美月issue 207 修改

jessicamarineUID: 2595044

207"
Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."
改进：充实例证，关乎仪式、认知、文化

关键词：Rituals , ceremonies, culture, people, self-knowing/self-awareness/self-knowledge
原论点：仪式和典礼可以定义文化，从而 没有了他们人们对于自己的认识就会减弱
攻击点：仪式和典礼确实是文化的代表性产物，但并非文化最重要的部分，是人们为了强烈地表达自己的文化从而发明了仪式来服务于文化，尽管如今全球化仪式典礼淡化，但文化中的其他因素仍然能够帮助人们对自己有定义认识
正文：

首先我们必须要承认仪式和典礼有助于我们对文化的定义。仪式最初由人们发明便是为了将文化特征具体表现出来并予以加强。几乎每一种文化都有其独具一格的文化仪式，人们可以通过这些仪式典礼了解文化。比如：在中国的婚礼上，新人们要敬拜父母和对方，众多亲朋都要来参加并随上礼金。其孝道文化和人情文化由此可见。而在日本，庄重的传统婚礼与日益盛行的裸体婚礼形成的强烈反差又在一定程度上反映出日本文化中矛盾与社会的巨大压力。类似地，我们可以通过仪式典礼了解社会的政治、贫富差距、宗教信仰等文化特征，而这些诚然可以帮助我们对某一种文化的定义。
然而是否没有了仪式典礼人们的自我认识就会减弱呢？为了得出确切的答案我们首先要对自我认识有个清晰的界定。自我认知是指对自我以及他我的综合认知。诚然许多仪式可以通过教诲、评价来帮助人们达到自我认知，比如说一些宗教仪式可以达到洗涤灵魂深刻地认识性格自我，表彰类仪式可以帮助人们达到社会自我的认知，等等。然而并非所有仪式典礼都对自我认知起到积极作用，事实上相当一部分的许多典礼和仪式对自我认知起着消极抑制的作用。正如我们前面所说，文化衍生了服务于文化的典礼仪式，而每一种文化都有其主流思想体系，典礼和仪式的作用很大程度上便是为了推扬这种价值评定体系而压制其他评价体系，如此，仪式典礼的作用事实上并非是引导真正的自我探索而是将人们引导向主流文化所认可的认知。比如封建社会，统治者正是通过制定出许多冗繁的典礼、仪式来禁锢思想抑制真正的自我认知从而巩固等级制度的。总之，我们很难把仪式典礼引导的认知称为真正的自我认知，又何谈没有了仪式典礼会导致人们自我认知水平的减弱呢？
事实上，人们可以通过许多其他途径来达到自我认知而不用管仪式典礼的由于没有。比如，通过阅读从而与不同时代不同思想体系下人们交流，广泛社交探索社会我的认知，最后在独处中自我交流，聆听心声，达到真正的自我认知。
总之，文化衍生了相应的仪式典礼，因此仪式典礼也就帮助人们界定一种文化。但真正的自我认知却是独立于文化背景的，所以整体来讲，仪式典礼的缺少并不会削弱自我认知，而是扫除又一障碍推动了自我认知的发展。
As the globalization goes, people are paying less time for traditional rituals and ceremonies. Thus, some people then worry that this would lead to a diminished sense of who we are. However, I personally believe that the worry is unnecessary, for even if rituals and ceremonies help define a culture, they does not contribute to our true self-knowing.
Fist of all,we must accept the fact that rituals, as the production of a certain culture, would unavoidly reflect the culture ,thus helping us define it.Actually nearly every culture has its own special types of rituals and ceremonies, through the details of which we can define the background culture to some extent. For example, we can get a clear definition of the filiality 孝道 culture and the human interest culture in China from the Chinese wedding ceremonies where processes of "thanking parents" are necessary and nearly all the relatives and friends would prepare wedding cash gift for the new couples. Similarly, the details in rituals and ceremonies can give us a lively definition of the culture.（这段看来看去，总觉得有点论述的不够深入，在举例前应深刻剖析典礼和仪式的功用，例如它是古人智慧的结晶，折射本国历史，从而使当代民众...）（
However， rituals and ceremonies are actually leading us to accept the mainstream's defination of who we are, but not helping us explore the true self. To explore the complex relations, we need firstly get a clear defination of the self-knowledge, the combination of inside-self cognition and outside-self cognition. Admitedly several types of  ceremonies could help with our self-knowing through instructions or evaluations such as some religious rituals and evaluation ceremonies. However, not all the ceremonies and rituals help. Actually, most of them have an negative effect on our self-knowing. As the product of the background culture controlled by the mainstream thought, rituals and ceremonies unavoidably/inevitably不可避免地  serve to strengthen the mainstream, weakening the other. For instance, in the feudal China, it is just those tedious, strict rituals prescribed by the governor that shackled people's mind, making the unfair feudal hierachy seemed acceptalbe.
There are many ways to strengthen the sense of who we are, rather than rituals and ceremonies. For example,reading and socializing provide us a good chance to  communicate freely with people from different history period,people with different background culture and various thoughts. Communication and comparison help us find ourselves. What's more , self-reflection/self-examination can also  help us get a thorough understanding of who we are. In conclusion,even without rituals and ceremonies, our self-awareness will still be OK or even better.
To sum up, springing from the background culture, rituals and ceremonies can help us define a culture. However, a true sense of who we are is independent from the culture making the worry mentioned before both problematic and unnecessary.
总体来说写的不错，语言优美，逻辑清晰，优点就不多说了。我感觉举例不够充分，几个例子中国的偏多，应适当多元化。然后就是在用词上，也又点点单一。
从你这里我也学到很多，比如你的典礼和仪式的负面影响我就没有想到。总之加油啦！期待看到更加出彩的文章！