【Big Fish】02月28日Argument53-By rachelwang712

rachelwang712UID: 2757860

2.28 Argument No.053

Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed

to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that

these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their

mothers' production of melatonin—a hormone known to affect some brain functions—would naturally increase

in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these

children—now teenagers—who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased

levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
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提纲：
1受到不熟悉物品的刺激，而紧张，不代表shy，可能这个刺激对婴儿来说厌恶
2在十三年的跨度当中可能受到一些伤害而导致害羞，而不一定代表影响比较长远,而且什么叫identify？
3没有数据说明M物质确实上升

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The research is well-presented, however, weak in its reasoning. The arguer's failure to recognize the difference between distress and shyness, to provide adequate statistics of the amount of melatonin and to study deeper why half of teenagers identify themselves as shy undermines the conclusion he draws.

To begin with, to show mild distress when they are exposed to anything strange to them does not necessarily mean the infants are shy. Actually, the reason for this can vary from their dislike of the sound or the odor to lonliness as they are, perhaps, left with unfamiliar things by their mothers. Even infants not shy at all may be nervous in this situation. After all, these signs do not indicate whether they are shy or not.

Furthermore, the author does not provide enough information about the level of melatonin produced by their mothers when babies are conceived. It is possible that the level of malationin is affected by several factors and amount of daylight is just one of them. If that is true, more researching is necessary to form a precise and true picture of this. If not proved by statistics, the assumption is unable to convince readers.

In addition, people identifying themselves as shy sometimes are not shy at all. Without proper test, a boy may end up taking himself as shy simply because he does not find a good way to say hello to a beautiful girl he meets. In fact, in order to determine whether one is shy or not, a scientific test needs to be fulfilled rather than merely rely on one's self-description. Even if their self-identity is accurate, on top of being born in autumn, numerous reasons count. For instance, they may get hurt by a stranger in their 13 years of life. So the later survey has to be checked and reorganized for its cogency.

Finally, it is cited that the situation of more than half of children applies to the conclusion but obviously the conclusion can be totally different whether the number is 51% or 99%. Therefore the arguers is expected to offer a more accurate number.

In conclusion, were it to be made more eloquent, the research result requires more precise studies both in melatonin level produced by pregnant women and in children who consider themselves shy. It is highly recommended that the arguer provide more statistics and more accurate definition of shyness.

gorbyUID: 2730851

1# rachelwang712
The research is well-presented, however, weak in its reasoning. The arguer's failure to recognize the difference between distress and shyness, to provide adequate statistics of the amount of melatonin and to study deeper why half of teenagers identify themselves as shy undermines the conclusion he draws.

To begin with, to show mild distress when they are exposed to anything strange to them does not necessarily mean the infants are shy. Actually, the reason for this can vary from their dislike of the sound or the odor to lonliness/loneliness as they are, perhaps, left with unfamiliar things by their mothers
. Even infants not shy at all may be nervous in this situation. After all, these signs do not indicate whether they are shy or not.

Furthermore, the author does not provide enough information about the level of melatonin produced by their mothers when babies are conceived. It is possible that the level of malationin/melatonin  is affected by several factors and amount of daylight is just one of them. If that is true, more researching is necessary to form a precise and true picture of this. If not proved by statistics, the assumption is unable to convince readers.

In addition, people identifying themselves as shy sometimes are not shy at all. Without proper test, a boy may end up taking himself as shy simply because he does not find a good way to say hello to a beautiful girl he meets. In fact, in order to determine whether one is shy or not, a scientific test needs to be fulfilled rather than merely rely on one's self-description. Even if their self-identity is accurate, on top of being born in autumn, numerous reasons count. For instance, they may get hurt by a stranger in their 13 years of life. So the later survey has to be checked and reorganized for its cogency.

Finally, it is cited that the situation of more than half of children applies to the conclusion but obviously the conclusion can be totally different whether the number is 51% or 99%. Therefore the arguers/arguer
is expected to offer a more accurate number.

In conclusion, were it to be made more eloquent, the research result requires more precise studies both in melatonin level produced by pregnant women and in children who consider themselves shy. It is highly recommended that the arguer provide more statistics and more accurate definition of shyness.
个人感觉几个点找的都还比较准确，思路清晰，语言也还流畅。能在规定的时间里写出这种文章的话还不错了。我才开始没多久，向你好好学习的~

rachelwang712UID: 2757860

2# gorby
你的文章我明天给你改好么？比较忙