future, and his music is suitable for performing alive to attract people before taste changes.(这点我没想到，很好）
4.
The author unfairly assumes that the proposed actions are both necessary and sufficient to increase advance ticket purchases and attendance at the concerts


正文
Basing on the hypothesis that lacking of support results in declined sales of advanced tickets, then supposing that music choice rather than weather condition caused the decreased attendance, the author accordingly suggests the concert should perform modern music in represent of Richerts’. However, this argument is in fact logically flawed in the following three main aspects.

A threshold problem involves the vague conception towards actual attendance at the concerts. The author unfairly assumes that advance tickets sales represent the whole attendance, upon which the further query about popularity of the concert is based. Yet, cases might be the opposite-- blooming population of audience filled the concert ,most of whom reserved (reserve ticket 预定票，换个动词）the final tickets. If so, the declined advance tickets conversely reflect a good the community support condition.(逻辑因果不是很明显，建议之前再加承接句）

Even if fewer people patronize the concert just as the author's analysis, the declining number of advance tickets is not necessarily due to the choice of music. At least weather condition cannot be ruled out easily, relied on the former experience. Perhaps, fewer people are inclined to buy advance tickets in the harsh weather currently, although they have no choice to choose weather during the concert and support their adorable players. Besides, it is entirely possible that an increasing number of people are willing to appreciate the concert or listen to the music online due to its convenience. Also, the international financial crisis may bring certain impact on people's expenditures which have nothing to do with the music of concerts（说反了吧）. Since the letter fails to account for these alternative explanations for sales of advance tickets, no sound recommendation can be made to persuade me to accept（建议少用被动句尤其在险要位置）.

Even assuming that the concert should add up some fresh music, there is little information about style of current music. If modern music is sufficient enough, while some classical music is of deficiency but can arouse enthusiasm of audience, changing classical style to remind community's remembrance and heat the atmosphere might be a better idea. Even if modern music is on its way, the author overlooks the tastes toward music composed by Richerts is changing with each passing days. Perhaps, fewer composers published new music during the sales of Richerts' popular records. However, when people are so acquainted and tired of his style, they will abandon those recordings as soon as new ones come. Furthermore, we are not informed whether his music is suitable for performing alive to attract people before taste changes. Either scenario, if true, would undermine the author's claim that the new strategy will undoubtedly make some improvements.

In sum, the argument relies on problematic assumptions which render it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation, the author should provide whether the actual amount of attendance is equal to (representative of更合适)the sales number of advance tickets. To better assess it, I also need to know whether there is a necessity to feature more modern music in the future and whether(个人觉得此处再加个whether比较合适，群聊问一下曦范） people's preference towards Richerts' music will continue（ last似乎更好）.

总评：
思路很好，认识的词儿用法也都比偶多，观点开阔思路，说不足吧。
例证很多，也都是好例子，但大多没有深入探讨，有种草草地罗列事例的感觉，建议挑选其中比较重要的事例，做充分论证。
语言，词汇量不错但不够流畅，有点别。
总体的逻辑掌握的非常不错，加油！