argument53限时失败，求拍

after17UID: 2681985

TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 339 /411
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010/2/22 23:21:29

At first glance, this argument seems to be plausibly well-reasoned. The author advocates that it is the increase of melatonin before birth leads to shyness during the infancy and this shyness continues into later life. To justify this claim, the author points out that 25 infants were distressed when exposed to unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. In addition, he cites that the infants were more likely to have been born in autumn in which the melatonin rate is high. However, this argument contains a series of flaws, which contribute to its prematurity.

First and foremost, the survey is not valid as 25 infants are not enough to represent the whole infants in that country or all over the world. The author fails to provide any information about the total population of the nation or what fraction the infants take among the whole population. The greater this number, the less credible the survey. Therefore, unless it can be indicated that 25 infants are representative of the whole infants, I am not convinced by the assertion.

In addition, there is no evidence implying that the increase of melatonin leads to the distress. Other factors such as weather may attribute to the distress. Besides, the author falsely equates mild distress with shyness. As we know, the two things are different, thus there is no information to show that melatonin affects the shyness of infants. Unless the author gives more evidence between the melatonin and distress and shyness is equal to distress, the conclusion is open to doubt.

Last but not least, even assuming that mild distress equates with shyness, the author forgets other possible causes to shyness. Maybe environmental atmosphere results in the shyness of those teenagers. Or perhaps, other genetic factors attributes to shyness in those teens. Different people may consider shyness in different ways. In this way, without a clear definition of shyness the survey is unwarranted. Additionally, we do not know the percentage of total teenagers who define themselves as shy. If the fraction is higher than 50 percent then there is no correlation between melatonin and shyness. Without ruling out these potentialities, the writer's claim remains dubious at best.

In sum, the author's recommendation is ill conceived and poorly supported. To strengthen the argument, the writer must ensure me that the sample contained 25 infants is representative. In order to better evaluate the suggestions, we would need more information about the relationship between melatonin and shyness.

after17UID: 2681985

after17UID: 2681985

爱上千年的猫UID: 2476232

3# after17
回拍来啦~~

TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 339 /411
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010/2/22 23:21:29

At first glance, this argument seems to be plausibly well-reasoned. The author advocates that it is the increase of melatonin before birth leads to shyness during the infancy and this shyness continues into later life. To justify this claim, the author points out that (加上in a research,) 25 infants were distressed when exposed to unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. In addition, he cites that the infants were more likely to have been born in autumn in which the melatonin rate is high. However, this argument contains a series of flaws, which contribute to its prematurity.（prematurity是早熟/早产的意思，在这里好像不太合适，用unconvincing就可以咯~）

First and foremost, the survey is not valid as 25 infants are not enough to represent the whole infants in that country or all over the world. The author fails to provide any information about the total (加infant) population of the nation or what fraction the infants take among the whole population. The greater this number（感觉有点指代不明，以为是说上面提到的比例，改成the number involved in the research应该好一些）, the less credible the survey. Therefore, unless it can be indicated that 25 infants are representative of the whole infants, I am（用can not be感觉更好） not be convinced by the assertion.

In addition, there is no evidence implying that the increase of melatonin leads to the(删去) distress. Other factors such as weather may
（加also，语气上更为连贯） attribute to（应该是contribute to, attribute to是归因于的意思） the distress. Besides, the author falsely equates mild distress with shyness. As we know, the two things are different,（这里只说这两个不同有点单薄，不如说作者没有给出shyness和mild distress的具体定义，我们无法知道这两者是否相同） thus there is no information to show that melatonin affects the shyness of infants. Unless the author gives more evidence(改为link, evidence应该是要prove sth.) between the melatonin and distress and (加showing，意思会更清楚) shyness is equal to distress, the conclusion is open to doubt.

Last but not least, even assuming that mild distress equates with shyness, the author forgets（也可用ignores） other possible causes to shyness. Maybe environmental atmosphere results in the shyness of those teenagers. Or perhaps, other genetic factors attributes to（contribute to） shyness in those teens.(这两句后半部分shyness in those teens有点重复，最好换个表达方式) Different people may consider shyness in different ways. In this way（有点怪，可以合并两句为，Since different people may consider shyness in different ways, the survey is unwarranted without a clear definition of shyness.而且与前句表达的是不同意思，应该在这句前面加入Yet，表示意思的转换）, without a clear definition of shyness the survey is unwarranted. Additionally, we do not know the percentage of total teenagers who define themselves as shy（自己定义自己为shy好像比较少见，被定义较多吧）. If the fraction is higher than 50 percent then there is no correlation between melatonin and shyness. Without ruling out these potentialities, the writer's claim remains dubious at best.

In sum, the author's recommendation is ill conceived and poorly supported. To strengthen the argument, the writer must ensure me that the sample contained（containing） 25 infants is representative. In order to better evaluate the suggestions, we would need more information about the relationship between melatonin and shyness.

after17UID: 2681985

At first glance, this argument seems to be plausibly well-reasoned. The author advocates that it is the increase of melatonin before birth leads to shyness during the infancy and this shyness continues into later life. To justify this claim, the author points out that (加上in a research,) 25 infants were distressed when exposed to unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. In addition, he cites that the infants were more likely to have been born in autumn in which the melatonin rate is high. However, this argument contains a series of flaws, which contribute to its prematurity.（prematurity是早熟/早产的意思，在这里好像不太合适，用unconvincing就可以咯~）

prematuriy 在这里我就是想用早熟的意思，大概也可以说成这个结论不成熟的意思吧。

First and foremost, the survey is not valid as 25 infants are not enough to represent the whole infants in that country or all over the world. The author fails to provide any information about the total (加infant) population of the nation or what fraction the infants take among the whole population. The greater this number（感觉有点指代不明，以为是说上面提到的比例，改成the number involved in the research应该好一些）, the less credible the survey. Therefore, unless it can be indicated that 25 infants are representative of the whole infants, I am（用cannot be感觉更好） not be convinced by the assertion.

In addition, there is no evidence implying that the increase of melatonin leads to the(删去) distress. Other factors such as weather may
（加also，语气上更为连贯） attribute to（应该是contribute to, attribute to是归因于的意思） the distress. Besides, the author falsely equates mild distress with shyness. As we know, the two things are different,（这里只说这两个不同有点单薄，不如说作者没有给出shyness和mild distress的具体定义，我们无法知道这两者是否相同）
这个意见太好了，谢谢

Last but not least, even assuming that mild distress equates with shyness, the author forgets（也可用ignores） other possible causes to shyness. Maybe environmental atmosphere results in the shyness of those teenagers. Or perhaps, other genetic factors attributes to（contribute to） shyness in those teens.(这两句后半部分shyness in those teens有点重复，最好换个表达方式) Different people may consider shyness in different ways. In this way（有点怪，可以合并两句为，Since different people may consider shyness in different ways, the survey is unwarranted without a clear definition of shyness.而且与前句表达的是不同意思，应该在这句前面加入Yet，表示意思的转换）, without a clear definition of shyness the survey is unwarranted. Additionally, we do not know the percentage of total teenagers who define themselves as shy（自己定义自己为shy好像比较少见，被定义较多吧）.
但是调查里是这样说的啊，他们自己认为自己shy

In sum, the author's recommendation is ill conceived and poorly supported. To strengthen the argument, the writer must ensure me that the sample contained（containing） 25 infants is representative. In order to better evaluate the suggestions, we would need more information about the relationship between melatonin and shyness.

kejanUID: 2606891

具体的改我的水平还很有限，我稍微给点我的意见
1：段落内的展开比较少，
例如： 作者把 distress 和 shyness 的含义给混了，那么在你 提到之后最好紧跟一个两者到底区别在哪，或者说明这个distress 是一种什么表现  来论证你的论点：“作者把 distress 和 shyness 的含义给混了”  不然作者会反问：为什么说我混了
再比如：如果说25数量不够多的，可以举一些反例，说样本容量少回出现什么问题               
2：关于shyness的定义问题，其实就是研究的科学性问题，这个你是可以这样写的，我同意你的论述

KJ愚见，O(∩_∩)O~
呵呵，正好我刚写这篇，有空帮我也看看，我实力比较菜，多拍拍O(∩_∩)O哈！
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1076686-1-1.html