issue141 第一次写，求拍，有拍必回~

爱上千年的猫UID: 2476232

第一次写，做好了被狂拍的准备。。。

TOPIC："At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of
natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make
extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered
species."


The speaker asserts that many species have extinct as a result of natural process in the geological past. Thus, extraordinary efforts should not be made to save endangered species. It might be tempting to agree with the speaker, especially when the efforts are at a great cost in money and jobs. However, I think it makes two wrong suggestions: 1) human processes have nothing to do with the species extinction; 2) the efforts to save endangered species would cause a cost in money and jobs. To the contrary, this kind of efforts will instead create more jobs and be profitable in the long term.

I concede that, natural processes do play a significant role in the process of distinction. Many theories, including the Theory of Evolution from Darwin, conclude that it is the nature itself decides which species could survive and which species should die out.
Each case of extinction, or each case of survival, has relegation with its adaptability to the natural environment. Nevertheless, human, as one of the thousands of species, are not only effected by the environment, but also changing the nature all the time. For example, from the time human learned to use wood to make fire and to build houses, the deforestation began. Thus, the natural environment where numberless species reside in was changed. It is well known that the devastation of forests is one of the prominent reasons of species extinction. Therefore, we human should not stand by doing nothing but only waiting and watching species die out of natural processes. We'd better keep in mind that we are member of nature and we have the responsibility to help other members to live a better life, at least not extinct.

On the other hand, the speaker unfairly alleges that the extraordinary efforts to save endangered species should not be made at the cost of money and jobs. First, the speaker overlooks the economic benefit when we endeavor to save endangered species. In order to lessen pollution and seek effective means to save endangered species, thousands of researches would be done. Thus create a large job market for scientific researchers. Meanwhile, with the coming out of new environmentally friendly materials, firms could cut down cost in reducing pollutions they made by applying new materials. In a better environment, the speed of species extinction slows down. In this way, the whole nature is embraced by a virtuous cycle. Of course, we human beings can gain both more economic revenue and more psychological joy.

In conclusion, although natural processes devote a lot to the species extinction, we should not simply ignore the effect of our behavior contributed to the natural environment. Further, for the accrued economic gains and psychological joy we can get from saving endangered species, extraordinary efforts should be made.

fancywwUID: 2583671

TOPIC："At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of
natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make
extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered
species."


The speaker asserts that many species have extinct as a result of natural process in the geological past. Thus, extraordinary efforts should not be made to save endangered species. It might be tempting to agree with the speaker, especially when the efforts are at a great cost in money and jobs. However, I think it makes two wrong suggestions: 1) human processes have nothing to do with the species extinction; 2) the efforts to save endangered species would cause a cost in money and jobs. To the contrary, this kind of efforts will instead create more jobs and be profitable in the long term.
一二句复述issue内容，三句为让步反驳做铺垫，四句颇有argument的风格。总的感觉是驳题目去了，自己的观点不够明确。


I concede that, natural processes do play a significant role in the process of distinction. Many theories, including the Theory of Evolution from Darwin, conclude that it is the nature itself decides which species could survive and which species should die out.
Each case of extinction, or each case of survival, has relegation with its adaptability to the natural environment. Nevertheless, human, as one of the thousands of species, are not only effected by the environment, but also changing the nature all the time. For example, from the time human learned to use wood to make fire and to build houses, the deforestation began. Thus, the natural environment where numberless species reside in was changed. It is well known that the devastation of forests is one of the prominent reasons of species extinction. Therefore, we human should not stand by doing nothing but only waiting and watching species die out of natural processes. We'd better（had better的语气有点怪，should就好吧） keep in mind that we are member of nature and we have the responsibility to help other members to live a better life, at least not extinct.
这一段是一个让步反驳，但是一开头让步反驳的预期不是很明显，倒是有点像在支持题目说法的合理性。建议首句可以改成，while I concede that natural powers do play a significant role in the process fo distinction, it does not means that human are totally guilty free.

On the other hand（看到这个提示词，我的第一反应时想on the one hand是什么，但鉴于前文没有对应的提示词，虽然可能有对应的内容，所以还是建议换一个）, the speaker unfairly alleges that the extraordinary efforts to save endangered species should not be made at the cost of money and jobs. First, the speaker overlooks the economic benefit when we endeavor to save endangered species. In order to lessen pollution and seek effective means to save endangered species, thousands of researches would be done. Thus create a large job market for scientific researchers. Meanwhile, with the coming out of new environmentally friendly materials, firms could cut down cost in reducing pollutions they made by applying new materials. In a better environment, the speed of species extinction slows down. In this way, the whole nature is embraced by a virtuous cycle. Of course, we human beings can gain both more economic revenue and more psychological joy.
还是很像argument的风格，感觉在“破”的同时，“立”的还不够，都围绕着题目中的money和jobs来写了，可以再更多地写一下自己的观点，让“立论”立起来，而不是有点被题目“牵着鼻子走”的感觉。

In conclusion, although natural processes devote a lot to the species extinction, we should not simply ignore the effect of our behavior contributed to the natural environment. Further, for the accrued economic gains and psychological joy we can get from saving endangered species, extraordinary efforts should be made.

你的语言是很通畅的，可以看出基础很扎实。给我改的153中的一些例子语言的修改也很不错，谢谢啦。如果可以的话，以后还想请你改作文。
另外，你多久考呢？

爱上千年的猫UID: 2476232

2# fancyww
多谢修改哦~~以后会注意“立论”的部分。我机考是4月2号，你呢？我也希望能找到一起互改作文的朋友哦~

tszxl1989UID: 2744153

TOPIC："At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of
natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make
extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered
species."


The speaker asserts that many species have extinct as a result of natural process in the geological past. Thus, extraordinary efforts should not be made to save endangered species. It might be tempting to agree with the speaker, especially when the efforts are at a great cost in money and jobs. However, I think it makes two wrong suggestions: 1) human processes have nothing to do with the species extinction; 2) the efforts to save endangered species would cause a cost in money and jobs. To the contrary, this kind of efforts will instead create more jobs and be profitable in the long term.
这个开头太像ARUGMENT了，看北美范文的时候，评论上讲用这种开头一定要谨慎，很容易写成ARGUMENT，这篇我感觉开头就很危险。如果你想通过驳斥SPEAKER的开头的话，也可以不用写得这样明显，重点突出自己的观点。比如说你可以用个让步,我写了一小部分，你借鉴下哈：
Admittedly, many species have become extinct as the result of natural processes, we have to realize that, human activity do contribute to such extinct in various ways, mostly by changing the living conditions of the species, which accerlerates  the natural processes. Consequently, we, human beings, should also do something to prevent the species from extincition, and unlike the statement of the speaker, it might not be a necessity to make the extraordinary sacrifiace.

I concede that, natural processes do play a significant role in the process of distinction. Many theories, including the Theory of Evolution from Darwin, conclude that it is the nature itself (that) decides which species could survive and which species should die out.
Each case of extinction, or each case of survival, has relegation(什么意思？) with its adaptability to the natural environment. Nevertheless, human, as one of the thousands of species, are not only effected （affected）by the environment, but also changing the nature all the time. For example, from the time human learned to use wood to make fire and to build houses, the deforestation began. Thus, the natural environment where numberless species reside in was changed. It is well known that the devastation of forests is one of the prominent reasons of species extinction. Therefore, we human should not stand by doing nothing but only (用JUST更好吧)waiting and watching species （有to，或者是dying吧）die out of natural processes. We'd better keep in mind that we are member of nature and we have the responsibility to help other members to live a better life, at least not extinct.

On the other hand, the speaker unfairly alleges that the extraordinary efforts to save endangered species should not be made at the cost of money and jobs. First, the speaker overlooks the economic benefit when we endeavor to save endangered species. In order to lessen pollution and seek effective means to save endangered species, thousands of researches would be done. Thus create a large job market for scientific researchers. Meanwhile, with the coming out of new environmentally friendly materials, firms could cut down cost in reducing pollutions they made by applying new materials. In a better environment, the speed of species extinction slows down. In this way, the whole nature is embraced by a virtuous cycle. Of course, we human beings can gain both more economic revenue and more psychological joy.
这段的论述.....为什么不从生物圈中每种生物都是紧密联系的方面阐述呢？我感觉这样会更有说服力吧，你这段的第一个原因有点牵强吧.....

In conclusion, although natural processes devote a lot to the species extinction, we should not simply ignore the effect of our behavior contributed to the natural environment. Further, for the accrued economic gains and psychological joy we can get from saving endangered species, extraordinary efforts should be made.

呵呵，整体还蛮不错的，第一次写啊~ 以上纯属个人意见，我4月13号考试，也写了一篇，有时间你也帮我看看吧：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1058755&extra=

爱上千年的猫UID: 2476232

4# tszxl1989
楼主改的很细致啊~~谢谢~~~我会注意你说的几点的~~~我也帮您去看看~~~

fancywwUID: 2583671

我是4月20号
qq 168296887