今生第一篇argument……请好心人帮忙改一下啊……自惭形秽啊……

蛋糕上的草莓UID: 2756310

Argument18
TOPIC: ARGUMENT18 - The following appeared in an editorial in a Prunty County newspaper.
"In an attempt to improve highway safety, Prunty County recently lowered its speed limit from 55 miles per hour to 45 on all major county roads. But the 55 mph limit should be restored, because this safety effort has failed. Most drivers are exceeding the new speed limit and the accident rate throughout Prunty County has decreased only slightly. If we want to improve the safety of our roads, we should instead undertake the same kind of road improvement project that Butler County completed five years ago: increasing lane widths and resurfacing rough roads. Today, major Butler County roads still have a 55 mph speed limit, yet there were 25 percent fewer reported accidents in Butler County this past year than there were five years ago."

This editorial recommends that the former speed limit of 55 mph should be restored and Prunty County should undertake the same kind of road improvement project as Butler County completed five years ago. To support these recommendations the editorial cites the fact that the recent speed limit has not result in a sound effect in the accident rate throughout Prunty County, while that of Butler County has decreased greatly due to the road improvement project. Careful examination of this supporting evidence, however, reveals that it lends little convincing support to the editorial.

First of all, in all likelihood it is the current situation that most drivers are exceeding the new speed limit that results in the light decrease of the accident rate throughout Prunty County, while the restriction to speed limit from 55 mph to 45 mph has noting to do with the failure. Moreover, if carried out strictly, the restriction might have brought about a great success in improving highway safety. Since the editorial has failed to consider the supervision and administration conditions, it is unfair for the editorial to assert that current system is a failure.

In the second place, by relying on the condition in Butler County the editorial assumes that by carrying out the road improvement project the accident rate throughout Prunty County will be reduced greatly just like Butler County. However, this is not necessarily the case. It is entirely possible that the accidents occur in Prunty County chiefly owing to the weak supervisor, perennial terrible weather and crowded traffic condition and then have noting to do with road condition. If this is the case, then Prunty County is unlikely to benefit from the recommended project.

Finally, the mere fact that the reported accidents in Butler County have decreased greatly is scant evidence that it is the road improvement project that contribute to the better highway safety. Perhaps the demographic migration had made a considerable reduction in the population in Butler County in past few years, thus relieving the crowded traffic condition; or perhaps the driver education in Butler County had been improved, which resulted in better driving skill of local driver. Given these possible scenarios, the fact that the reported accidents in Butler County has decreased greatly this year proves nothing about the editorial’s assumption that road improvement project improve highway safety in Butler County.

In conclusion, the recommendation is not well supported. To convince me that the road improvement project is needed to improve highway safety and current restriction to speed limit is useless, the author must provide evidence that the supervisory system takes effect in Prunty County and clear statistical evidence that traffic accidents here are mainly caused because of road condition. To better evaluate the recommendation, I would need more information about why reported accidents in Butler County have decreased greatly these years.
第一次写argument，感觉写的很模式化，而且用词感觉很贫乏，句子也累赘，请大家帮忙指点一下吧！谢谢啊！！！

slwstuUID: 2757188

楼主发在这里根本没人会改的