issue5 我的第一篇ISSUE恳请批改

cookie_mmUID: 134256

Issue: The nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to take.
Recently there is a debate over whether to require all the students to study the same curriculum before they enter college. Some people think so ,while other people assert that different academic courses should be offered according to distinct parts of the nation. As a matter of fact, the issue whether to take the same curriculum all over a nation is a complex and controversial one. Different people have different opinions due to their different background. As far as I am concerned ,I agree the former  and my statement will be greatly substantiated by the following discussions:
The first argument that will be presented to develop my statement is that the same curriculum can prevent the minorities especially those who live far away form the cities from going farther and farther on culture ,which will even result into their isolation from the modern society. To some degree, the same curriculum facilitates the integration of national academy and culture. A good example can be found in the case that the different curriculum between some villages and some large cities conduces the different education level on some subjects such as English, some children in cities begin to study English when they are in the elementary school, by contrast, those who live in suburb don’t study it until they go to middle school. Consequently, the average English level of the children who live in cities are higher than that of those who live in countryside. A child who once finished his elementary school study may be unable to catch up with the other students when he changes to a middle school which lies in the city. Under this circumstance, the disparation between the education and academy will become more and more serious. Hence, the same curriculum is indispensable to avoid the problem.
In addition, there is another reason to enforce my view that the same  curriculum can provide a common assessment criteria ,which to some degree, will contribute to creating a fair competition environment for the students all over the nation .The reason is not  far to seek that it is meaningless to hold a mathematical contest among some students who have studied it for many years and those who have never. But on the other hand ,this kind of contests are a good means to  select some excellent students  within a whole country and the similar evaluation  is also indispensable to motivate the competition and communication among the students in various zones. Based on these consideration, the same curriculum is doomed to be adopted in the future education system.
Admittedly, it may be true that diversified courses are offered in some areas in some conditions. For example , conforming to the curriculum ,some students who live in northeast of China which is close to Russian study Russian instead of English as their first foreign language ,which brings them some convenience on job seeking after their graduation .However ,this alone does not constitute a sufficient support to claim that the different courses should be offered. Actually ,these cases are rare and therefore are too specific and too weak to strengthen  the view that a variety of curriculums should be adopted. When the advantages and disadvantages of the same and different national curriculums are carefully examined, the most striking conclusion is obvious that the unique curriculum is the better choice.
To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, which sometimes correlate with each other to generate whole and thus become more convincing than any single of them, we may be comfortable to say that the same national curriculum should be required and different ethnics and zones can add some other optional courses to replenish the curriculum according to their own situation, because it is better for them to not only keep up the pace of the majority but also reserve some characteristics of themselves after a case-by case analysis on their specific conditions.

linlilyUID: 134340

我也刚刚开始准备作文，看了你的Issue，有点点想法，
如果我说的不对，请别见怪:)
  1. 开头的那句："As a matter of fact, the issue whether to take the same curriculum all over a nation is a complex and controversial one. Different people have different opinions due to their different background."我个人觉得没必要写，让人感觉开头比较拖沓，不如开门见山地提出自己的看法了
2. 每一段的开头我觉得也不用总是说明这些是为了证明你的观点的，直接就firstly,
secondly就好了我觉得
3.例子呢, 我觉得也许应该改进一下，但是具体怎么改进，我也不知道。//blush

cookie_mmUID: 134256

我觉得你说得有道理。你打算什么时候考？

SMMUID: 106624

请在每一段之间加一空行，方便阅读。

Issue: The nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to take.

Recently there is a debate over whether to require all the students to study the same curriculum before they enter college. Some people think so ,while other people assert that different academic courses should be offered according to distinct parts of the nation. As a matter of fact,{[the issue whether to take the same curriculum all over a nation}[太繁琐了吧？其实到这里你的所有的话大都是重复，我不是说每个开头都得开门见山，但我认为这不算是个最好的开头]  is a complex and controversial one. Different people have different opinions due to their different background. [这句话你想说明什么呢？对你的观点有支持吗？既然。。。那么以我看来这个问题就是个background的问题了，没有什么值得讨论的了]As far as I am concerned ,I agree the former and my statement will be greatly substantiated by the following discussions:

这个开头看起来似乎没什么大的问题。可是以我来看有些弱，大都是平稳的空话，这是我们作文的一大特点。


The first argument that will be presented to develop my statement is that the same curriculum can prevent the minorities especially those who live far away form the cities from going farther and farther on culture ,which will even result into their isolation from the modern society. To some degree, the same curriculum facilitates the integration of national academy and culture. A good example can be found in the case that the different curriculum between some villages and some large cities conduces the different education level on some subjects such as English, some children in cities begin to study English when they are in the elementary school, by contrast, those who live in suburb don’t study it until they go to middle school. Consequently, the average English level of the children who live in cities are higher than that of those who live in countryside. A child who once finished his elementary school study may be unable to catch up with the other students when he changes to a middle school which lies in the city. Under this circumstance, the disparation between the education and academy will become more and more serious. Hence, the same curriculum is indispensable to avoid the problem.

In addition, there is another reason to enforce my view that the same curriculum can provide a common assessment criteria ,which to some degree, will contribute to creating a fair competition environment for the students all over the nation .The reason is not far to seek that it is meaningless to hold a mathematical contest among some students who have studied it for many years and those who have never. But on the other hand ,this kind of contests are a good means to select some excellent students within a whole country and the similar evaluation is also indispensable to motivate the competition and communication among the students in various zones. Based on these consideration, the same curriculum is doomed to be adopted in the future education system.

Admittedly, it may be true that diversified courses are offered in some areas in some conditions. For example , conforming to the curriculum ,some students who live in northeast of China which is close to Russian study Russian instead of English as their first foreign language ,which brings them some convenience on job seeking after their graduation .However ,this alone does not constitute a sufficient support to claim that the different courses should be offered. Actually ,these cases are rare and therefore are too specific and too weak to strengthen the view that a variety of curriculums should be adopted. When the advantages and disadvantages of the same and different national curriculums are carefully examined, the most striking conclusion is obvious that the unique curriculum is the better choice.

To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, which sometimes correlate with each other to generate whole and thus become more convincing than any single of them, we may be comfortable to say that the same national curriculum should be required and different ethnics and zones can add some other optional courses to replenish the curriculum according to their own situation, because it is better for them to not only keep up the pace of the majority but also reserve some characteristics of themselves after a case-by case analysis on their specific conditions.

整个结尾段一句话。请分析一下语法。长、短句结合有时效果更好。开始一味地追求长句不见得就是最好的方法。

抱歉，我竟说不好的话了，而且也不一定正确，想的也不深、不全面。其实你的第一篇整体还真不赖呢，比我强很多。更多的也许想是鼓励鼓励吧。祝好。

cookie_mmUID: 134256

谢谢SMM

angeikimUID: 4857

谢谢SMM。
0405也多帮别人修改互相提高吧。 ：）