Phoenix小组组员ISSUE130

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130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

Athough the children that are socialized will help them to live in their own society in a easy way,it is not enough.Because of the complexity of society requires these children to embrace other abilities ,such as creativity,imagination-that this kinds of ability are the essential on the research fields.However, to possess the diversity capability calls for an effectiveness educational system that is still unable to be established for their enormous amount of deficiencies.Therefore, our education have not yet grasped the essence of how to nurture the offsprings to build a better society.

Socialization is only one of important factors when we estimate a children’s ability ,but not all.What is the socialization?There is a better definition about Socialization that it is a process which bring a conversion from natural person to social person.In this process, children should absorb the norms,standards and other disciplinces from outside world to shape his own personilities. Once children owned these basis standards and norms do not indicate that they have a bright furture and ability to make contribution to our society,but only to the extent that they can survive in the world. For example, a student majored in computer science which is good at social interaction but lack the logic reasoning and programing ability is inconceivable.If the education only focus on teaching students how to adapt to the outside world for its complexity, the result that whatever brilliant researches the predecessors bequeath to us,their descendent still have no ability to make the breakthroughs in the furture. As our children provide exhausted power for the development, a more efficient educational system is needed to foster them to be a healthy and sagacious person.

Every country has their own education mechanism.But the differences in these mechanism can not hide the fact that all of them have enormous drawbacks and deficiencies .In order to illustrate the fact,a good example presented is Chinese education mechanism.First,it so much emphasizes on the scores and high education rather than ability. A newspaper ever report that a student graduated in a famous university refused by all the computer companies.In the end,he had to work for a supermark as a seller.Why those companies refuse to give the “excellent” student a offer is confued by all the bystanders.The confusion unveiled after an interview to the student by a journlist:the student only learned knowledge what the teachers have teached him and how to gain high scores in exam in his campus’ life,but not used the them into the realistic practices.Second,the children in this system are classified in different orientation field in the early age.It is harmful that this classification will lead to a result that the students are only able to work in those domain which they studied in school. This diviation may cause a higher rate of unemployment and limited capability for student to learn other subjects out of his profession.This is just an example, all education mechanism have their own drawbacks that the governments have responsibilities to ameliorate their education system until it runs in an effect way.So I agree speaker’s opinion that we has not yet realized how to nurture children to bulid a better society

To advance the society , socialization is an important factor. However, the obligation to construct a better world commands children contain more abilities rather than only social interation skill.Therefore,our education machenism ,which have many flaws,fail to convey them most of these abilities which is the key to build a better society.In this analysis,I disagree with both aspects of the speak’s dual claim.

kusinerlooUID: 2608701

Athough the children that are socialized will help them to live in their own society in a easy way,it is not enough.Because of the complexity of society requires these children to embrace other abilities ,such as creativity,imagination-that this(which the) kinds of ability are the essential on the research fields.感觉有点狭隘了，建设一个更好的社会并不一定就要在research fieldsHowever,（children） to possess the diversity这个是名词，可以修饰capability? capability calls for an effectiveness又是名词修饰名词 educational system that(which) is still unable to be这个短语意思是“不能的”，准确的应该是“暂时还没有” established for their enormous amount of deficiencies.Therefore, our education have not yet grasped（grasp） the essence of how to nurture the offsprings to build a better society.

Socialization is only one of important factors when we estimate a children’s ability ,but not all这句有点重复了，之前可以改为Socialization is a important factor when we estimate a child's ability.What is the socialization?There is a better和谁比较？可以改为acknowledged,公认的 definition about Socialization that it is a process which bring a conversion from natural person这个词语是个法律术语...区别于法人...可以改为isolated individual to social person.In this process, children should absorb the norms,standards and other disciplinces from outside world to shape his own personilities. Once children owned these basis standards and norms 之前有once，这里可以考虑加一个but do not indicate that they have a bright furture and ability to make contribution to our society,but only to the extent that they can survive in the world. For example, a student majored in computer science which is good at social interaction but lack the logic reasoning and programing ability is inconceivable.If the education only focus on teaching students how to adapt to the outside world for its complexity, the result that whatever brilliant researches the predecessors bequeath to us ,their descendent still have no ability to make the breakthroughs in the furture这句chinglish了，考虑改成: Children cannot make any breakthrough whatever how fabulous treasure be bequeathed from their ancestor beause of have no sufficent abilities, . As our children provide exhausted power介是嘛... for the development, a more efficient educational system is needed to foster them to be a healthy and sagacious person.

Every country has their own education mechanism.But the differences in these mechanism can not hide the fact that all of them have enormous drawbacks and deficiencies .In order to illustrate the fact,a good example presented is Chinese education mechanism.First,it so much emphasizes on the scores and high education rather than student's ability. A newspaper ever reported that a student graduated in（from） a famous university but refused by all the computer companies.In the end,he had to work for a supermark as a seller.Why those companies refuse to give the “excellent” student a offer is confused by all the bystanders.The confusion unveiled after an interview to the student by a journlist:the student only learned knowledge what the teachers have teached him and how to gain high scores in exam in his campus’ life,but not used the them into the realistic practices.Second,the children in this system are classified in different orientation field in the early age.It is harmful that this classification will lead to a result that the students are only able to work in those domain which they studied in school. This diviation may cause a higher rate of unemployment and limited capability for student to learn other subjects out of his profession.This is just an example, all education mechanism have their own drawbacks that the governments have responsibilities to ameliorate their education system until it runs in an effect way.So I agree speaker’s opinion that we has not yet realized how to nurture children to bulid a better society整个这一段我感觉跑题了，尤其是举的中国教育的例子，都是抨击中国教育如何如何不科学，社会与国家的责任，并没有谈到“社会化”这么一个问题。

To advance the society , socialization is an important factor. However, the obligation to construct a better world commands children contain more abilities rather than only social interation skill.Therefore,our education machenism ,which have many flaws,fail to convey them most of these abilities which is the key to build a better society.In this analysis,I disagree with both aspects of the speak’s dual claim.

从全文来看，跑题了。分析文章的逻辑，两个正文段，第一段还算靠谱，谈的是社会化的定义和社会化中的一些问题，第二段就和TOPIC没什么大的联系。

每段之间比较孤立，没有十分直接的联系。两个正文段内部的逻辑也比较混乱...

语句也比较单薄，很喜欢用that从句...

in short，套用易中天的一句话，就是“悲剧啊”

与君共勉，一起努力

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