ISSUE73 by 都说了不是又八(各位请撸袖子抄板砖）

都说了不是又八UID: 2728357

前两天做的今年头一篇限时。方方面面都不是很满意= =


老毛病，逻辑有点儿混乱，例证不着边际而且效用不大。而且今天再次看了LASTANGEL的帖子，一段当中话往往有些接不上茬，语言欠磨练，可能多处有指代性不明的情况。


但毕竟是头一篇限时的东西嘛……放在这里受审，恳请各位有多狠打多狠，尤其是在例证与内部逻辑上。
如果可能的话，大家能够给出长期努力的方向就更好了~多谢。大家有习作，也放在我的修改铺子里面就好。





TOPIC: ISSUE73 - "In most professions and academic fields, imagination is more important than knowledge."


As the spirit concept of the human culture, imagination has been coloured by all positive adjectives. Any inventions could be attributed to the very factor, imagination could be praised from the doodle of a 3-year-old baby, to the A-shape of the juggernaut Eiffel Tower. It could be a bit overstating if we assert the imaginary ability, in every profession and academic aspect, outweighs knowledge in value. But what is to be strongly argued, imagination is not emerging in every brick of the human culture palace, but it is the sketch and the blueprint. Imagination could be the most amorphous factor that makes things different.



Academic fields which lay emphasis on accumulating, comprehensing, and weaving the net of knowledge system could deny the notion above. History, for instance, could not be took granted that everything is built on imagination. The very scrutinies in every piece of historical handwriting note, the torturing experience in gathering the incidents in timeline, and the effort-taking course of identifying the cases happened in every corner of the world, prevents the imagination from burgeoning, even ruining the reality happened. When reading academic articles and logics, every single assertion could not walk alone without supporting evidence, and it’s a void never to be filled by mere imagination. Also, certain professional realms would definitely say no to imagination. We have to commit that in some human career departments, especially the jobs relevant to digits and figures, even a spark of imagination is nowhere to be found. Accountants could never take down a number by his own creation, and the Challenger Aircraft tragedy happened last century, was triggered by a take-for-granted calculation and thus magnified to the wreck of billions of dollars, together with all the human hope.


But ideas, if outstanding, could always give the world a bang. As a company running the searching engine, Google could never imagine a trio with Microsoft and Apple even 10 years ago. Now it is the head of market and every slight movement of Google could arouse tons of reports and market analysis. What is Google selling to Web2.0, 3.0, or as some critics states, 4.0? Imagination seems the best answer. Imagination made it possible that we’re getting the information flooding toward us instead of our desperate effort on searching a pin of figure in the web; imagination made it possible that we’re organizing a community of webers and have communication; imagination made it possible that we’re enhancing artificial intelligence pace by pace; imagination had made it possible, and it would also make it possible, faster than we could imagine. Every piece of art in the world starves for imagination.


Once mixed in a proper way, imagination and knowledge could be prosperous. If there should be a metaphor, knowledge could be every single fragment of construction, and imagination could be the magic spell to make the fragments transform, array, stick together and melted into one. Which one to be the most important factor in the field? That should be answered by the speciality of the very realm. Like flesh and bones, soul and blood, they are not to be separated in any single aspect.

plukaUID: 2721764

As the spirit(spiritual？) concept of the human culture, imagination has been coloured by all positive adjectives. Any inventions could be attributed to the very factor, （：）imagination could be praised from the doodle of a 3-year-old baby（这个是invention？), （逗号去掉，没事隔开句子会妨碍理解）to the A-shape of the juggernaut Eiffel Tower. It could be（表示推测和可能的话用may或者might会比could正式吧） a bit overstating if we assert （+that) the imaginary ability, in every profession and academic aspect, outweighs knowledge in value. But what is to be strongly argued, imagination is not emerging in every brick of the human culture palace, but it is the sketch and the blueprint.（在not...but...结构中，中间...的部分的结构应该是对应的，比如emerging应该对应but后一个同样的ing结构。另外，那个not...是not only的意思么？不要省略吧。——又回看了一遍，发现不好意思，恐怕理解错了。but是针对imagination起的这句话？那么就OK。不过这个表达还是觉得不是很爽。not emerging...but serving as...这样合并成一句如何） Imagination could be the most amorphous factor that makes things different.（求明确的观点。这句话的意思是想象力的重要性依情况而变？还是别的？）

Academic fields which lay emphasis on accumulating, comprehensing, and weaving the net of knowledge system could deny the notion above（郁闷again，就是不知道你上面的notion是啥）. History, for instance, could not be took granted（take for granted,for可以省吗？） that everything is built on imagination. （take for granted用得不太好。本来就不会有历史学家把虚构视作理所当然嘛！所以本来也不至于到take for granted的程度。普通一点的deem，perceive，hold之类的就可以了吧）The very scrutinies in every piece of historical handwriting note, the torturing experience in gathering the incidents in timeline, and the effort-taking course of identifying the cases happened in every corner of the world, prevents the imagination from burgeoning, even ruining the reality happened（似冗赘）. When reading academic articles and logics, every single assertion could not walk alone without supporting evidence, and it’s a void never to be filled by mere imagination. Also, certain professional realms would definitely say no to imagination. We have to commit that in some human career departments, especially the jobs relevant to digits and figures, even a spark of imagination is nowhere to be found. Accountants could never take down a number by his own creation, and the Challenger Aircraft tragedy happened last century, （结构上不需要逗号的地方就别按照口语停顿加）was triggered by a take-for-granted calculation and thus magnified to the wreck of billions of dollars, together with all the human hope. 本段讲有些职业容不得轻浮的想象。大致分了三个层：历史、academic articles以及跟数据相关的。结构上还可以再清楚一点。


But ideas, if outstanding, could always give the world a bang.（这里有偷换概念之嫌。可以看出作者试图连接上段的imagination和此段的idea，但其实这两个东西不太相同吧） As a company running the searching engine, Google could never imagine a trio with Microsoft and Apple even 10 years ago. Now it is the head of market and every slight movement of Google could arouse tons of reports and market analysis. What is Google selling to Web2.0, 3.0, or as some critics states, 4.0? Imagination seems (+to be，seem是不及物= =）the best answer. Imagination made it possible that we’re getting the information flooding toward us instead of our desperate effort on searching a pin of figure in the web; imagination made it possible that we’re organizing a community of webers and have communication; imagination made it possible that we’re enhancing artificial intelligence pace by pace; imagination had made it possible, and it would also make it possible, faster than we could imagine.（虽然大致意识到该句的意思，但不觉得清楚。这一连串的排比是很漂亮，不过到后面有点刹不住车非要昂扬一下的感觉，担心空泛）（另，感觉这段讲想象的重要没有说透。为啥说谷歌的功绩要归功于想象力？后面的这一长串排比其实是万能句，把主语imagination换成啥都说得通，气势有，说服力一般。） Every piece of art（这个art是哪里冒出来的？） in the world starves for imagination. 

Once mixed in a proper way, imagination and knowledge could be prosperous（这个mix在正文可没有提到，事实上，正文部分的结构和内容可以说是很分散的）. If there should be a metaphor, knowledge could be every single fragment of construction, and imagination could be the magic spell to make the fragments transform, array, stick together and melted into one. Which one to be the most important factor in the field? That should be answered by the speciality of the very realm. Like flesh and bones, soul and blood, they are not to be separated in any single aspect.
B1（有些职业没有想象置喙的余地）——B2（好想法能带来好结果）——结尾（要结合，要具体问题具体分析）

从这个设想来看，结构应该OK。奈何每个部分的论述都欠着。尤其是B2，题目论述的是某些professional，B1说的也是某些职业领域，到这里就笼统的用公司做例子。用公司举例也罢，但是就用了一个，还论得不够透。总而言之，看上去总觉得有隔靴搔痒之感，然而俺逻辑也只到这里了，再分析具体是哪里隔靴，额，恐怕力有不逮= =
另外佩服一下比喻，信手拈来啊。

plukaUID: 2721764

嘿嘿，总算拍到你的ISSUE~

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

哎~果真是你也会被拍的很惨~
来慰问你一下下~哈哈~同志继续努力吧~
不过说实话，好多句子我都没读懂。。。= =|
不过那句我倒是读懂了~Googel10年前无法想象跟微软和苹果能并称三巨头~