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这是我的第一篇阿狗,文章已已经对照着北美范文的修改过一次了(最初的还有很多拼写错误)。可还是很差,现在放在这里,请好心人帮我看看,我这样修改有什么问题
TOPIC: ARGUMENT140 - The following appeared in a report of the Committee on Faculty Promotions and Salaries at Elm City University.
"During her seventeen years as a professor of botany, Professor Thomas has proved herself to be well worth her annual salary of $50,000. Her classes are among the largest at the university, demonstrating her popularity among students. Moreover, the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. Therefore, in consideration of Professor Thomas' demonstrated teaching and research abilities, we recommend that she receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson; without such a raise and promotion, we fear that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college."
WORDS: 432 TIME: 01:30:19 DATE: 2010/3/3 16:06:48
In this report, an Elm City University committee recommends that Professor Thomas should receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson. To support her recommendation the committee cites that Thomas’ classes are among the University’s most popular and that last two years the amount of grant money she attracted to the University exceeded her $50.000 salary. The committee argues further that unless the University implement its recommendation Thomas is likely to defect to another school. This argument depends on several unsubstantiated assumptions and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands
First, the committee assumes unfairly that Thomas’s effectiveness as a teacher lead to the popularity of her classes. Yet, this might not be the case, for a variety of possible reasons. Perhaps, the classes she teachers are requirements of all science students. Or perhaps Thomas is a lenient grader. Without ruling out all such possibilities, the committee could not be hastily to conclude that Professor Thomas is an effective teacher and therefore should be granted a raise and a promotion.
Secondly, even if last two years the amount of grant money Thomas attracted to the university surpassed her salary, the committee offers no evidence that this status will continue in future.It is entirely possible that the research grants will decrease in days of come, for the reason that Professor Thomas has made little academic breakthrough during her last researches. Hence, the committee would be ridiculous to conclude that Professor Thomas deserves the $10,000 raise.
Thirdly, even assuming that Professor Thomas is an excellent professor, the committee provides no evidence that she will be a qualified Department Chairperson. Perhaps, she will be annoyed about various piffling matters and in turn reflects her teaching quality. In addition, Elm City University will lose a distinction professor and add a valueless Chairperson.Thus, without taking into account these likelihoods, the committee could not convince me that Professor Thomas deserve the promotion.
Finally, even assuming that Professor Thomas is an excellent professor with an outstanding research capacity and is fit for the chairperson, no evidence proved in the argument implies that Professor Thomas is likely to leave Elm City University for another college. It is not only the salary and the position but also many other factors--such as the research environment-- the university provides that attract her. Even if Professor Thomas will leave, it will be also because of other reasons.
In sum, the argument is indefensible as it stands. To strengthen it the committee must assure me that Professor Thomas's effectiveness as a teacher leads to the popularity of her classes and that Thomas will still receive more or as much research grants as that she has gained during the last two years in the foreseeable future. The committee must also provider dear evidence for its fear that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University. |
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