【clover】ISSUE 196 by Misir【第五次作业】

misirUID: 2684938

TOPIC: ISSUE196 - "Technology creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or damage the quality of life."
WORDS: 576
TIME: 01:10:00
DATE: 2010-2-14 11:20:34

Broadly, technology includes the tools to make products, the methods to solve problems, and the ideas to update the machines. It is technology that led us go through from the agriculture ages to industrial ages, from the ancient man-powered society to the auto-controlled society. Maybe sometimes, it brings some troubles for us to deal with, but in the view of large scale, I think the benefits of technology outweigh its disadvantages.

In the ancient times, man had no idea of hunting animals, sewing clothes, storing foods. But after the first tools for hunting and sewing and storing were invented, the quality of life improved-- hunting tools such as ** can help people catch more animals with less energy and fewer time, sewing tools can help people keep warm in winter so fewer people died for cold, while storing tools like pot or bowl can keep the foods dry and sate to eat. Having warm clothes and health body, our ancestors began to pursue art. Today, many archaeologists have found a lot of marvelous works-like cave-drawing and statues-indicate many ancient lifestyles.

When it comes to the modern times, I think if the technology in ancient times is a newborn baby that is little and weak, then the technology in modern times must be an adolescent that grows very fast with an increasing acceleration. We can take computer as a good example. Computer appeared with the purpose of decoding in the military. But it soon went out to other fields, like science and engineer. Some times later, the Internet served as a catalyst to make the computer ever popular. Now, we needn't to go to library to search for the information when we want to better understand a question. What we should do now is open the browser, input what you want to know, click the search engine, wait for no more than 0.002s, and what you need will appear in the screen, then you just make a choice to open which website. How convenient! The computer can download the PDF to let you carefully read, and if you want to share the information with your friends, you just need to click the button of Facebook or Twitter. Thence, the Internet is a web which makes our world a family or a club, with no heave traffic or bad weather that blocks our way to get what we want to know and what we want to share.

However, the technology has ignited some bad aspects, for instance, the biochemical war, the worldwide pollution, the nuclear weapons, and so forth. After the industrialization, the fossil fuel was widely used. The vehicles need it, the machine in the factories need it, we even can say that our daily life is based on the fossil fuel, without which, we may not have such advanced world. But think twice. The fossil fuel makes more and more carbon dioxide, which makes the world warmer and warmer like a green-house. But we human beings are not the plants which can not live in the freezing cold winter; we now feel the weather difficult to endure. What's more, the raising sea level forced the island people to leave their homes for living, because the water may make where they live like a pool. In this aspect, the technology creates some problems, which need us to focus on.

In the end, I think we must use the technology properly, so we can live a better life.

taotaoleUID: 2694983

Broadly, technology includes the tools to make products, the methods to solve problems, and the ideas to update the machines. （这句的定义不是很准确；朗文当代释义：new machines, equipment, and ways of doing things that are based on modern knowledge about science and computers）It is technology that led us go through from the agriculture ages to industrial ages, from the ancient man-powered society to the auto-controlled society. Maybe sometimes, it brings some troubles for us to deal with, but in the view of large scale, I think the benefits of technology outweigh its disadvantages.
先对technology定义，再从作用上过渡到主要观点。感觉比之前一篇的开头要好。不过没有充分体现话题关键词—制造问题导致危险还是解决问题提高生活质量。
In the ancient times, man had no idea of hunting animals, sewing clothes, storing foods. But after the first tools for hunting and sewing and storing were invented, the quality of life improved-- hunting tools such as ** （例子不明建议先不举）can help people catch more animals with less energy and fewer time, sewing tools can help people keep warm in winter so fewer people died for cold, while storing tools （这是直译是贮存工具吧~根据举例应该是说container）like pot or bowl can keep the foods dry and sate to eat. Having warm clothes and health body, our ancestors began to pursue art.这句和论证不太相关吧~ Today, many archaeologists have found a lot of marvelous works-like cave-drawing and statues-indicate many ancient lifestyles.
从古代说起，感觉论证的是技术提高生活质量。没有TS。但一个首要的问题是原始社会的那些工具和论证“技术”作用上不是太贴切~
When it comes to the modern times, I think if the technology in ancient times is a newborn baby that is little and weak, then the technology in modern times must be an adolescent that grows very fast with an increasing acceleration. （拟人修辞用的很生动）We can take computer as a good example. Computer appeared with the purpose of decoding in the military. But it soon went out to other fields, like science and engineer. 【Some times (这两个词不能这么用。) later】
(建议改成It doesn’t take a long time that), the Internet served as a catalyst to make the computer ever popular. Now, we needn't to go to library to search for the information when we want to better understand a question. What we should do now is open the browser, input what you want to know, click the search engine, wait for no more than 0.002s, and what you need will appear in the screen, then you just make a choice to open which website. How convenient! The computer can download the PDF to let you carefully read, and if you want to share the information with your friends, you just need to click the button of Facebook or Twitter. Thence, the Internet is a web which makes our world a family or a club, with no heave traffic or bad weather that blocks our way to get what we want to know and what we want to share.
从现代社会具体论述了互联网和电脑的作用。论证的很生动具体形象。但存在的问题还是没有紧扣话题。“作用”最好落足在提高生活质量上多加阐述。
However, the technology has ignited some bad aspects, for instance, the biochemical war, the worldwide pollution, the nuclear weapons, and so forth. After the industrialization, the fossil fuel was widely used. The vehicles need it, the machine in the factories need it, we even can say that our daily life is based on the fossil fuel, without which, we may not have such advanced world. But think twice. The fossil fuel makes more and more carbon dioxide, which makes the world warmer and warmer like a green-house. But【 we human beings are not the plants which cannot live in the freezing cold winter】意思没太懂; we now feel the weather difficult to endure. What's more, the raising sea level forced the island people to leave their homes for living, because the water may make where they live like a pool（？比喻的不是很恰当吧）. In this aspect, the technology creates some problems, which need us to focus on.
重点论证了技术带来的危害。
In the end, I think we must use the technology properly, so we can live a better life. 结论的太草率了。形式是给出一个建议，那么这个建议出现前最好再把之前的利弊有所收束一下。
1论证层次分明，语言生动，例子丰富。
2对话题的关键词有把握但个别段落未很好的体现（第二三段）；同时话题里的比较关系没有涉及，从论证上来说是硬伤。

夏毅zjuUID: 2765632

感觉似乎论证的不是很升入，还有一些常用表达的用词似乎都是第一反应词，应该考虑多变换一下。 1# misir

桔子susanUID: 2754084

misir，我来晚了，真是对不住啊。我马上去改

桔子susanUID: 2754084

done
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