【big fish】习作1.2 issue No.3---by rachelwang712

rachelwang712UID: 2757860

3、"It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations."

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提纲
1.没有长远考虑，只对现世利益关注会使得子孙需要为我们的所为付出更大的代价。环保
2长期调查为未来做好准备。核能开发
3立刻需要解决的问题当然不能被忽视，但长期的调查有时能帮助我们解决现有的问题

Endless discussion over how government spend its revenue has been going on when officials struggle to decide whether to invest in long-term projects so that future generateion will be benefited or to put money in addressing immediate problems. However, as far as I am concerned, long-term researches are more worthy to be supported financially than immediate solutions to existing problems. The fruitful heritage they serve to be for our offsprings, the preparation they set us for unknown future and the way they help us to improve social backwards nowadays count for my opinion.

To begin with, a dozen of causes that will affect our future generations profoundly call for financial aid now. If we don't invest money in such areas, perhaps we won't suffer but very likely, our children, grandchildren will have to pay for what we have not done now and their costs can be quite overwhelming that the mankind as a whole can be threatened. The case of environmental protection serves best to illustrate my point. Leaving manufacturers drying up all kinds of valuable natural resources, factories dumping waste into rivers without processing them, which is often seen in rural areas in China, may generate a climbing GDP, a seemingly properous society and a rising living standard. But what are we going to leave for our next generations? A planet over-exploited, heavily-polluted and unfit for human to live on. To prevent all these from happening, investment in long-term projects aiming at environmental protection should be made right away although they are unable to boost or even sometimes inhibit the rise in GDP and although they don't necessarily address immediate social problems.

Moreover, study over a long time span usually leads to insightful analysis and thus prediction for future. To put it another way, they benefit us by preparing us for possible future dangers. Actually, in order to polish the prediction, more statistics over longer time are indispensable. As a consequence, reseaches requiring a handleful of time deserve the years spent, the money invested in that they can tell us more precisely when the danger will come and how it will come so that we have plenty of time to figure out how to diminish the possible damage and how to preserve ourselves.

It is deniable that pressing social problems have to the top priority after all. However, long-term researches also find their way to help finding solutions to those problems. A closer inspection of the environment example reveals this. If a river is polluted, surely money should be spent in cleaning it up but to solve from the headstream, investment should also be made to finance a long-term project to examine the pollutants, how they came all the way here, what we could do to prevent such pollution from happening again and such. In fact, long-term studies play a critical role in handling a large quantity of pressing social conflicts.

In conclusion, when it comes to money allocation, projects featuring a long time span deserve a as careful consideration as, if not more than, immediate existing problems. They may bring us surprise one day.

kingwyf87UID: 2457409

Endless discussion over how government spend its revenue has been going on when officials struggle to decide whether to invest in long-term projects so that future generateion(generation) will be benefited or to put money in addressing immediate(current) problems.(太长了要适度断句) However, as far as I am concerned, long-term researches are more worthy to be supported (financially删) than (immediate solutions to existing删)(the present) problems. The fruitful heritage they serve to be(语法有问题 The fruitful heritage left for serving our offspring) for our offsprings(可数吗？), the preparation they set us for unknown future and the way they help us to improve social backwards nowadays count(两个动词？) for my opinion.(没看懂，语法也有问题)

To begin with, a dozen of causes that will affect our future generations profoundly call for financial aid (support)now. (感觉表达的不好 call for是不是考虑换一个？)If we don't invest money in such areas, perhaps we won't suffer (缺宾语表达不好不要按中文的思路和语言习惯)but very likely, our children, grandchildren will have to pay for what we have not done now and their costs can be quite overwhelming that the mankind as a whole(两篇都用过这个短语，看着很怪，这个短语就是这么用的吗？) can be threatened.(这句写感觉是不夸张过了啊？呵呵) The case of environmental protection serves best to illustrate my point. Leaving(这里是这么用法啊？) manufacturers drying up all kinds of valuable natural resources, factories dumping waste into rivers without processing (them删), which is often seen in rural areas in China, may(哪个是主语？) generate a climbing GDP, a seemingly properous(prosperous) society and a rising living standard. But what are we going to leave for our (next generations删)offspring? A planet over-exploited, heavily-polluted and unfit for human to live (on删).(怎么又变成过去时了，是要过去分词修饰吗？) To prevent all these from happening, investment in long-term projects aiming at environmental protection should be made right away although they are unable to boost or even sometimes inhibit the rise in GDP and although they don't necessarily address immediate social problems.(这一句也过于长了)

Moreover, study over a long time span(感觉这句表达不好，中式语言) usually leads to insightful analysis and thus prediction for future. To put it another way, they benefit us by preparing (us删) for possible future dangers. Actually, in order to polish the prediction, more statistics over longer time are indispensable(感觉用个动词的形式会更好). As a consequence, reseaches requiring(被需要吧？) a handleful of time deserve the years spent(没看懂哦，想表达研究是值得花费数年的？), the money invested in that they can tell us more precisely when the danger will come and how (it will come 删重复了)so that we have plenty of time to figure out how to diminish the possible damage and how to preserve(protect?) ourselves(句子太长).(感觉这一段立论有些偏了)

It is deniable(undeniable?) that pressing social problems have to(have to 不太好吧) the top priority after all. However, long-term researches also find their way to help finding solutions to those problems.(这句是想表达什么意思呢？前后什么关系啊没明白) A closer inspection of the environment example reveals this. If a river is polluted, surely money should be spent in cleaning it up but to solve from the headstream(是不是用从本质上根本上解决会好些呢？源头感觉表达不好), investment should also be made to finance(support) a long-term project to examine(这个词用得不对吧？) the pollutants, how they came all the way here(这半句表达有问题), what we could do to prevent such pollution from happening again and such. In fact, long-term studies play a critical role in handling a large quantity of pressing social conflicts.

In conclusion, when it comes to money allocation, projects featuring a long time span deserve a as careful consideration as, if not more than, immediate existing problems. They may bring us surprise one day.

写作的时候列出提纲这点很好，但整体感觉本篇不如上一篇，存在较多的语法、表达错误，需要进一步改正。要积累一些比较地道的表达，避免少用中式的语言。另外，句子不可写太长，尤其还没有达到娴熟的语言驾驭能力，写的过长语法、表达都容易出问题而且评阅人看不懂反而分数会下来，不如简单富有变化的句式表达的来得好。