【clover】ISSUE170 习作 by cyct

cyctUID: 2728144

Does a nation's greatness lies in the general welfare of its people rather than the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists? The speaker claims so. However, in my view, I disagree with the speaker's assertion because the speaker underestimated the value of achievements plays in the 'greatness' of a nation, and fails to association the general welfare of people with the achievements of famous few.

Admittedly, the assertion has considerable merits. The rational of the assertion lies in that welfare is indeed an important indicator of a good nation. After all, a function of government is to give people more comfortable daily life and give guarantee to the general welfare, such as public health and safety, security against military invasions, individual autonomy and freedom, cultural richness, and overall comfort. Therefore，the overall welfare of the general people of a nation is an important indicator of the greatness of a nation.

However, a compelling argument why I disagree with the assertion is that the welfare discussed above has lot to do with the achievements of its rulers, artists and scientists. In politics realm, outstanding rulers do great favor to the stability and development of society. A case in point is Franklin Roosevelt, the 32nd president of The U.S, is a central figure during the time of economic crisis and the World War II. His role in stimulating economic development and enhance political power can never be underestimated. In technology realm, thanks to the scientists innovations, our life become more and more comfortable and in other words, they improved welfare of people. For example, the assembly line automation has dramatically increased productivity and improved economic, which spares us more free time. Another example is that the advent of computer, especially the internet, with which we can send and get message and shopping in line without going out home. And in the art realm, the art can richen our spirit and broaden our horizon greatly. We can appreciate the works created in the remote time and far away from our town. Moreover, liberal art teaches you how to think, write, and speak intelligently, get along with others, and conceptualize problems.

Finally, the speaker mixes the conception of 'great' and 'good', a good country with high general welfare of people does not indicate it is a great nation. Switzerland and Norway, whose people live a very rich life and enjoy wellbeing welfare, but they are not a great nation. The genuine greatness of a nation lies in its achievements which influence the whole world and human being. Such as the ancient Room is known as a great nation for its great contribution of art, science, and wellbeing politics, which play a vital part in the development of the overall civilization of human being.

In final analysis, considering the welfare cannot separate from the achievements made by rules, artists, or scientists, and a nation with wellbeing fine welfare can just be called as a good country instead of a great nation, we should definite the achievements of a nation's rulers, artists and scientists as the indicator of a nation's greatness, rather than the general welfare of its people.

taotaoleUID: 2694983

在综合链接帖里一直没找到I170……最后发现是标题给错了~改的晚了，抱歉了!

Does a nation's greatness lies in the general welfare of its people rather than the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists? The speaker claims so. However, in my (+point of) view(/ in my opinion), I disagree with the speaker's assertion because the speaker underestimated the value of achievements plays in the 'greatness' of a nation, and fails to association the general welfare of people with the achievements of famous few.开头明确直接，干脆利落。
Admittedly, the assertion has considerable merits. The rational（它是一个形容词，这里应该用n.->reason） of the assertion lies in that welfare is indeed an important indicator of a good nation. After all, a function of government is to give people more comfortable daily life and give guarantee to the general welfare, such as public health and safety, security against military invasions, individual autonomy and freedom, cultural richness, and overall comfort. Therefore，the overall welfare of the general people of a nation is an important indicator of the greatness of a nation.
肯定公众福利对伟大国家的指示性
However, a compelling argument why I disagree with the assertion is that the welfare discussed above has lot to do with the achievements of its rulers, artists and scientists. In politics realm, outstanding rulers do great favor to the stability and development of society. A case in point is Franklin Roosevelt, the 32nd president of The U.S, is a central figure during the time of economic crisis and the World War II. His role in stimulating economic development and enhance political power can never be underestimated. In technology realm, thanks to the scientists innovations, our life become more and more comfortable and in other words, they improved welfare of people. For example, the assembly line automation has dramatically increased productivity and improved economic, which spares us more free time. Another example is that the advent of computer, especially the internet, with which we can send and get message and shopping in (on) line without going out home. And in the art realm, the art can richen our spirit and broaden our horizon greatly. We can appreciate the works created in the remote time and far away from our town. Moreover, liberal art teaches you how to think, write, and speak intelligently, get along with others, and conceptualize problems.
指出公共福利评价的不唯一性，同时从政治家，科学家和艺术家三方面分别来肯定其作用。可能存在一个问题：这些阐述的目的是什么？不是要说明这些人的成就也能表明国家的伟大吗？但是论证中对此鲜有涉及，就是有些放松对主题的论证。如在政治家的例子中，罗斯福的政绩是否就说明了美国是一个伟大的国家；而在科学和艺术的例子中，例子就步步抽象，虽然阐释很充分，但感觉与源头的论证要点渐行渐远了~建议以后在很好的拓展时要注意紧靠主题。
Finally, the speaker mixes the conception of 'great' and 'good', a good country with high general welfare of people does not indicate it is a great nation. Switzerland and Norway, whose people live a very rich life and enjoy wellbeing welfare, but they are not a great nation. The genuine greatness of a nation lies in its achievements which influence the whole world and human being. Such as the ancient Room is known as a great nation for its great contribution of art, science, and wellbeing politics, which play a vital part in the development of the overall civilization of human being.
这里对伟大的概念进行辨析，切入点很新颖并且论证的生动、必要。
In final analysis, considering the welfare cannot separate from the achievements made by rules, artists, or scientists, and a nation with wellbeing fine welfare can just be called as a good country instead of a great nation, we should definite （adj.
明确的; 一定的
/应该是define吧）the achievements of a nation's rulers, artists and scientists as the indicator of a nation's greatness, rather than the general welfare of its people.
结尾重申了观点，特别是开头的一句否定很巧妙深入。但有所质疑的是最后一句里的对公共福利的完全否定是否合适，像在开头只是很含蓄的指出是低估了成就的作用，但这里过分绝对好像就感觉走入了另一个极端~特别是考虑在之前的论证中并没有充分证明成就的显著且唯一作用。
除了指出的个别论证思路上的质疑，全文结构明晰，语言流畅，较少语法错误。