1006G[redemption]备考贴 by fantastichan

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Sample Issue Topic
“In our time, specialists of all kinds are highly overrated. We need more generalists—people who can
provide broad perspectives."

Essay Responses and Reader Commentary
Essay Response * – Score 6

In this era of rapid social and technological change leading to increasing life complexity and
psychological displacement, both positive and negative effects among persons in Western society call for a
balance in which there are both specialists and generalists. （题目开始就指明作者的观点-----平衡的观点）

Specialists are necessary in order to allow society as a whole to properly and usefully assimilate
the masses of new information and knowledge that have come out of research and have been widely
disseminated through mass global media.
（定义什么是specialists）As the head of Pharmacology at my university once said (and paraphrase):"I can only research what I do because there are so many who have come before me to whom I
can turn for basic knowledge. It is only because of each of the narrowly focused individuals at each step
that a full and true understanding of the complexities of life can be had. Each person can only hold enough
knowledge to add one small rung to the ladder, but together we can climb to the moon."
（举例说明
specialists的必要性。） This illustrates the
point that our societies level of knowledge and technology is at a stage in which there simply must be
specialists in order for our society to take advantage of the information available to us.（平衡观点中的其中一个观点）

Simply put, without specialists, our society would find itself bogged down in the Sargasso sea of
information overload. While it was fine for early physicists to learn and understand the few laws and ideas that existed during their times, now, no one individual can possibly digest and assimilate all of the
knowledge in any given area.（再来一段起到过渡的作用，在重申一下specialists的必要性）
On the other hand,（另一方面给了一个信号----要说明另外一个观点） Over specialization means narrow foci in which people can lose the larger
picture.
No one can hope to understand the human body by only inspecting one's own toe-nails. What we
learn from a narrow focus may be internally logically coherent but may be irrelevant or fallacious within
the framework of a broader perspective. Further, if we inspect only our toe-nails, we may conclude that the
whole body is hard and white. Useful conclusions and thus perhaps useful inventions must come by sharing
among specialists. Simply throwing out various discovieries means we have a pile of useless discoveries, it
is only when one can make with them a mosaic that we can see that they may form a picture.（指出太过于专注的不好方面从而引出要求全才）

Not only may over-specialization be dangerous in terms of the truth, purity and cohesion of
knowledge, but it can also serve to drown moral or universall issues. Generalists and only generalists can
see a broad enough picture to realize and introduce to the world the problems of the environment. With
specialization, each person focuses on their research and their goals. Thus, industrialization, expansion,
and new technologies are driven ahead. Meanwhile no individual can see the wholisitc view of our global
existence in which true advancement may mean stifling individual specialists for the greater good of all.（此段递进一步全才的好处）
Finally, over-specialization in a people's daily lives and jobs has meant personal and psychological
compartmentalization. People are forced into pigeon holes early in life (at least by university)
and must
conciously attempt to consume external forms of stimuli and information in order not to be lost in their
small and isolated universe.

Not only does this make for narrowly focussed and generally pooprly-educated
individuals, but it guarantees a sense of loss of community, often followed by a feeling of psychological
displacement and personal dissatisfaction.
Without generalists, society becomes inward-looking and eventually inefficient. Without a society
that recongnizes the impotance of braod-mindedness and fora for sharing generalities, individuals become
isolated. Thus, while our form of society necessitates specialists, generalists are equally important.Specialists drive us forward in a series of thrusts while generalists make sure we are still on the jousting
field and know what the stakes are.（得出结论：专才和全才都很重要）
全文段落分为六段---
开头摆明观点认为两者同等重要。
第二和第三段---说明了specialists的重要性（两段构成小的递进）
第四和五段-----说明了generalists的重要性（两段构成小递进）
第六段---再次摆明下作者的观点与第一段形成呼应
全文结构整齐，思路清晰简洁，分析到位所用的例子很生活化容易被大众所理解。语言长短句结合，修辞用到比喻等使问体显得活泼。
Essay Response – Score 5

Specialists are not overrated today. More generalists may be needed, but not to overshadow the specialists. Generalists can provide a great deal of information on many topics of interest with a broad range of ideas. People who look at the overall view of things can help with some of the large problems our society faces today. But specialists are necessary to gain a better understanding of more in depth methods to solve problems or fixing things.（第一段写法作者先倾向于generalists，但是笔锋一转又说明specialists也不可缺少。态度表明的不是很明确不是直接表明态度）

One good example of why specialists are not overrated is in the medical field. Doctors are necessary for people to live healthy lives. When a person is sick, he may go to a general practitioner to find out the cause of his problems. Usually, this kind of "generalized" doctor can help most ailments with simple and effective treatments. Sometimes, though, a sickness may go beyond a family doctor's knowledge or the prescribed treatments don't work the way they should. When a sickness progresses or becomes diagnosed as a disease that requires more care than a family doctor can provide, he may be referred to a specialist. For instance, a person with constant breathing problems that require hospitalization may be suggested to visit an asthma specialist. Since a family doctor has a great deal of knowledge of medicine, he can decide when his methods are not effective and the patient needs to see someone who knows more about the specific problem; someone who knows how it begins, progresses, and specified treatments. This is an excellent example of how a generalied person may not be equipped enough to handle something as well as a specialized one can.（举例说明specialists are not overrated -----与第一段的顺序形成一致）

Another example of a specialist who is needed instead of a generalist involves teaching. In grammar school, children learn all the basic principles of reading, writing, and arithematic. But as children get older and progress in school, they gain a better understanding of the language and mathematical processes. As the years in school increase, they need to learn more and more specifics and details about various subjects. They start out by learning basic math concepts such as addition, subtraction, division, and multiplication. A few years later, they are ready to begin algebraic concepts, geometry, and calculus. They are also ready to learn more advanced vocabulary, the principles of how all life is composed and how it functions. One teacher or professor can not provide as much in depth discussion on all of these topics as well as one who has learned the specifics and studied mainly to know everything that is currently known about one of these subjects. Generalized teachers are required to begin molding students at a very early age so they can get ready for the future ahead of them in gaining more facts about the basic subjects and finding out new facts on the old ones.（这段，举例说专才的作用，而需要注意的是，在说专才的同时也肯定了全才发挥的作用）

These are only two examples of why specialists are not highly overrated and more generalists are not necessary to the point of overshadowing them. Generalists are needed to give the public a broadunderstanding of some things. But , specialists are important to help maintain the status, health, and safety of our society. Specialists are very necessary.（全文的观点由此可见）
全文观点没有6分范文表明的那么清楚。全文在例举例子只能是更好的说明观点。整个读下来没有6分那么顺畅。但是全文欠缺些分析。
Sample Argument Topic

Hospital statistics regarding people who go to the emergency room after roller skating accidents indicate the need for more protective equipment. Within this group of people, 75 percent of those who had accidents in streets or parking lots were not wearing any protective clothing (helmets, knee pads, etc.) or any light-reflecting material (clip-on lights, glow-in-the-dark wrist pads, etc.). Clearly, these statistics indicate that by investing in high-quality protective gear and reflective equipment, roller skaters will greatly reduce their risk of being severely injured in an accident.
Essay Response * – Score 6
The notion that protective gear reduces the injuries suffered in accidents seems at first glance to be an obvious conclusion. （将结论提前）随后进一步说明结论After all, it is the intent of these products to either provent accidents from occuring in the first place or to reduce the injuries suffered by the wearer should an accident occur.（出现转折） However, the conclusion that investing in high quality protective gear greatly reduces the risk of being severely injured in an accident may mask other (and potentially more significant) causes of injuries and may inspire people to over invest financially and psychologically in protective gear.（作者认为全文的调查欠缺严密性，忽略了一些原因-----引出下文的分析）
First of all, as mentioned in the argument, there are two distinct kinds of gear - preventative gear (such as light reflecting material) and protective gear (such as helmets).（指出原文犯了错误的类比的错误）
Preventative gear is intended to warn others, presumably for the most part motorists, of the presence of the roller skater. It works only if the "other" is a responsible and caring individual who will afford the skater the necessary space and attention.Protective gear is intended to reduce the effect of any accident, whether it is caused by an other, the skater or some force of nature. Protective gear does little, if anything, to prevent accidents but is presumed to reduce the injuries that occur in an accident. The statistics on injuries suffered by skaters would be more interesting if the skaters were grouped into those wearing no gear at all, those wearing protective gear only, those wearing preventative gear only and those wearing both（分析了几种受伤的可能）. These statistics could provide skaters with a clearer understanding of which kinds of gear are more beneficial.

The argument above is weakened by the fact that it does not take into account the inherent differences between skaters who wear gear and those who do not. If is at least likely that those who wear gear may be generally more responsible and/or safety conscious individuals. The skaters who wear gear may be less likely to cause accidents through careless or dangerous behavior. It may, in fact, be their natural caution and repsonsibility that keeps them out of the emergency room rather than the gear itself.（考虑引起受伤的原因是自身而不是gear） Also, the statistic above is based entirely on those who are skating in streets and parking lots which are relatively dangerous places to skate in the first place. People who are generally more safety conscious (and therefore more likely to wear gear) may choose to skate in safer areas such as parks or back yards.（滑冰的人所选的地方不一样）

The statistic also goes not differentiate between severity of injuries. The conclusion that safety gear prevents severe injuries suggests that it is presumed that people come to the emergency room only with severe injuries. This is certainly not the case. Also, given that skating is a recreational activity that may be primarily engaged in during evenings and weekends (when doctors' offices are closed), skater with less severe injuries may be especially likely to come to the emergency room for treatment.（考虑到轮滑的时间和医院工作时间以及受伤程度的严重性原文并没有做相关具体的区分及说明）

Finally, there is absolutely no evidence provided that high quality (and presumably more expensive) gear is any more beneficial than other kinds of gear. For example, a simple white t-shirt may provide the same preventative benefit as a higher quality, more expensive, shirt designed only for skating. Before skaters are encouraged to invest heavily in gear, a more complete understanding of the benefit provided by individual pieces of gear would be helpful.（本文另外一个攻击的点是没有足够的证据证明高质量和高价的就一定安全）

The argument for safety gear based on emergency room statistics could provide important information and potentially saves lives. Before conclusions about the amount and kinds of investments that should be made in gear are reached, however, a more complete understanding of the benefits are needed. After all, a false confidence in ineffective gear could be just as dangerous as no gear at all
本文找出的漏洞较多，而且按照主要矛盾次要矛盾的顺序来写的。A书写时尽量首先抨击主要的逻辑错误，在逐一分析其他次要的错误，倘若错误较多时要知道如何取舍。
本文另一大特点就是每个逻辑错误剖析的很透彻，讲的很明白。所以在自己的文章中是值得学习的地方，不要犯剖析大量错误但是每个都没有透彻的分析。
The argument presented is limited but useful.（如题简明） It indicates a possible relationship between a high percentage of accidents and a lack of protective equipment. The statistics cited compel a further investigation of the usefulness of protective gear in preventing or mitigating roller-skating related injuries. However, the conclusion that protective gear and reflective equipment would "greatly reduce risk of being severely injured" is premature.（指出结论并不完善指出第一个缺陷-----Data is lacking with reference to the total population of skaters and the relative levels of experience, skill and physical coordination of that population.（对数据的质疑，受伤人中各个条件的不一致导致的不合理性） It is entirely possible that further research would indicate that most serious injury is averted by the skater's ability to react quickly and skillfully in emergency situations.（分析可能出现的原因）
指出第二个缺陷Another area of investigation necessary before conclusions can be reached is identification of the types of injuries（受伤种类的质疑） that occur and the various causes of those injuries. The article fails to identify the most prevalent types of roller-skating related injuries. It also fails to correlate the absence of protective gear and reflective equipment to those injuries. For example, if the majority of injuries are skin abrasions and closed-head injuries, then a case can be made for the usefulness of protective clothing mentioned. Likewise, if injuries are caused by collision with vehicles (e.g. bicycles, cars) or pedestrians, then light-reflective equipment might mitigate the occurences. However, if the primary types of injuries are soft-tissue injuries such as torn ligaments and muscles, back injuries and the like, then a greater case could be made for training and experience as preventative measures.
第二篇文章指出了错误但是分析没有6分的透彻，看了ets在写作基础上注重逻辑分析能力。而且全文的结构没有第一篇感觉完整。自己认为这种写法很冒险。最好是首尾齐全。