拍死人有奖ISSUE130

bzr2915UID: 2612029

ISSUE:130."How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society." （教育类）
1.孩子的社会化对社会的命运确有重大关系
1.1人是社会类动物，对社会化的抵制会使孩子丧失竞争力和人性
   例证：狼娃的例子、鲁滨逊的例子
1.2孩子是构成社会未来的重要元素，孩子对社会化的抵制会给整个社会带来厄运
   把上面的例子推广，无数个狼娃鲁滨逊组成的社会必然是漠然的毫无竞争力的   社会
1.3小结 强调社会化对孩子和社会未来的重要性
2.现有体制对教育孩子成为对社会有用之人做的不错（反对原观点）
2.1从历史来看社会是向前发展的，无疑孩子是推动这发展的巨大动力
2.2教育（社会 学校 家庭）对孩子的作用是不可磨灭的
   例证：美国注重教育孩子的表现力\日本培养孩子们的创新能力
2.3推出历史上对孩子的教育是适当的、并对社会有益，同时对(NOT YET)这一说法进行批驳。
3.过度的社会化或者不适当的教育确会对孩子及社会带来不利影响。
4.适当的教育以及合理的约束或促进孩子的社会化，是必须的。
483字 2小时
As we can see from the speaker's assertion that there are two main points in the line.At first,how to socialize children is important to our future society.The second,we have not yet learned how to educate our children to be an useful person for the society.I am agreeable to accept the first claim,however,the second is not so comfortable.

Obviously,how to socialized children determines the destiny of our future society.After all,human beings are the group living and highly socialized animal.Without the socialization the children will be far away from the humanity and losing all the competence to struggle in the world definitely.An appreciate example is not so hard to seek.It is known for the world that some children who were brought up by the wolves in some jungle country.After many years,the children were saved by the native inhabitant,however,the wolf children will never speak or contact the people because they afraid people and couldn't melt to the local society.They lived alone until leaving the world.Another example is the Robinson Crusoe the famous literature figure created by Defoe.Robinson was marooned in an solitary island which far from the place where people live.After many years he was got away from the island by some sailors,however,the society seemed to cast him or he cast the society living away,living lonely.He lost almost all the skills to live in the society and died for the solitude.What's more ,unimaginable consequence would be brought up if the children boycott the socialization.Just like we can't imagine that there is a world that full of thousands of wolf children or Robinsons would be like.

The second point of the assertion claims that we have not yet known how to educate our children to be useful for the society.It seems not true at all.Just inspect the human history you will find that the society is developing as the time goes.I assume that the speaker's assertion is correct,the 'we' should stand for families schools and the society, by this condition we could easy conclude that the children educated by themselves and they push the world's development by themselves.In this analyse the point is collapsed by itself.By contrast,not only we know how to educate children but also we could do it better.An example is that the American educate their children to be more positive and more completely express themselves,which brings up hundreds of excellent statesmen.And the Japanese teach their children creative spirit,which brings up the soar development of the country.In short the speaker's second claim is biased,as I see it.

While there are many counterexamples to support that the excessive socialization and incorrect education are harmful to children and the future of society,but we sill can't deny the importance of socialization and the achievement of our education.

In sum when it comes to whether a child grows up to contribute to a better society,the modest socialization is necessary.And I fundamentally disagree with the second assertion of the speaker.

irvine666UID: 2575525

我就评一下提纲：

1.孩子的社会化对社会的命运确有重大关系
1.1人是社会类动物，对社会化的抵制会使孩子丧失竞争力和人性
   例证：狼娃的例子、鲁滨逊的例子
例子有问题，这两个不是抵制社会化的例子，因为一个孩子就算不社会化，他总是有亲人和一些玩友的。而你的例子是彻底脱离社会，孤独造成的。而且与社会隔离就有丧失人性么？我倒是觉得从小与社会隔离才能保证人性的善，过早接触社会才容易丧失人性

1.2孩子是构成社会未来的重要元素，孩子对社会化的抵制会给整个社会带来厄运
   把上面的例子推广，无数个狼娃鲁滨逊组成的社会必然是漠然的毫无竞争力的社会
逻辑跳跃，基于一个impossible的假设，你怎么能推出这个结论的？又怎么能让人信服？而且就算你的假设成立，你不觉得这样直接推出结果漏掉了许多的中间推理过程么？更何况我不认为“必然”这种带有绝对主观意味的副词应该在客观性论述文章当中出现
1.3小结 强调社会化对孩子和社会未来的重要性

2.现有体制对教育孩子成为对社会有用之人做的不错（反对原观点）
2.1从历史来看社会是向前发展的，无疑孩子是推动这发展的巨大动力
这一点跟你的这段主题没什么关系，属于大话空话，政客喜欢说这种话，我们还是免了的好
2.2教育（社会 学校 家庭）对孩子的作用是不可磨灭的
   例证：美国注重教育孩子的表现力\日本培养孩子们的创新能力
2.3推出历史上对孩子的教育是适当的、并对社会有益，同时对(NOT YET)这一说法进行批驳。

3.过度的社会化或者不适当的教育确会对孩子及社会带来不利影响
。（没有理由，没有论述，没有例子的三无推断）

4.适当的教育以及合理的约束或促进孩子的社会化，是必须的。
通篇你并没有提到如何约束socialization，这里突然冒一个出来，毫无说服力

jellyjarUID: 2678885

就喜欢把中文提纲列出来的帖子~

bzr2915UID: 2612029

2# irvine666 O(∩_∩)O谢谢斑竹大人，看后收获很大~

tunicateUID: 2722773

ISSUE:130."How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society." （教育类）


As we can see from the speaker's assertion that there are two main points in the line.(这句话没主语了汗……)At first,how to socialize children is important to our future society.The second,we have not yet learned how to educate our children to be an useful person for the society.I am agreeable to accept the first claim,however,the second is not so comfortable.【同意第一点，反对第二点，看起来很清晰呀：>】

Obviously,how to socialized children determines the destiny of our future society.After all,human beings are the group living and highly socialized animal.(稍有些Chinglish。。。)Without the socialization the children will be far away from the humanity and losing all the competence to struggle in the world definitely. An appreciate example is not so hard to seek.（喜欢这种过渡~）It is known for the world that some children who were brought up by the wolves in some jungle country.After many years,the children were saved by the native inhabitant,however,the wolf children will never speak or contact the people because they afraid people and couldn't melt to the local society.They lived alone until leaving the world.Another example is the Robinson Crusoe the famous literature figure created by Defoe.Robinson was marooned in an solitary island which far from the place where people live.After many years he was got away from the island by some sailors,however,the society seemed to cast him or he cast the society living away,living lonely.He lost almost all the skills to live in the society and died for the solitude. What's more ,unimaginable consequence would be brought up if the children boycott the socialization.Just like we can't imagine that there is a world that full of thousands of wolf children or Robinsons would be like.

The second point of the assertion claims that we have not yet known how to educate our children to be useful for the society.It seems not true at all.Just inspect the human history you will find that the society is developing as the time goes.I assume that the speaker's assertion is correct,the 'we' should stand for families schools and the society, by this condition we could easy conclude that the children educated by themselves and they push the world's development by themselves.In this analyse the point is collapsed by itself.By contrast,not only we know how to educate children but also we could do it better.（not only 后用倒装）An example is that the American educate their children to be more positive and more completely express themselves,which brings up hundreds of excellent statesmen.And the Japanese teach their children creative spirit,which brings up the soar development of the country.In short the speaker's second claim is biased, as I see it.【稍微有点不太明白，可能是解释的语言太多了，两个例子的supporting efforts反而被削弱了】

While there are many counterexamples to support that the excessive socialization and incorrect education are harmful to children and the future of society,but we sill can't deny the importance of socialization and the achievement of our education.

In sum when it comes to whether a child grows up to contribute to a better society,the modest socialization is necessary.And I fundamentally disagree with the second assertion of the speaker.


【第一部分可以稍微缩点，而第四段可以再详实些或干脆不写……ETS对观点没有要求，一边倒也没有关系，但只要提出观点务必要议论清楚~
结尾段还可以再漂亮些吧~虽然我也不擅长结尾……
逻辑和整体结构大牛说过我就略了啊~
】

ps.前天晚上有点低烧，昨天就发起来了。华丽丽地翘了一天作业，原谅撒~
今天争取补回来：>

再ps.把习作单开一帖挺好的，我也学学先：>

Jamin_CheungUID: 2752925

As we can see from the speaker's assertion that there are two main points in the line.At first(firstly就行了吧),how to socialize children is important to our future society.The second（Secondly）,we have not yet learned how to educate our children to be an(a) useful person for the society.I am agreeable(这个词用得不对) to accept the first claim,however,the second is not so comfortable.

Obviously,how to socialized children determines the destiny of our future society.After all,human beings are the group-living and highly socialized animal.Without the socialization the children will be far away from the humanity and losing all the competence to struggle in the world definitely. An appreciate example is not so hard to seek.It is known for the world（木有这么讲的吧） that some children who were brought up by the wolves in some jungle country.After many years,the children were saved by the native inhabitant,however,the wolf children will never speak or contact the people because they are afraid of people and couldn't melt to the local society.They lived alone until leaving the world.Another example is the Robinson Crusoe the famous literature figure created by Defoe.Robinson was marooned in an solitary island which far from the place where people live.After many years he was got away from the island by some sailors,however,the society seemed to cast him or he cast the society living away,living lonely.He lost almost all the skills to live in the society and died for the solitude.What's more ,unimaginable consequence would be brought up if the children boycott the socialization.Just like we can't imagine that there is a world that full of thousands of wolf children or Robinsons would be like.写例子的时候注意下时态的一致性吧，而且这一段对于题目没什么呼应。写了这么多都在讲社会化对个人的重要性，但题目关键还是对社会的作用吧。

The second point of the assertion claims that we have not yet known how to educate our children to be useful for the society.It seems not true at all.Just inspect the human history you will find that the society is developing as the time goes.I assume that the speaker's assertion is correct,the 'we' should stand for families schools and the society, by this condition？ we could easy conclude that the children educated by themselves and they push the world's development by themselves.In this analyse the point is collapsed by itself.这个逻辑演绎太晦涩了……By contrast,not only we know how to educate children but also we could do it better.An example is that the American educate their children to be more positive and more completely express themselves,which brings up hundreds of excellent statesmen.And the Japanese teach their children creative spirit,which brings up the soar development of the country.In short the speaker's second claim is biased,as I see it.

While there are many counterexamples to support that the excessive socialization and incorrect education are harmful to children and the future of society,but we sill can't deny the importance of socialization and the achievement of our education.

In sum when it comes to whether a child grows up to contribute to a better society,the modest socialization is necessary.And I fundamentally disagree with the second assertion of the speaker


写的时候不要太急了呵，注意一下用词和语法啦