1006G[REBORN FROM THE ASHES组]备考日记 by 中原527--只是想找回当初的激情(NEW)

中原527UID: 2707367

由于以前的日志出了问题，后面的东西都发不上去，就只好另开一贴了。

中原527UID: 2707367

7   TOPIC: ARGUMENT137 - The following appeared in an editorial in the Mason City newspaper.

"At present, Mason City residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, even though surveys of the region's residents consistently rank water sports (swimming, fishing, and boating) as a favorite form of recreation. Since there have been complaints about the quality of the water in the river, residents must be avoiding the river because they think that it is not clean enough. But that situation is about to change: the agency responsible for rivers in our region has announced plans to clean up Mason River. Therefore, recreational use of the river is likely to increase, so the Mason City council will need to increase its budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River."
WORDS: 416          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009/3/9 16:28:42

In this augument, the author drew the conclution about the increase of recreational use of the Mason River, after his/her seemingly convincing procedure of reasoning, and suggested the City council to increase the budget for the improvement of lands along Mason River. As far as I see it, this argument omits some sunbstential information, and therefor suffers some logical fallacies.

To begin with, the author falsely established a causal relationship between the complaint about the quality of the water and the seldom using of the nearby River for recreational activity. Although the two things happened simultaneously, but there are pobably many other reasons for seldom using of the water, too. For example, in the city there is a swimming pool, which supplies a good service and has new infrastructure. So the residents prefer going there to siwmming in the river.（prefer to swim in the river 就可以了吧） Like swimming pool, other places, such as park and artifical lack, will attract people as well. Without providing us the information about other places in the city, the author's assumption is invalid.（他因）

In addition, can the annoucement about cleaning up Mason River by the agency make the use of river increased? Even assuming that the residents seldom use the River, because they worried the quality of the water, （这句基本是重复题目的问题，应适当缩写）a promise about cleaning up cannot make the river really clean at a short time. The environmental restore will take a relative long time, as we know. Moreover, the author did not tell us the detail of the cleaning plan. When does begin it, and how does the agency put it into practice? （这句啥意思？）So the author's conclution about a increase of use of the water lacks credibility.

Last but not least, the author's suggestion is also doubtful. Even if the river can be cleaned up, it is not clear that why the council will need to increase its budget for improvements to the lands along the Mason River? Can this plan represent the residents' real will? It is entirely possible that a majority of residents want to keep these lands wild as before, so that they can get a real relax in the nature. The author did not show the oppinion of the residents, therefore the final suggestion may be not proper.

To sum up, in this argument, the evidence is not enough to support waht the author maintained. To strenghten, more information, such as a introduce of the city, a detailed plan about cleaning up the river and a poll about the improvement of lands, are necessary.
作者逻辑推理如下
1.        提出水质与河的利用没什么关系（质疑），提出可能人们有其他的选择。这里举出游泳的例子，个人觉得这例子单薄了点，而且语言有点啰嗦。估计是作者为了凑字数。
2.        突然冒出了个河水治理需要时间，而且也没充分说明这论点是如何反驳作者观点。
3.        最后一点仅仅停留在质疑的层面上，蜻蜓点水漂过
总之，感觉这篇文章相当薄弱没有分量感，而且很多单词错误估计是不熟悉电脑的缘故，语法上也有些问题。

中原527UID: 2707367

8.这篇又是化工,一边写一边骂,真恶心的题材...
觉得自己的2,3段就是在讲一件事:这个技术could not be broadly actualized,是不是重复了...
算了,吃完饭来改.


TOPIC: ARGUMENT71 - Copper occurs in nature mixed with other minerals and valuable metals in ore, and the proportion of copper in the ore can vary considerably. Until fairly recently, the only way to extract pure copper from ore was by using a process that requires large amounts of electric energy, especially if the proportion of copper in the ore is low. New copper-extracting technologies can use up to 40 percent less electricity than the older method to process the same amount of raw ore, especially when the proportion of copper in the ore is high. Therefore, we can expect the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry to decline significantly.
WORDS: 475          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009/3/6 17:32:50

Comparing the new technologies with the traditional ones, and then based upon the superiority in electricity reducing of the former, the author thus predicted an optimistic perspective of the new copper-extracting skills. However, to prove those hypothesize requires more work of reasoning and more relative background evidences.(用词很精彩，浓缩了题目的论点。)

To begin with, the author might intensively conceal the purity of copper proceeded and the expenditure of replacing new equipment. Primarily, the quality of the products should not be overlooked. Admittedly, for its important influence in earning profits, cost should be considered as an important factor in comprehensive judgment of new industrial skills, whereas the quality and quantity of the products are even more decisive in determining practical value of certain new technology. As is self-evident, one industrial innovation could be broadly accepted only when its manufactures satisfied customers. If, for example, the new process of copper-extracting technologies failed to extract more pure copper, factories would never be willing to accept new technologies although the traditional one expends more electricity. In addition, the technical costs are undeserved slipped. When the CEO of one copper-extracting corporation endeavor to decrease their daily cost of energy, the primary consideration of him/her would be how much should he/she pay for the new equipment? If the costs of exchanging equipment, for instance, are much higher than the spending of extra electricity, one would require great act of will to eliminate old equipment. Since the expectation of the author established mainly in wide spread and broad using of the new industrial skills, he/she should not neglect the possibilities mentioned above.
新技术能否提炼高纯度的铜；更新新技术的投入可能要大于获利
What is more, the effects of the new technologies to environment as well face the similar challenge. Are those new industrial skills detrimental to ecosphere? There might be opportunity that the equipment utilizing those technologies would release great amount of detrimental gases or polluted water to our living circumstance. Actually, if certain new technology will be harmful to our generations, it would never be actualized. Since the author rashly skip this possibility while focus merely on the power saving, the optimistic perspective he/she expecting might never emerge. True, new revolutionary industrial technology rarely failed to influence our daily lives, nonetheless, before verifying its practical influences, the positive anticipation is somewhat too hastily.
合理的他因：对环境的影响
Last but not least, the author failed to take into account that there might be other alternative possibilities to reach out to the purpose of energy saving. Do there exist any chemical compounds that could accelerate the copper-extracting action? As is known to all, appropriate catalyst could lower the temperature required in chemical interactions and therefore reduce the cost of electricity.
额额额额，这个纯熟专业领域里面了，幸好ETS不要求考生对这方面需要很精通的知识…
In sum, were there detailed background information demonstrating quality of the products and cost of the machine, particular description convincing the essential impact to circumstance, comprehensive deduction excluding other possible approaches, the expectation of the author would be more rational.
逻辑分析比较深刻，和前面几篇文章质量明显又是另外一个档次。
但第2段两个推理是可以分开说，两者之间并没有什么很密切的联系。新技术能否提高铜冶炼的纯度以及新技术的投入与获利。堆在一段里显得臃肿。
然后作者又提出合理的他因，即新技术对环境的影响
第三点，估计这位是研究化学的…但在AWINRO中ETS很明确表示了它不需要考生在专业领域里面的知识。

中原527UID: 2707367

偶然看到此贴，觉得受益匪浅。特此全文转载~
其实，对于GRE，我们确实需要分数，必要时，非得用些应试技巧，这种功利心是难以避免的，但，我个人觉得，我们对它的心态应上升到另外一个高度，即，训练自己的思维逻辑写作能力，毕竟我们到米国还是得写论文，尤其是文科生比如历史系法律系艺术史系的童鞋们。

AW进阶手册——精确写作，完善逻辑
前言：有关英文写作，想必大家在经历了一定时间的AW磨砺后都会有所感觉，至少能写出成文的句子，并把自己的意思很明确地翻译出来了。但这仅仅是一个开始，英文写作与中文写作中巨大的鸿沟造成了很多考生在自认为发挥很不错的情况下还是只能拿到3分到4分，即使事例很充分、观点很鲜明、结构很完整。

其中一个重要的障碍就是中文的低文脉（low context）和英文的高文脉（high context）之间的隔阂。我们看自己写的文章， 觉得什么都说到了，而且之间似乎联系很紧密，但由于时态、指代和表达上的问题，加上思想的随意性，很容易造成文章在别人，特别是英语母语者看不懂，理解不清楚，只能靠猜，这样自然就大大降低了阅卷官对其AW的印象。

鉴于此，鄙人写此文以提出自己对写作中精确表达意思及联系逻辑的一些看法，希望对各位希望能进一步提高自己英文写作能力，特别是AW应试能力的板油有所帮助。


PART A. 名词指代

这里说的指代有两种，一种是用代词、特殊疑问词指代前文提过的事物，另一种是用名词直接指代客观事物。前者由于存在诸多语法规律而比较容易掌握，基本语法都会的同学应该不会有问题，所以这里不再累述。而后者因为需要根据语境进行把握，所以相对较难。我们主要说这个。

上过新东方戴云教主旧托语法课的同学应该对一句话特别熟悉：“单数可数名词不得单独存在。”也就是说可数名词单独出现的时候，需要用惯词、物主代词或形容词前置。其中用定惯词表示前文所提过的事物或者一类事物，用不定惯词表示单一事物。惯词在这里其实是起到一个定义的作用，以防止句中的名词来历不明，有点类似于在计算机语言开始前定义变量的语句。这也说明了英文对于文脉的严谨要求，所有的词都要经过初定义以显示其所指对象，而在文中出现的名词也必有所指。因此对待第一次提到的名词就要特别小心，切忌天马行空按意识蹦名词出来。

举个例子（从本版第一页随机抽取，感谢houyanchun版友）
It is well known that the history of human beings is like a abundant and precious mine including various achievements which our ancestors have attained and all kinds of lesson ranging from policies to art which are waiting later generations to search and research carefully.
这是文章的第一句话，提到的名词都标出来了。history没问题，题目讨论对象，直接点出。human beings没问题，泛指世界人民。mine为比喻，由于用了like也比较明确，指自然界中的矿藏。achievements，问题有了，前文用到了mine，那么这里的achievements应该是跟mine有关，但这俩没有直接的字面联系，所以achievements应该是用来解释矿藏中藏的某些东西，换言之是个双重比喻，history-mine, achievement-?。ancestor用来限定和解释achievement的现实含义，没问题。lesson，问题又来了，除了和achievements问题类似外，lesson有教训、课程两种意思，这里指的哪个？从语句中无法判断，后面限定了是policies to art，那么似乎该理解成课程，可是是谁教的课程？mine？ history？ 无论对应哪个在字面上还是没有直接关系。至于之后的politics(政治，policies是政策的复数)和arts则更没有参照，属于无中生有，在题目规定了以history为讨论的大前提下，如何过度到这两个领域没有依据，因此显得没有逻辑。之后的generations和ancestors并列，似乎没问题，但仔细推敲也会发现，ancestors其实跟跟we(our)对比的，所以later generations应该指we，但如果这样直接用代词不就好了。

如果对每个名词都加以推敲，原文要表达的意思应该如下：
History of human beings is like an abundant and precious mine. It maintained treasures our ancestors left us, their achievements and lessons ranged in diverse fields, from politics to arts, from science to humanity. Such a great mine is worthy searching carefully.
可以看出修改的部分主要是让所有名词都能找到它的对应点，一方面对句中，一方面对现实世界中。

名词指代精确的目的是为了让读者知道你所写文章所讨论的对象是什么，属于哪个范畴，因此在下笔先想好自己要讨论的事物，在写作中看看自己的表达有没有说清楚是这种事物，用到的词是否精确，如果不精确，就用从句、同位语、分词结构等加以限定、解释，从而达到精确表达的目的。



PART B. 句子语境

中文和英文一大区别就是中文没有时态，想说是什么时候的事情直接加时间状语修饰就行了。而英语对于句子的语境有着严格的规定，所叙述的情况发生在哪里、何时发生都要有所明确。由于大部分情况下语境都可以根据上下文判断，所以我们对这种要求不会很敏感，但写出来英文就容易给英语母语者造成困惑。如果说PART A在说的事情是词不能无中生有，那么这里所说的就是句子不能无中生有，空中楼阁。

还是先举例说明（从本版第一页随机抽取，感谢hardaway版友）
The speaker asserts that the growing significance of the video camera for its speciality of accurating and convincing will take place of the written records to play a main role of writing records. In my view, in some cases ,this contention is worth trusting in. While, the enduring development of the science for recording will not completely take all the room of documenting  fields as long as the people's pursuit for contents of language wasn't vanish.
这里两个句子，一个在说在特定情况下如何如何，一个要说某样事如何如何，两句话并不属于同一语境，按照正常的逻辑规律，应该是in certain cases....while under other circumstances....而后面一句的主语在之前也没提过，发生在什么时候也没说，怎么发生的也没说，仅仅是以对应题目为要求的话又显得词义替换过大，所以会让人搞不清这句话在说的是什么意思。

整理上下文并定义语境后修改如下：
....In my view, this prediction may happen in some cases, like for vivid entertainment or surficial stimulation. But as long as our language does not disappear, the science of multi-media recording will only develop parallel to written methods, without taking away all their existence.
在这里把句子中的一项名词性动作换作一般动词，表示其一直发生，从而表达判断、陈述的意思。而some cases则经常重新定义，可以指向后文又不显得空洞。

说到这里就需要提一下各种语态的用法，也算是帮大家复习下：

现代时：包括现代进行时、一般现代时，主要用于叙述正在发生的事情、真理、判断等适用于任何语境的句子。
将来时：表示预测、计划等，同样可表示判断。
过去时：用于叙述过去发生的事情。

可以发现，使用过去时的时候都是要特指发生过的某件事情，所以这时对于时间的语境要特别注意，通常不加限定的话是指人类历史中的事情，而加了限定则特指某一段时间，这段时间需要靠之前提到的内容进行指定。

举个简单的例子（从本版第一页随机抽取，感谢ccbban版友）
At the very beginning, human did create machines to help us in some specific kinds of work.
这里的时态限定就不清楚，beginning of what? Modern history? Industrialization? Human history?

结语：

写了这么半天，主要是总结一下我在这一年来英文写作的一些经验，有看板油的作文想出，有从英文系的朋友那讨教过来的，也有从外国人那学来的，多多少少希望能给大家一些帮助，特别是有些不太习惯英文的严格写作模式，高中写习惯了小资情调的意识流散文的同学。

最后附上一份我的WRITING SAMPLE的修改，修改者是耶鲁大学建筑史教授，可以说他的修改很全面的解释了什么是英文的文脉，文章主题在讲估衣街的保护与历史建筑的话题，跟ISSUE26是同一个主题：
Preservation and restoration of historical buildings and urban spaceshas never been an easy issue. [This sentence is fine grammatically. It promises that you will explain how much more complex these issues arefor Guyi St.]  During the past half century, China’s academic field may trulyunderstand this point:[There is a problem with tense here: "During the past half century"locates the 'time' of the sentence in the past 50 years. but the verb"may understand" is oriented to the future. Are you making a claimabout the past or the future here? Also, what is so important about the"academic field" understanding, rather than, say, the government, or thepublic, or developers?] after the republic was established in 1949, the conflict betweenmodernization and history propelled it to erase myriad relics fromancient cities.[you presume a conflict between modernization and history but don'texplain what that is. These are enormous terms with complex meanings butyou use them casually] Although experts have not stopped devoting their efforts to protectingthese cultural treasures,[There's another problem with 'time', that is, when are these expertsdevoting their efforts? Now, 50 years ago? Before 1980?] it was only after the 1980s that the history issue awakened theauthorities and forced them to seek better solutions than destruction.[What is the "history issue"? You use it casually but, as a reader, Idon't know what you're referring to. And how is destruction a solution?And if there are better solutions, what exactly is the problem?Preservation?]  
修改后：
The preservation and restoration of historic buildings and urban spaceshas never been an easy issue. But in China, these matters areparticularly difficult. The founding of the republic in 1949 led to thedestruction of countless ancient monuments, as Maoist revolutionariestried to divert popular attention from the past to the future. Only inthe 1980s did architects in this country begin to address the loss of China's cultural heritage. However, many national treasures continue to be destroyed as a result not of culturalrevolution but record breaking population growth and industrial development.
最最后，想说的是，英文写作特别是AW和以后大部分留学生需要面对的学术写作，是一项严谨而科学的工作，在文章中推敲自己的表达完善自己的逻辑显得非常必要。希望这篇能唤起大家对这方面的注意，在实践中多想一个方面，并通过练习来提高，以适应未来所要面对的写作任务。

中原527UID: 2707367

9    159.The nation of Claria covers a vast physical area. But despite wide geographic differences, many citizens are experiencing rising costs of electricity. A recent study of household electric costs in Claria found that families who cooled their houses with fans alone spent more on electricity than did families using air conditioners alone for cooling. However, those households that reported using both fans and air conditioners spent less on electricity than those households that used either fans or air conditioners alone. Thus, the citizens of Claria should follow the study's recommendation and use both air conditioners and fans in order to save money on electricity.
时间 30:00

----------------正文------------------------
In this argument, the arguer points out that the citizens of Claria should follow the study's recommendation and use both air conditioners and fans in order to save money on electricity. To support his recommendation, the arguer claims that it is based on a recent study. However, at the first glance, the arguer seems to be plausible, but after a close scrutiny, it lies in several fallacies and logical flaws discussed below.

To begin with, the arguer neglects an important factor which the nation of Claria covers a vast physical area. This phenomenon leads to the different temperature in different region. Therefore, in common sense, with different temperature it is absolutely different costs on electricity. For example, A is natural cooler than B, so A must pay less electric money on fans or air conditioners because the residents in A have already felt cooler than B. Consequently, without consider this factor, the arguer's claim is open to doubt.
具体情况具体分析，C国幅员辽阔，气候不同
Secondly, the arguer fails to prove that it is the fact that all the electric costs which they have seen is the fans' or air conditioners' using cost. In other word, the arguer commits a false equal relationship between the overall electric cost and the fans' and air conditioners’ cost. It is entirely possible that when the residents are using fans or air conditioners, they also use other electric facilities, such as computers, televisions and so forth. Thus, without ruling out other possibilities about the electric cost, the arguer's claim can not convince us thoroughly.
电费因素，不仅是空调风扇，还有其他电器
Even if I was to concede that it is the fact that this overall electric cost is equal to the cooling equipments' cost, the arguer's point is also suspect. It is likely that the longer we use the electric facilities, the more opportunity (probability) they will be wrong (they happen to malfunction). It is absolutely possible that the saving money is so little that we can neglect it while the electric equipment is mighty expensive. Therefore, it may not save money if these facilities have something wrong as the result of long time usage.
不同制冷机耗电量
To sum up, this argument lacks credible because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To better bolster and strengthen it, the arguer needs to provide specific information about the electric cost and offer us more data of local temperature in different regions.
红色为自己后来先修正的
总的来看论点基本都击中点子了，而且正如666经常提出的，都比较充分地展开论述。