phenix写作小组组员2号第二次作业

wu-intrepidUID: 2659758

50"In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."


It exists for not a short time in college or university that students lack interest in courses. Faculty already do sorts of efforts to improve the quality of instruction. It may be an available method that enhancing their ability of teaching by working outside in professions related to their specialty. Nevertheless, it can not be a perfect way, and not suit teachers of each subject


For the practical subjects, such as computer science, advertising specialty, business management and so on, working outside may benefit the faculty. Because the teachers can fresh their courses by their work, add the examples, which they experience in social practice, instead of books, to their lessons, and find some new to replace of the antiquated ideas. Those all make the knowledge keep pace with the times, and release students from the abstraction. May be more important help is to give students realistic suggestion according to occupational trends and changes , which varies quite quickly. It is a convenient and fast method to students getting employment message.
Therefore this assistance may lead students to be well qualified for the change in the future


However, working outside may occupy teachers' time which may be available to do academic study or prepare lessons. If there is no adequate time left to search , the theory level of teachers could not be deepen, even be declined.
It is more likely awful that a teacher have no time to prepare lessons. My economic lawyer teacher, for instance, is working in layer office. Though he tried to tell us many interesting cases which he dealt with in order to give us examples of using these clauses in books. His speaking is scrappy and rambling, which seems no prepared and extemporaneous. And after class, he went out so fast that we cannot catch up to ask questions about some vague point in this class. As time goes by, more students complain his irresponsibility and lose interest in this course. Thus, working outside should consider students’ demand, asking their opinions.


And for the subjects of theory, for instance, philosophy, math... teachers working outside seem to waste time. These teachers teach something about thinking and logic, which is abstract, and need a large quantity of studying and thinking not rather practice. Bertrand Russell, for example, a famous philosopher, devote his life to study philosophy. Numbers of his students acquired great achievements. This success is attributed to his great learning, which make students study the specialty deeper and comprehensive. Such as his student Wittgenstein, who becoming a famous philosopher too. Wittgenstein often discuss the philosophy issues with Russell after school, which is vital to inform and develop his own theories in philosophy. We can infer that the theory of a teacher may have a quite great influence on his students’. Thus, it is more important to spending time in academic study, in stead of working outside.


To sum up, to a certain degree, working outside is good for some the practical subjects, not of theory, nevertheless, it is not the essential way to improve the quality of teaching, a better way is making teachers play more attention to the their academic ability.

zj-129UID: 2179763

50"In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach." It do(个人觉得加个DO可以起强调的作用) exists for not a short time(不是很地道，中式思维的痕迹) in college or university that students lack interest in courses which determine that faculty have already done sorts of efforts to improve the quality of instruction.（两个句子合起来可以增加气势）（不过开句点题很好，观点很鲜明） It may be an available method that enhancing their ability of teaching by working outside in professions related to their specialty（如果怕和profession重合，可以加specific field, specialty貌似用得不是很多）. Nevertheless, there is no (it can not be a) perfect way and person suits for every single discipline (and not suit teachers of each subject ) For the practical subjects, such as computer science, advertising （specialty多余，去掉,.广告学用一个单词就够了）, business management and so on, working outside may benefit to the faculty. Because the teachers can refresh(fresh在原来的基础上更新，个人觉得加个re更好) their courses by their outside work, adding examples which they experience in social practice, instead of books, to their lessons, and find some new ideas to replace of those timeworn ones. Those activities will make the knowledge taught in academic class keep pace with the times and release students from the stereotype ( abstraction). What’s more, doing outside work of faculty (May be more important感觉太中国式英语了) give students realistic suggestion according to occupational trends and changes which varies quite quickly. It is a convenient approach (and fast method, fast用得太过于频繁) to students getting employment message.（这句突然加入了就业信息，感觉有点没头没脑） Therefore this assistance may lead students to be well qualified for the change in the future However, working outside may occupy teachers' time which may be available to do academic advance (study教师用精进比学习好) or prepare lessons. If there is no adequate time left to research (search，拼写错误，用WORD可以改正) , the academic (theory老师一般学术上用academics更好) level of teachers could not be deepen, even be declined. It is more likely awful that a teacher have no time to prepare lessons. Take (和for instance 呼应) my economic law teacher (lawyer teacher,本人不是法律专业，但是连续两个er可能不妥。经济法的法可以直接翻译为LAW就可以了吧) for instance, is working in lawyer (layer) office（此句太单薄。如果想表示同时兼职校内外的意思，应该加入复杂句式比较好）. Though he tried to tell us many interesting cases which he dealt with in order to give us examples of using these clauses in books. His speaking is scrappy and rambling, which seems no prepared and extemporaneous. And after class, he went out so fast that we cannot catch up to ask questions about some vague point in his (this) class. As time goes by, a increasing number of (more在46级作文当做用得太多了 ，建议最好不要用) students complain about his irresponsibility and losing interest in this course. Thus, Thus, working outside campus or not should depends on how well the teacher doing his or her job firstly, asking student’s demand and considering their perspectives as well.(working outside should consider students’ demand, asking their opinions.在校外兼职应该先考虑是否胜任本职工作，了解教师这个职业的主要任务，而不是询问学生。这个想法是对的，但是提法不对。) As (And) for the pure theory (纯理论应该不是subjects of theory), for instance, philosophy, math...(如果不知道数学的全称，就直接写MATH就可以了，不用那么多省略号，让人以为你不知道写) teachers working outside seem to waste time. These teachers teach something about thinking and logic, which is so abstract that need a large quantity of studying and thinking rather than practice. Bertrand Russell, for example, a famous philosopher, devote all his life to study philosophy. Numbers of his students acquired great achievements. This success is attributed to his great learning, which make students study the specialty deeper and comprehensive. Such as his student Wittgenstein, who becoming a famous philosopher too. Wittgenstein often discuss the philosophy issues with Russell after school, which is vital to inform and develop his own theories in philosophy. We can infer that the theory of a teacher may have a quite great influence on his students’. Thus, it is more important to spending time in academic research (study), in stead of working outside.（老实说，纯理论的例子用哲学非常好。但是这个例子似乎不能证明在外面兼职对本职教学的影响。因为没有对比。你不能说罗素如果在外面兼职不会精进他的理论。说不定现实的某些事情可以促使他更加顿悟呢？） To sum up, to a certain degree, working outside is good for some the practical subjects, not of theory, nevertheless, it is not the essential way to improve the quality of teaching, a better way is making teachers play more attention to the their academic ability. 总结写得没有开始好。有点蔫蔫的感觉。结尾应加强。 1、 开篇第一句点题句很好。后面的深开挖掘貌似有点犹豫不绝。作者想要表示考虑问题的深入和复杂性的理解。但是语言表达不到位。反而效果不是很好。 2、 主体部分的逻辑清晰明了。分别从实践和理论学科深入挖掘。但是例证的罗列有点问题。特别是纯理论的例子反而达不到说服的效果。 3、 结尾很简单，太单薄。整体的文章是虎头蛇尾的效果。 4、 基本的语法错误有点多。应该注意词汇的选择。

zj-129UID: 2179763

50"In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."

It do(个人觉得加个DO可以起强调的作用) exists for not a short time(不是很地道，中式思维的痕迹) in college or university that students lack interest in courses which determine that faculty have already done sorts of efforts to improve the quality of instruction.（两个句子合起来可以增加气势）（不过开句点题很好，观点很鲜明） It may be an available method that enhancing their ability of teaching by working outside in professions related to their specialty（如果怕和profession重合，可以加specific field, specialty貌似用得不是很多）. Nevertheless, there is no (it can not be a) perfect way and person suits for every single discipline (and not suit teachers of each subject )

For the practical subjects, such as computer science, advertising
（specialty多余，去掉,.广告学用一个单词就够了）, business management and so on, working outside may benefit to the faculty. Because the teachers can refresh(fresh在原来的基础上更新，个人觉得加个re更好) their courses by their outside
work, adding examples which they experience in social practice, instead of books, to their lessons, and find some new ideas to replace of those timeworn ones. Those activities will make the knowledge taught in academic class keep pace with the times and release students from the stereotype ( abstraction). What’s more, doing outside work of faculty (May be more important感觉太中国式英语了) give students realistic suggestion according to occupational trends and changes which varies quite quickly. It is a convenient approach (and fast method, fast用得太过于频繁) to students getting employment message.（这句突然加入了就业信息，感觉有点没头没脑） Therefore this assistance may lead students to be well qualified for the change in the future
However, working outside may occupy teachers' time which may be available to do academic advance (study教师用精进比学习好) or prepare lessons. If there is no adequate time left to research (search，拼写错误，用WORD可以改正) , the academic (theory老师一般学术上用academics更好) level of teachers could not be deepen, even be declined. It is more likely awful that a teacher have no time to prepare lessons. Take (和for instance 呼应) my economic law teacher (lawyer teacher,本人不是法律专业，但是连续两个er可能不妥。经济法的法可以直接翻译为LAW就可以了吧) for instance, is working in lawyer (layer) office（此句太单薄。如果想表示同时兼职校内外的意思，应该加入复杂句式比较好）. Though he tried to tell us many interesting cases which he dealt with in order to give us examples of using these clauses in books. His speaking is scrappy and rambling, which seems no prepared and extemporaneous. And after class, he went out so fast that we cannot catch up to ask questions about some vague point in his (this) class. As time goes by, a increasing number of (more在46级作文当做用得太多了 ，建议最好不要用) students complain about his irresponsibility and losing interest in this course. Thus, Thus, working outside campus or not should depends on how well the teacher doing his or her job firstly, asking student’s demand and considering their perspectives as well.(working outside should consider students’ demand, asking their opinions.在校外兼职应该先考虑是否胜任本职工作，了解教师这个职业的主要任务，而不是询问学生。这个想法是对的，但是提法不对。)

As (And) for the pure theory (纯理论应该不是subjects of theory), for instance, philosophy, math...(如果不知道数学的全称，就直接写MATH就可以了，不用那么多省略号，让人以为你不知道写) teachers working outside seem to waste time. These teachers teach something about thinking and logic, which is so abstract that need a large quantity of studying and thinking rather than practice. Bertrand Russell, for example, a famous philosopher, devote all his life to study philosophy. Numbers of his students acquired great achievements. This success is attributed to his great learning, which make students study the specialty deeper and comprehensive. Such as his student Wittgenstein, who becoming a famous philosopher too. Wittgenstein often discuss the philosophy issues with Russell after school, which is vital to inform and develop his own theories in philosophy. We can infer that the theory of a teacher may have a quite great influence on his students’. Thus, it is more important to spending time in academic research (study), in stead of working outside.（老实说，纯理论的例子用哲学非常好。但是这个例子似乎不能证明在外面兼职对本职教学的影响。因为没有对比。你不能说罗素如果在外面兼职不会精进他的理论。说不定现实的某些事情可以促使他更加顿悟呢？）
To sum up, to a certain degree, working outside is good for some the practical subjects, not of theory, nevertheless, it is not the essential way to improve the quality of teaching, a better way is making teachers play more attention to the their academic ability.
总结写得没有开始好。有点蔫蔫的感觉。结尾应加强。

1、
开篇第一句点题句很好。后面的深开挖掘貌似有点犹豫不绝。作者想要表示考虑问题的深入和复杂性的理解。但是语言表达不到位。反而效果不是很好。
2、
主体部分的逻辑清晰明了。分别从实践和理论学科深入挖掘。但是例证的罗列有点问题。特别是纯理论的例子反而达不到说服的效果。
3、
结尾很简单，太单薄。整体的文章是虎头蛇尾的效果。
4、
基本的语法错误有点多。应该注意词汇的选择。