ISSUE177求拍！~第一次发作文~

justbegunUID: 2746795

寒假开始写的第一篇
字数明显不够………………
最近总是不想写 觉得找不到感觉
这篇写得很慢自己也不是很满意 寻求帮助中………………


177. The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes.


I strongly agree with the speaker’s view that with the study of an academic discipline, we look at the world differently. Because the knowledge of a certain area helps us to seek truth, pay attention to details and appreciate the value of everything.

To begin with, the perception of a discipline provides us a unique view to seek the general laws beyond facts. For example, Bach’s music is famous for its harmony and beautiful tone. However, these are only the superficial facts which anyone could tell on listening to Bach’s masterpiece. What is his motivation to create all these sacred music? Why would he develop this unparalleled style? What he tries to reveal in these religious music? Given these thoughts, we would start to bring the world of music to this real world, and finally launch to a point that there lies certain connections between melody and reality. His music is not merely facts of notes, but more importantly, his belief, passion, emotion and even the society’s motivation.

After noticing the world is not simply composed of facts, we would start to care about details, which give us the ability to magnify the corners we haven’t notice before therefore broaden our vision of the world. In Samuel Scudder’s essay” take this fish and look at it”, he tells a story about his teacher left a fish to him and ask him to see the details again and again till he found the most important feature of it. He concludes that this lesson influenced him to the details of every subsequent study and that’s the treasure he can not part with. I believe through this lesson, he has altered his way in seeing this world. By observing the detail of a fish, he learnt to see the trivial aspects in everything. For us, I believe the subjects we are learning also would bring us a unique angle to see through matters in our particular observation.

Then with this tool to see things clearly, we tend to appreciate the value of, even a plain thing. It wasn’t until the circuit lesson that I began to cherish fantastic design of a daily entertain tool as a radio. And later, every time I use the function of radio, the idea of how it is created and the basic principle of it would come to my mind. I find this experience interesting in that I’ve involved in this world and I know the structure of things. By value the world we are living in and esteem these creations in our world would we find a better reason of living.

All in all, I believe the study of an academic discipline alters the way of our vision of the world in it helps us to seek, to detail and to value the things around us. And with these different eyes, we create tomorrow a different world.

wwwcccxxx007UID: 2699652

177. The study of an academic disciplinealters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, wesee the same world as before, but with different eyes.


Istrongly agree with the speaker’s view that with the study of anacademic discipline, we look at the world differently. Because theknowledge of a certain area helps us to seek truth, pay attention todetails and appreciate the value of everything.

Tobegin with, the perception of a discipline provides us a unique view toseek the general laws beyond facts. For example, Bach’s music is famousfor its harmony and beautiful tone. However, these are only thesuperficial facts which anyone could tell on listening to Bach’smasterpiece. What is his motivation to create all these sacred music?Why would he develop this unparalleled style? What he tries to revealin these religious music? Given these thoughts, we would start to bringthe world of music to this real world, and finally launch to a pointthat there lies certain connections between melody and reality（很好的押韵呢！！）. Hismusic is not merely facts of notes, but more importantly, his belief,passion, emotion and even the society’s motivation. （大致看了下，也不长可能是因为例子少了点。另外，你应该重点论述学术知识是如何帮助我们你更好理解音乐的，重在解释过程的上面，可是你偏在了结果，就是理解之后我们能获得什么上了。有点搞，i made myself clear?）

Afternoticing the world is not simply composed of facts, we would start tocare about details, which give us the ability to magnify the corners wehaven’t notice before （断句）therefore broaden our vision of the world. InSamuel Scudder’s essay” take this fish and look at it”, he tells astory about his teacher left a fish to him and ask him to see thedetails again and again till he found the most important feature of it.He concludes that this lesson influenced him to the details of everysubsequent study and that’s the treasure he can not part with. Ibelieve through this lesson, he has altered his way in seeing thisworld. By observing the detailof a fish, he learnt to see the trivial aspects in everything. For us,I believe the subjects we are learning also would bring us a uniqueangle to see through matters in our particular observation. （说难听点，你believe有什么用？你还是没有说清楚为什么？要加强解释啊，例子只是用来backup的，重点还是自己的论证）

Then with this tool to see things clearly, we tend to appreciatethe value of, even a plain thing（？）. It wasn’t until the circuit lessonthat I began to cherish fantastic design of a daily entertain tool as aradio. And later, every time I use the function of radio, the idea ofhow it is created and the basic principle of it would come to my mind.I find this experience interesting in that I’ve involved in this worldand I know the structure of things. （还是一样的问题，只有一个例子，且不谈个人例子在学术论文中不是compelling的，没有其他论证和分析，这样是没什么说服力的，文章也就显得浅了，也导致了文章写不长。）By value the world we are living inand esteem these creations in our world would we find a better reasonof living.

Allin all, I believe the study of an academic discipline alters the way ofour vision of the world in it helps us to seek, to detail and to valuethe things around us. And with these different eyes, we create tomorrowa different world.

楼主的大思路还是很好的，但是为什么写不长呢？
个人认为，首先，你的分论点一共有3，但是没有分论点里面没有更细的小论点，这意味着每个分论点你势必要用大量例子和论证来支撑；然而你的例子和论证分析又并不充分，因此导致了文章写不长。你可以试着在每个分论点里面再衍生些小论点，这样一方面能加强说服力，另一方面也能拓宽思路拉长文章。
其次就是论证问题，你的3段基本上只是摆出了一个例子，并没有深入分析，因而觉得文章有点泛泛而谈，也写不长了
另外，这个题目高频排很后呢，建议LZ从更高频练起啊~~~文章么还是要多些多总结，写写就有感觉了，加油哈！！

拍的有点狠，不好意思了啊！！

justbegunUID: 2746795

谢谢wwwcccxxx007的狠拍~
我不想糟蹋了好题目……就拿了个后面的题目练笔恩

小论点这方面
谢谢提醒
   这个真的很欠缺
难怪写不长╮(╯▽╰)╭