@@茶叶蛋炒饭@@ 第十三次作业 argu127 请组员跟帖

mikestoneUID: 2734495

In this argument, the vice president for human resources recommends that the company should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations to prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic, and improve their overall profits. Reasons are provided. However, his reasons and conclusion are not convincing.

To begin with, the arguer doesn't provide information that how many employees use the Internet from their workstation to shop or play games, and how often they use Internet. The number may be only three or four and they just do shopping On the Internet Three times per month. If that is true, it is unnecessary to implement electronic monitoring.

Moreover, the speaker fails to assume implement electronic monitoring will prevent employees from wasting time. Even most of their employees use the Internet for their personal or recreational activities; the fact cannot be judged as that they are wasting time. It is entirely possible that their work requires them to concentrate extremely and they need a rest every half hour, or they may make serious mistakes. In fact, shopping and playing games may be ways they refresh themselves.
So, if the company implements the monitoring, the workers’ efficiency may be lowed, even they spend more time in their work.

Besides, the vice president doesn’t conduct surveys about the employees’ attitudes towards the recommendation. Maybe, most of workers are dissatisfied with the plan, and if they are punished or limit for this kind of stuff, they may leave the company for another. Then, the plan may cause some serious problems to the company and it will be a big mistake for managers to adopt the recommendation.

Furthermore, profits relate to the revenue and the cost. However, the cost of the monitoring and its maintenance are not given. It is possible that the price of the equipments is too high and is broken easily. The equipment may also need special employees to maintain and the company has to pay extra money. Anyhow, the monitoring will increase the cost of the company. On the other hand, problems, like whether the monitoring influences the normal use of Internet, are not showed. Maybe, the Internet are often cut off by it. （这里没有写好，不知道该怎么写了）

In sum, the recommendation is not convincing. To make it more persuasive, the arguer should provide more surveys and alternate solutions.

改临喧
In above paragraph, what the author does deserve our doubt.

这个开头是不是太简单了？

Firstly, the author assume that installing detective software and identified as well as punished employees who use the internet from their workstations would help reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. This methods seems sound and efficient, however, the fact is on the contrary. Supposing that the employees are always busy, they will not have time to use computer for personal or recreational activities. Thus, what the author points out that employees use the internet from their workstations demonstrates that employees have spare time; at least they are not busy enough. We could conclude that even if installing detective software to prevent employees from using the internet, employees can still do other personal or recreational activities, such as talking with each other or finding other entertainment.

攻击了一个点，但是感觉不够犀利，只是到了段末才看到攻击的成分。

Secondly, even if detective software could help improve employees from wasting time and improve employees’ productivity, which is not meant that it will work well for fostering a better work ethic at Climpson and improving overall profits. As we know, work ethic and profits have relationship with many factors. For example, personal ethic and morale level may influence work ethic. Whether loyal to his work or not would also influence work ethic. Such as cost of material, labor force, transportation etc all have effect on overall profits. Hence unless the author provides more information concerning on these aspects above mentioned, the method of installing detective software would not be accepted successfully.

这段攻击风气的论断。

Additionally, the author hints that productivity, work ethic and overall profits seem lower. The author should find the true reasons for this phenomenon. Otherwise, purely using the method he points out could not get the results include that prevent employees from waste time, foster better work ethic and improve overall profits.

这段没有切中细节，光是点到了。建议加些细节进去。


Overall, the author should provide more evidence concerning on the time employee spent on work etc, and at the same time rule out other possible factors that would influence the work, work ethic and profits.

建议把各段分开。
开头我觉得太简单了。

imlifewillingUID: 2706999

by 懒蚂蚁
In the above recommendation the vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries claims that they should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet in order to improve their employees' productivity. This recommendation seems to be convictive at the first glance since the original purpose of implementing those electronic facilities is to reduce the time that the workers spend on their individual issues during the work time. However, the report fails to consider the other elements that may affect the employee's productivity, the adverse effects of this policy and the complexity of improving profits.

First of all, in our current society, it is easy for us to install some equipments to monitor what the workers are doing with the computers during their work time. However, this cannot equal to the improvement productivity of employees. On the one hand, even though we have installed this system, this does not equal to that employees would use the time that once was used for their own business to work. There may be some other approaches such as chatting with others that workers can use to spend their time. On the other hand, even if the working time of the employees has been increased by the use of this system, it does not mean that the productivity would be improved, since the employees' effectiveness is also influenced by some other facts such as the skills of the employees, the conditions of the facilities and so forth. In a word, only with this single policy it is impossible for the vice president to persuade the administration to implement this system.

In the second place, the vice president fails to consider the adverse effects that implementing this system may bring about. On one side, it is possible that the normal use of computers may be affected by the system which will ultimately influence the work of employees. Perhaps the searching of some informations on the Internet is considered to waste working time for the reason that the site the employee visits is recognized by the system as that has little to do with the work. On the other hand,  by implementing this system, employees may have little fun during the rest time which has no positive effects to the establishment of an ordinary work ethic, not to mention a better one. What's more, implementing this system may cost a lot of money which the company cannot afford. So without these possibly opposite effects considered, it is not appropriate for the vice president to make this advice.

What's more, the vice president overlooks the complexity of improving the profits and misunderstands the relationship between the improvement of employees' productivity and increasing profits of the company. It is obvious that the profits of a company is connected with many other elements, for example, the price of the material, the price of the delivery of the products, the selling price of the price and the service of the company and so on, rather than just with the employees' productivity. So even if the employees' productivity has been improved by the implement of this system, without considering and eliminating other facts that may pose negative effects to the profits increasing, it is also not convictive to say that the profits of the company will be improved.

In conclusion, this recommendation is not persuasive in some aspects. In order to persuade the company to implement this system, the vice president needs to make a full survey about how to improve the employees' productivity, how to avoid the adverse effects of this system and how to improve the profits. Only with this thorough study can the administration of this company decide whether they should implement this system or not.

修改link

The vice president suggests that we should implement electronic monitoring of employees’ Internet use from their workstations. And there are two assumptions. Firstly, if employees do not use Internet they will not have entertainment in work hours. Secondly, if we install the software Climpson will have a better work ethic and improve productivity. The vice president also does not give any information about the electronic monitoring.
开头说出了三个攻击点，而且前两个指出了假设，我学到了一个开头的方法。
  First of all, we cannot assure that employees will not spend on recreational and personal activities if they do not use Internet.（这个说的和题目有矛盾，题目并没有说不让他们使用电脑，而只是说明监视他们的使用情况） There are lots of forms of recreation, such as play PC games, and they can also do their personal affairs such as buy some daily living things. In a word, implementing this software cannot assure that employees will spend all the time to work during the work hours.
攻击第一个假设：可以有更多的时间用在工作上。
  Secondly, it is certainly that Climpson will have a better work atmosphere if it implementS electronic monitoring. The vice president does not consider the employees' mental react to this equipment. They may be resentful of the equipment, they may be think it is sense of not be trusted, which violate them. If it is real they may be more negative to the work, the productivity will not be improved. Thus the vice president should investigate the notion to the equipment.
攻击第二个假设：可以创造良好的工作环境。
  Finally, the vice president does not mention any information about electronic monitoring. Such as, what is its price? Is it effective? Obviously, the electronic monitoring should not be too expensive, or the company will have a heavy financial burden before productivity is improved.  The vice president also did not show any information about use of the software; we do not know whether it can detect employees' Internet use in all circumstances. Thus we cannot take the risk to buy software without any helpful information.
这个说这个软件的不好的地方。
  To sum up, the vice president has two invalid assumptions and he does not give any helpful information about the equipment. Therefore, I suggest that we should not implement the software before we obtain more information about the equipment and assure the assumption is effective.
结尾也不错。
总结：这篇作文虽然字数少了一点，但是攻击点都选的很好。各个部分说明的也很清楚。但从结构和语言的连接上，我就有很多学习的地方。






不知道彩色的能不能显示，就上传了附件。

cycy881125UID: 2625420

written by AlanC



In this analysis, the arguer concludes that through installing the software to detect employees, can we foster a better work ethic and improve our overall profits. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out that employees’ productivity could be improved by implementing electronic monitoring of employees’ Internet use from their workstation. In addition, he cites that if we are to reduce the number of hours spent on personal or recreational activities, punishing is inevitable. This argument suffers from several critical fallacies.


In the first place, the arguer fail to take into account another aspect of personal and recreational behaviors in this argument. Although the use of electronic monitors would prevent employees spending time on the personal and recreational activities on the internet during work hours, yet the arguer has not considered that such other private things which are not done on the internet as talking with each other might also be the factor that causes the recreational time to increase. Thus in the absence of all this information, the time is not certain to be reduced with the monitors.

In the second place, the arguer is based on a false analogy. Even if I admit that electronic monitor could reduce the personal and recreational behavior during work hours, however, the arguer has not considered that the discontentment with monitored by the company would also influence the effectiveness and then could not improve the overall profits. On the other hand, to measure profit, how much the total cost could be would decide the profit, and it plays a dominant role in improving the total profits. For example, when in that period, the total cost was higher than that of other seasons, and it is far more beyond the profits which have been taken by reducing the personal and recreational activities, hence the total profits could not be improved. Actually, the arguer’s way to improve the profits seems to be ineffective.


To sum up, the conclusion has turn out to be credibility because the evidence mentioned in the argument does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen the analysis, the arguer would have to provide more evidence concerning the other way of personal and recreational behavior except on the internet that employees have spent on during the work time. To better demonstrate the argument, we would need more information about when taking this measure, the cost of this company should be taken into account.


改蚂蚁


In the above recommendation the vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries claims that they should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet in order to improve their employees' productivity. This recommendation seems to be convictive at the first glance since the original purpose of implementing those electronic facilities is to reduce the time that the workers spend on their individual issues during the work time. However, the report fails to consider the other elements that may affect the employee's productivity, the adverse effects of this policy and the complexity of improving profits.


First of all, in our current society, it is easy for us to install some equipments to monitor what the workers are doing with the computers during their work time. However, this cannot equal to the improvement productivity of employees. On the one hand, even though we have installed this system, this does not equal to that employees would use the time that once was used for their own business to work. There may be some other approaches such as chatting with others that workers can use to spend their time. On the other hand, even if the working time of the employees has been increased by the use of this system, it does not mean that the productivity would be improved, since the employees' effectiveness is also influenced by some other facts such as the skills of the employees, the conditions of the facilities and so forth. In a word, only with this single policy it is impossible for the vice president to persuade the administration to implement this system.
这一段是攻击第一个假设，即监控设备并不一定能够提高工作效率，雇员可以通过其他私人行为代替在网络上的私人娱乐行为；另一方面，员工的工作能力是影响工作效率的重要因素。后面一点我没有想到。

In the second place, the vice president fails to consider the adverse effects that implementing this system may bring about. On one side, it is possible that the normal use of computers may be affected by the system which will ultimately influence the work of employees. Perhaps the searching of some informations on the Internet is considered to waste working time for the reason that the site the employee visits is recognized by the system as that has little to do with the work. On the other hand,  by implementing this system, employees may have little fun during the rest time which has no positive effects to the establishment of an ordinary work ethic, not to mention a better one. What's more, implementing this system may cost a lot of money which the company cannot afford. So without these possibly opposite effects considered, it is not appropriate for the vice president to make this advice.
第二段是监控设备给人们带来的一些负面影响，我感觉这个还是攻击第一个解释，一个解释我感觉写一段可能就好了。

What's more, the vice president overlooks the complexity of improving the profits and misunderstands the relationship between the improvement of employees' productivity and increasing profits of the company. It is obvious that the profits of a company is connected with many other elements, for example, the price of the material, the price of the delivery of the products, （这个地方比较啰嗦，我感觉直接就是成本就好了）the selling price of the price （这个地方比较啰嗦，我感觉直接就是成本就）and the service of the company and so on, rather than just with the employees' productivity. So even if the employees' productivity has been improved by the implement of this system, without considering and eliminating other facts that may pose negative effects to the profits increasing, it is also not convictive to say that the profits of the company will be improved.
这段是攻击第二个假设，不是光凭生产率就能够决定整体利润的，


In conclusion, this recommendation is not persuasive in some aspects. In order to persuade the company to implement this system, the vice president needs to make a full survey about how to improve the employees' productivity, how to avoid the adverse effects of this system and how to improve the profits. Only with this thorough study can the administration of this company decide whether they should implement this system or not.

总的来说，对于每一个假设都给予了相应的攻击，因此还是比较完整的解释了文章中前提不能退出结论的问题。

yeshen2010UID: 2744103

A127

In this argument, the author concludes that the company can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic, and improve profits through installing software to detect employees’ internet use on company computers. At first glance, the author’s reasoning seems to be appealing, but with a clear examination of the author’s reasoning, we may find that it is unconvincing. The argument contains several facets that are questionable.


First of all, the author’s evidence is insufficient to support the conclusion that implementing electronic monitoring of employees’ Internet use from their workstations can improve employee’s productivity. It is possible that raising salary perhaps can improve the productivity. The author does not provide enough information on the conclusion. Therefore, facing such limited evidence, the conclusion is unwarranted.


Secondly, the author provides no evidence to support the claim that punishing employees who use the Internet to spend time on personal or recreational activities can reduce the number of work hours on shopping or playing games. We need to point out that punishment always hurt people’s feelings, and it may play little role in improving employees’ productivity. The author does not provide enough information on the conclusion either. Hence, facing such limited evidence, the conclusion is unwarranted.


Thirdly, there is no sufficient evidence to suggest that installing software to detect employees’ Internet use on company computers can prevent employees from wasting time. It may result in an illusion that employees feel they lack of freedom. As we known, many factors should be taken into consideration on saving time, such as the moods and the habits of employees.


Fourthly, there is no relationship between installing software and fostering a better work ethic. As we known, a better work moral contains honest, responsibility, loyalty, and etc. Fostering a better work moral depends on the culture of the company, rather than installing software.

At last, installing software cannot improve the company’s profits. It needs a lot of money to buy software. If the company spends much on software, its cost will become higher which may exceed its income. Then the company will be deficit.


In conclusion, the author fails to substantiate his claim clearly. Because the evidence cited in the analysis is too weak to lend strong support to what the arguer suggests. To strengthen the argument, the arguer should convince us with more specific information.


改AlanC的


In this analysis, the arguer concludes that through installing the software to detect employees, can we(we can吧？)
foster a better work ethic and improve our overall profits. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out that employees’ productivity could be improved by implementing electronic monitoring of employees’ Internet use from their workstation. In addition, he cites that if we are（用intend可能会更好） to reduce the number of hours spent on personal or recreational activities, punishing is inevitable. This argument suffers from several critical fallacies.


In the first place, the arguer fail to take into account another aspect of personal and recreational behaviors in this argument. Although the use of electronic monitors would prevent employees spending time on the personal and recreational activities on the internet during work hours, yet the arguer has not considered that such other private things which are not done on the internet as talking with each other might also be the factor that causes the recreational time to increase. Thus in the absence of all this information, the time is not certain to be reduced with the monitors.
该段攻击点：作者没有考虑到，员工除去花在购物或游戏方面的时间，还有其他方面的娱乐行为也花了时间。对于你的攻击点，不知道我的理解对不对（可以再探讨）。但是我感觉你这好像不是在攻击，感觉像是在写ISSUE时的论证。

In the second place, the arguer（arguer是“作者”的意思，这里最好改成argument） is based on a false analogy. Even if I admit that electronic monitor could reduce the personal and recreational behavior during work hours, however, the arguer has not considered that the discontentment with（去掉） monitored by the company would also influence the effectiveness and then could not improve the overall profits（这句话and前后主语不一致，需要调整，建议and后面另为一句，改为“,and the company could not ……”）. On the other hand, to measure profit, how much the total cost could be would（有点乱，没看懂） decide the profit, and it plays a dominant role in improving the total profits. For example, when in that period, （that建议改为a certain；否则，刚开始看觉得有点莫名其妙）the total cost was higher than that of other seasons, and it is far more beyond the profits which have been taken（改为brought） by reducing the personal and recreational activities, hence the total profits could not be improved. Actually, the arguer’s way to improve the profits seems to be ineffective.
攻击：argument建立在错误的类推上面。

To sum up, the conclusion has turn out to be credibility because the evidence mentioned in the argument does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen the analysis, the arguer would have to provide more evidence concerning the other way of personal and recreational behavior except on the internet that employees have spent on during the work time. To better demonstrate the argument, we would need more information about when taking this measure, the cost of this company should be taken into account.

鱼晒月亮UID: 2723622

临暄的
In above paragraph, what the author does deserve our doubt. Firstly, the author assume that installing detective software and identified as well as punished employees who use the internet from their workstations would help reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. This methods seems sound and efficient, however, the fact is on the contrary. Supposing that i employees are always busy, they will not have time to use computer for personal or recreational activities. Thus, what the author points out that employees use the internet from their workstations demonstrates that employees have spare time; at least they are not busy enough. We could conclude that even if installing detective software to prevent employees from using the internet, employees can still do other personal or recreational activities, such as talking with each other or finding other entertainment. Secondly, even if detective software could help improve employees from wasting time and improve employees’ productivity, which is not meant that it will work well for fostering a better work ethic at Climpson and improving overall profits. As we know, work ethic and profits have relationship with many factors. For example, personal ethic and morale level may influence work ethic. Whether loyal to his work or not would also influence work ethic. Such as cost of material, labor force, transportation etc all have effect on overall profits. Hence unless the author provides more information concerning on these aspects above mentioned, the method of installing detective software would not be accepted successfully. Additionally, the author hints that productivity, work ethic and overall profits seem lower. The author should find the true reasons for this phenomenon. Otherwise, purely using the method he points out could not get the results include that prevent employees from waste time, foster better work ethic and improve overall profits.
Overall, the author should provide more evidence concerning on the time employee spent on work etc, and at the same time rule out other possible factors that would influence the work, work ethic and profits.