issue 51 只剩半个月了 求指教

十二国记UID: 2486274

第一次发帖，比较惶恐，还有半个月，但是觉得自己的作文水平还是层次比较低，恳请各位指教。需要互改的可以把链接附上哦。
TOPIC: ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
1 （正面）教育以学生为中心可以激发学生的主动性和创造性。
2 （反面）考虑每个学生的需要的教育系统可能会低效并且不能充分利用教育资源。
3 （反面） 一个全面发展的学生是社会所需要的。
As one proverb says, education is used to bring change to students and help them establish their aim both for life and society. Eliciting student's own potential and making them be a useful member of societies is what people require education to do. Thus education should take considerations both about student's feature and the needs of society. In my view, although education should consider individual's interests, it cannot ignore its social responsibility, that is, to cultivate students to be a well-rounded person.

Admittedly, establishing a student-centered educational system, which is specifically designed to meet individual needs of each student, can motivate students' initiative and creativity. These qualities is essential for students if they want to achieve bigger process in work or research. As all we know, interest is best teacher for students. Since if a students is forced to learn what he/she isn't interested, their learning efficiency will corresponding be undermined and such boring courses may drive students away from classroom and hurt their curiosity to explore further the unknown world, which is adverse for students development. In that sense, considering students' interests is necessary and should be put the first considering order when teachers teach their students. Meanwhile, education should pay high attention to students' special need. Considering the deference between students, if all students are treated as the same, some talented students won't receive suitable  instruction and thus finally their talent may be wasted.

Not denying the importance of students' needs and interests, however, such educational system that is designated specifically for each students may fail to be effective and cannot make full use of the limited educational resources. Although difference existed in each student, but the knowledge basis for them is the same that all students should receive some basic common knowledge. Students accept such basic knowledge such as moral and ethical knowledge not only in elementary school but also in high school. Such courses inculcate students the right thoughts and make sure them to hold humanity. It will be unnecessary to specifically arrange these knowledge for each student. Group study may be better and such group study let students study together, which is easy for students to find help from others. As a result, this cooperation may enhance the effect of studying. This merit may disappear if each students learns in a specified plan. Meanwhile, in many areas, there are far more students than teachers. In this situation, it's unrealistic to take care of each students' needs and interest. Considering common needs of students may be more effective for these areas.

What is more, a well-rounded students is the need of society. With the development of modern technology, knowledge in different realm become intervening with each other. Only knowing knowledge in one field may be not able to confront the challenge of modern society. A common phenomenon is that, in university, students whose major in liberal art are required to learn some basic scientific curriculum. According to the speaker's assertion, this action is unacceptable but this action is actually reasonable because such Interdisciplinary study may not only stimulate creation but also form students to be a well-rounded person, who is able to survive in modern society. Overemphasis on students own interests may result in some unwanted results, that is, some students may only know narrow knowledge about their major and lack some basic interpersonal skills.  

In summary, Meeting individual interests should be considered by teachers when they are teaching, but establishing such a system seems unrealistic and unnecessary. There are already some considerations in school for students' interests and needs, such as establishing some special school for special students and providing students virous courses to select. And this considerations are enough to take care of students' needs and interests.

keledollUID: 2740820

1# 十二国记 LZ，我跟你差不多时间考，也准备得不怎么样，互相切磋一下啦。这个是我第一次修改别人的作文，很多地方说得不好的还望楼主和其他大侠指证。

As oneproverb says, “Education is used to bring change to students and help them to establish theiraim both for life and society. Eliciting student's own potential and makingthem to be a useful member of societies are what people require education to do.Thus education should take considerations both about student's feature and theneeds of society. In my view, although education should consider individuals'interests, it cannot ignore its social responsibility, that is, to cultivatestudents to be a well-rounded person.

Admittedly, establishing a student-centered educational system, which isspecifically designed to meet individual needs of each student, can motivatestudents' initiative and creativity. These qualities are essential for studentsif they want to achieve bigger process (greater progress?) in work or research.As all we know(As we all know/ As is known to all), interest is best teacherfor students. if a students is forced to learn what he/she isn't interested,their (?)learning efficiency will be correspondingly undermined and such boringcourses may drive students away from classroom and hurt their curiosity toexplore further the unknown world, which is adverse to students’ development.In that sense, considering students' interests is necessary and should be putthe first considering order when teachers teach their students. Meanwhile,education should pay high(more) attention to students' special need.Considering the deference between students, if all students are treated as thesame, some talented students won't receive suitable  instructions andthus finally their talent may be wasted.

Not denying the importance of students' needs and interests, however, sucheducational system that is designated specifically for each students may failto be effective and cannot make full use of the limited educational resources.Although difference existed in each student, the knowledge basis for them isthe same that all students should receive some basic common knowledge. Studentsaccept(acquire?absorb?) basic knowledge such as moral and ethical knowledge(isit moral knowledge basic or essential? I think too much “basic” has been used,the transformation like fundamental or elementary could be used ) not only inelementary school but also in high school. Such courses inculcate students theright thoughts and make sure them to hold humanity. It will be unnecessary tospecifically arrange these knowledge for each student. (感觉这里的连接有点突兀，是想说通过groupstudy学习 morality还是转到了另一个话题？如果是后者，最好在下一段说吧。)Groupstudy may be better and such group study let students study together, which iseasy for students to find help from others. As a result, such form of cooperationmay enhance the effect of study/learning. This merit may disappear if eachstudent learns in a specified plan. Meanwhile, in many areas, there are farmore students than teachers. In this situation, it's unrealistic to take careof each student' need and interest. Considering common needs of students may bemore effective for these areas.

What is more, a well-rounded students is the need（文中多次提到需求，建议作者可以用多种方式表达需求，比如demand，desire，request等） ofsociety. With the development of modern technology, knowledge in differentrealm become intervening with each other. Only knowing knowledge in one fieldmay be not able to confront the challenge of modern society. A commonphenomenon is that, in university, students whose major in liberal art arerequired to learn some basic scientific curriculums. According to the speaker'sassertion, this action is unacceptable but it is actually reasonable becausesuch Interdisciplinary study may not only stimulate creation but also formstudents to be a well-rounded person, who are able to survive in modernsociety. Overemphasis on students own interests may result in some unwantedresults, that is, some students may only know narrow knowledge about theirmajor and lack some basic interpersonal skills.  

In summary, Meeting individual interests should be considered by teachers whenthey are teaching, but establishing such a system seems unrealistic andunnecessary. There are already some considerations in school for students' interestsand needs, such as establishing some special school for special students andproviding students virous courses to select. And these considerations areenough to take care of students' needs and interests.

建议：
1.整体逻辑感觉没有太大问题，论证的过程也合理，但是感觉上好像例子比较少，论证比较多，我个人是prefer有一些例子做补充啦，可能这方面加强一下比较好；
2.如我注释所说，建议作者多采用不同的方式表达同一句话，这样看上去文章会更有生气~
3.可能也是比较少写英文的关系，发现作者跟我一样有坏毛病，单复数搞不清楚~平时训练的时候要多注意。
4.最后一段写得有点空咯，建议写一点点自己的看法。比如开办兴趣班啊、公选课啊，用学分鼓励跨学科学习啊，诸如此类。我觉得这些措施可能已经有了，不过你可以说encourage啊嘛，这样看上去就比较实在一点吧。

十二国记UID: 2486274

2# keledoll
非常感谢啊，感觉你提的建议很中肯。一起加油吧！