★头脑风暴-独立写作<互改组>

wuqian0801UID: 2637709

[一周两篇独立写作]
使用材料: 06-09年IBT分类作文JJ / TWE185 Essay范文
布置作业时间: 每周的周日和周三 上午10点
上交作文时间: 每周的周一和周四.[也就是布置完题目后一天]. 晚上10点前
修改上交时间: 修改必须在周二和周五晚8点前完成..
作文互改方式: 按发帖顺序后一位同学修改前一位同学的作文. [务必认真对待修改, 从词汇, 句法, 逻辑论证三方面修改]
修改格式: 红色为错误的句子/词汇; 蓝色为可用的好句/好词; 粉色为累赘/不合适的词句


成员: 某Pet/骄傲/Fatrui/乖乖/Cox/逐梦/纤手破新橙/wuqian/狐狸

本周日<2/8>全面试行!
<为保持页面清洁 请勿占楼哦..谢谢呐..>

2/7  作文题目: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Newspapers and magzines aare the best way of learning  about a foreign country?
      上交时间: 2/8 晚10点前
2/10   作文题目: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Television advertising directed toward young children should be allowed.
      上交时间: 2/11 晚10点前

2/16  作文題目: Do you agree or disagree with the follwing statement? Renewable resources of energy (sun wind water) will soon replace fossils fuels such as gases, oil, and coal.
      上交時間: 2/17 晚10點前.

elfomegaUID: 2728180

Nowadays there are more and more ways to know the world, to connect others, to exchange the information, to do business, to study, to enjoy life and so on. The life becomes various and colorful. The people lived in ninetieth century have no idea about we can talk to anyone on anytime by cellophane, even not mention having a video chat with a family who lives far form you like just face to face. But if someone wants to know a country, I do not think through magazines and newspaper is the best way.

A country is build up by many parts. For instants, the culture is most important part. Many countries have a very long history. Like China, there is five thousand years history. It is an amazing history include many great people, many events which change the country a lot, many important discoveries improve the country into a different level, many amazing artworks and paintings. There is just a little part we can learn from the newspaper and magazines. We can absorb mountains of information on internet, almost everything. Also we learn easily about the country through the television in various ways like picture, video and sound.

We all know there is a not short process to edit and publish the newspaper and magazines. We cannot get the information immediately. But we can get everything we want to know right now. The another side we can get the others opinions form net, not just the author`s opinions but also other readers. We can know a country in various parts. This is the most different thing form newspaper and magazines, because we can have a communication with others.
Although magazines and newspaper will bring us a lot of fun. But the internet can give us more. I think the best way to access a country is to be there. To be a part of the country.

illusion泽UID: 2709698

这是怎么实行？我该怎么参与？

beverly910614UID: 2728081

:loveliness: 终于看到鸟~~~！加油！！恩~~！！！

hulinlin24UID: 2731389

我要报名。。。。。。

coxUID: 2730480

HAHA速度还听快的！！！

showgood07UID: 2605959

顶！

wuqian0801UID: 2637709

Media-2009/2/21
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Newspapers and magazines are the best way of learning about a foreign country?

Nowadays, with the drastic development of international cooperation, learning about a foreign country is ever-increasingly significant for countries and citizens. As for me, the essence of learning about a foreign country is that realizing its culture, history, values and humanities. There are large amounts of means can provide the information of us to learn the foreign country deeply. I view that, however, the optimal ways of learning a foreign country are newspapers and magazines.

In the first place, the ideas of the nation can be told by newspapers. As a traditional media, newspapers still exert an important and irreplaceable role in promoting. On one hand, we can know the current events of this foreign country and, the comments of society. From their comments, we will recognize the history of that country, the countermeasures and politics of that country as well as the image of that country. On the other hand, values, attitudes, concerns and priorities can be reflected in the newspaper. We will realize what activities are worthwhile and advocated, what future and prosperity holds and what is the most concerned and attractive. From this perspective, newspapers inform us every aspects of the nation, meanwhile they can aid us have a profound comprehension of this foreign country.

In the second place, magazines can be regarded as a symbol of the diversification of the information in that foreign nation. Various types of magazines will provide us of a platform to realize different citizens’ social life. That is the imperative part of understanding a foreign nation. For instance, news magazines can express more the authentic sound of government, consumer magazines can reflects the social concerns refer to automobiles, fitness center and so on. Not only magazines can picture the outlook of society, but also present the public topics, conventions, and even social problems. Those will gain us more thinking about that foreign country.

Finally, besides newspapers and magazines, especially televisions and radios, also can provide us some messages about the foreign nation. Like their technology, their creativity, their telecommunication and their broadcasting. Therefore, we also cannot neglect televisions, radios, and other Medias’ significant function on helping us learning more about a foreign country.

To sum up, even though other media platforms do present information about the nation and really are vital for me to learn about a foreign nation. But they still can not equal with newspapers and magazines, when the two factors, newspaper can reflect nation’s ideas and magazines can express all aspects of life, are taken into account.

By wuqian

hulinlin24UID: 2731389

With the trend of internationalization growing, it is more and more important to learn about foreign countries. There are so many ways can be chosen for people to acquire knowledge on the other countries such as newspapers, magazines, televisions, etc. Some people declare that newspapers and magazines are the best way to learm about foreign countries and I definitely agree with this statement.

The primary reason is that newspaper and magazine are media easy and convenient for us to get access to. No one can deny that it will save our much money on acquire knowledge through newspaper and magazine rather than travelling abroad. For example, we can easily get newspapers and magazines, such as New York Times, by purchasing in the bookstore or borrowing from the libraries with a little money. However, going to a forerign country will cost us thousands of dollars which could not be afforded by everyone.

Another reason which cannot be neglected is that we can read the newspapers and magazines in anywhere on anytime that we want. After a day of tidious work, when I wait for a bus at the busstop, I would like to read the beautiful pictures of a foreign cournty to kill time. Along with the beautiful pictures and vivid articles writen by the author, I find myself dawn in the a different country, while there is little time for me to have a trip to a forerign country.

Finally, the imformation of newspapers and magazines confirmed by authority. Compare with other medias such as internet, information of newspapers and magazines are edited in long time and examined carefully. For instance, I have read a lot of articles about the present Japan president, but much contradicted information made me confused. After I read some magazines which described today’s Japan and its president in such details, I began to have a imagine bout the president.

From what have been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is a best choice for us to learn foreign countries from newspapaers and magazines. They will save much money and much time and provide accurate information for us.

beverly910614UID: 2728081

PET


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Newspapers and magazines are the best way of learning about a foreign country?

Nowadays, people can learn about foreign countries through different methods, such as internet, TV programs or radios. Also, people even can go to foreign countries to learn what they want to learn about. Newspapers and magazines are no longer the only two nice ways which can convey a lot of information to people. Therefore, I strongly favor the idea that newspapers and magazines are not the best way of getting to know foreign countries. Some arguments are listed as follow.

To begin with, modern technology has enabled us to have easier access to a huge amount of information. Take internet for example, searching the information the internet only cost us a matter of seconds. If we want to search the information about other countries, we can just type the key words of that country which we really want to know. Then a bunch of information would come out in front of our eyes. We even can find some introductory videos on the internet. These may help us to understand that country more deeply. But the newspapers and magazines cannot provide such a large amount information to people within such a short time.

Furthermore, the transportation is developed very well today. People can go to foreign countries to travel easily. By travelling foreign countries, people would have a directly sense about those countries. For example, I went to Canada five years ago. I was impressed by its beautiful maple forests. When I walked in the Stany National Park, I was impressed by its beautiful maple forests, and the totem, which has a long history in Canada. In addition, by communicating with Canadians, I've learned a lot customs and culture of Canada. These directly way of learning about foreign countries cannot be experienced by people who just reading newspapers or magazines.

All in all, I still hold the opinion that newspapers and magazines are not the best way to get to know foreign countries. Not only because modern technology can provide people chances of learning about other countries, but also because people can go to foreign countries easily through the strong transportation.

showgood07UID: 2605959

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement：Newspapers and magazines are the best way of learning about a foreign country?

文章：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Newspapers and magzines are the best way of learning about a foreign country?

We must admit the fact that newspapers and magazines play a important role in our life, its help us to learn about different cultures. However, according to this reason, some people believed that newspapers and magazines are the best way of learning about a foreign country is unbefitting. As far as I am concerned, newspapers and magazines are the one of good way rather than best way of learning about a foreign country.

First of all, internet is an other way of learning about a freign country. No invention has received more praise and abuse than Internet. It is a window which show different cultures and different customs to human. People seems to overlooks the basic fact that internet’s major function is obtain resource from it. An investigation shows that people in growing numbers are beginning to believe that through the internet contribute directly to enhancing their eyeshot. Also, internet cannot be compared with other means of media like newspaper and magazines for speed and . A good example, The information on Internet, has contained most information on newspaper and magazine, and, the renewal speed of information on Internet is much faster than magazine and newspaper. Numeous of populace, from motorman to the carrier, from the student to doctor, bring better and more effiecentive service and more information whatever foreigner or foreign place to users through the use of internet.

Secondly, people can choose go abroad, this way contribute directly to learning about a foreign country which embrace study abroad or evection abroad and international tourism, we can taste of different cultures by ourselves, altought this way will spend a lot of money. Many people believe that international tourism produce positive effect on civilization and local government should encouraged to promote international tourism. People can communicate with foreigners, through this way, I deem that we will gain a lot of things not only learning about a foreign country but also enhance our ability of communication.

Finally, any other way also can learning about a foreign country such as TV program, Movie, E-mail, and so on. We cannot fully know information on newspaper and magazine either. Moreover, the information on newspaper and magazine will not contain each respect.

From what have been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that both of newspapers and magazines and other waies are important to learning about a foreign country. Thus, the statement asserts that newspapers and magzines are the best way of learning about a foreign country is improper.

hulinlin24UID: 2731389

WUQIAN的作文

Nowadays, with the drastic(这个有点贬义的意思，用dramatic要好一点) development of international cooperation, learning about a foreign country is ever-increasingly（这个词赞一个） significant for countries and citizens. As for me, the essence of learning about a foreign country is that realizing its culture, history, values and humanities.（从句注意要有主谓，I realize….） There are large amounts of means(好像不是很恰当) can provide the information of us to learn the foreign country deeply. I view that, however, the optimal ways of learning a foreign country are newspapers and magazines.

In the first place, the ideas of the nation can be told by newspapers. As a traditional media, newspapers still exert an important and irreplaceable role in promoting. On one hand, we can know the current events of this foreign country and, the comments of society. From their comments, we will recognize the history of that country, the countermeasures and politics of that country as well as the image of that country. On the other hand, values, attitudes, concerns and priorities can be reflected in the newspaper. We will realize what activities are worthwhile and advocated, what future and prosperity holds and what is the most concerned and attractive. From this perspective, newspapers inform us every aspects of the nation, meanwhile they can aid（还是用help比较合适） us have a profound comprehension of this foreign country., {" q. Y; e6 Y# n
- m6 j& p2 ]4 r
In the second place, magazines can be regarded as a symbol of the diversification of the information in that foreign nation. Various types of magazines will provide us of a platform to realize different citizens’ social life. That is the imperative part of understanding a foreign nation. For instance, news magazines can express more the authentic sound of government, consumer magazines can reflects（reflect） the social concerns refer to
(including好一点)automobiles, fitness center and so on. Not only magazines can picture the outlook of society, but also present the public topics, conventions, and even social problems.
（not only…but also…用得好）Those will gain（give,gain是自己获得） us more thinking about that foreign country.3 R2 \% A. r: U# K
& F$ M% `3 o  W5 s- o
Finally, besides newspapers and magazines, especially televisions and radios, also can provide us some messages about the foreign nation. Like（逗号，like后面不是完整的句子不要用句号，举例用such as） their technology, their creativity, their telecommunication and their broadcasting. Therefore, we also cannot neglect televisions, radios, and other Medias’ significant function on helping us learning more about a foreign country.


To sum up, even though other media platforms do present information about the nation and really are vital for me to learn about a foreign nation. But they still can not equal with newspapers and magazines,（应该逗号，跟上一句） when the two factors,
（去掉）newspaper can reflect nation’s ideas and magazines can express all aspects of life, are taken into account.

总结：茜茜的作文写得很好啊，句式和词语多样化，单词很少重复，高级词汇也多，各种句型都有。各段的论证和例子都很好。加油↖(^ω^)↗我要向你学习啦

fatruiUID: 2726256

Along with the development of technology, people have more opportunities to contract with the foreign country where is in another part of the world. With the invention---computer make us can received various information and obtain them immediately. As far as I concerned, I consider is computer let us know much more about countries rather than newspapers or magazines. There are two reasons I want to list in this issue.
The first reason is that computer provides us many kinds of information which cannot gain from newspapers or magazines. Using computer we can more deeply know about the other countries too. Like I can just in front of the computer screen, surf the internet, we could communicate with the foreigner people by special softwoods or websites like MSN or FACEBOOK. Between the discussions with foreigner I can know what is their real culture which sometimes distorted by newspaper or magazines, what kinds of food they really like and how about their employment situation which we can only know a little from our newspapers and some printed books. Therefore computer produce us more chances to let us know a foreign country.
More importantly, the second reason why I said computer is a best way to learning about a foreign country is that, by using computer we can attain the useful information of other countries more quickly than by newspapers and magazines. Unlike newspaper or magazines which just printed once a day or once a week, computer can update the information several times a day. Some latest information is significant to us to know about other country. So a good example is that about a serious earthquake occurs in Sichuan, China. When we notice this serious disaster had happened, we can know how the effective measure should be taken by government to help the victims. By this way, we can easily from another different aspect to know a country.(例子很弱，大家帮我想想)
However newspaper or magazines will only broadcast the stories even in tomorrow morning. But computer can let us know as soon as possible. However, the newspapers and magazines also provide us a suitable way to know about a foreign country, with the colorful images and fulfilled words. Through the images and words let us know about the foreign country. Nevertheless, the newspapers and magazines just provide us limited information. Unlike computer can provide us a mount of information.
From what I discussed above I can firmly conclude that newspapers and magazines is not the best way to know others countries, while computer which can provide much more information and latest information.

总结：论点有了，论据不论，论理部分薄弱，有点逻辑上的模糊不清，大家有啥子方法指导一下我？我想拿范文来背或者读。

By Fatrui


狐狸姐 速度好快啊

wuqian0801UID: 2637709

TO 乖乖
Nowadays there are more and more ways to know the world, to connect others, to exchange the information, to do business, to study, to enjoy life and so on<之所以认为这句不合适是因为整句有些头重脚轻了..我认为到to exchange the information就够了.>. The<删去> life becomes various and colorful. The<删去> people lived in ninetieth century have no idea about we can talk to anyone on anytime by cellophane, even not mention having a video chat with a family who lives far form<from> you like just face to face. But if someone wants to know a country, I do not think through magazines and newspaper is the best way.
[第一句提到有越来越多的方式去了解世界,去联系别人,去交流. ->一般的逻辑顺序是接下来举例讲有什么方式/或是对这些方式做一些额外的说明. 而你忽然跳到生活多样化不说,还突然提到19世纪的人们, 一头雾水. 所以这两句要删掉.然后改成对More and more ways的讲述,最后才能直接表明你在more and more ways中觉得什么最好,什么不合适.]

<Firstly/无论是什么词,起码让rater觉得我们有结构在,firstly一类的词就是给他们提示,hey 我有三段式..>A country is build up by many parts. For instants, the<删掉> culture is most important part. Many countries have a very long history. Like China, there is five thousand years history<It is 5000-year history in China>. It<That> is an amazing history include<including> many great people, many events which changes the country a lot, many important discoveries improve the country into a different level<你的意思推动国家进步, 就可以表达成:propel the country towards the path of prosperity and development>, many amazing artworks and paintings. There is just a little part we can learn from the<删掉> newspaper and magazines. We can absorb mountains of information on internet, almost everything. Also we learn easily about the country through the television in various ways like picture, video and sound.
[不好意思,改作文是想让大家一起进步,所以我必须说,你几乎有离题的感觉! 或者说,起码你文不对题. 例如:你的意思是说历史可以让我们学习很多东西,是么?可是文化是重要部分是什么意思呢? 学到什么呢? 你没说明. 却又转到历史人物,历史发明,然后突然说他们促进了社会国家发展之类的.最后还提到艺术品.. 只是在段尾的时候说:从newspapers & magazines学到很少东西.能从网络等学到很多东西. 其实你根本就可以不用提到culture和history,它们对你的论证一点帮助没有,还拖了你的后腿..你完全可以这么说: 我觉得现在了解一个国家能通过很多方式,例如因特网. 它可以帮助我们了解这个国家的时政,评论,社会热点,社会问题,还能帮助我们查阅它们的历史,地理各方面知识.而报纸和杂志,受空间的限制,只能提供有限的信息对于了解国家起到的作用甚小.
接下来是用词和句型方面:全段many太多.many是个虚词,请问many是多少的量?没人解释得清楚,所以不要用虚词,所有的说明抛去一些套句,尽量少用many之类的虚词,没意义.况且表达many含义的短语很多,不要老用一个..the majority of/a large number of/ a great deal of/...很多很多..
句型太单一, there be是最普通的简单句,当然,如果简单句能写得很简练也很棒.可是,你也没论证到位,就觉得..不好了.. 简单句写正确,适当一些正确的复合句就整个感觉很好了.. ->这个我也很烂,需要加强. ]

v
We all know there is a not short process to edit and publish the newspaper and magazines.<我还是问你,你想说明什么?和论证有什么关系?> We cannot get the information immediately. But we can get everything<太绝对的词了,别一杆子打死..况且,就算你说是所有东西吧,那么举例告诉我是什么?> we want to know right now. The another side we can get the others opinions form net, not just the author`s opinions but also other readers. We can know a country in various parts. This is the most different thing form newspaper and magazines, because we can have a communication with others.
[问题同上,没抓论点说问题,你的论点/态度是:N&M不是最好的方法.. 可是你现在不但没有把它们和其他方式比较,还连它们自身的缺陷都没说明白.. 还有,少说虚东西,说细节,讲例子. 虚词所在的句子事实上都是可以删掉的.因为,没意义.]

Although magazines and newspaper will bring us a lot of fun<a lot of fun? for example...?>.<我以为你在让步..> But the internet can give us more<like?>. I think the best way to access a country is to be there.<尾端再次说明立场是务必重复观点..!让rater明白你的立场> To be a part of the country.

总结:
1.词汇简单了..
2.句型也简单了.. 如果能表述清楚,也行..
3.你的论证漏洞太大了.. 严重跑题,或是偏题,你常不知你自己在说什么,有些天花乱坠.如果你讲你的文章翻译成中文细细看,就会知道你完全没为你的立场作任何论述,而是扯了别的.只是在每段段尾处点了下你的态度..仅此而已.
4.我看了一下你的字数..不够..324words 完全不够.. 最好是350-380words,时间上,论证上都比较合适.. 也许你不是五段式,论证太不饱满了.. 没有可支持的论据,那么你的论证毫无意义..
5.135句能帮我们写对句子,可是论证还是要我们自己去把握啊... 还要加强..

PS : 希望我说的 你不要..生气呐.. 呵呵~ 好像有点直接了.. 不过, 嘿嘿~~ 唉~~ 共勉!
                                           By wuqian

miggerUID: 2276392

我要报名，怎么报名，只要贴文章就可以了吗？