狠拍独立写作

lxb200709UID：2665924

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Some people think children should study and play, other people think children should help with household chores.

Interestingly, nowadays people are prone to debate whether students should study and play or help with household chores, which seems a question-that is, virtually not for they both essential to a juvenile, devoid of each of them, an adolescent will grow up sinuously.

It seems true that study is the main job of students and play is a tributary method to enhance their study. However, this theory will cultivate quantities of scholars who can do research pretty good, whereas have no idea about their own life. For example, currently, there is a common situation that college students, even some elite students in the key college, can not merely wash their clothes, fold their beds, not to mention make a meal. So, what factors contribute to this consequence at all? It's over spoil; it's the misconception of the most of people that when a student do a good job in his study, he will act well in his life and later have a brilliant future. In this case, many college students can't even get job after graduating from university owing to the lack of experience of surviving alone, that's so called independent.

Of course, there is no way around the fact that students only do housework at home will perform better, which appears ridiculous in some way. In China, there are nonetheless some parents who prohibit their children, especially girls, from going to school to accept education. Instead, they drive their kids accompany with them to do household chores everyday, which accordingly can decrease their workload to support a family. What a irresponsible and selfish deed it is! Neglecting their kids' future, benefiting themselves ephemerally. Seriously, I really fell humiliate at these parents. In so doing, China's labor markets that are always teemed with a great number of working force who without even little technique, so much so that they will have a strenuous and harsh life as a result.

In sum, contrasting the above two cases, we can clearly conclude that each option of the dispute, actually, is an sort of extreme, resulting in predicament to the students undoubtedly when grow up. Thereby, only by combining the intelligence of study and the practice of common chores could students grow up healthily in their lifetime.

mpromanusUID：2565872

这个题目竟然问你agree/disagree一句双面的statement。。潜台词这么深的题目还是第一次见啊。。=.=

Interestingly, nowadays people are prone to debate whether students (The very first important lesson to learn: if you rephrase a question, you MUST NOT change its meaning. Here, the question's wording uses 'children', and you changed it to 'students', probably because you see 'study' in the question. But not all students are children. They're not equal. Your mind must be very clear of what the question is exactly about. If you alter the meaning of the question like this, it shows that you don't really understand the question fully, and you risk of going immediately into the wrong direction..) should study and play or help with household chores, which seems a question-that is, virtually not for they (Who? Students? or What?) are both essential to a juvenile. devoid of each of them (This means both are missing. This is a classic example of AND/OR vs. NOT AND/NOT OR relationships in terms of discrete mathematics..For this particular case, if you wish to express 'if either one is missing', then you should use 'any' instead of 'each'.), an adolescent will grow up sinuously (I'm totally baffled by this word here. This is often used to describe wavy, torqued physical shapes, especially that of an elderly person, rather than personality.).

It seems true that studying is the main job of students and playing is a tributary (This word, in the 'contributing' sense, means contributing to something that's more inclusive, i.e. it comes with a sense of 'submission' and 'smaller in scope'. While you might indeed use it in this case, I'd choose a more neutral 'contributory'.) method to enhance their study. However, this theory will cultivate quantities of scholars who can do research pretty good well, whereas having no idea about their own life. For example, currently, there is a common situation that college students, even some elite students in the key college? (Are you trying to translate 重点学校?), cannot merely wash their clothes, fold their beds (I doubt if anyone would be able to fold a 'bed'. You either 'make' your bed, or fold your 'bedsheet'.), not to mention making a meal. So, what factors contribute to this consequence at all? (What are you trying to express by adding 'at all' here?)? It's over spoiling ('study and play' doesn't necessarily become spoiling. The degree of severance in 'spoiling' is quite significant.); it's the misconception of the most of people that when a student does a good job in his study, he will act do well in his life and later have a brilliant future. In this case, many college students can't even get jobs after graduating from university owing to the lack of experience of surviving alone, that's the so-called independence. (First, you're cramming too many things into this paragraph without organizing your information well. Second, the question is not about independence or anything about a student's personality. It's about what people think children should do. You're making moral judgements out of a descriptive question. Such judgements are not relevant at all.)

Of course, there is no way around the fact that students who only do housework at home will perform better, which appears ridiculous in some ways. In China, there are nonetheless some parents who prohibit their children, especially girls, from going to school to accept ('Accept' is a choice. It's not a state of being given something. The word here should be 'receive'.) education. Instead, they drive their kids to accompany with them to do household chores everyday, which accordingly? ('according' to what?) can decrease their workload to support a family. What a irresponsible and selfish deed it is! Neglecting their kids' future, benefiting themselves ephemerally. (This is a fragment.) Seriously, I really fee?l humiliated at? (I can't guess what you're trying to express here. Do you feel 'humiliated' by these parents? If you feel 'humuliated', that means someone has given you a direct insult or defeat. I would probably say you're just feeling 'ashamed' by these parents.) these parents. In so doing, China's labor markets that are always teemed with a great number of working force who without even little technique?, so much so that they will have a strenuous and harsh life as a result. (This is better than the previous paragraph, but still I'd advise against using examples and wordings that are overly emotional and/or moral-oriented. There's nothing right or wrong about any opinion on this question.)

In sum, contrasting the above two cases above, we can clearly conclude that each option of the dispute, actually, is an sort of extreme, undoubtedly resulting in predicament to the students undoubtedly when they grow up. Thereby, only by combining the intelligence of study and the practice of common chores could students grow up healthily in their lifetime (The conclusion is not about how students can grow up well. It's about what children should do. As I've warned you in the first paragraph, you replaced the keyword 'children' with 'students', therefore you're already horribly off the topic. But, even if we consider this question to be of 'students', it's still not seeking any conclusion about their healthy development. You could say it the other way round - that because both will constitute a healthy development of children, children should do both - but not that because children do both, they would grow up well. The eventual focus is on the 'do' part, not on the 'grow well' part.)

总结：

语法 - 你对基础句子的掌握是有的，但是经常在长句中写着写着就出现很莫名的错误，尤其是词语顺序的排列非常中式化。。

词汇 - 高级词汇方面有些时候并不能确定我理解的是你想表达的。。=.= 请确认自己会用能用对一个大词才用。

逻辑 - 首先一条就是你一上来就把题目的关键字给换了。。请注意审题 =.= 另外一个就是如果这个题目真的是按照你给的这样出的，那这个潜台词就深刻了。。问你同意不同意 有些人的意见是A有些人的意见是B，其实是在问是不是还有第三种意见C的存在。你写的方式是中庸式，这是可以的，这就是第三种意见，但是你没有正面地回答题目问你的同意与否这个事情。。所以还是要注意审题。同样的论证和论据放在中间都好，但你怎么开头结尾，要按照题目提问的方式来定，而不是一个中庸式就只顾着自己要写的写下去不管题目到底怎么问的。