Issue2 by Woody求拍

dayanxiayehUID: 2758697

Issue 2
Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society.
竞争的利处大于弊端
提纲
大量的套用了小宝老师的模板
1指出问题的复杂性（几乎完全是小宝老师的模板）
2竞争有利
1）迫使人们工作更高效
2）狼壮羊肥
3）好莱坞的制片商们
3竞争对于个人与社会
1）个人，世界记录不断被刷新
2）社会，Raviv打破DeBeer的垄断
4让步，过度的竞争和不正当的竞争会造成不利影响
  1）资源枯竭
  2）对人性失去信心
5解决问题，
  1）社会方面，出台相关政策法规
  2）个人应培养对竞争正确的认识
6总结，竞争有两方面，我们要趋利避害
Is competition more beneficial or detrimental?In response to this issue,we need to analyse the proposition comprehensively from the dialect  perspective, investigating the nature of the truth by critical analysis of concepts and hypotheses.The author declare that competition is more beneficial,however it oversimplifies this issue.The final judgement of in my point of view,should depend on a case by case analysis.
First and foremost,at the risk of sounding too simplistic my main proposition for competition can be summarized in saying that competition makes perfect.With competition people acquire a pressure which contributes them working more effectively,without competition people will get loose,and work slowly and carelessly.What is more,I approve the statement that strong wolf  makes fat sheep without reservation,because of the danger from wolf the sheep will feed better,and be more vital.As a consequence,in this era when we humans need competition to urge ourselves to get up the pace of the times,competition has been regard as a necessity for both individual's and society's growing.Let's bring our discussion here to a more present and practical example:Thanks to the fierce competition of the movie makers in Hollywood,the American big shots acquire a great reputation and earn a lot of money in the world.
From the analytical perspective,another essential factor why I advocate competition is more beneficial involves both the realm of individuals and the realm  of society.In the realm of individuals,competitions make a great contribution to creatures' adaption and evolution.For years competition in sports,humans records has been refresh again and again.In the realm of society,competition steams up the development and efficiency of society.In past,In diamond field the Raviv's creating break the monopolizing of DeBeers,which provide the customer more choice and better service.It has taken long time to convince the public that competitor is one of our best companions.
However we should concedes that despite the benefit of competition mentioned above,overextended competition will be harmful.For the society competition can cause injury to the organisms involved,and drain valuable resources and energy.For individual the dishonorable competition may destroy one's belief to human nature,and sometimes will make friends divorce.
To successfully solve the problems above,it is necessary for us to take several effective steps into consideration in due course.At the community level,we should appeal to authority to work out relevant regulations to limit overextend and dishonorable competition.As personal level we should cultivate a right awareness of proper competition.Consequently,it is such belief in a brighter future that gives us such inspiration and optimism.
From the analyses made above,I strongly commit to the notion that we should not be afraid of competition,which ensure us perform more efficiently.On the other hand,we need crub the overextend competition,and with a proper competition we will own a healthy develop environment.

headeyeUID: 2671390

我也是菜鸟。。。第一次拍别人，是为了能有很多人拍我……
1. lz可以写好以后粘贴到word里面，这样能检查一些拼写和语法错误出来~
2. 个人觉得把竞争有利那段中的1），3）两点放在竞争有利个人中，2）点放在竞争有利社会中更有逻辑性。。
我每次写加上题目也只有400字多一点。。还要写1个半小时的样子。。杯具啊……
加油。。

dayanxiayehUID: 2758697

谢谢，你指出了逻辑问题很有道理，这大概就是生套模板的弊病吧，把你的习作链接发上来，我帮你拍拍
2# headeye

headeyeUID: 2671390

"The university community consists of three different worlds-the sciences, the humanities, and the social sciences. Because each world operates on its own assumptions and has its own special habits of thinking, rarely is there meaningful 'interaction among the sciences, the humanities, and the social sciences.'"

The speaker argues that there is rarely any meaningful "interaction among the sciences, the humanities, and the social sciences" for the reason each world "operates on its own assumptions and has its own special habits of thinking." It seems the three worlds have no common field. However, in my opinion, any of the three worlds can not develop or advance without the other two. There are so much significant interaction among the sciences, the humanities and the social sciences.

Let's take the international space station as an example. To execute an international space station plan, we need not only scientists which specialized in physics, programming, telescope technology, and so forth, but also some expertise from the fields of the humanities and the social sciences. Politicians, psychologists, and even artists must all be invited to support this great plan. Politicians or diplomats can assemble scientists from different nations and guarantee the support of their own civilians. Psychologists can help the astronauts keeping a positive mental state so they are more likely to finish each experiment in space successfully. Artists are the designers of the inside of the space station so the astronauts in the station would feel at home if they don't consider the absence of gravity.

Another typical example is managing an NBA basketball team. A simple collection of five best players is far from enough. As an eligible manager of a team, he or she must hire someone who knows much psychology and economics, to negotiate with agents of players. Additionally, someone, probably a doctor, is required to keep the team healthy. Moreover, if the manager wants to evaluate the players through matches, the best way is not watching the replays of each game but employing a statistician to analyze the data. What about selling the tickets of the home games? The manager must miss an artist to make some fascinating advertisements.

In a nutshell, the sciences, the humanities, and the social sciences are indispensable to each other. Any field could not have a significant advance without the knowledge in the other two fields. The three worlds are intertwined in one entity. They are developing together.

headeyeUID: 2671390

开头否定了题目的观点，提出科学、人文、社会学是互相支持的
第二段举了空间站的例子；
第三段举了nba球队运营的例子
最后总结。。。
会不会太简单了……

dayanxiayehUID: 2758697

The speaker argues that there is rarely any meaningful "interaction among the sciences, the humanities, and the social sciences" for the reason each world "operates on its own assumptions and has its own special habits of thinking." It seems the three worlds have no common field. However, in my opinion, any of the three worlds can not develop or advance without the other two. There are so much significant interaction(复数) among the sciences, the humanities and the social sciences.

Let's take the international space station as an example. To execute an international space station plan, （这里不要用逗号）we need not only scientists which specialized（过去时态？被动语态？） in physics, programming, telescope technology, and so forth, but also some expertise （这里应该是experts的意见不能来自领域，而是来自人。也可以把from改成in）from the fields of the humanities and the social sciences. Politicians, psychologists, and even artists must all be invited to support this great plan. Politicians or diplomats can assemble scientists from different nations and guarantee the support of their own civilians. Psychologists can help the astronauts keeping a positive mental state so（for that/as a reason of） they are more likely (likely是有可能的意思和后边的successfully重复，开心的话happy)to finish each experiment in space successfully. Artists are the designers of the inside of the space station so the astronauts in the station would feel at home if they don't consider the absence of gravity.（艺术家式设计师，所以宇航员就像在家一样，这里的逻辑思维跳跃太大，中间再加一定的论证可增强文章的说理性，同时能凑字数）
Another typical example is managing an NBA basketball team. A simple collection of five best players is far from enough. As an eligible manager of a team, he or she must hire someone who knows much psychology and economics, to negotiate with agents of players. Additionally, someone, probably a doctor, is required to keep the team healthy. Moreover, if the manager wants to evaluate the players through matches, the best way is not watching the replays of each game but employing a statistician to analyze the data. What about selling the tickets of the home games? The manager must miss an artist （miss？好暧昧啊）to make some fascinating advertisements.

In a nutshell, the sciences, the humanities, and the social sciences are indispensable to each other. Any field could not have a significant advance without the knowledge in the other two fields. The three worlds are intertwined in one entity. They are developing together.
优点：表达清晰，准确
问题：从issue题目入手meaningful和university community（大学界）是关键词，从这里看，你忽略了题目的条件，有点跑题。而且你只谈了3个学科在应用的综合例子，应用只是一方面，应该从学科层面探讨本文，如自然科学为其他学科提贡基础，社会学为自然学指出目标，人类学让我们在研究时能够更可观的看待自我。
让自己论证的角度多一点，就更好了，你例子实用的很好，论证很到位。

jinziqiUID: 2387034

Is competition more beneficial or detrimental?In response to this issue,we need to analyse the proposition comprehensively from the dialect
perspective, investigating the nature of the truth by critical analysis of concepts and hypotheses.The author declare(s) that competition is more beneficial,however it oversimplifies this issue.The final judgement of
in my point of view,should depend on a case by case analysis.(最后的判断应该具体问题具体分析，是这个意思吧?不明白为啥有of，还有那个逗号)

First and foremost,at the risk of sounding too simplistic my main proposition for competition can be summarized in saying that competition makes perfect.(冒着说太简单的危险，我主要的对于竞争的观点可以被总结成，竞争make perfect.)With competition people acquire a pressure which contributes them working more effectively,without competition people will get loose,and work slowly and carelessly(跟前一句貌似是一个意思有点重复).What is more,I approve the statement that strong wolf
makes fat sheep without reservation,because of the danger from wolf the sheep will feed better,and be more vital.(有点混乱because of后面不能是句子吧，而且羊是被喂吧或者是主动吃?)As a consequence,in this era when we humans need competition to urge ourselves to get up (catch up with) the pace of the times,competition has been regard as a necessity for both individual's and society's growing.Let's bring our discussion here to a more present and practical example:Thanks to the fierce competition of the movie makers in Hollywood,the American big shots acquire a great reputation and earn a lot of money in the world.(可以加总结的话)

From the analytical perspective,another essential factor why I advocate competition is more beneficial involves both the realm of individuals and the realm
of society.In the realm of individuals,competitions make a great contribution to creatures' adaption and evolution.For years competition in sports,humans records has been refresh(ed) again and again.In the realm of society,competition steams up the development and efficiency of society.In past,In diamond field the Raviv's creating break the monopolizing of DeBeers,which provide(s) the customer more choice and better service.It has taken a long time to convince the public that competitor is one of our best companions.

However we should concedes that despite the benefit of competition mentioned above,overextended competition will be harmful.For the society competition can cause injury to the organisms involved,and drain valuable resources and energy.For individual the dishonorable competition may destroy one's belief to human nature,and sometimes will make friends divorce.

To successfully solve the problems above,it is necessary for us to take several effective steps into consideration in due course(没看懂…).At the community level,we should appeal to authority to work out relevant regulations to limit overextend and dishonorable competition.As personal level we should cultivate a right awareness of proper competition.Consequently,it is such belief in a brighter future that gives us such inspiration and optimism.

From the analyses made above,I strongly commit to the notion that we should not be afraid of competition,which ensure us perform more efficiently.On the other hand,we need crub(拼错了) the overextend competition,and with a proper competition we will own a healthy develop environment.

思路没啥可说的，既然都是事先参考了的。语言也还行呵呵~但是建议写issue别直接套用别人的东西~都说了2段竞争好了，突然一个However, 说过度竞争也会有问题，给人感觉你更偏重说它有问题…不过仔细想想逻辑貌似也还可以~呵呵 我逻辑不好~ 哪里改的不好告诉我~

dayanxiayehUID: 2758697

刚开始写，模板套的自己也挺糊涂，谢谢批改,你给批得很细 7# jinziqi

headeyeUID: 2671390

原来批改文章是要这样的。。谢谢了！那么晚还在线。。感动ing...继续努力。。

johnmclainUID: 2676153

1# dayanxiayeh 个人觉得，少了些说理的内容，就是说，举了好多例子，却没有对例子的分析。并且，既然你觉得issue的观点不全面，就应该着重讨论competition不好的一面，然而我发现你文章的后几段有点少。另外，觉得小宝老师的这个模板还是“废话”很多的。
说的不对的请指出。

hugeseaUID: 190158

1# dayanxiayeh 个人觉得，少了些说理的内容，就是说，举了好多例子，却没有对例子的分析。并且，既然你觉得issue的观点不全面，就应该着重讨论competition不好的一面，然而我发现你文章的后几段有点少。另外，觉得 ...
johnmclain 发表于 2010-8-10 00:03

我也觉得他的这个模板废话很多，特别是第5部分，根本就是有点跑题了