ISSUE130 重写

NEU公孙轩辕UID: 2697609

观点：要建立一个更好的社会需要全面的考虑问题，同时要相信我们的教育
提纲：1 社会化的总用和重要性
            2 还有其他因素决定能否建立更好的社会
            3 当前的教育起到很好的作用，不想作者所说
After analyzing the speaker’s statement, I got to realize it consists of two aspects: first is that the destiny of our society hinges on how children are socialized, and second is we nowadays haven’t learned how to socialize children. From my viewpoint, I agree with the first aspect insofar as the extent of socialization can impose significant influence on our future society. However, we should take an all-sided consideration that our society’s destiny also relies on other factors, not merely children’s socialization.

There is no denying that the importance of socialization in providing children with not only the ability to communicate and interact with people around, but also the sense of cooperation, both of which will affect their future life and society’s progress.Lacking the ability to get along with people around usually contributes to a feeling of loneness and deficiencies in character, which can definitely do harm to children’s healthy development. As we all know, children are the hopes of future and will undertake the responsibility of establishing a better society. Hence, both the sound development of children and desires for a better society require the necessity of children’s socialization.

Notwithstanding, we have got to soberly realize the desire for a better society cannot be achieved merely focusing on socialization. There also exist other factors, if not more important, serve as equal importance as socialization, such as spirits of innovation and high ethic and moral standards. Almost all the miraculous achievements today result from human’s unremitting pursuit for innovations. Consider, the typical example of computer, advances in computer science have opened us a whole new world and brought earth-shaking changes to both of our life social manufacture, and science research, like making it possible to shop online, produce products automatically, and provide scientists with vivid simulated experiments. Meanwhile, ethic and moral standards also serve as indispensible and significant roles in society’s evolution. They can conduct and limit our behaviors for the purpose of exploit those advanced technologies correctly. Absence of ethic and moral standards has brought us human beings two catastrophes. Hence, we can hardly expect our children to establish a better world without high ethic and moral standards.

Moreover, the whole society has been trying to create a better atmosphere to socialize children, not as bad as the speaker states. These examples—children are encouraged by parents to participate in activities aiming at improving their social skills; schools advocate students to work as volunteers for the purpose of serving society; advanced computer technology provide teenagers with access to communicate with friends from different countries—can best substantiate my viewpoint.

To summarize, we can only promise to cultivate children with the ability to establish a better society on the premise of soberly realizing what factors actually determining our future, and under no circumstances can we lose confidence in our education.

dly89418UID: 2712056

After analyzing the speaker’s statement, I got (这里用过去式容易使后面时态混乱)to realize it consists of two aspects: first is that the destiny of our society hinges on how children are socialized, and second is we nowadays haven’t learned how to socialize children. （逻辑不错）From my viewpoint, I agree with the first aspect insofar as the extent of socialization can impose significant influence on our future society. （感觉这句话不完整）However, we should take an all-sided consideration that our society’s destiny also relies on other factors, not merely children’s socialization.

There is no denying that the importance of socialization in providing children with not only the ability to communicate and interact with people around, but also the sense of cooperation, both of which will affect their future life and society’s progress. Lacking the ability to get along with people around usually contributes to a feeling of loneness and deficiencies in character, which can definitely do harm to children’s healthy development.（很流畅） As we all know, children are the hopes of future and will undertake the responsibility of establishing a better society. Hence, both the sound development of children and desires for a better society require the necessity of children’s socialization. 简洁流畅~~

Notwithstanding, we have got to soberly realize the desire for a better society cannot be achieved merely focusing on socialization. There also exist other factors, if not more important, serve as equal importance as socialization, such as spirits of innovation and high ethic and moral standards. Almost all the miraculous achievements today result from human’s unremitting pursuit for innovations.好句子 Consider, the typical example of computer, advances in computer science（advanced computer science） have opened us a whole new world and brought earth-shaking changes to both (of our life social manufacture, and science research)(manufacture of social life or science research 这样更简洁些), （like making it possible to shop online, produce products automatically, and provide scientists with vivid simulated experiments.）（such as online shopping, automatic production or vivid stimulated experiments to the scientists） Meanwhile, ethic and moral standards also serve as indispensible and significant roles in society’s evolution. They can conduct and limit our behaviors for (on) the purpose of exploiting those advanced technologies correctly. Absence of ethic and moral standards has brought us human beings two catastrophes.（我没有看出这两个灾难）Hence, we can hardly expect our children to establish a better world without high ethic and moral standards.（这段感觉有点乱，我想作者是想说socialization不是唯一途径，还有科技和道德也很重要。但是感觉侧重点有点混乱）
Moreover, the whole society has been trying to create a better atmosphere to socialize children, not as bad as the speaker states. These examples（不太地道）—children are encouraged by parents to participate in activities aiming at improving their social skills（感觉这个例子无力）; schools advocate students to work as volunteers for the purpose of serving society（good）; advanced computer technology provide teenagers with access to communicate with friends from different countries—can best substantiate my viewpoint. 观点很好，再有点更有力的例子就好了，比如歌颂一下中国的素质教育和以前填鸭式教育的区别
To summarize, we can only promise to cultivate children with the ability to establish a better society on the premise of soberly realizing what factors actually determining our future, and under no circumstances can we lose confidence in our education.

gorbyUID: 2730851

After analyzing the speaker’s statement, I got to realize it consists of two aspects: first is that the destiny of our society hinges on how children are socialized, and second is we nowadays haven’t learned how to socialize children. From my viewpoint, I agree with the first aspect insofar as the extent of socialization can impose significant influence on our future society. However, we should take an all-sided consideration that our society’s destiny also relies on other factors, not merely children’s socialization.（第一句复述完结论之后提出了自己的观点，但这个观点只是关于第一方面，第二个方面似乎没有提及...但是在下午中又有一段体现，是不是忘了写了）There is no denying that the importance of socialization in providing children with not only the ability to communicate and interact with people around, but also the sense of cooperation, both of which will affect their future life and society’s progress.Lacking the ability to get along with people around usually contributes to a feeling of loneness and deficiencies in character, which can definitely do harm to children’s healthy development. As we all know, children are the hopes of future and will undertake the responsibility of establishing a better society. Hence, both the sound development of children and desires for a better society require the necessity of children’s socialization.Notwithstanding, we have got to soberly realize the desire for a better society cannot be achieved merely focusing on socialization. There also exist other factors, if not more important, serve as equal importance as socialization, such as spirits of innovation and high ethic and moral standards. Almost all the miraculous achievements today result from human’s unremitting pursuit for innovations. Consider, the typical example of computer, advances in computer science have opened us a whole new world and brought earth-shaking changes to both of our life social manufacture, and science research, like making it possible to shop online, produce products automatically, and provide scientists with vivid simulated experiments. Meanwhile, ethic and moral standards also serve as indispensible and significant roles in society’s evolution. They can conduct and limit our behaviors for the purpose of exploit those advanced technologies correctly. Absence of ethic and moral standards has brought us human beings two catastrophes.（是不是忘了加例子了） Hence, we can hardly expect our children to establish a better world without high ethic and moral standards.Moreover, the whole society has been trying to create a better atmosphere to socialize children, not as bad as the speaker states. These examples—children are encouraged by parents to participate in activities aiming at improving their social skills; schools advocate students to work as volunteers for the purpose of serving society; advanced computer technology provide teenagers with access to communicate with friends from different countries—can best substantiate my viewpoint.To summarize, we can only promise to cultivate children with the ability to establish a better society on the premise of soberly realizing what factors actually determining our future, and under no circumstances can we lose confidence in our education.



从全文看，倒数第二段就是一个很孤立的部分。开头和结尾都没有提到这部分。两个方面第一个是侧重点，第二个略写，但是不是开头结尾的时候脉络最好还是要把第二部分连进去的吧。我跑去看了下北美的那个范文，里面笔力的分配还是比较均匀一些的。
Ps：文字很流畅自然啊，好几个句子不错

nannan6474UID: 2612196

After analyzing the speaker’s statement, I got to realize it consists of two aspects: first is that the destiny of our society hinges on how children are socialized, and second is we nowadays haven’t learned how to socialize children. From my viewpoint, I agree with the first aspect insofar as the extent of socialization can impose significant influence on our future society. However, we should take an all-sided consideration that our society’s destiny also relies on other factors, not merely children’s socialization.

There is no denying that the importance of socialization in providing children with not only the ability to communicate and interact with people around, but also the sense of cooperation, both of which will affect their future life and society’s progress. Lacking the ability to get along with people around usually contributes to a feeling of loneness and deficiencies in character, which can definitely do harm to children’s healthy development. As we all know, children are the hopes of future and will undertake the responsibility of establishing a better society. Hence, both the sound development of children and desires for a better society require the necessity of children’s socialization. (感觉和北美范文的第二段很像)

Notwithstanding, we have got to soberly realize the desire for a better society cannot be achieved merely focusing on socialization. There also exist other factors, if not more important, serve as equal importance as socialization, such as spirits of innovation and high ethic and moral standards. Almost all the miraculous achievements today result from human’s unremitting pursuit for innovations. Consider, the typical example of computer, advances in computer science have opened us a whole new world and brought earth-shaking changes to both of our life social manufacture, and science research, like making it possible to shop online, produce products automatically, and provide scientists with vivid simulated experiments. Meanwhile, ethic and moral standards also serve as indispensable and significant roles in society’s evolution. They can conduct and limit our behaviors for the purpose of exploit those advanced technologies correctly. Absence of ethic and moral standards has brought us human beings two catastrophes. Hence, we can hardly expect our children to establish a better world without high ethic and moral standards.（这个连接不错，讲moral standard和a better world连在一起）

Moreover, the whole society has been trying to create a better atmosphere to socialize children, not as bad as the speaker states. These examples—children are encouraged by parents to participate in activities aiming at improving their social skills; schools advocate students to work as volunteers for the purpose of serving society; advanced computer technology provide teenagers with access to communicate with friends from different countries—can best substantiate my viewpoint.

To summarize, we can only promise to cultivate children with the ability to establish a better society on the premise of soberly realizing what factors actually determining our future, and under no circumstances can we lose confidence in our education.
文章条理不错，但是讲better society讲得少一点。个人短见。

NEU公孙轩辕UID: 2697609

听取大家意见，修改

After analyzing the speaker’s statement, I get to realize it consists of two aspects: first is that the destiny of our society hinges on how children are socialized, and second is we nowadays haven’t learned how to socialize children. From my viewpoint, I agree with the first aspect insofar as the extent of socialization can impose significant influence on our future society; however, we should take an all-sided consideration that our society’s destiny also relies on other factors, not merely children’s socialization. Moreover, education nowadays has contributed to children’s socialization.

There is no denying that the importance of socialization in providing children with not only the ability to communicate and interact with people around, but also the sense of cooperation, both of which will affect their future life and society’s progress.Lacking the ability to get along with people around usually contributes to a feeling of loneness and deficiencies in character, which can definitely do harm to children’s healthy development. As we all know, children are the hopes of future and will undertake the responsibility of establishing a better society. Hence, both the sound development of children and desires for a better society require the necessity of children’s socialization.

Notwithstanding, we have got to soberly realize the desire for a better society cannot be achieved merely focusing on socialization. There also exist other factors, if not more important, serve as equal importance as socialization, such as spirits of innovation and high ethic and moral standards. Almost all the miraculous achievements today result from human’s unremitting pursuit for innovations. Consider, the typical example of computer, advances in computer science have opened us a whole new world and brought earth-shaking changes to both manufacture of social life and science research, such as online shopping, automatic production and vivid simulated scientific  experiments.  Meanwhile, ethic and moral standards also serve as indispensible and significant roles in society’s evolution. They can conduct and limit our behaviors for the purpose of exploit those advanced technologies correctly. Absence of ethic and moral standards has brought us human beings two catastrophes—World War I and World War II. Hence, we can hardly expect our children to establish a better world without high ethic and moral standards.

Furthermore, the whole society has been trying to create a better atmosphere to socialize children, not as bad as the speaker states. Take three examples to substantiate my point. First, quality- oriented education, which focus more on students social skills, has been arising in China to replace the unsuitable exam-oriented. Second, many schools and colleges advocate students to work as volunteers for the purpose of serving society. Third, advanced computer science provide students with access to communicate with friends from all over the world. Clearly, the unremitting efforts made by our society cannot be denied.

To summarize, we can only promise to cultivate children with the ability to establish a better society on the premise of soberly realizing what factors actually determining our future, and under no circumstances can we lose confidence in our education.