【clover】第一次作业 Argument147 —— by Julymay

JulymayUID: 2645085

写得很烂，感觉非常不好~请修改的亲不要手下留情……

The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
1 whirlwind ‘s new game will sell well because of it is such a game that provides lifelike graphics which is players’ preference.
2 these video games require most up-to-date computers, that means if someone want to play the new video games he need to buy a new computer all together.
3 advertisements do not mean good in sale.
4 this survey’s conclusion about video games is not believable unless , on the condition ,it is not until that
以上是审题的时候一些简略的笔记，有用没用也不太清楚，大家也可以看看~
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Through a series of inferences, the author concludes, or more reasonable to say, resumes that the video games will sell well. After setting a full scan of this editorial, we can find two logical main lines of the author’s exposition which play the two most important roles in the inferences. Whirlwind have such video games equipped with advanced graphics which are regarded as the key word of a video game in players’ opinion. For instance, the author thinks Whirlwind video games will sell well. In addition, the author points out that people range from 10 to 25 years old are in the age-group which is most likely to play video games. And the video game company has advertised directed at this age-group. So, as the author says categorically, there will be a dramatic increase on the sales. Close analysis of the two consequences above, however, reveals neither of them can provide reasonable support to the conclusion.

Through a series of inferences, the author concludes, or more reasonable to say, resumes that the video games will sell well. After setting a full scan of this editorial, we can find two logical main lines of the author’s exposition which play the two most important roles in the inferences. Whirlwind have such video games that equipped with advanced graphics which are regarded as the key word of a video game in players’ opinion. For instance, the author thinks Whirlwind video games will sell well. In addition, the author points out that people range from 10 to 25 years old are in the age-group which is most likely to play video games. And the video game company has advertised directed at this age-group. So, as the author says categorically, there will be a dramatic increase on the sales. Close analysis of the two consequences above, however, reveals neither of them can provide reasonable support to the conclusion.

First of all, let's pay attention to the first logical main line. A product satisfies customers' overriding needs does not mean it will become a popular merchandise. As everyone knows, it is many excellent factors, not one outstanding factor that contribute to a popular merchandise. For video games, the factors are, besides lifelike graphics, the interesting designed situation, a appropriate market strategy, the simple operation and so on. Yet, the author just mentions the lifelike graphics the new video game provide, and does not give any convincing evidences about other factors which can make the games a popular goods. I am afraid a brick could not build up a tower, even if the brick is the most solidity one. Moreover, it is reasonable to doubt the overall quality of the games, maybe except the graphics. As the author says in the editorial, the sales of Whirlwind video games in the past two years were far from being satisfactory. This fact spurs us cannot but assume that except the fantastic graphics, the other aspects of the video games are undesirable. Unless the author can prove that the other aspects of the video games are also very attractive, may this inference be persuasive. In fact, even assuming the overall quality of the video games themselves is fine, the sales of the games are under other reasons' influence. According to the context, the video games graphic presentation depends on the "most up-to-date computer". That is to say, if someone wants to enjoy the most benefit of the game, he must have an ultimate computer available, if not, he should afford one at least. This harsh constraint will assurly drive many customers off.


Secondly, let's look at the second main line. Advertisement may, on some level, improve the sales, but there is no and never any evidence to prove that advertisements can improve the sale positively. The good on sale or not is controlled by many factors, such as economic environment, government policy, advertisement and so on. In short, put all the hope in advertisement is not sensible. In fact，many people who are avid for video games have their favorite games. That means, people who are addicted to video games will not be addicted to collecting new games indeed. Nevertheless, even people in this age-group like playing video games and collecting video games, the sale of the video games still remains to see. Since the people who are introduced the video games directly are ranged from 10 to 25 years old. As is known to all, a great part of these people are teenagers whose finance still depends on their parents. The authority of buying a video game or not is hold on the parents' hands. The pity is parents are not concluded in the age-group, and because of it, they probably have no sense about the game, not to mention buying them. The policy of advertising is mistaken. How could we look forward to the well sell.


In sum, unless the author of this editorial can provide some reasonable evidences to show the high quality of the new games, put forward a project to solve the problem about the equipments and set a new plan of advertisement that can avoid the problem I mentioned above, can his conclusion be credible.

家家☆yoonjaeUID: 2646910

虽然没有细看。。。不过就阿狗们滴篇幅来说。。。挺长滴。。。0 0

黑竹UID: 2753377

占楼

黑竹UID: 2753377

Through a series of inferences, the author concludes, or more reasonable to say, resumes that the video games will sell well. After setting a full scan of this editorial, we can find two logical main lines of the author’s exposition which play the two（two应该去掉）most important roles（也可以写成two important roles） in the inferences. Whirlwind have such video games that equipped with advanced graphics which are regarded as the key word of a video game in players’ opinion. For instance（这个是“例如”的意思，用来引出例子，可是后面的紧随着的不是例子哦，建议把这句话去掉）, the author thinks Whirlwind video games will sell well. In addition, the author points out that people range from 10 to 25 years old are in the age-group which is most likely to play video games（这句有点乱，可以写成people in the age-group of 10 to 25 years old are most likely to play video games）. And the video game company has advertised directed at this age-group. So, as the author says categorically, there will be a dramatic increase on the sales. Close analysis of the two consequences above, however, reveals neither of them can provide reasonable support to the conclusion.
First of all, let's pay attention to the first logical main line. A product satisfies（修饰前面的名词要用动名词或者动词被动式来修饰，a noun doing something or a noun done,所以这里要改成satisfied） customers' overriding needs does not mean it will become a popular merchandise. As everyone knows, it is many excellent factors, not one outstanding factor that contribute to a popular merchandise. For video games, the factors are(用include可能会更好 ), besides lifelike graphics, the interesting designed situation, a appropriate market strategy, the simple operation and so on. Yet, the author just mentions the lifelike graphics the new video game provide, and does not give any convincing evidences about other factors which can make the games a popular goods. I am afraid a brick could not build up a tower, even if the brick is the most solidity one. Moreover, it is reasonable to doubt the overall quality of the games, maybe except the graphics. As the author says in the editorial, the sales of Whirlwind video games in the past two years were far from being satisfactory. This fact spurs us cannot but assume that except the fantastic graphics, the other aspects of the video games are undesirable（这句话有点乱，我不知道你想说什么）. Unless the author can prove that the other aspects of the video games are also very attractive, may this inference be persuasive. In fact, even assuming（even if表示即使） the overall quality of the video games themselves is fine, the sales of the games are under other reasons' influence（这样的表达可能更好influenced by other factors/reasons）. According to the context, the video games graphic presentation depends on the "most up-to-date computer". That is to say, if someone wants to enjoy the most benefit of the game, he must have an ultimate computer available, if not, he should afford one at least. This harsh constraint will assurly （“certainly”may be better to use here）drive many customers off.

Secondly, let's look at the second main line. Advertisement may, on some level, improve the sales, but there is no and never any evidence to prove that advertisements can improve the sale positively. The good on sale or not is controlled by many factors，(“whether or not the sales will be improved depends on many factors”，this sentence may be better^_^) such as economic environment, government policy, advertisement and so on. In short, put all the hope in advertisement is not sensible. In fact，many people who are avid for video games have their favorite games. That means（it also can be substituted by “as a result”）, people who are addicted to video games will not be addicted to collecting new games indeed. Nevertheless, even people in this age-group like playing video games and collecting video games, the sale of the video games still remains to see. Since the people who are introduced the video games directly are ranged from 10 to 25 years old. As is known to all, a great part of these people are teenagers whose finance still depends on their parents. The authority of buying a video game or not is hold on the parents' hands. The pity is parents are not concluded in the age-group, and because of it, they probably have no sense about the game, not to mention buying them. The policy of advertising is mistaken. How could we look forward to the well sell.

In sum, unless the author of this editorial can provide some reasonable evidences to show the high quality of the new games, put forward a project to solve the problem about the equipments and set a new plan of advertisement that can avoid the problem(problems复数形式) I mentioned above, can his conclusion be credible.

以上是我个人观点，如有不妥请指正

JulymayUID: 2645085

2# 家家☆yoonjae



一不小心写长了~下次还是要控制字数，防止啰嗦~否则会时间不够吧~呵呵

JulymayUID: 2645085

Through a series of inferences, the author concludes, or more reasonable to say, resumes that the video games will sell well. After setting a full scan of this editorial, we can find two logical main lines of the author’s exposition which play the two most important roles in the inferences. Whirlwind have such video games that equipped with advanced graphics which are regarded as the key word of a video game in players’ opinion. Therefore, the author thinks Whirlwind video games will sell well. In addition, the author points out that people in the age-group of 10 to 25 years old are most likely to play video games. And the video game company has advertised directed at this age-group. So, as the author says categorically, there will be a dramatic increase on the sales. Close analysis of the two consequences above, however, reveals neither of them can provide reasonable support to the conclusion.

First of all, let's pay attention to the first logical main line. A product satisfied customers' overriding needs does not mean it will become a popular merchandise. As everyone knows, it is many excellent factors, not one outstanding factor that contribute to a popular merchandise. For video games, the factors include, besides lifelike graphics, the interesting designed situation, an appropriate market strategy, the simple operation and so on. Yet, the author just mentions the lifelike graphics the new video game provide, and does not give any convincing evidences about other factors which can make the games popular goods. I am afraid a brick could not build up a tower, even if the brick is the most solidity one. Moreover, it is reasonable to doubt the overall quality of the games, maybe except the graphics. As the author says in the editorial, the sales of Whirlwind video games in the past two years were far from being satisfactory. This fact spurs us cannot but assume that the other aspects of the video games are undesirable. Unless the author can prove that the other aspects of the video games are also very attractive, may this inference be persuasive. In fact, even assuming the overall quality of the video games are fine, the sales of the games are under other reasons' influence. According to the context, the video games graphic presentation depends on the "most up-to-date computer". That is to say, if someone wants to enjoy the most benefit of the game, he must have an ultimate computer available, if not, he should afford one at least. This harsh constraint will certainly drive many customers off.

Secondly, let's look at the second main line. Advertisement may, on some level, improve the sales, but there is no and never any evidence to prove that advertisements can improve the sale positively. Whether or not the sales will be improved depends on many factors, such as economic environment, government policy, advertisement and so on. In short, put all the hopes in advertisement is not sensible. In fact，many people who are avid for video games have their favorite games. That means（it also can be substituted by “as a result”）, people who are addicted to video games will not be addicted to collecting new games indeed. Nevertheless, even people in this age-group like playing video games and collecting video games, the sale of the video games still remains to see. Since the people who are introduced the video games directly are ranged from 10 to 25 years old. As is known to all, a great part of these people are teenagers whose finance still depends on their parents. The authority of buying a video game or not is holding on the parents' hands. The pity is that the parents are not included in the age-group, and because of that, they probably have no sense about the game, not to mention buying them. From the above, the policy of advertising is mistaken. Then how could we look forward to selling well?

In sum, unless the author of this editorial can provide some reasonable evidences to show the high quality of the new games, put forward a project to solve the problem about the equipments and set a new plan of advertisement that can avoid the problems I mentioned above, can his conclusion be credible.