[phoenix] issue131【20100219】12号

zj-129UID: 2179763

Issue 131
"The arts (painting, music, literature, etc.) reveal the otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society."
艺术（包括绘画、音乐和文学等等）揭示了一个社会其他隐藏着的理念和动力。

The arts, just like the author cited such as painting or music, reveal some ideas and impulses which were not shown yet. This assertion is reasonable to some extend, however, to my perspective, arts reveal not only the hidden ideas and impulses of one society but also reflect the life which we experience everyday.

Arts, no matter music, dancing or literature, are come from real lives which offer inspiration and sources to artists. Take dancing for example. We can find the shadow of daily life during the dancer’s actions and even their eyes while some actions and expression methods were come from practice, such as eating, drinking, walking even smiling. Legends, from the Western to the Eastern, delivering from one generation to another, are the records of life as well. We can only find the people with black eyes and yellow skins in Eastern legends who can never exist in the Western stories. Thus, we can cherish arts as the most vital way to keep our civilization developing for ever as arts can reflect so many things, no matter real life or emotional feelings.

However, arts are totally differ real life while it is not life itself after all. We can trace the life in artists’ eyes whereas we can not define the arts as the life. Taking William Shakespeare, the greatest play writer of the world, for example, there are so many terrible tragedy happened to the leading roles, which can not happen so concentrated during one single short time. What’s more, the leading character holding the overall fates which different from ordinary people so far away. Thus, to this extend, we can find a large number of hidden ideas and impulses of a society in a unusually approach, namely arts. Arts are always exaggerate varies emotions and overstate the dramatic conflicts which is barely happen to the only person so frequently.

As the incredible forms, arts can communicate so much things which ordinary words and methods can not reach. Photograph is a effective way to hold things for ever, especially the wonderful moments. National Geographic Magazine has ever printed one picture as the cover which had only a common unknown girl, who is come from Iraq. Nevertheless, the common girl’s eyes are so complicated that we can read so many feelings from her unforgettable green eyes. Miserable, afraid, scared, dreadful, and so on.

【最后一段木写。实在写不下去了。今天实在有点不舒服。抱歉】

提纲：{个人还是觉得有点乱}
中心点：艺术的作用
艺术来源于生活，它能揭示很多东西。
艺术又高于生活，能够揭示很多隐藏的理念和动力。
艺术又不同于生活，它超越一个社会，具有前瞻力。
但是，艺术不仅仅如此，它还能。。。。

例证：
舞蹈表现人们对生活的热爱，比如丰收，祈福，情绪等。比如俄罗斯的著名舞蹈家乌兰诺娃。
绘画表现人们内心的潜在力。比如法国人毕加索的名画。
小说夸张着人们的内心。比如意识流小说。美国的威廉·福克纳
话剧的艺术张力能。英国的莎士比亚。

ningbo1990UID: 2641538

The arts, just like the author cited such as painting or music, reveal some ideas and impulses which were not shown yet. This assertion is reasonable to some extent, however, to
from my perspective, arts reveal not only the hidden ideas and impulses of one society but also reflect the life which we experience every day(是不是改成“反应了那个社会的生活情况”更好点？).

Arts, no matter music, dancing or literature, are come from real lives which offer inspiration and sources to artists. Take dancing for example. We can find the shadow of daily life during the dancer`s actions and even(行动到眼睛没有递进关系。) their eyes while some actions and expression methods were come from practice（这句话再改改）, such as eating, drinking, walking even(同样错误) smiling. Legends, from the Western to the Eastern, delivering from one generation to another, are the records of life as well. We can only find the people with black eyes and yellow skins in Eastern legends that can never exist in the Western stories. (Change to “while in these legends, black eyes and yellow skins people do not exist.”) Thus, we can cherish arts as the most vital way to keep our civilization developing for ever as arts can reflect so many things, no matter real life or emotional feelings.
(这句话既然是解释前面的例子的就放到前面去，英文中TS不能放在后面。)

However, arts are totally differ real life while it is not life itself after all?????. We can trace the life in artists’ eyes whereas we cannot define the arts as the life. Taking William Shakespeare, the greatest play writer of in the world, for as an example, there are so many many terrible tragedy happened to the leading roles, which cannot happen so concentrated during one single short time. What’s more, the leading character holding the overall fates which different from ordinary people so far away. Thus, to this extend, we can find a large number of hidden ideas and impulses of a society（你的意思是说主人将所有事情集中在一个人身上从而揭示了隐藏的思想？这样分析太浅了。而且太难表达，还不如说莎士比亚通过什么什么作品中什么人物反应社会什么现实，这样举更好。） in an unusually approach, namely
named arts. Arts are always exaggerate varies emotions and overstate the dramatic conflicts which is barely happen to the only person so frequently.

As the incredible forms, arts can communicate so much
many things which ordinary words and methods cannot reach (cannot expressed by using ordinary words and methods). Photograph is a effective way to hold things forever, especially the wonderful moments. National Geographic Magazine has ever
once printed one picture as the cover which had only a common unknown girl, who is come from Iraq. Nevertheless,(没有转折关系) the common girl’(这个一撇不是单引号，是在键盘1的旁边那个键`)s eyes are so complicated that we can read so many feelings from her unforgettable green eyes, miserable, afraid, scared, dreadful, and so on.
【最后一段木写。实在写不下去了。今天实在有点不舒服。抱歉】
提纲：{个人还是觉得有点乱}
中心点：艺术的作用
1艺术来源于生活，它能揭示很多东西。
2艺术又高于生活，能够揭示很多隐藏的理念和动力。

3艺术又不同于生活，它超越一个社会，具有前瞻力。
4但是，艺术不仅仅如此，它还能。。。。
提纲分析（仅仅对提纲，没有对文章）：1.2段之间没有体现出一个升华递进的关系，第一段说艺术来源于生活能揭示很多东西，二段说能解释隐藏的理念和动力，这样第二段貌似是第一段的从属关系，按照你这个思路，第一段是个总段，第二段写解释隐藏理念和动力，第三段写反应社会生活，第四段（补）讲还具有前瞻力。
例证分析：貌似你底下举得例子有些很好，却没有用上，那么好的例子不用。
文章分析：1.文章结构要改，英文文章结构一般是TS1+Explantion1+example1+Ts2+exp.2+exa.2…..所以说完了一个例子之后不要再对这个例子解释了。
2.句子不精炼，有些地方意思表达不清楚。
3.递进关系，因果关系使用错误。明明没有的关系不要乱用。
4.第四段我没有感觉到你在写艺术的前瞻力。
5.中式英语要改正，so many and can使用太多。
6.本人现在非常非常困，所以很多地方看的晕，作者这篇文章整体印象给我是晕晕忽忽，不容易懂。所以还是改透彻点把。如果有什么不对的地方，指出批评把。