argument51改正后,多多关照，有拍必回

落雪飞花2008UID: 2579536

TOPIC: ARGUMENT51 - The following appeared in a medical newsletter.

"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."
WORDS
TIME: 01:00:00
DATE: 2010-1-24 下午 09:27:41

In this argument, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain are recommended to take antibiotics as part of their treatment based on the assumption that patients with severe muscle strains may have trouble in recovering quickly because of secondary infections. To support the assumption, the arguer cites the result of an experiment that the average recuperation time of patients who take antibiotics regularly reduced significantly. However, there are several critical flaws in the reasoning process.

First,
the assumption that the secondary infections might hamper the patients from healing after severe muscle strains cannot automatically lead to the conclusion that all the patients suffering from muscle strain should take antibiotics. As we know, there are fundemental differences between normal muscle strains and severe muscle strains, such as the causes of getting hurt and the treatment elements. So, even though there is a great possibility that severe muscle strains will spell secondary infections, it is unnecessary to require all the patients who are diagnosed with muscle strains to take antibiotics. Also, a cautious and safety conscious person will consider many other issues before deciding to take this medicine, such as what is the side-effect of antibiotics, whether he or she feels allergic to antibiotics, as well as how much the antibiotics will take. Thus, the doctors should be prudential to prescribe antibiotics for the patients before all the above factors are considered.


Second, the survey is not convincing enough to support the assumption that secondary infections are the key factor preventing the patients from recovering soon. The arguer does not provide any information about the patients of two groups,such like the age, the healthy condition, the gender, as well as their disease history. Maybe the first group are all young and strong people, who ,obviously, will recover more quickly,while the second group are all old or weak people. In addition, it is possible that the first group patients recieve better treatment since their doctor specializes in sports medicine, who knows many tips about how to accerate the recovery progress, while the doctor of the second group is a general physician. Furthermore,what’s about the sugar pills? Would they have a benificial or detrimental effect on the patients? Is it possible that the sugar pills will hinder the patients from healing? Unless all this information are offered, we have every reason to doubt the trustworthiness of this study.

To sum up, the argument is not well reasoned as it stands. To solidify this argument, we need more detailed information about what’s the difference between nomal muscle strains and severe muscle strains, what the benefits the antibiotics will bring, and how the survey are conducted. Afterall, a false confidence in a medince maybe more dangerous than secondary infections.

Jamin_CheungUID: 2752925

我正好也刚写了这篇argu，进来看看。
我们的思路基本上是一样的么……
我改一些语法错误吧。
患……病应该是suffer from吧。
such as吧，有such like麽。
发现用反问句是你最大的特色，
不过个人觉得你连词用得较少，段落中句与句之间的联系显得有些孤立。
比如说第一段最后的结尾句没有加任何的连词，就使得它在这一段中表现生硬。
我也发了这篇文章，欢迎回拍！
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1054501&extra=page%3D1%26amp%3Bfilter%3Dtype%26amp%3Btypeid%3D102

bzr2915UID: 2612029

好句子
错误（个人意见）
我的看法

In this argument, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain are recommended to take antibiotics as part of their treatment. The arguer sites （cites）the result of an experiment to support this conlclusion. However, there are several critical flaws in the reasoning process.

First, the arguer fails to provide the incidence of secondary infections among all the patients who suffer from severe muscle strains. Is it a big problem persecuting（这个词用过了吧 迫害 虐待？) most patients? Perhaps other causes( maybe potentially more significant) preventing patients from recovering quickly are masked. (具体点，到底是啥CAUSES呢？）A thorough survey would help the doctors make clear what are the main points they should focus on.（什么程度叫THOROUGH,他们已经做过STUDY了，THE ARGUER THINK IT'S THOROUGH.这句话无意义删掉,第一段论证泛泛逻辑性差删掉重写）


Second, the survey is not convincing enough to support the conclusion. The arguer does not provide any information about the patients of two groups,such like the age, the healthy condition, the gender, as well as their disease history. Maybe the first group are all young and strong people, who ,obviously, will recover more quickly,while the second group are all old or weak people. In addition, it is possible that the first group patients recieve better treatment since their doctor specializes in sports medicine, who knows many tips about how to accerate the recovery progress, while the doctor of the second group is a general physician. Furthermore,what’s about the sugar pills? Would they have a benificial or detrimental effect on the patients? Is it possible that the sugar pills will hinder the patients from healing? Unless all this information are offered, we have every reason to doubt the trustworthiness of this study.

Even that the antibiotics can reduce the recuperation time, a cautious and safety conscious person will consider many other issues before deciding to take this medicine,such as what is the side-effect of antibiotics, whether he or she feels allergic to antibiotics, as well as how much the antibiotics will take.
（这段打到点子上了拿到第一段论述）

To sum up, the argument is not well reasoned as it stands. To solidify this argument, we need more detailed information about how the survey are conducted and what's the benefit the antibiotics will bring.After all, a false confidence in a medince maybe more dangerous than secondary infections.


整个文章写得逻辑性很差，语言不过关，感觉像意识流，想到什么写什么，多看看范文吧，提纲一定要列。
本文参考下
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=412534