ISSUE235 忠诚问题~已经大换血啦~大家帮我看看

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

PS：已经按照666版主的指示改完了~不知道这回改的何如~

TOPIC: ISSUE235 - "Most people are taught that loyalty is a virtue. But loyalty-whether to one's friends, to one's school or place of employment, or to any institution-is all too often a destructive rather than a positive force."
WORDS: 572
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-2-16 14:51:25
论点：忠诚是美德，但是也要看情况
主一：忠诚对所有人来说都是美德：孩子，家庭，职员
主二：国家的建立和发展需要忠诚的人民无私奉献
主三：任何情况下都忠诚是天真的表现：政府，医院
It is always saying that loyalty is a virtue as the speaker's former claim. But what is the true meaning of loyalty? In fact, it also means dependent, devoted and honest to one person or thing. Nevertheless, loyalty is indeed not so much popular in some specific realms as the speaker's later contention, especially when jeopardize others or even society. Therefore, whether weighting loyalty is good or harm is a difficult question to answer, however, one thing is certain, it is decided by the purpose and result of such behaviors.

Fundamentally, loyalty is treated as one of the basic standards of behavior by most people. They inherit this merit from predecessors and pass it on to offspring, fostering them to be trustworthy. Even in the primarily school, children are inculcated with the basis of being loyal because no one is willing to cooperate and live with a betrayer. Loyalty is also essential to bolster a family by avoiding some unnecessary quarrels and declining the possibility of divorce. That is to say, a good family member, no matter husband or wife, could resist temptation of extramarital affair and be loyal to the family. Similarly, employees are supposed to devote themselves to serve enterprise and keep absolutely secret about their business information. All in all, no matter in which respect, we appear have no better reason to disloyalty, and actually it may bring some grave matters not only to ourselves but also to others.

Moreover, loyalty is the essential principle to form, maintain and develop state that every citizen needs to hold. It is a social accountability that every public should prepare to devote for the nation at any moment. As we all known, General Lee, a great hero, who fought for his country in American Civil War, hold a breath of loyal mind. Although the purpose of their army may confront his belief, yet he chose faithful to his country, and refused Lincoln’s invitation to attack his family and countrymen. While someone may argue that his behavior indeed impeded the liberation and abolition of slavery, but his faithfulness for the motherland is deserved to render he accessing a historic hero. Otherwise, if every man only considers himself and does nothing for the state--no one desires to defend our state and no one is willing to spare effort to the state--how could our nation develop? It is too hard in fact.

However, entire loyalty in every circumstance is not a virtue but reveals naivete to some degree. Firstly, if the government were to disclose some specific plans such as attack international terrorist or arrest drug trafficker, those strategies would truly fail, and the public’s safety and stability would be compromised eventually. Besides, to a certain degree, disloyalty to publics might also be necessary to avoid public panic, especially those lost policies may be recovered later. Therefore, some appropriate false information or just concealing a fraction of confidential strategies are necessary and forgivable for government; and it is also an effective avenue to maintain social harmony, even though these behaviors appear disloyalty to citizenry. Secondly, while it is still a controversial issue to tell the serious patient about his/her true situation or hide it, but actually withholding patient’s illness do more harm than good. Thus, considering patient’s benefits, family members’ disloyal behavior is understandable and excusable.

In conclusion, loyalty is a fundamental virtue for all the people; without it, people cannot get trust from others and our society may even hardly to develop. However, some blind loyalty may harm people and even disturb the well-order of society especially if government fully discloses information to public. It's no exaggeration to say that government’s reasonable disloyalty make our society more peaceful in an effective way. Besides, even though, in some sense, we are not required to blindly keep loyalty, there is no deny that we are also obligated to maintain a kind heart but not conceal the disloyalty by some plausible excuses.

irvine666UID: 2575525

TOPIC: ISSUE235 - "Most people are taught that loyalty is a virtue. But loyalty-whether to one's friends, to one's school or place of employment, or to any institution-is all too often a destructive rather than a positive force."
WORDS: 572
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-2-16 14:51:25
论点：忠诚是美德，但是一些必要的谎言无伤大雅，只要我们保持一颗善良的心
主一：忠诚对所有人来说都是美德：孩子，职员，政府官员
主二：一些坦白可能还会弊大于利,我们就没必要忠诚的说出一切
主三：对于政府更是如此，不能完全忠诚的把一切政策公布于人民

It is always said that loyalty is a virtue as the speaker's former claim. Undoubtedly, that contention is true and no one could talk so many lies to any person. However, loyalty indeed is not so much popular in some specific realms as the speaker's later claim. Besides, even though in some sense we have no need to blindly keep loyalty, we are also obligated to maintain a kind heart but not conceal the disloyalty（简化） by some plausible excuses.

开头比较朴实，不过至少清晰的拿出了自己的观点。

Fundamentally, loyalty is the basic merit which all people are required to own, no matter child(小孩能忠诚于什么？), employee or leader. If children always lie to their parents, such as "I have finished my homework, could I play computer game now?"（这不是个句子，另外你把忠诚和诚实等价了，这是很致命的审题错误. 所以这篇文章的论述已经没有什么必要看了，我后面着重给你看语法和句子的流畅度） Actually, the lies not hurt parents but （not..but..的意思和not only... but是完全不同的）harm themselves. The only result from a plethora of lies is that they may become a useless people when grow up and hardly gain people’s confidence.（这几句话错误太多，看起来很不流畅，而且和上文发生了逻辑跳跃。我给你改一下：Fundamentally, Loyalty is treated as one of the basic standards of behavior by most people. They inherit this merit from predecessors and pass it on to offsprings, fostering them to be trustworthy. Even in the primarily school, Children are inculcated with the basis of being loyal because no one is willing to cooperate and live with a betrayer. ） Were employees usually lying(还真是把loyalty和honest这两个词用混了) to the leader, they may be laid off eventually and bring a huge damage to their enterprise.(虚拟语气也用错了...语法需要大补,另外这个推理也太草率，逻辑跳跃巨大) Also, loyalty as a virtue is most important for leader, especially （for） the public official（s）.(并列结构不能省略介词) If we live in a country where around different kinds of lies（这个从句没有谓语，around替换为surrounded by或者besieged by） by our public officials, such as "Our country is the strongest in the world", （我看不出前后句有什么关联。发展经济和欺骗民众有什么必然的联系么？朝鲜不也一样在发展？核武器都快出来了，就是穷了一点罢了。）how could we develop our technology and economy? Maybe we just bog down in grave poverty nowadays.（这个推断完全不合理） All in all, loyalty is pivotal for all of people（在你前文论述中，我只看出pivotal for country, maybe in addition for officers.） and without it we may live in a shadowland which rife with lies but barely have truth. It is too horrible to imagine.

However, saying truth（off topic） sometimes virtually bring some tragedies due to the truth may too terrible to believe（due to 后只能接单个名词，不能接从句）, thus, we have no need to reveal the cruel truth(立足点错了，说善意的谎言不是因为事实残酷，而是因为comfort others.不然怎么国家不把512地震给hide？你后文的理由都是基于comfort others.这里ts却说是因为cruel truth.对应不上). For example, it is still a controversial issue to whether tell the true disease to heavy patient or hide it. Some people claim that life is their own and they have accountability and right to face with anything about themselves. It is unfair to arbitrarily hide the truth without getting the patient’s permission. On the other hand, other people may retort that if a person clearly know the real disease, it do （more呢？）harm than good. Thus, considering the advantages for（自己改） the patient, their family needs（单复数问题严重，还有定冠词错误，前文你哪儿提到某个patient需要在这里用the特指？） to lie to the patient merely due to the emotion of love. In fact, this dishonesty is not totally evil, no matter think（加ing,否则双谓语） from the patients or their families. If their family tells the truth, the patient（继续出单复数问题） may become too frustrate to have courage to continue living or lose passion to the lovely life. Thus, the dishonesty to the patient is actually better than loyalty, in this perspective. In short, we could see that loyalty（这个叫霸王硬上弓啊，套的太牵强了） may bring some bad consequences rather than a positive force.

Moreover, the entire loyalty in the game of politics（你不是写杂文，也不是抒发自己愤青，这种描述以后少用，game of politics是极度讽刺） is not a virtue but reveals the naivete of the（定冠词，后面不说了） government. For example, if the government declares any plan no matter to attack other country or to fight against terrorists. Those plans will totally lose meaning（be meaningless，用词最好地道一点） because all people, not only their citizenry but also the whole people in the world, know them（不明白为什么你说：because all people know them, plans就没意义了...）. Besides, if the government （do）not maintain some lost policies, it is easy to disturb(这些词用的都不准哇...influence都好的多) the stabilization（stability） and well-order of our society. Also, it may bring unwanted panic for（bring ... to） publics, especially those may recover（be recovered） later. Therefore, some appropriate false information or just conceal a little confidential strategies are necessary and forgivable for the government. As a matter of fact, it is also an effective avenue to maintain our society in harmony.

In conclusion, loyalty is a fundamental virtue for all the people. However, not every truth need to expose to every person, especially those may hurt others. Besides, we have to notice that if we desire to lie to someone, the purpose must be limited to that is virtually good than harm. That is to say, the standard of loyalty is considering the consequence which the lie may bring. We should clear that the avenue which we treat to other people is not harmful to them at least.

问题挺多的...off topic是最大的问题，其次就是英文基本功比较弱，语法错误通篇皆是。好像你时间不太多了吧，那我建议你最好先解决语法问题。这样读起来真的乱七八糟，我精力都被读不通的句子吸引了，主题和论述方式都没怎么看。