issue120 （revised by gteryy）

willamscnUID: 111956

我发的前面3篇是孙远压提的20-18。
120 so much is new and complex today that looking back for an understanding of the past provides little guidance for living in the present.

Comparing with our ancestors, our lives have changed a lot, and there is a little difficult for our ordinary people to keep up with the society steps. Some statistics have proved that the treasure our modern society produced everyday is more than the amount of one year two hundred years ago. But does it mean that looking back for the past provides little guidance for living in the present? This assertion is highly suspected.

Firstly, although the conceptions of today are new and complex, they are not coming from without. Most of them can be traced back to certain origins in history. For example, democracy is the politic foundation of many counties today. But did this conception originate in modern America or Europe? Actually, the earliest country proposed this conception is ancient Roma. Thousands years ago, the government of Rome had been elected by its people---citizens, and it should be regarded as the precursor of our modern countries. From this example, we can recognize that the past one is not equal to the outdated one, thus people today still can absorb nutrition from the history.

Secondly, even if we failed in the past, we still can learn something from it. Some people have a misconception: since the current things or thoughts are usually better than the old ones, there is no necessary for us to reference the history. However this is not the case. People always have the hope that they could find the right answer to their questions through their first try. Unfortunately they are often frustrated, because they often confront many ways to resolve one problem, so they have to preclude the incorrect ones and find the right one. In this procession, the past always plays an important role, and it highlights our oration and paves our road. A typical example is Thomas Edison. Before he invented the light bulb, he experienced thousands times of failure. Can we say that the only valuable work is his last experiment, and Edison has luxuriously wasted his genius in the other times? This assertion is certainly unreasonable, since because his failure in the past told Edison that those ways are inaccessible, he finally found the right method to achieve his success.

Admittedly, we should not accept the past without discrimination. If people had not broken the traditional rules again and again, our society would not experience such dramatic changes. No doubt there are many outdated aspects in the past, for example, the slavery or the discrimination against woman. Such conceptions of course have no valuable to guide our present lives.

However we should not overstate this negative effect to the whole past, and a more scientific attitude is more expected for us. A Chinese philosopher once said: with a mirror we can tidy up our dress; with the history we can correct our behaviors.[/SIZE]

gteryyUID: 114434

孙远压提NO.17 issue120请帮忙看看！
我发的前面3篇是孙远压提的20-18。
120 so much is new and complex today that looking back for an understanding of the past provides little guidance for living in the present.

Comparing with our ancestors, our lives have changed a lot, and there is a little difficult for our（we） ordinary people to keep up with the society steps（society steps，好象没有这种说法，society’s progressing steps）. Some statistics have proved that the treasure our modern society produced everyday is more than the amount of one year two hundred years ago.这句表述不很清楚，我改写了一下“the wealth produced one day by modern society is more than the amount produced one year 200 years ago”个人感觉treasure用在这里不合适，因为你说的财富是劳动创造出来的价值，不是一种富有的状态、继承的财产什么。)  But does it mean that looking back for the past provides little guidance for living in the present? This assertion is highly suspected.
你用了个让步手法引起出你的观点，这很好。但是，这个让步不很准确，因为你没有突出提干中的当今社会的特点是new & complex。而你将财富获得的多少来引出论点的。

Firstly, although the conceptions of today are new and complex, they are not coming from without. Most of them can be traced back to certain origins in history. For example, democracy is the politic foundation of many counties today. But did this conception originate in modern America or Europe? Actually, the earliest country proposed this conception is ancient Roma. Thousands（of） years ago, the government of Rome had been elected by its people---citizens, and it should be regarded as the precursor of our modern countries. From this example, we can recognize that the past one is not equal to（be not equal to总感觉前者要差于后者，不如改成doesn’t mean） the outdated one, thus people today still can absorb nutrition from the history.0
你这段的论点没错，但是论据我觉得不合适。民主算是新的东西吗？既然罗马共和国时就有了，恐怕不算吧。其实科技、政治领域有很多东西可以举例啊。比如汽车等机械工业的发展，法律的不断完善，都是从过去的简单的发展为复杂的，更精确的；从旧的东西发展成新的等等。

Secondly, even if we failed in the past, we still can learn something from it. Some people have a misconception: since the current things or thoughts are usually better than the old ones, there is no necessary for us to reference（refer to） the history. However this is not the case. People always have the hope（make the wish） that they could find the right answer to their questions through their first try. Unfortunately they are often frustrated, because they often confront（面临什么一般用be confronted with，你这样用好象不合适。要不就改成face；其实我觉得按这句话的逻辑改成they are confused by the …） many ways to resolve one problem, so they have to preclude the incorrect（inferior） ones and find the right（best） one. In this procession, the past always plays an important role, and it（直接用which就可以了） highlights our oration and paves our road. A typical example is (加上the invention of light bulb of)Thomas Edison. Before he invented the light bulb, he experienced thousands（of） times of failure. Can we say that the only valuable work is his last（final） experiment, and Edison has luxuriously wasted his genius in the other times? This assertion is certainly unreasonable, since because（since because两个词怎么好连用？because of） his failure in the past（which） told Edison that those ways are inaccessible, he（could） finally found the right method to achieve his success.

Admittedly, we should not accept the past without discrimination. If people had not broken the traditional rules again and again, our society would not experience such dramatic changes. No doubt there are many outdated aspects in the past, for example, the slavery or the discrimination against woman. Such conceptions of course have no valuable（注意词性） to guide our present lives.

However we should not overstate this negative effect to the whole past, and a more scientific attitude is more expected for us. A Chinese philosopher once said: with a mirror we can tidy up our dress; with the history we can correct our behaviors.
语法上说，你的语言组织能力还不错。不过下次请注意一些细节，特别是动词的用法，不要把中文意思往里带，往往会chinglish。
逻辑论证上说，我觉得这篇不是很convincing。你几乎只论证了提干的后半句。而且也没有突出过去和现在生活的对比。提干有两层意思：①当今社会太新太复杂②了解过去对现在生活没什么指导意义。你再体会一下自己的文章，切题了吗？如果你只论证后半句，如果能够深入一点，也可以啊。
还是那个意见，先不要求速度和数量。对自己写过的每篇文章仔细修改，提高整体水平最重要。

willamscnUID: 111956

其实这篇我写好以后也觉得有点偏。呵呵。
第一段你说的十分中的。说财富的确不太切题。我考虑改成：some peiople even complain that they are nearly overwhelmed by the news and information.

第二段我是这么想的：现在社会中的许多貌似新的观点和信息其实在历史上可以找到它们的原型，所以参考历史有助于了解现在。不过看了你说的好像也对。呵呵。

另外在文中看到gteryy修改了那么多词性错误真是很感动。。谢谢！谢谢！！本来5月要考T的，做T的语法部分时错的最多（也是最头疼的）就是词性改错了。轮到自己写还是这样。惭愧惭愧呀。

angeikimUID: 4857

也多多帮别人修改修改咯。。:) 互相提高吧