【clover】Issue104 习作by cyct

cyctUID: 2728144

实在是糊涂了，怎么这么多贴，还不合要求，再发下

104 Education--general education
It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears.

The speaker asserts that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears primarily through formal education. It is true that formal education is indeed an appropriate way for a culture to continue its tradition. However, a culture, under some circumstances, may deviate from its initial essence through formal education and other methods are neglected by which a culture achieves its goal.

I agree with the speaker for the reason that formal education is indeed an appropriate way for a culture to continue its tradition, which is especially true in the primary stages of education. In a society where the information is provided much more than before, individual in the primary stages of education cannot perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears and distinguish the real culture needed by himself or herself, because one has not formed his or her own value or individual thinking in that stage. To some extent formal education may be helpful, since the culture has already been selected and has been validated for quite a long time, such as science, art and language.

Although the speaker's assertion seem reasonable when it comes to the education in the primary stages, it will be wrong when the formal education itself exist some defects. Let us take a look at a classic example form formal education in China, India and Korea. The purpose of formal education in these countries is just like the speaker's assertion that culture can reserve properly, while the actual meaning deviate gradually when it comes to the pressure of society. Some individual overemphasize high score and the high rate of entering university, all of which lead to unexpected changes in formal education, which means that the formal education probably has already been worry. Without considering the validity of formal education under these circumstances, the speaker is unwarranted.

Further, the speaker's assertion neglects other methods by which a culture can also achieve its goal. For instance, through religion a culture could still perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears. As we know, 40 percent of population all over the world has their own religions, which could dramatically influence almost every aspects of their life, such as knowledge, art and custom. All of them reflect their own culture and were inherited from one generation to another.

To sum up, without through formal education, a culture can hardly perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears in the primary stages of education. However, the speaker's assertion overemphasizes the importance of formal education when it is fundamentally not true and neglects other effective ways to achieve the goal of culture.

tofeeUID: 2485486

The speaker asserts that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears primarily through formal education（关键词）. It is true that formal education is indeed an appropriate way for a culture to continue its tradition. However, a culture, under some circumstances, 1.may deviate from its initial essence through formal education and 2.。other methods are neglected by which a culture achieves its goal.
作者的论述的通过何种途径传承文明，意在说明不仅仅是正规教育。
I agree with the speaker for the reason that formal education is indeed an appropriate way for a culture to continue its tradition, which is especially true in the primary stages of education. In a society where the information is provided much more than before, individual in the primary stages of education cannot perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears and distinguish the real culture needed by himself or herself, because one has not formed his or her own value or individual thinking in that stage. To some extent formal education may be helpful, since the culture has already been selected and has been validated for quite a long time, such as science, art and language.作者的意思是：最初儿童接触文化是要通过正规教育，因为他们没有辨识的能力，因此需要正规的教育来帮助。系统教育对儿童对文化的了解的重要性。
Although the speaker's assertion seem reasonable when it comes to the education in the primary stages, it will be wrong when the formal education itself exist some defects. Let us take a look at a classic example form formal education in China, India and Korea. The purpose of formal education in these countries is just like the speaker's assertion that culture can reserve properly, while the actual meaning deviate gradually when it comes to the pressure of society. Some individual overemphasize high score and the high rate of entering university, all of which lead to unexpected changes in formal education, which means that the formal education probably has already been worry. Without considering the validity of formal education under these circumstances, the speaker is unwarranted.
接着上一段，但是有时候这种教育反而会影响了文化的传授。正规教育本身出现问题，我决的这段的阐述与主题关系不大。文章讨论的是教育和文化之间的关系，而不是对教育方式的讨论。如果补充一些应试教育怎样对文化本身破坏（而不是对学生），可能更好。还有本段的结尾很argument，可能不太好。

Further, the speaker's assertion neglects other methods by which a culture can also achieve its goal。题干上说是主要通过，并没有neglect其他的。 For instance, through religion a culture could still perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears. As we know, 40 percent of population all over the world has their own religions, which could dramatically influence almost every aspects of their life, such as knowledge, art and custom. All of them reflect their own culture and were inherited from one generation to another. 这段很典型没有充分阐述，说非正规的教育会传承文明，那么应该说他们怎样传承文明，为什么不能被正规教育所取代。多一些例证会更全面

To sum up, without through formal education, a culture can hardly perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears in the primary stages of education.文章中并没有说没对正规教育的比不可少做论证，也没有对文化进行修饰做论证。However, the speaker's assertion overemphasizes the importance of formal education when it is fundamentally not true and neglects other effective ways to achieve the goal of culture.

文章实际上讨论的是正规教育（学校教育）的利弊，其中谈到的正规教育是初级教育，弊端是应试教育，同时又谈到了出了学校教育的其他教育。按照这样，我认为从正规教育对文化的影响（选择和摒弃），其他教育对文化的影响（选择和摒弃）作为讨论主线比较好。作者对正规教育本身的利弊做了阐述。感觉有些偏离题目的期望。
我没有发现语法错误，期待下一位修改者，恩恩，实际上我的语法也实在是差的很，我们继续努力。


改的不好，我努力学习，请多多包涵，谢谢O(∩_∩)O~

cyctUID: 2728144

第一次修改

桔子susanUID: 2754084

桔子的修改

104 Education--general education
It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears.

The speaker asserts that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears primarily through formal education. It is true that formal education is indeed an appropriate way for a culture to continue its tradition. However, a culture, under some circumstances, may deviate from its initial essence through formal education and other methods are neglected by which a culture achieves its goal.
(观点：在某些情况下，正式教育会使文化偏离本质，其它的方法也不能忽视)

I agree with the speaker for the reason that formal education is indeed an appropriate way for a culture to continue its tradition, which is especially true in the primary stages of education.（这一句话在表示你同意作者的观点是因为…实际上你只是部分同意） In a society where the information is provided much more than before, individual in the primary stages of education cannot perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears and distinguish the real culture needed by himself or herself, because one has not formed his or her own value or individual thinking in that stage. To some extent, formal education may be helpful, since the culture has already been selected and has been validated for quite a long time, such as science, art and language.（正式教育帮助individual in the primary stages distinguish the real culture needed by himself or herself，因为…
这样陈述与你的TS句联系就不大了，毕竟不是帮助个人分辨他们需要的文化就能使一个文化传承下去，而是在他们不会选择时，正式教育将这种文化灌输给他们，让他们认可，才能得以传承。）

Although the speaker's assertion seems reasonable when it comes to the education in the primary stages, it will be wrong when the formal education itself exist some defects. Let us take a look at a classic example form formal education in China, India and Korea. The purpose of formal education in these countries is just like the speaker's assertion that culture can reserve properly, while the actual meaning deviate gradually when it comes to the pressure of society. Some individual overemphasize high score and the high rate of entering university, all of which lead to unexpected changes in formal education, which means that the formal education probably has already been worry（这个我理解worry是困扰的意思，正式教育成为困扰，与文化能不能传承的联系不大，不是直接因果关系。）. Without considering the validity of formal education under these circumstances, the speaker is unwarranted.
你的观点是某些情况下正式教育偏离了本质使观点不成立，然而它的本质是什么，怎样才是正确的正式教育？难道不符合题目观点，就不是正确的正式教育。应该从某些情况下，正式教育失去了传递思想的功能，而是成为了考试工具，来反驳观点为佳）

Further, the speaker's assertion neglects other methods by which a culture can also achieve its goal. For instance, through religion a culture could still perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears. As we know, 40 percent of population all over the world has their own religions, which could dramatically influence almost every aspects of their life, such as knowledge, art and custom. All of them reflect their own culture and were inherited from one generation to another.
观点：还有其它形式使文化得以传承。


To sum up, without through formal education, a culture can hardly perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears in the primary stages of education. However, the speaker's assertion overemphasizes the importance of formal education when it is fundamentally not true and neglects other effective ways to achieve the goal of culture.


嗯，cyct的语法还是挺好的，我挑不出什么错。但文章叙述有点牵强，说服力不够。