【clover】Issue104 习作by 小g

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104 Education--general education
It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears.

As normally used, the term formal education refers to the process of training and developing people in knowledge, skills, mind, and character in a structured and certified program. In contrast, informal education happens outside the classroom, in after-school programs, community-based organizations, museums, libraries, media, or at home. However, none of those can replace the primary position of formal education as the way different cultures intend to maintain their favorable ideas and eliminate those they don’t like.

In general, formal educational institutions, in a more common word, schools have been playing the vital role in accomplishing that mission. First of all, arranged curriculum of the schools from different cultures provide students an essentially limited rather than a broad range of choices of what the cultures want them to learn. For instance, in most Islamic countries, Koran is a compulsory course from elementary schools to high schools, while other religious studies such as Christianism or Buddhism will never appear on the course lists. Secondly, textbooks reflect different cultural backgrounds as well as various opinions, ideas and values. In most scientific areas such as mathematics, physics and geology, there is little variation among teaching materials from different cultures, while in humanities like art, language and history, things are largely different. History textbooks from China and Japan are strong cases to this point. At the first glance, they tell the same story of the 1940s’ China-Japan war, but the emphasis which the two sides put on the issue are of fundamentally difference, just like the different names of the war given by them: in the Chinese eyes, the war is of an anti-invasive and national independent nature, so they denominate it the anti-Japan war, while in Japanese history textbooks, it is depicted as a war to protect its own safety and territory extension. The last, trained teachers act as representatives and exemplars to show the students the ways in which they should think, say and behave. In brief, schools are like factories, in which young people are renewed and adjusted on the teaching assembly lines into what the cultures, the decisive powers behind those schools, want them to be.

Accepting the incomparable significance of formal education, we may not neglect other information channels, though of less importance, which may also bring great effect on the children and the youth. The parents’ influence as well as the large amount of mainstream media such as writing works, radio, television programs and online web pages, though to different degrees, help impart young people what the cultures in which they are involved favor and what they do not. They tell instructive stories, give vivid examples, and offer relative background knowledge so that young people can differentiate what the cultures consider the true from the false, the good from the evil.

In conclusion, it is obvious that a culture tries to credit its favorable ideas and diminish those it fears mainly through formal education, we should also take into account those remarkable informal channels.

chaliaUID: 2589767

104 Education--general education
It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears.

As normally used, the term formal education refers to the process of training and developing people in knowledge, skills, mind, and character in a structured and certified program. In contrast, informal education happens outside the classroom, in after-school programs, community-based organizations, museums, libraries, media, or at home. However, none of those can replace the primary position of formal education as the way different cultures intend to maintain their favorable ideas and eliminate those they don’t like. Thesis


In general, formal educational institutions, in a more common word, schools have been playing the vital role in accomplishing that(指代什么?前文并没有给清楚) mission. First of all, arranged curriculum of the schools from different cultures(个人觉得这个修饰没什么必要,可以删掉) provide students an essentially limited rather than a broad range of choices of (rather than 前后两个的词性不同,读起来很不顺畅,尤其是limited直接接了rather than显得很突兀,;而后面的a broad range of中的of和choice的of重复了,个人感觉不太好;而choice是选择的意思,既然是国家限定范文内的课程,还有选择吗?我觉得这个choice用在这可能不太好…也可能是我想多了..汗…) of what the cultures want them to learn. For instance, in most Islamic countries, Koran is a compulsory course from elementary schools to high schools, while other religious studies such as Christianism or Buddhism will never appear on the course lists.这个例子我很欣赏!! Secondly, textbooks reflect different cultural backgrounds as well as various opinions, ideas and values. In most scientific areas such as mathematics, physics and geology, there is little variation among teaching materials from different cultures, while in humanities like art, language and history, things are largely different. History textbooks from China and Japan are strong cases to这个词组用的挺好的~ this point. At the first glance, they tell the same story of the 1940s’ China-Japan war, but the emphasis which the two sides put on the issue are of fundamentally difference, just like the different names of the war given by them: in the Chinese eyes, the war is of an anti-invasive and national independent nature, so they denominate it the anti-Japan war, while in Japanese history textbooks, it is depicted as a war to protect its own safety and territory extension. The last, trained teachers act as representatives and exemplars to show the students the ways in which they should think, say and behave. In brief, schools are like factories, in which young people are renewed and adjusted on the teaching assembly lines into what the cultures, the decisive powers behind those schools, want them to be.

第一段在我理解,应该是讲school对传播ideas的重要性. 分成3个部分,第一是school给学生提供它们倾向的课程;第二是school使用教科书;第三是老师的作用. 个人建议小g在些例子的时候,可以把school再强调一下,例如讲课程设置的时候,可以用个强调句it is the school that..之类的,因为整段读下来的感觉是,给出的几个例子跟school没太大关系.尤其是教科书..教科书不是学校的问题,是政府的问题..不过总的来说.我觉得小g的例子还是很不错哒~

Accepting the incomparable significance of formal education, we may not(should not是不是好点?) neglect other information channels, though of less importance, which may also bring great effect on the children and the youth(这里有点累赘,可以直接说 future generation). The parents’ influence as well as the large amount of mainstream media such as writing works(我觉得直接说books更好点), radio, television programs and online web pages, though to different degrees, help impart young people what the cultures in which they are involved(这句话太绕了..直接说the cultures they involve in) favor and what they do not(fear). They tell instructive stories, give vivid examples, and offer relative background knowledge so that young people can differentiate what the cultures consider the true from the false, the good from the evil.

In conclusion, it is obvious that a culture tries to credit its favorable ideas and diminish those it fears mainly through formal education, we should also take into account those remarkable informal channels.

1) 读完后.我觉得作者应该是想采用平衡观点的.既formal和informal都重要(尽管formal更重要),但是文章的thesis感觉像是要否informal而支持formal.这里建议修改一下.

2) 在我看informal education也重要的这一段.感觉说来说去很绕..(当然..这只是我个人的感觉吖..)..根据全文我猜测小g是想说informal也很重要,但没有formal重要.所以,我建议这一段可以谢谢informal在xxx方面有作用,但和formal比起来,在xxx方面有不足.这样才能体现出informal重要,但formal更重要的主题.

3) 文章的例子用的很不错,语言变化也很多.如果可以再精炼一点就更好啦~

Ps: 偶第一次修改..理解可能有些偏差..导致意见可能不对..小g选择性的接纳吧~ ^^

gc1030255UID: 2550033

辛苦CC了~~
改的非常仔细阿~~
第一次写错误百出~~我会加油滴~~

gc1030255UID: 2550033

taotaole同学改过的，先贴上来~辛苦了~~