Phoenix小组组员7号习作总贴

zhouliyun0923UID: 2563174

RT

3.11 agument
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1060258&page=1&extra=#pid1773605269

zhouliyun0923UID: 2563174

issue 130 "How children are socialized today determined the destiny of society,Unfortunately,we have not yet learnt how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

The speaker lay the emphasis of future society on the children,and I agree to such point for the future society belongs to them and they will continue the restructure.However their education is controlled by us, in other word, to some extent we can determine what kind of person they will be.A tough one who can endure a lot of diffulties or a couragous one who can face many fears,or a warm-hearted one who always be kind to everyone in need?The argument has been raised since we were born,for such question has too many choices and no accurate conclusions have been drawn.
In my views,education has little limited rules,for different methods may achieve the same final results,like the saying goes all roads lead to Rome.Getting into a good university is a usual method but somehow learning by oneself or get the information needed from the Internet is also quite useful and helpful.Knowledge has little limitation to anyone who is eager to it, and the world is still trying hard to provide with the equal education right to everyone.Despite of the endless of learning career,something more important should be taken into consideration,such as honesty,kindness,justice,etc.Such factors consist of a completed and useful personality. A well-educated man can achieve nothing without good virtue,for his talents always bring disfortune or  unhappiness to people,not to say a better society.The lacking of good personality leads to a lot of Thus,the key point is to cultivate a good personality instead of a system of knowledge.
For another concern,what kind of society is so called a better society?The elimination of poverty or terrorism,the balance between the first world and the third world,the equlity among races,the peaceful world environoment,or a green and clean atmosphere.All that is the matters temporary bother us,and it might be great possibility to depend on our offsprings to solve.Time will move on,and so does the commuinty we live in.Solutions will be demanded more and more eagerly by the whole society,and what we really need is to have more confidence and bebief on the young men.They live with the influence of us and gradualy transcend us.
No clear results but the answer is undoubtly firm that the followers can handle with the affairs we leave behind.

zhouliyun0923UID: 2563174

TOPIC: ARGUMENT17 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Walnut Grove town newspaper.
"Walnut Grove's town council has advocated switching from EZ Disposal (which has had the contract for trash collection services in Walnut Grove for the past ten years) to ABC Waste, because EZ recently raised its monthly fee from $2,000 to $2,500 a month, whereas ABC's fee is still $2,000. But the town council is mistaken; we should continue using EZ. EZ collects trash twice a week, while ABC collects only once. Moreover, EZ-which, like ABC, currently has a fleet of 20 trucks-has ordered additional trucks. Finally, EZ provides exceptional service: 80 percent of respondents to last year's town survey agreed that they were 'satisfied' with EZ's performance."

WORDS: 387          TIME: 00:29:34          DATE: 2010-1-26 21:29:03

The author claimed in the text that the city councilof Walnut Grove has made a mistaken decision, using the ABC Waste instead of EZ Disposal in the next year. The statement seemed quite reasonable and logoical at the first sight but  all the reasons the author use to support his or her view are not enough but have some logical flaws.
Firstly of all, all through the memo, writer emphasised on the fact that the cheap price and the effect of the two companies,but failed to tell us whether the information he or she supplied was cared by the local residents.We have no idea about the residents'opinion about whether they care more about the total amount of the money or they care more about the effeciency of the service.The different situation will lead to different choice between the two companies.
Secondly,the local residents did satisfied with the EZ' service as it was stated in the paragraph.However it have no relationship with the another possibility that these citizens will also be satisfied about the service provided by ABC company,which might also be quite good.So it might be also a better choice for the local people to choose the new one with a cheaper price and the same satisfactory.
Thirdly,the survey conducted on the exceptional service did not indicate the percentage of people joined in were local and the number of the respondents could be big enough to be regarded as objective.For people from different place might have qutie varying attitudes towards the same things.Such number from a no depandable investigation did not worth believing ,not to say to be used as a prove.
Last but not the least,the exceptional service did not have the direct links with the service the company should supply.Let alone the service quality the company should be responsible for.Few words has been given for the main product of the company,so it is quite confusing about the comparison about the  two companies.
As it stands,the argument is not well reasoned.To make it logically acceptable,the arguer would have to demonstrate that the service provided by the two companies are compared with the objective results and figures.And the local residents real cares and according with the care to make the decision.Addionally,the arguer must provide evidence to rule out all the above-mentioned possilbities that might weaken the argument.

zhouliyun0923UID: 2563174

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ARGUMENT汇总贴

zhouliyun0923UID: 2563174

issue 50 In order to improve of the quality of instruction at the college and university level,all faculty should be required to spend time working ouside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.

Clearly,theories should finally serve to the practical world,so it might be quite reasonable to propose that instructors on campus ought to work ouside the college on the relative fields of their majors for raising the achievement in their research.But concerning the special charactors of some basic subjects,the advice may not be applied to all fields of the schools.

Given the respect of present conditions of the studying areas,educators go into the reality world for more quickly updated information to supply the students a much better knowledge about the outside.Since most of the college students  will pick up a job after graduation, it is obviously a better way for them to get more preparation for the future career for their teachers are aware of the present situation.After graduation,the students are more qualified for companies.

What's more,through the methods,the communication between the outside and the inside of the campus benefit both each other.More cooperation can also be expected during the periods.Theories have the right opportunities to work for the companies.Scientists focus on the hottest issues of the relative areas,discussing on the distraction of the theories and the practical part.Demands and puzzles on work stimulat the subject to move on more accurately.

But there are also some subjects failing to be used in daily life,such as maths,literature,philosophy,etc,which are still quite helpful and meaningful in nowadays life.Few chances of jobs don't bother their pursuing in the academic road,for the special factors of their fields.Music comforts people' mood,liturature gives us power in mental,philosopher provides us with great wisdom.

Anyway,it is good for more talks on and off campus,though some areas are not used to the suggestion.

hhfboyUID: 2749089

2# zhouliyun0923
The speaker lay the emphasis of future society on the children, and I agree to such point for(that) the future society belongs to them and they will continue the restructure.这句话太Chinglish了(the speaker claims that human’s society should draw more attention on the development of the children who will provide exhausted power to construct a better one, and I agree this point ) However (,)their education is controlled by us, in other word（有些牵强）, to some extent (that)we can determine what kind of person they will be.（这句话太过于累赘了，而且说我们可以决定小孩将来会成为什么样的人有些不和常理吧。） A tough one who can endure a lot of difficulties() or a courageous one who can face fear, or a warm-hearted one who always be kind to everyone in need（ is dedicated to help others in dilemma）.(这句话的谓语和宾语呢)The argument has been raised since we were born, for such question has too many choices and no accurate conclusions have been drawn.（中式英文—The controversial topic has debated for a long time. Unfortunately, there are so many intermediate product but not a final conclusion ）
In my views, education has little limited rules (,for)(.Because of there are many)different methods may achieve(to achieve) the same final results(goal), like the saying goes all roads lead to Rome. For example Getting into a good university is a usual method, but somehow(whereas) learning by oneself or get the information needed from the Internet is also quite useful and helpful. Knowledge has little limitation to(for) anyone who is eager(longing) to it, and the world is still trying hard to provide with the equal education right to everyone. Despite of the endless of learning career, something more important should be taken into consideration(account), such as honesty, kindness, justice, etc. Such（these） factors consist of(consist of:由…组成ex : the book consists of nineteen charters) a completed and useful personality. A well-educated man can achieve nothing without good virtue, for his talents always bring unfortunate or  unhappiness to people, not to say(never mind) a better society. The lacking of good personality will leads to a lot of Thus, the key point is to cultivate a good personality instead of a system of knowledge.(建议把观点放到段首句)

For another （concern）, what kind of society is so called a better society（how to define “a better society”）? The elimination of poverty or terrorism, the balance between the first world and the third world, the equality among races, the peaceful world environment or a green and clean atmosphere.(谓语和宾语呢？) All that is the matters temporary bother us, and it might be great possibility to depend on our offspring to solve. Time will move on, and so does the community we live in. Solutions will be demanded more and more eagerly by the whole society, and what we really need is to have more confidence and belief on the young men. They live with the influence of us and gradually transcend us.
No clear results but the answer is undoubtedly confirm(confirms) that the followers can handle with the affairs we leave behind.（结尾段尽量复述下前面的观点都总结下，一句带过太单薄了）
（首先说下我的感受：崩溃
。这里我可能话比较狠点：整篇就是中式英文。我母语是中文的看起来都十分非常特别超级费劲，老外估计就要肉留满面，7号一定要在语言上下些功夫了）
结构方面：


第一：
逻辑太乱，建议首段先要表明自己的观点，之后每段的分论点都要放在首句，才是reasoning, 再到用例子来论证
第二：
每个句子间多用连接词，但是7号你要记住意思和用法撒
，…不能都乱用
第三：
语言我就不说了，我看完第二段就有一种想死的感觉…虽然我自己写得也不怎么样，但是那种完全看不懂的感觉还是第一次有，费力的找主谓宾，努力地去寻找句子间的结构上的关系）
和5号给我的话一样.in short , 悲剧
加油
共勉！

kusinerlooUID: 2608701

issue 50 In order to improve of the quality of instruction at the college and university level,all faculty should be required to spend time working ouside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach. Clearly,theories should finally serve to the practical world,so it might be quite reasonable to propose that instructors on campus ought to work ouside the college on the relative fields of their majors for raising the achievement in their research.But concerning the special charactors of some basic subjects,the advice may not be applied to all fields of the schools. Given the respect of present conditions of the studying areas,educators go into the reality world(real world) for more quickly updated information to supply the students a much better knowledge about the outside.Since most of the college students  will pick up a job after graduation, it is obviously a better(correct) way for them to get more preparation for the future career for their teachers are aware of the present situation.After graduation,the students are more qualified for (the jobs of) companies. What's more,through the methods,the communication between the outside and the inside of the campus benefit both each other(school and company).More cooperation can also be expected during the periods.Theories have the right opportunities to work for the companies这两句话的出发点是有一些问题的，topic谈论的是教学质量的提升，这里讨论了理论服务于实践，但并没有讨论这对于教学质量的提升存在什么意义。建议再补充一句话，指出，这种理论服务于实践的行为，是可以提升大学的教学质量的.Scientists focus on the hottest issues of the relative areas,discussing on the distraction of the theories and the practical part.Demands and puzzles on work stimulat(?) the subject to move on more accurately. But there are also some subjects failing to be used in daily life,such as maths,literature,philosophy(例子举得不太好，可以参考几个专业词汇，social science 社会科学，puel theory subject 纯理论学科，humanities 人文学科),etc,which are still quite helpful and meaningful in nowadays life.Few chances of jobs don't bother their pursuing in the academic road,for the special factors of their fields.Music comforts people' mood,liturature gives us power in mental,philosopher provides us with great wisdom.（这一段陷入了泛泛而谈，缺乏说服力，可以这样修改：提出观点，实际工作并不适用于全部的教员->展开论点，实际工作在某些学科还是十分有用的，举例->继续展开论点，在另一些纯理论学科，如量子力学，宇宙物理学，实际工作并没有太大的意义->得出结论，概括论点） Anyway,it is good for more talks on and off campus,though some areas are not used to the suggestion. 1.LZ的语言还是比较流畅的，没有出现什么语法问题，至少我没发现。 2.整个文章最大的问题就是篇幅过短，整个文章缺乏深度，泛泛而谈，条理性和说服力不强。几个论点选择的还是比较准确，但都没有得到足够的扩展，如果将几个分论点详细扩展，还是不失为一篇好文章。 3.新年快乐O(∩_∩)O

zhouliyun0923UID: 2563174

issue 48 The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals.The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few,but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten.

The main roles in the play of history are usually heroes and those names are remembered as the signals of that times.In the history book,what calls for our memory are also such big names.But as a fact,the passing time consists of many of unknown figures,who are significant for us as well,though their names escape from the historians.

As the Marx once preferred heroes were made by time.At that such moment,the hero did complying with most people's ideas,and without doubt such doings were supported by the majorities.Since the ability and the occurrence,the final chance would be achieved by only one people,whose name would be written and remembered by most of the majorities.Jennie spinner,for instance,was favored by that time and thus evoked the first industry revolution.A profound invention in history ,however,was a returning show in history.The first time its inventing was seemed as a lazy idea and its inventor was sentenced to death for his 'crazy' idea.It may sound ridiculous and unacceptable for us nowadays but it is clear that the earlier time is not ready for the hero to play his role.Time finally attributes to the birth of the great name.Such heroes are some representatives of us ,the majorities.

But some heroes are not lucky enough to be welcomed by the majorities but they were remembered by the history and all the offspring.Still time will make the decisions,though these great minds suffered quite a lot during their period.When we take for granted,the earth turn around the sun,however,another man,Nicolaus Copernicus,sacrificed his life in the fire for insisting his idea,which was regarded as devil at that time.The mind eventually is proved by the later technology and his name is corrected as well,though the unfortunate Copernicus failed to live by.To some extent,we can get to conclusion that the treatment of the heroes also depends on the attitude of the majorities.The popular may be not reasonable enough , not be right or mad, but the speaking right belongs to them at that right moment,when heroes are not heroes.As another fact,the covering of historians is limited.The show named history was anticipated by us all but few could be known by the followers,for most of us playing as the background instead of the main actors or actresses.

In another way,we also can believe the idea that we make the hero for ourselves.Since the opinions of the time decide what kind of hero we need,the few individuals whose name are on the book are no longer so far away or being jealous by us. In the communal countries,leaders tend to be built as perfect or admired by the whole nation,but,however, it is not the only choice for the local right now.Instead,right now more and more skeptic ideas have been raised,the perfect heroes might be disappear in the future.

Anyway,it should be an honor to join the history,though i am not the center one,attributing my own effort as a background for our offspring.

zhouliyun0923UID: 2563174

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