淡笑KATHY作文互改の作文

淡笑KathyUID: 2708253

望各位指点 THX!
Agree or disagree?
Because people are too busy doing many different things, they can do few things well.

   With the rapidly increasing competition of our society, individual has to take on more and more challenges. When facing the choice of doing many different things at a time and accomplish them one by one, some will choose the former while others will not. However, as far as I am concerned, if he/she is busying with a great deal of complex tasks, seldom could he/she do things well.

   As is known to all, the span of a day is 24 hours. Since the time and our energy are limited, how could we handle such a numerous number of tasks at the same time? Let us suppose that three tasks are to be done by Rose on one single day. In that case every piece of work will be allocated with at most 8 hours in average if Rose does not need even a short rest. There is no doubt that everything will be in a chaos to some extent. Compared to this situation, Rose will possess 24 hours if she prepared to accomplish one single piece of work a day. Therefore the result will be totally different.

   And when people are busying with tons of undertaking, their mind must be in a mess to some extent. At that time it will be hard for them to concentrate attention on the business in hand. One may need to sketch out the step of a physical experiment while writing his/her psychology essay. As a result, both of the commissions could not be done successfully for neither is given careful consideration.

   Few things could be achieved when many different things are carried on at the meantime. Some people may challenge my view, citing Aristotle, the ancient Greek philosopher, scientist and educator as an example. It is true that Aristotle is a versatile person who rose to fame in different realms, doing diverse things successfully. But this only serves as an exceptional case.

   Because people are busying with diverse things, few things can be done well. Therefore if we have a strong desire to make our mark, we had better concentrate on one single piece of work in hand.

bensonseuUID: 2707369

With the rapidly increasing competition of our society, individual has to take on more and more challenges. When facing the choice of doing many different things at a time and accomplish them one by one, some will choose the former while others will not.
(个人感觉开头的when可以去掉，更简洁点；另外of是不是换成between更确切点？)
However, as far as I am concerned, if he/she is busying with a great deal of complex tasks, seldom could he/she do things well.
（a great deal of +不可数名词？）
   As is known to all, the span of a day is 24 hours. Since the time and our energy are limited, how could we handle such a numerous number of tasks at the same time? Let us suppose that three tasks are to be done by Rose on one single day. In that case every piece of work will be allocated with at most 8 hours in average if Rose does not need even a short rest. There is no doubt that everything will be in a chaos to some extent. Compared to this situation, Rose will possess 24 hours if she prepared to accomplish one single piece of work a day. Therefore the result will be totally different., u4 J( ^$ o# M) x* T/ i
（个人感觉这边的例子可以再细节点，说的再多点）
And when people are busying with tons of undertaking, their mind（s） must be in a mess to some extent. At that time it will be hard for them to concentrate attention on the business in hand. One may need to sketch out the step of a physical experiment while writing his/her psychology essay. As a result, both of the commissions could not be done successfully for neither is given careful consideration.
   Few things could be achieved when many different things are carried on at the meantime. Some people may challenge my view, citing Aristotle, the ancient Greek philosopher, scientist and educator as an example. It is true that Aristotle is a versatile person who rose to fame in different realms, doing diverse things successfully. But this only serves as an exceptional case.

Because people are busying with diverse things, few things can be done well. Therefore if we have a strong desire to make our mark, we had better concentrate on one single piece of work in hand.
（文章里面没有出现语法错误和单词拼写错误，显然是自己也已经修改过后的结果，这个习惯很好；文章思路清晰调理清楚继续保持；有些例子个人建议可以深入一些。Eg：为什么24小时做一件事要比8小时做一件事的结果要好呢？笔者可以谈到因为我们有更多的时间去准备task，有更多的机会去注意每一个细节等等，而非一笔带过理所当然地认为前者就是比后者好，因为文章让我们解释的就是这个问题可以再具体点。
很抱歉我也是第一次写托福作文，个人的建议仅仅来自于之前准备的其他一些考试的经验和看法，如有不当之处欢迎指出供大家讨论，加油O(∩_∩)O哈！↖(^ω^)↗）

淡笑KathyUID: 2708253

2.24 Agree or disagree?
People should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to another place.

    Choosing the place where we live is a hot topic which may haunt us all our life. Some people may prefer moving to another place, exploring new life while others would rather living in the city or country all lifelong . As for me, a girl who like to challenge the fresh and unusual, I favor moving into another area.
    There’s no denying that living in the same area, walking on the same street when back home for fifty year is monotonous. It is moving to new places that add colors to our daily life. If one individual decides to change a new environment for family, he/she would definitely walks around, searching for new place. Furthermore, purchasing new furniture and decorating new house with family must be what they would do in priority. Augeuste Rodin, the French sculptor, has a saying that it's not the lack of beauty in life, but the lack of the eyes to find the beauty. It is from interesting things of this kind that one will discover the beauty of life with his/her eyes.
       Everything will be brand new after moving to another place, Both the acquaintance he/she meets and the environment he/she is amid in offers individual a chance to widen eyesight. The new friend one make may sparkle him/her a new idea on the domain which he/she embarks on recently. And the environment that moved into might change the unhealthy lifestyle he/she had carried on for decades. As Forrest Gump’s mum said “Life was like a box of chocolates, and you never know what you’re gonna get.” So who knows what new life will bring to you. Maybe there’s a new continent waiting for you to explore.
          When mentioning about cost, some people may argue that moving to another place is a waste of money. It might be tempting to agree with the idea of staying in one place forever on the basic of saving money. However, how could a house which you had lived in for fifty years not need not to redecorate? On the other saying, it might cost you as much as redecorating to move to another place.
      Life is full of challenge and fun. Moving to another place rather than staying provides individual a chance to explore the beautiful scene of life.

谢谢各位的指教~大家一起加油( ⊙ o ⊙ )啊！

slimhUID: 2438517

2.24 Agree or disagree? People should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to another place.  {  }# d- h% x; F/ K8 ? Choosing the place where we（to) live(in) is a hot topic which may haunt us all （of）our life. Some people may prefer moving to another place, exploring new life while others would rather living in the city or country all lifelong . As for me(去掉）, (as for me跟后面的插入语，尤其a girl这段看着重叠，建议 用 as a girl) a girl who likes to challenge the fresh and unusual, I am in favor of moving into another area.! K; U5 e2 P' I There’s no denying that living in the same area, walking on the same street when going back home for fifty years is（are) monotonous. It is moving to new places( that 后面的从句修饰前面哪个呢？我看的不是很明白）that add colors to our daily life.(建议改成that move to new palces are adding colors to our daily life.. add colors lz确定这个是地道的表现？) If one individual decides to change a new environment for family, he/she would definitely walks around, searching（search) for new place. Furthermore, purchasing new furniture and decorating new house with family  must be(are a must) what they would (have to )do in priority. Augeuste Rodin, the French sculptor, has a saying that it's not the lack of beauty in life, but the lack of the eyes to find the beauty. It is from interesting things of this kind (It is interesting )that one will discover the beauty of life with his/her eyes.   Everything will be brand new(make a brand new start开始新生活) after moving to another place, Both the acquaintance he/she meets and the environment he/she is amid in offers individual a （去掉）chance to widen eyesight. （这句子好长啊。。建议分掉）The new friend one make may sparkle him/her a new idea on the domain which he/she embarks on recently. And the environment that （where)moved into might change the unhealthy lifestyle he/she had carried on for decades. As Forrest Gump’s mum said “Life was like a box of chocolates, and you never know what you’re gonna get.” So who knows what kind of new life will be brought (bring） to you. Maybe there’s a new continent waiting for you to explore.7 b* m& M; m+ D# Z3 |2 d* h           When mentioning about cost, some people may argue that moving to another place is a waste of（wasting) money. It might be tempting to agree with the idea of staying in one place forever on the basic of saving money. However, how could a house which you had lived in for fifty years not need not to(??两个not) dont need to be redecorate? On the other saying, it might cost you as much as(as much as redecorating to move to another place.9 Q8 G4 q1 F; |( C       Life is full of challenge and fun. Moving to another place rather than staying provides individual a chance to explore the beautiful scene of life 总结：  第一大问题：LZ的从句太长了，而且有错误。建议先琢磨语法之后再做 至于内容的话，第三段是写的最好的，第2断第3断，说实话我找不到主题。 楼主是不是想表述，第二段写 move to another place可以发现不同的美丽，第3断表示可以发现不同的新奇的事物的想法吗？ 然后第三段是去新地方浪费钱？ 个人建议每个段加一个主旨句，不然看的人实在是想不到主题或者原因在哪里呀。。多练练找感觉最重要。。刚开始写可能有点混乱时肯定的。。8 zongjie  y* p1 `" zongjuee1 K8 K( N4 I6 V

淡笑KathyUID: 2708253

Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money, agree or not?

        Sometimes it was heard from the local newspaper that some businessmen made product regardless of law and morals in order to maximize profit. Therefore, some people conclude that businessmen are only motivated by desire of money. However, in my opinion, making money is not the only reason that drives businessmen. Personal- fulfillment and sense of responsibility can be other motivations.
        It is no denying that making remarkable achievements and fulfilling one’s goal is what everyone dreams about. So do Businessmen. We could imagine that as a 7-year-old child, he/she may dream about doing business in the future. And when he/she is in charge of a company one day, he/she may pursue to extend its enterprise into more fields. It is one’s ambition and personal-fulfillment that prompt him/her to pursue excellence continuously.
         Sense of responsibility is another force that encourages businessmen. Individual might strive to earn a better living for his/her family as well as make some contribution to the society. One typical example is the charitable foundation established by Bill Gates, the world richest businessman in 1999. The primary aims of the foundation are, globally, to enhance the healthcare and reduce extreme poverty. Although Bill Gates got rich, the first thing he did after earning large sum of money is to make his contribution to the society. “I felt I should do something for my society when I was young.” Gates said. It was the responsibility that inspires Gates to keep going.
         Some people may argue money is the only motivation for businessmen, citing some industries who add some additional poisonous component to the seafood in order to make it look fresh as example. It is true that some businessmen lose their morals in order to make more profit. However, it only serves as an exceptional case.
       In brief, the desire of money is not the only motivation for businessmen. They might also be driven by personal-fulfillment and sense of responsibility.

bensonseuUID: 2707369

Sometimes it was heard from the local newspaper that some businessmen made product regardless of law and morals in order to maximize profit. Therefore, some people conclude that businessmen are only motivated by desire of money. However, in my opinion, making money is not the only reason that drives businessmen. Personal- fulfillment and sense of responsibility can be other motivations.（开头很不错！）

It（there） is no denying that making remarkable achievements and fulfilling one’s goal is what everyone dreams about. So do Businessmen. We could imagine that as a 7-year-old child, he/she may dream about doing business in the future. And when he/she is in charge of a company one day, he/she may pursue to extend its enterprise into more fields. It is one’s ambition and personal-fulfillment that prompt him/her to pursue excellence continuously.（语言上论述的不错，只是感觉例子有点单薄，建议LZ可以举一个名人的例子，说他小时候立志就做一名成功的商人，后来通过努力成功了，个人感觉这样就更cogent了(*^__^*) ……）

         Sense of responsibility is another force that encourages businessmen. Individual might strive to earn a better living for his/her family as well as make some contribution（单复数） to the society. One typical example is the charitable foundation established by Bill Gates, the world richest businessman in 1999. The primary aims of the foundation are, globally, to enhance the healthcare and reduce extreme poverty. Although Bill Gates got rich, the first thing he did after earning large sums of money is to make his contribution to the society. “I felt I should do something for my society when I was young.” Gates said. It was the responsibility that inspires Gates to keep going.（时态感觉要统一下）


         Some people may argue money is the only motivation for businessmen, citing some industries who add some additional poisonous components to the seafood in order to make it look fresh as an example. It is true that some businessmen lose their morals in order to make more profits. However, it only serves as an exceptional case.

        In brief, the desire of money is not the only motivation for businessmen. They might also be driven by personal-fulfillment and sense of responsibility.
（这是我第二次看您的文章了，LZ的功底在我看来很不错，不管从用词还是句子上。全篇读下来还是很流畅的，一些个人意见我已经标明在文中了，就不赘述了。继续加油吧~~！）

淡笑KathyUID: 2708253

Agree or not? Playing sports can teach us the importance lesson of life.
       Playing sports, such as badminton, tennis and golf, is an integral part in our daily life. Some people do sports in order to keep fit while others simply enjoy the fun and excitement. Thought it may be possible to measure the value of sports in term of joyfulness, it is extremely difficult to estimate the true value of what sports teach us in our life. Because the lesson sports teaches us lies in many aspects. The spirit of persistence, the attitude while facing success and failure and the essence of competition are what sports can teach us as the lessons of life.
        It has been said that the spirit of persistence is the first lesson individual can learn while playing sports. In every process of doing sports, ranging from training as a new-hand to competing with others, persistence is of paramount important. Take playing tennis as an example. A new-hand should learn forehand, backhand and how to serve the ball in the beginning. To make the gesture natural, practicing for tens of thousands of times in the burning sun, repeating the same movement must be a routine. Such practicing will definitely temper one’s willpower, making him/her more persistent. Furthermore, competing with powerful rivals will also teach him/her to be more persevering.
          How to face success and failure in a proper way is what individual will learn when participating in sports. Winning a victory and being defeated are common occurrence in competitions. If one individual is too arrogant after defeating his/her opponents, he/she might lose the next game for he/she is very likely to underestimate the rivals. It is from this experience that one will learn to face success with modest and moderate attitude. By the same token, one will attain the essence of confronting failure during the game, being a more mature person. Compared to our life, the success and failure in the game is also what we will surely encounter in our lifetime. If one armed with the proper attitude towards sorrow and happiness, he/she can be the winner of life.
       ‘Swifter, stronger, higher’ is what the Olympic Games promotes. Playing sports is a process of challenging oneself continuously. Individual will strive to get a higher standard and win more powerful rivals. In the twenty-first century, the society is full of competitions, ranging from competing the class monitor in primary to acquiring a high social status when grow up. Therefore, the essence of competition one acquires through games is of great importance and it will absolutely encourage individual to climb up a higher peak.
       Some people say that life is a sport game. And the significant lessons one learn through playing sports, including persistence, the attitude towards success and failure and the essence of competition will surely be beneficial to one’s life.

slimhUID: 2438517

Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money, agree or not? 3 ?4 H* p( b/ Z! f/ k

Sometimes it was(如果前面是sometimes的话，后面要加is吧？） heard from the local newspaper that some businessmen made product (products)regardless of law and morals in order to maximize profit. Therefore, some people conclude that businessmen are only motivated by desire of money. However, in my opinion, making money is not the only reason that drives businessmen. Personal- fulfillment and sense of responsibility can be other motivations.(good!!明显比上一篇进步很多！！)

It(there) is no denying(要么就是it is undeniable) that making remarkable achievements and fulfilling one’s goal is(are) what everyone dreams about. So do Businessmen. We could imagine that as a 7-year-old child, he/she may dream about doing business in the future. And when he/she is in charge of a company one day, he/she may pursue to extend its enterprise into more fields. It is one’s ambition and personal-fulfillment that prompt him/her to pursue excellence continuously.3 k! G9 b8 s5 r- j8 T

Sense of responsibility is another force that encourages businessmen（建议businessmen前面还是加个most等范围词，因为不是每个人都有责任感嘛）. Individual might strive to earn a better living for his/her family as well as make some contribution to the society. One typical example is the charitable foundation established by Bill Gates, the world richest businessman in 1999. The primary aims of the foundation are, globally, to enhance the healthcare and reduce extreme poverty. Although Bill Gates got rich, that(从句中只有宾语从句里面的That 可以省略，LZ这个is前面是主语成分吧？那就要加that） the first thing he did after earning large sum of money is to make his contribution to the society. “I felt I should do something for my society when I was young.” Gates said. It was the responsibility that inspires(inspire多用于灵感，aspire是多用于渴望愿望) Gates to keep going.





Some people may argue money is the only motivation for businessmen, citing some industries who add some additional poisonous component to the seafood in order to make it look fresh as example. It is true that some businessmen lose their morals in order to make more profit. However, it only serves as an exceptional case.

  In brief, the desire of money is not the only motivation for businessmen. They might also be driven by personal-fulfillment and sense of responsibility.

总结：明显的比上一篇写得好！继续努力啊！ 倒数第二段是稍微提一下转折么？因为最后一段字数少，可否合并？只是个人意见。

其他的词汇没有问题。！语法明显改善好多!

奇流沙UID: 2698749

2.26 Agree or not? Playing sports can teach us the importance lesson of life.
% U4 u) C7 p! e; a3 A( p       Playing sports, such as badminton, tennis and golf, is an integral part in our daily life. Some people do sports in order to keep fit while others simply enjoy the fun and excitement. Though it may be possible to measure the value of sports in term of joyfulness, it is extremely difficult to estimate the true value of what sports teach us in our life. Because the lesson sports teaches us lies in many aspects. The spirit of persistence, the attitude while facing success and failure and the essence of competition are what sports can teach us as the lessons of life.
赞~~开头段很好咩~
% _, D0 R( c5 Q! Z        It has been said that the spirit of persistence is the first lesson individual can learn while playing sports. In every process of doing sports, ranging from training as a new-hand to competing(compete??) with others, persistence is of paramount important(importance). Take playing tennis as an example. A new-hand should learn forehand, backhand and how to serve the ball in the beginning. To make the gesture natural, practicing for tens of thousands of times in the burning sun, repeating the same movement must be a routine. Such practicing will definitely temper one’s willpower, making him/her more persistent. Furthermore, competing with powerful rivals will also teach him/her to be more persevering
例子不错~
          How to face success and failure in a proper way is what individual will learn when participating in sports. Winning a victory and being defeated are common occurrence in competitions. If one individual is too arrogant after defeating his/her opponents, he/she might lose the next game for he/she is very likely to underestimate the rivals. It is from this experience that one will learn to face success with modest and moderate attitude. By the same token, one will attain the essence of confronting failure during the game, being a more mature person. Compared to our life, the success and failure in the game is also what we will surely encounter in our lifetime. If one 应该加个系动词，但是又是虚拟语气，具体加啥你再斟酌下~armed with the proper attitude towards sorrow and happiness, he/she can be the winner of life.


     ‘Swifter, stronger, higher’ is what the Olympic Game promotes. Playing sports is a process of challenging oneself continuously. Individual will strive to get a higher standard and win more powerful rivals. In the twenty-first century, the society is full of competitions, ranging from competing the class monitor in primary to acquiring a high social status when grow up. Therefore, the essence of competition one acquires through games is of great importance and it will absolutely encourage individual to climb up a higher peak.
. h" z" ~2 r0 K( D1 _' y4 H       Some people say that life is a sport game. And the significant lessons one learn through playing sports, including persistence, the attitude towards success and failure and the essence of competition will surely be beneficial to one’s life.

论点选的很出挑，语法几乎挑不出毛病，一定要说的话，就是重复表达有点多~但是确是一篇佳作，呱唧呱唧~
帮你抱到优秀作文贴去了~抚摸下~

bensonseuUID: 2707369

2.26 Agree or not? Playing sports can teach us the importance lesson of life.
Playing sports, such as badminton, tennis and golf, is an integral part in our daily life. Some people do sports in order to keep fit while others simply enjoy the fun and excitement. Thought it may be possible to measure the value of sports in term of joyfulness, it is extremely difficult to estimate the true value of what sports teach us in our life. （此句赞~\(≧▽≦)/~）Because the lesson sports teaches（teach） us lies in many aspects. The spirit of persistence, the attitude while facing success and failure and the essence of competition are what sports can teach us as the lessons of life.

        It has been said that the spirit of persistence is the first lesson individual can learn while playing sports. In every process of doing sports, ranging from training as a new-hand to competing with others, persistence is of paramount important（importance）. Take playing tennis as an example. A new-hand should learn forehand, backhand and how to serve the ball in the beginning. To make the gesture natural, practicing for tens of thousands of times（哈哈，这个表达在delta的听力里面有！好！） in the burning sun, repeating the same movement must be a routine. Such practicing（practice有名词的意思） will definitely temper one’s willpower, making him/her more persistent. Furthermore, competing with powerful rivals will also teach him/her to be more persevering.

How to face success and failure in a proper way is what individual will learn when participating in sports. Winning a victory and being defeated are common occurrence in competitions. If one individual is too arrogant after defeating his/her opponents, he/she might lose the next game for he/she is very likely to underestimate the rivals. It is from this experience that one will learn to face success with modest and moderate attitude. By the same token, one will attain the essence of confronting failure during the game, being a more mature person. Compared to our life, the success and failure in the game is also what we will surely encounter in our lifetime. If one armed with the proper attitude towards sorrow and happiness, he/she can be the winner of life.（很好的段落，很好的结尾！）


‘Swifter, stronger, higher’ （原话好像不是这么说的吧，像这些名句感觉还是保持作者的原句比较好，faster higher and stronger）is what the Olympic Games promotes. Playing sports is a process of challenging oneself continuously. Individual will strive to get a higher standard and win more powerful rivals. In the twenty-first century, the society is full of competitions, ranging from competing the class monitor in primary to acquiring a high social status when grow up. Therefore, the essence of competition one acquires through games is of great importance and it will absolutely encourage individual to climb up a higher peak.

    Some people say that life is a sport game. And the significant lessons one learn through playing sports, including persistence, the attitude towards success and failure and the essence of competition will surely be beneficial to one’s life.
(恩！一篇非常不错的文章！用词变化和句型的选择都注意到了，偶感觉是没什么要说的了。再接再厉啦~~~！)

淡笑KathyUID: 2708253

Agree or not?
Teachers should be paid according to how well their students perform.

        It has been said that everyone lives by selling something. According to this statement, philosophers live by selling spiritual comfort. And teacher lives by selling knowledge. Therefore, sometimes salaries are paid in term of the quality of their ‘products’. In that case, some people point out that teachers should be paid according to how well their students perform. However, in my opinion, the performance of their students should not be taken into consideration when paying the salaries.
        How well students perform depends on many aspects, including their talent and diligence, which are not controlled by teachers themselves. Thereafter, it would be unfair to blame teachers when students perform poor in the exam. We can suppose that a student, Jack, whose real interest lies in playing violin, always has a low mark in the exam. No matter how hard his teachers strives to help him review the textbook and encourages him, he does badly in the final exam. In such circumstance, the situation is not controlled by teachers. And it would be unfair to pay him little because he has tried his best.
          If paying salaries in term of their students’ performance, teachers will only be motivated by desire of money. What deep inside their mind will be the questions of how to make more money rather the future of their students. Paying too much attention on money will mislead them, driving their focus out of students’ growth. In that case it will not be surprising to find them stop students from playing sports on spare time and force them to do repeating exam papers all day long. There’s no doubt that such behavior do harm to students growth.
        Some people may argue that if teachers are motivated by money, they will absolutely work harder. However, as far as I am concerned, the motives of teachers should be the passion for their career as well as their love for students, rather than desire of money. If a teacher has sincerely love for his/her career, he/she will dedicated whole life to it.
         In brief, although desire of money can be the reason why people work, it should not be misleading factor. Therefore, I strongly disagree with the statement that teachers should be paid according to how well their students perform.

淡笑KathyUID: 2708253

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Good looks and dresses are more important for success than good ideas.

As a famous saying goes, “Do not judge a person by his/her appearance.” Although attractive appearance can be a factor which influences one’s life, it’s not reliable in the long-term. Compared to good looks and dresses, possessing good ideas are more important to one’s success.

As a new-hand after graduation, good ideas are the weapons which provide chances to outshine others, attaining easier access to promotion. We can imagine that as people who just graduated from university, the knowledge they learned from school are generally the same. So what makes one outstanding is his/her unique good idea. Possessing a good idea could definitely help his/her team get out from the dilemma, attracting the attention of the superior. In that case, among the new-hands who are lacking working experience like him/her, one can be the focus of a team.

In the highly-competitive society, one who armed with good ideas can be the winner of a certain field in the end. Good looks and dresses can be helpful when one is still in his/her twenties. As time goes by, they will get older and suffer an eclipse in appearance. One who owns good ideas can be competitive at any time. One typical example is that when one is still in his/her twenties, he/she could easily sell their products as customers are attracted by his/her appearance. However, 20 years latter, only the seller who could cater the needs of all the customers can survive.

There is no denying that good looks and dresses will impress people who make contacts with you at the first sight, ranging from the boss in the interview to the client you sell new products to. However, good ideas one possess is more permanent and reliable. Though it may be possible to measure the value of good appearance in one’s life, it is extremely difficult to estimate the true value of what good ideas contributed to one’s success.

For the reason above, I am strongly against the view that good looks and dresses are more important to success. As a person who wants to success in the highly-competitive society in the long-term, good ideas are more significant.

ivybettyUID: 2328308

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Good looks and dresses are more important for success than good ideas.- A1 w3 }6 u- S6 ~$ D
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As a famous saying goes, “Do not judge a person by his/her appearance.” Although attractive appearance can be a factor which influences one’s life, it’s not reliable in the long-term. Compared to good looks and dresses, possessing good ideas are more important to one’s success.言简意赅,紧扣题目

As a new-hand after graduation, good ideas are the weapons which provide chances to outshine others, attaining easier access to promotion. We can imagine that as people who just graduated from university, the knowledge they learned from school are generally the same. So what makes one outstanding is his/her unique good idea. Possessing a good idea could definitely help his/her team get out from the dilemma, attracting the attention of the superior.(感觉要有一个人称做主语的句子,才能支持这些V-ing,不知楼主的意思?) In that case, among the new-hands who are lacking working experience like him/her, one(要不要在加个who has good ideas?使得指代更清楚？) can be the focus of a team.

In the highly-competitive society, one who armed with good ideas can be the winner of a certain field in the end. Good looks and dresses can be helpful when one is still in his/her twenties. As time goes by, they will get older and suffer an eclipse in appearance. One who owns good ideas can be competitive at any time. One typical example is that when one is still in his/her twenties, he/she could easily sell their products as customers are attracted by his/her appearance. However, 20 years latter, only the seller who could cater the needs of all the customers can survive. 7 _- w/ S' d/ \

There is no denying that good looks and dresses will impress people who make contacts with you at the first sight, ranging from the boss in the interview to the client you sell new products to. However, good ideas one possess is more permanent and reliable. Though it may be possible to measure the value of good appearance in one’s life, it is extremely difficult to estimate the true value of what good ideas contributed to one’s success. ! C2 g( M$ Z2 D3 g9 G! D
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For the reason above, I am strongly against the view that good looks and dresses are more important to success. As a person who wants to success in the highly-competitive society in the long-term, good ideas are more significant.
LZ功底了得，基本没有语法错误，佩服！
只是如果可以多加些例子来支持自己的观点，一定可以让作文更好！同时增强下文章分论部分的逻辑关系。加油！