Independent Writig Practice －－ 大猫猫

morning8427UID: 2725373

09 12 24 第一次写作文，大家给点建议。Thanks.




Do you agree or disagree: people should live in thecity or country all life instead of moving to another place.




Nowadays with the development of society, both thepeople live in the city and that live in the country want to change their life.Accordingly, the movement of people between city and country becomes morefrequently than before and increases year after year. Many people think that italso can be called migration, which similar but different from the animalmigration.
Recently it seems that the movement cause more andmore problem. The movement affects either city life or country life.Consequently some people think that the movement should be stop. It means thatpeople should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to anotherplace. In my opinion, the movement should be allowed. Both the city citizensand country citizens have the right to choose or change their own life. Thecountry citizens can move to city, vice versa. And most important, the movementis our society develops result and requirement, it expedites the development ofsociety.
In most case, most of the country citizens want tomove to city for life. I think the first reason is that there are moreopportunities and challenges in city. People who have the ability can find ajob easier than that in country. At the same time, it meets the demand that thedevelopment of city need more human resources. Secondly, city has better socialutilities. People live in the country become richer than before. Many of thefarmers have their own business now and want to change or improve their familylife. For example, they want their children live in city and study in a schoolthat is of excellent quality. They want their children have the best quality ofeducation and get a better understand of the high technology. So we can seethat entire situation is good for the development of society. Of course, moreand more people rise to city, it may cause a lot of problem, such as thecrowded bus and market, the price rise of house and so on. But I think all problemswill be resolved with the help of our government.
Many people who live in the city also move tocountry for life, especially the old people. For the rapid development of city,80 percent of the people who work in company have serious working pressure. Theboring messages and phone rings make them very tired all day long. So more andmore people now prefer living in country, where they can relax themselves in asilent environment after a busy work in the daytime. Some people even buy a housein country just for their weekend. So we can see that more and more peoplebegin to live or travel to country. Undoubtedly it expedites the development ofeconomy in country. So why don’t allow people move to country? It’s alsobenefit for country.
In a word, the movement of between people who livein city and country is the develop requirement of our society. Both the cityand country can benefit from the movement.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Nowadays with the development of society, both the people living in the city and that living in the country want to change their life(style?) (This doesn't sound like a very solid argument. Do you have any evidence? Why must 'development of society' result in 'people want to change their life'?).Accordingly, the movement of people between the city and the country becomes more frequently than before and increases year after year (Another dubious argument. What makes you so sure that this movement rate increases 'year after year'? Do you have actual annual data to support your claim? The 1st half of this sentence is perfectly logical, but not this half.). Many people think that it also can be called migration, which is similar but different from the animal migration (Yeah, but what's your point? The question is asking you whether you AGREE or DISAGREE with something. Imagine you're in a restaurant and the waiter asks you whether you wish to order fish or beef, what do you think you should say in order to get food? Do you tell him beef is now more expensive than chicken?).

Recently it seems that the movement causes more and more problems. The movement affects either city life or country life (This sentence is almost entirely useless. Though I seriously think you meant to say it affects 'both'. 'Either..or' means it's one, or another, but not both.).Consequently some people think that the movement should be stop. It means that people should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to another place ('another place' doesn't necessarily mean the city nor the countryside. It can mean 'another place', but STILL in the city, or in the countryside. If I can believe that you quoted the question as it was originally given by the testers, this could be an intentional ambiguity, and you're responsible of clarifying it and defining the boundaries of your discussion. Quoting the question blindly like this is almost a sure sign of limited critical thinking.). In my opinion, the movement should be allowed (Whether something should be allowed, and whether people SHOULD do it, are two different questions. The question is asking you whether people should stay in one place for a lifetime, not whether the move should be allowed. Let me just give you a scenario: divorce is allowed - as in, it's perfectly legal for a couple to divorce as long as they go through the required procedures -  but do you think any couple should just divorce? Something to think about.). Both the city citizens and country citizens have the right to choose or change their own life. The country citizens can move to the city, vice versa. And most importantly, the movement is our society develops result and requirement (Hint of natual Chinese grammar. 'Result...OF our society's development...'), It expedites he development of society.

In most cases, most of the country citizens want to move to the city for life. I think the first reason is that there are more opportunities and challenges in the city. People who have the ability can find a jobs easier than that in the country. At the same time, it (What?) meets the demand that the development of city need more human resources (Run-on. You should split this into shorter clauses like 'it meets the demand of the city's development, which needs more...'.). Secondly, the city has better social utilities (Do you mean 'infrastructure'?). People living in the country become richer than before (What does this have to do with the last sentence?). Many of the farmers (Not all people who live in the country are necessarily 'farmers'.) have their own businesses now and want to change or improve their family life. For example, they want their children to live in the city and study in a excellent school that is of excellent quality. They want their children to have the best quality of education and get a better understanding of the high technology (Repeat after me: 高科技 doesn't translate to 'high technology'.). So we can see that the entire situation is good for the development of society (Why is that? Sorry but I don't see it. They are developing their children, not the society..unless you THINK better children -> better society? Well, that's just in YOUR THINKING. You need to COMMUNICATE this logic to your readers.). Of course, more and more people rise to city?, it (What? may cause a lot of problems, such as the crowded buses and market?, the price rise of houses and so on (Firstly, this is a run-on. It's a huge chain of individual sentences without proper transitions. Secondly, I'm not really happy that you seem to think that the price bloat in the housing market of China is due to the city migrants from the country.). But I think all problems will be resolved with the help of our government. (I appreciate your patriotism. But still, you're seriously away from the question.)

Many people who live in the city also move to the country for life, especially the old people. For the rapid development of the city, 80 percent of the people who work in companies have serious working pressure (The weird implication aside - people who don't work in companies have no work pressures? - where do you get this data from?). The boring messages and phone rings (Is this truly all about work, or is this all you think you know about work?) make them very tired all day long. So more and more people now prefer living in the country, where they can relax themselves in a silent environment after a busy work in the daytime. Some people even buy a house in the country just for their weekend. So we can see that more and more people begin to live or travel to country. Undoubtedly it expedites the development of economy in country. So why don’t allow people move to country? It’s also benefit for the country. (Again, as said, this question is not about whether this should be allowed or not. It's about whether people should do it or not.)

In a word, the movement of between people who live in the city and the country (Yet once again, the question is not exactly about people moving BETWEEN the two. It's about whether people should or should NOT stay in one place. The opposite of staying in one place is not necessarily moving between two. It's up to you to define.) is the develop requirement (Again, I can't shake off the feeling that you translated this directly from 社会发展要求. At least you should say 'requirement of social development'. If you can't make it read like English, at least make it LOOK like English.) of our society. Both the city and the country can benefit from the movement.

总结：

语法 - 中式句法比较严重，几个特别突出的疑似直翻在文内指出了。请注意分句，在英语中，分句间不使用正确的连词是语法错误。

词汇 - 以基本广义词汇为主，没有什么严重的问题，不过因此造成表意不尽精确。

逻辑 - 完全跑题。议论文要先审题后布局，这个题目是个问你同意与否的主观题，不是让你分析好坏处的客观题，不要看到一两个认识的关键字就沿着自己所熟悉的方面自由发挥 - 我知道在中国城乡人员流动是个热门话题，但是这个话题就算是关于城乡人员流动的，放到美国的意思也完全不一样，如果你要以中国的国情背景来写，要在第一段就写清楚自己的讨论范围和背景，此为‘破题’，否则，你的考官会读了半天都不知道你的讨论到底是基于什么样的假设，自然也就没法读懂一些你觉得很显而易见的逻辑。

morning8427UID: 2725373

2# mpromanus 哭了，考试这样就没分了。

morning8427UID: 2725373

非常感谢，一顿狂批，让我清醒 ，啊，第一次写作文，跑题了。my god!

morning8427UID: 2725373

3# morning8427 如果不跑题，应该怎么写，给指点下吧，感谢你。

mpromanusUID: 2565872

跑题不可怕，可怕的是你开始害怕。。-.-

我不提供作文提纲，可以就这个问题做一个分论点的具体展开，供你参考：

题目：同意与否：大家住城里还是住乡村的都应该住一辈子别挪窝。

总论点：不同意（先回答问题） - 不管住城里还是住乡村，都不应该一辈子不挪窝。（这是你 不同意 的具体意思。这个一定要解释好，这是讨论的边界和准绳，是读者的参照物，让你的论点不会漫无边际。等于是你给自己发关键字，接下来就可以照着你自己定的关键字写下去了，否则你东写一点西写一点读者很容易就觉得到底也不知道你想讲什么。。）

分论点：人在不同的时期对居住环境的要求不一定一样，所以一辈子住在一个地方其实不好。（分论点的总论）比如，有些人觉得年轻时候要打拼，年老了要享受，而有些人觉得年轻远点儿无所谓，年老应该住比较方便的地方。。（分论点的次总论。这个可以直接当例子，也可以再加举例子。例子不一定要具体的人名或者事，有所指的就可以）既然要求都不一样，一辈子住在一个地方很难满足这样变化的要求。（扣分论点，把论证和你的分论点连接起来，指出关键的逻辑点）所以大家不应该一辈子都住在城市或者农村不搬家。（扣总论点）

其实并不难。重要的是你本身的逻辑思维要圆满，完整，议论文的逻辑是圆形的，不是线形的。。

追风骑士UID: 2742719

楼主真是大牛！很有道理！

morning8427UID: 2725373

6# mpromanus 真的很感激，你办个作文专项班吧，我肯定报名参加，新东方我没去过，但感觉你比他们专业。

mpromanusUID: 2565872

不谢，lz过誉。我不是专业老师，也不是办学的，所以没什么和新东方好相比较啊感觉。。只说如果能帮助到人，不要太打击大家的自信心，就算我达成任务目标了吧。。

关于作文专项班。。很诚实地说，要上班要过日子还要改作文，再要办班那实在是没时间。。-.-

morning8427UID: 2725373

9# mpromanus 这样的人品现在已经很少了，难道这就是传说中的共产主义？

mpromanusUID: 2565872

当然我做这个对我自己是有好处的，只是我要做的理由对这里的板油来说并不重要，所以。。让你失望了，不是共产主义。。

morning8427UID: 2725373

11# mpromanus Anyway, thanks. 本周再写一篇，我捂住脸让你批。

morning8427UID: 2725373

1/9/2010    independent writing  practice

Do you agree or disagree: Technology helps to make people’s lives simpler or make people’s lives more complicated.

Currently with the development of science and economy, more and more technology begins to use in our life, which makes our life diversity. While some people think that technology makes people’s lives more complicated than before. In my opinion, I agree that technology helps to make people’s lives simper.
First of all, technology helps us to get information simpler. Almost all the people need to get information in their daily life. People who want to get information will buy newspaper or watch TV news at home in old times. However, the usage of Internet technology totally changes the way of peoples’ life and makes get information simpler. Today most of people, especially the young, prefer to get information through Internet. Why they prefer to do that? The survey shows the reason that some people prefer to get information through Internet is simpler and easier. Because they can get the latest information at any time or any place as long as they can get access to the Internet. Recently with the widespread of 3G communication technology, people can even watch TV news on bus or at railway station. What you need to do is just power on your computer or smart phone and then connect to network. Is that simpler and convenient? You do not need to buy newspaper or watch TV, of course if you like.
Moreover, technology makes our travel simpler. Lots of people like to travel during their free time, especially like to drive their own car with friends to another city. Usually the biggest thing, which harassed them, is navigation. Even with the latest map, they are not sure that can find the right way or get the place where they want to visit. But technology can make it simpler. Just install the GPS in your car, then you can get anywhere you want to go. The GPS can help you to navigation and orientation. So you do not need the map and GPS can tell you where to go straight, where to turn right and the position of yourself. GPS can make sure that you get the right place as soon as possible and find the way to go back. Is that simpler? The technology helps us to make it simpler, isn’t it?
In addition, technology also helps to make some other aspects of our lives simpler. For example, technology helps to make our work lives simpler. In factory, a few workers just need to press button and high-tech machine will finish all the work automatically.  
However, some people still think that technology makes our lives more complicated. Some people complain that technology brings out such a lot of new instrument or procedures and it is hard for them to follow. As a matter of fact, it is not difficult as if you have patient to study and know about it. Also I believe that with the development of technology, it will become more and more easier for people to use.
In a word, I think technology helps to make people’s lives simpler. Technology makes our lives free, intelligent and diversity.