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[未归类] Q的11月28日独立写作,是否支持人们只住城市或只住乡村、不换地方 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-11-28 20:51:19 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 名字是个词儿 于 2009-11-29 13:16 编辑

超时好多,构思就占了将近10分钟了,怎么办,俺是一个思维迟钝滴银。。。。。。
第一次发作文帖,走过路过的,大伙帮我挑挑毛病。多谢!

那个~~~那啥,我承认我是拼写白痴,并且字数超太多,所以自觉一点,先把word检查出来的拼写自己改好。

Do you agree or disagree people should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to another place.

I don't think it's a good idea that people live in one place all life, because both ruban[urban] and rural area has advantages and disadvantages, spend all the life living in either one of these two places, would be missing a lot of potential fun in life.


I was brought up in a city, then went to college to a even bigger city. Despite all the convenience that I appriciated[appreciated] from the cities, it always felt like there is something missing. I finally complete that part when I got a chance of exchanging to Darlana University for three months. The university lies in avery quiet and beautiful village, Bolange, south of sweden[Sweden], with all sizes of lakes potting[spotting 谁能告诉我这个用法对不对?从TPO鹿的那篇阅读学的] around. I first got there in March,at which time it is still winter there, I had enjoyed so much of fantastic snow view already, and yet, the day I came back from my short trip to Paris, the minute I stepped off the train, I was shocked by the glance of the place. What used to be only empty fields was suddenly filled with bright yellow flowers, and my apartment turned out to had been surounded[surrounded]by a medow[meadow]. The village welcomed spring over the day. I still have the picture of that scene as my screen[电脑桌面,是这么说吗], and you can never get so real smell of fresh grass and wild flower in a city. What I'm trying to say is that the country has its unreplacable[irreplaceable 自造单词] value for people, that you definitely[definitely] are going to miss if you spent too much time in the city. After all, what's fun about stucking[being stuck] in concrete buildings with a computer, then breath car gas all the way home? At some point of life, I think everybody needs to to[go] to the contry[country] side, relax their bodies, and get closer to the nature for a while. At least, spending some time out ofthe city is a necessary chennal[channel] to release pressure once in a while, especially in cities of mordern[modern] sociaty[society].


On the other hand, although I had such agreat memory of the three months I spent in Bolange, I still don't support people to live in the country side for the whole life. The reason is simple, agricultral[agricultural] sociaty[society]is in history now, in order to get access to enough facilities and information, people need call[all] the convenience that cities provide. If a person stays in the country the whole life, he or she won't be able to catch the first show of an exciting movie, or the latest fashion show. Not to mention various shopping places, resturants[restaurants], libraries, [漏了and]game studios. Life will be much less colorful if people don't get to live in the city, al least for part of their life. If I am asked for advice, retired people may go ahead to the country, where there is less trafic[traffic], to live a simple life that they probably preffer[prefer], but before that, they should work in the city for a period, not only because of all the convenience and excitement I mentioned, but also for the experience itself. It is sure unfortunate that a person never live in more developed civilization. Look at New York, look at Las Vegas, the cities are strong evidences what level human creation and power can achieve.


Of course the city is as noisy and crowd as it's always been. I don't appreciate that part, either, but imagin[imagine] all the convenience and fun the city brings, I guess that's some disadvantages that's worth taking. To sum it up, I strongly disagree with people staying in one place for the whole life, either that place is the city or the country. At some point in our life, we should all go through the adventure of moving to a new place, and fullfill[fulfill] the journy[journey]of our lives.


考场上没有拼写检查,到时候我还犯这么多错咋办?愁死个人了。

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发表于 2009-11-28 21:02:46 |显示全部楼层
坏了,刚刚发现为咩超时,因为我写了647个词!两倍还多。
丢人丢大了。要是谁改我的文章,在下先陪个礼!辛苦筒子们了:L

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发表于 2009-11-29 13:46:48 |显示全部楼层

I don't think it's a good idea that people live in one place all life, because both ruban[urban] and rural area has advantages and disadvantages, spend all the life living in either one of these two places, would be missing a lot of potential fun in life.6 R4 B' Q9 W# O) S  x


2 ^# p9 w7 i/ x( e1 R. J% `- E

I was brought up in a city, then went to college to (in) a even bigger city. Despite all the convenience that I appriciated[appreciated] from the cities, it always felt like there is something missing. I finally complete that part when I got a chance of exchanging to Darlana University for three months.(我觉得说 got a chance to DU for 3 months as an exchange student) The university lies in avery quiet and beautiful village, Bolange, south of sweden[Sweden], with all sizes of lakes potting[spotting 谁能告诉我这个用法对不对?从TPO鹿的那篇阅读学的] around. I first got there in March,at which time it is still winter there, I had enjoyed so much of fantastic snow view already, and yet, the day I came back from my short trip to Paris, the minute I stepped off the train, I was shocked by the glance of the place.What used to be only empty fields was suddenly filled with bright yellow flowers, and my apartment turned out to had been surounded[surrounded]by a medow[meadow]. The village welcomed spring over the day. I still have the picture of that scene as my screen[computer desktop], and you can never get so real smell of fresh grass and wild flower in a city. What I'm trying to say is that the country has its unreplacable[irreplaceable 自造单词] value for people, that you definitely[definitely] are going to miss if you spent too much time in the city. After all, what's fun about stucking[being stuck] in concrete buildings with a computer, then breath car gas all the way home? At some point of life, I think everybody needs to to[go] to the contry[country] side, relax their bodies, and get closer to the nature for a while. At least, spending some time out ofthe city is a necessary chennal[channel] to release pressure once in a while, especially in cities of mordern[modern] sociaty[society].

* B4 e- T* R+ c8 ]
On the other hand, although I had such agreat memory of the three months I spent in Bolange, I still don't support people to live in the country side for the whole life. The reason is simple, agricultral[agricultural] sociaty[society]is in history now, in order to get access to enough facilities and information, people need call[all] the convenience that cities provide. If a person stays in the country the whole life, he or she won't be able to catch the first show of an exciting movie, or the latest fashion show. Not to mention various shopping places, resturants[restaurants], libraries, [漏了and]game studios. Life will be much less colorful if people don't get to live in the city, al least for part of their life. If I am asked for advice, retired people may go ahead to the country, where there is less trafic[traffic], to live a simple life that they probably preffer[prefer]. But before that, they should work in the city for a period, not only because of all the convenience and excitement I mentioned, but also for the experience itself. It is sure unfortunate that a person never live in more developed civilization. Look at New York or Las Vegas, the cities are strong evidences what level human creation and power can achieve.

; N" x/ a/ R4 E. o0 ^- [7 D$ L7 ]9 t3 \- C

Of course the city is as noisy and crowd as it's always been. I don't appreciate that part, either, but imagin[imagine] all the convenience and fun the city brings, I guess that's some disadvantages that's worth taking. To sum it up, I strongly disagree with people staying in one place for the whole life, either that place is the city or the country. At some point in our life, we should all go through the adventure of moving to a new place, and fullfill[fulfill] the journy[journey]of our lives.

我觉得楼主貌似对题目理解有所偏差。题目并没有限定住在城市和乡村哪里好。而是说迁移居住地,好不好。

第一段的开头没有主题句,就来了一个超长的自我经历,不符合写作的结构要求

建议多看看范文先。。。

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发表于 2009-11-29 23:15:32 |显示全部楼层
2# 名字是个词儿

I don't think it's a good idea that people live in one place all life, because either [urban] or rural area has advantages and disadvantages. spending all the life living in (either one of these two places)a single habitat (would be)will miss(ing) a lot of potential fun in life.0 g/ Z$ U! E: N; D2 z& o

' x* w* w$ p: S

I was brought up in a city, then went to college in (a even bigger city) metropolis. Despite all the convenience that I [appreciated] from the new settlement( city), it always felt like there is something
missing. I finally (complete that part)
find the answer when I got a chance of exchanging to Darlana University for three months. The university lies in a very quiet and beautiful village, Bolange, south of [Sweden], with all sizes of lakes spotting
对的,星星点点的点缀吧] around. I first got there in March, while it was still winter there, I had enjoyed so much of fantastic snow view already, but when I came back from my short trip to Paris, I was shocked by the glance of the place at the minute I stepped off the train.(这个句子我重新组织了下。原句注意下状语不能由名词担任吧, 要么弄成同位语 要么就加介词变成状语 What used to be only empty fields was suddenly filled with bright yellow flowers, and my apartment turned out to had been surrounded by a meadow. The village welcomed spring over the day. I still have the picture of that scene as my screen[电脑桌面,是这么说吗,不行吧 desktop用], and you can never get so real smell of fresh grass and wild flower in a city. What I'm trying to say is that the country has its unreplacable[irreplaceable 自造单词 不可替换是这么说的?不行的话就弄成定语从句吧] value for people, that (这个that指代什么东西啊?)you definitely are going to miss if you spent too much time in the city. After all, what's fun about stucking[being stuck] in concrete buildings with a computer, then breath改为tolerate, 原词感觉太中国式英语了) car gas all the way home? (At some point of life中国式英语了) To some extent, I think everybody needs to go to the countryside, relaxing themselves(不能说放松身体啊, 又中国英语了), and get closer to the nature (for a while). At least, spending some time out of the city is a necessary channel(这个channel也中国英语, 如果同学不想用method,可以用approach)to release pressure in the nature ,( especially in cities of mordern[modern] sociaty[society].去掉吧,这个短语好象前面说过,不加也没啥的)

( P4 g( X$ g) C; n& O( G. r
On the other hand, although I had such a (great)impressive memory of three months spending in Bolange, I still don't support(
该成approve好吧) people to live in the countryside for the whole life. The reason is simple that (agricultural society is in history now 这个词组好别扭, 删掉), in order to get access to enough facilities and information, people need all the convenience (that可以省略) cities can provide. If a person stays in the country the whole life, he or she won't be able to catch the first show of an exciting movie, or the latest fashion show. Not to mention various shopping places, restaurants, libraries and game studios. In all(加个逻辑连接词教好), Life will be much less colorful if people don't get to live in the city, al least for part of their life. If I am( were 虚拟语气与现在事实相反的话这里用were, 楼主再确认下 asked for a advice, retired people may go ahead to the country where there is less traffic, (to )living( 换成动名词,表主句伴随状态) a simple life (that可省略) they probably prefer. (but before that,这个连接词说的也是中国英语)whereas, they should work in the city for a period. Not only because of all the convenience and excitement I mentioned, but also for the experience itself. It is (sure能用sure?可以作副词修饰后面的?我换成certainly) certainly unfortunate that a person never lives in more developed civilization. Look at New York, look at Las Vegas, the cities are strong evidences what level human creation and power can achieve.
. r) Z# T+ ]0 x6 I  C( o
- q) K' l* p  |! }

Of course the city is as noisy and crowd as it's always been. I don't appreciate that part, either, but imagine all the convenience and fun the city bringing (用动名词修饰前面的n.), I guess that's some disadvantages (that's) to worth taking. To sum it up, I strongly disagree with people staying in one place for the whole life, (either that)no matter the place is either a city or a country. (At some point in our life,这个词组是你编的还是其他地方学的?) we should all go through the adventure of moving to a new place, and fulfill the journey of our lives.

是不是写的跑题了 ?问你是不是要一直住还是经常搬/楼上写的是住城市好还是住农村好,偶尔又回到正题说要搬

不少词用的很中国英语,


第2段说的太长太罗嗦了。一长就容易写错句子写错词出自己都不知道的错误,所以要简短,自己也是这个问题!

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发表于 2009-11-30 00:47:24 |显示全部楼层
被砸得挺惨的,谢砸。
但还是探讨一下啊,yuminjia你说我的那些中国式英语的地方,基本都是我从美剧学的,可能过于口语化,这个我争取改改,但并不是编的。
至于是否跑题的问题啊,我本来的意思是,第一,经常住城市的人,偶尔到了农村会发现这里多美,有好多城市享受不到的好处,第二,常住农村的人偶尔应该搬去城市。两位同学都觉得跑题,是我表述不清吧。
“第一段的开头没有主题句,就来了一个超长的自我经历,不符合写作的结构要求”,shining的评价很有道理,回头看范文去了我。
不抛弃,不放弃,那些做到这六个字的人,抛弃了什么,又放弃了什么?
班长,我又想明白啦!
我不知道后面的路有多长,可我想坚持着跑完全程。

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发表于 2009-11-30 08:43:46 |显示全部楼层
5# 名字是个词儿
恩 就是觉得不少词组不太爽读起来,可能是不书面语的关系吧..
S同学这个写的好,一起学习去

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发表于 2009-11-30 18:02:56 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 名字是个词儿 于 2009-11-30 18:18 编辑

不管别人怎么帮忙,终究要自己改才是王道,城乡居住2.0版,602个字。
按照板友的建议,改了不少用错的、和看着怪的词组。鉴于上次大家都说结构不清晰,2.0版强调了一下每段的主题句和总结句,克制发散思维。。。

I don't think it's a good idea that people live in one place all life, because both urban and rural area have advantages and disadvantages, spending all the life living ineither one of these two places, would be missing a lot potential fun of life.

I spent almost my whole life in Beijing, a big city. Untill I got a chane to live in a small village for three months, I never reallized temporarily moving to countryside is so beneficial. It was five years ago, when I went to a university as an exchange student in Bolange, a quiet and beautiful village in south Sweden, with all sizes of lakes potting around. I arrived there in March,at which time it was still winter there, In additon to so much fantastic snow view I had enjoyed already, the minute I came back from a short trip to Paris,  I was shocked by the glance of the place. Whatused to be merely empty fields was suddenly filled with bright yellow flowers, and my apartment turned out to had been surrounded by a meadow-The village seemed to have welcomed spring overnight. I still have the picture of that scene as my desktop, and you can never get so real smell of fresh grass and wild flower in a city. What I'm trying to say is that the country has irreplaceable values, which only come along with physically moving. Nobody would resist escaping once in a while from the life of being stuck in concrete buildings with a computer, then breath car gas all the way home. At some point of life, I think everybody needs to go to the countryside, relax themselves, and get closer to mother nature. After all, spending some time out ofthe city is necessary to release pressure.

On the other hand, although I had such agreat memory about the country, I still don't approve people to spend their whole life there. The reason is simple, in the Information Age,  life can be very inconvenient without the facilities, technology and communication which only cities can provid. Staying in the country a person won't be able to catch the first show of an exciting movie, or the latest fashion show, not to mention various shopping places, restaurants, libraries, and game studios. Life will bemuch less colorful if people don't get to live in the city, periodly, at least. If I were asked for advice, retired people may go ahead to the country, where there is less traffic ,to live a simple life that they probably prefer, but we should work in a city before retirement, not only because of all the convenience and excitement I mentioned, but also for the experience itself, which is another srong reason why we shouldn't miss the city part of our lives. It is sure unfortunate that a person never live in more developed civilization. Think about New York and Las Vegas, the cities are strong evidences what level human creation and power can achieve, most people would feel the proud and amazement for human intellegence in front of such features. Of course the city is as noisy and crowd asit's always been, but that's some disadvantages that's worth taking.

To sum it up, I strongly disagree with people staying in one place for the whole life, either that placeis the city or the country. In order to improve our life quality, we should all go through the adventure of moving to a new place, and fulfilling the journey of our lives.
不抛弃,不放弃,那些做到这六个字的人,抛弃了什么,又放弃了什么?
班长,我又想明白啦!
我不知道后面的路有多长,可我想坚持着跑完全程。

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RE: Q的11月28日独立写作,是否支持人们只住城市或只住乡村、不换地方 [修改]

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