argument171求拍，帮忙讨论一下，尤其是开头，这种不重述文章的写法行不行？

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前一段时间看了好几篇有关argument如何开头的文章，讲的都是尽量不要重述文章内容，后来自己的几篇文章也都做了一定的调整，这篇特意发上来，想请各位讨论一下，看看我这么开头可不可以？
"One year ago we introduced our first product, 'Bargain Brand' breakfast cereal. Our very low prices quickly drew many customers away from the top-selling cereal companies. Although the companies producing the top brands have since tried to compete with us by lowering their prices, and although several plan to introduce their own budget brands, not once have we needed to raise our prices to continue making a profit. Given our success selling cereal, Bargain Brand should now expand its business and begin marketing other low-priced food products as quickly as possible."

In this argument, the author fails to bolster his recommendation that Bargain Brand should now expand its business and begin marketing other low-priced food products. Based on the vague data concerning a customers and insufficient information about the either itself or the market, the author cannot convince me that the success of their first product. The article might seem to be well-presented at the first glance, but when taking a deep look into it, we found that the author overlooks many alternative factors which could affect the profit of the company.

To begin with, a threshold problem involved in this argument is the author’s unfair assumption that the first product was an extremely successful one. However, first of all, the vague data ‘many customers’ drawn by this product cannot justify this conclusion. Based on the low prices of ‘Bargain Brand’ breakfast cereal, it is entirely possible that the customers interested in this product are merely low-income people, and these ones are not the major customers of the top-selling cereal companies. Thus, it is just too hasty to think that ‘Bargain Brand’ has become as competitive as the top-selling cereal companies are. Moreover, we ought to judge whether a product is a success by the profit it earns. Nevertheless, the author provides no evidence to prove that the first product did earn this company a lot of money. In fact, given that the low price it has, it is more likely that this product also earn a relatively low profit.

In addition, assuming the first product it introduced was an extremely successful one, the author still cannot convince me that it is the low price that contributes to this success. Aside form the price of one product, there are also many alternative factors which can affect the sales of it. For instance, perhaps ‘Bargain Brand’ breakfast cereal sales good just because it tastes better than others or it is relatively nutritional. What’s more, if the real reason of the success is the low price, after top-brand companies’ lowing down its products price, it profit of ‘Bargain brand’ would be affected. However, the author offers on such information concerning the first product to make us believe the low price is the explanation for its success.

Last but not the least, even if the author justify his conclusion about what contributes to this success, it is still too hasty to make the recommendation that Bargain Brand should expand its business and make other low-price products. To make a reasonable strategy which would guarantee huge profit, the company should take many other factors, especially the market, into account. Based on the experience of last year, top-selling companies perhaps would also introduce such low price products. The products might be more competitive than what Bargain Brand has, because these companies are much older and more experience than a new company which just introduced its first product one year ago. Consequently, it would be wise for the author to reconsider his recommendation before get sufficient information about the competitors and the whole market.

In sum, the author cannot justify his recommendation merely based on the evidence he provided.（写超时了，就草草结尾了）