issue 48 3.4～求拍～～～～

雪然UID: 2773876

Issue 48 "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

Words:455
When we are looking into a history book, most of the content involves great historical individuals whose were probably the key factor of the development of history. However, I consider that the forgotten groups of people play an even more important role in history progress.

There is an old chinses proverb says that:: when a great general borned, millions of people die for him. History always remember the famous people because of their brilliant story. For instance, one of the most famous general in the liberation of new china, Chenyi, was remembered and respected by Chinese people because of both his impressive talent in war commending and noble heart of loving his own country. This famous general did won a large number of important battles while his soldier preformed bravely which make him deserve to be immortalized by the history. however, Chenyi won’t be able to conduct the army perfectly unless his soldiers show high ability in practicing. Instead of talking about the admiring story of the general, the contribution of soldiers is of greater significant. That is to say, individuals could not become an vital role of historical event without the support of common people. Another reason leading to this consequence is perhaps people like Chenyi got much more opportunity of publication while other donot. Normal people in certain area need idols to attract their attention and give them hope of future, then a hero came into being answering
the call of time.

Although great leads possess some characters superior than normal person, the most significant historical event were made by groups of people. Human beings is a kind of species good at coorperate which is because most of things is hard to be accomplished by personal effort. For example, when the 1998 flood disaster happened in china, millions of people went to the front line to built dams and serve as lifeguard. Some of them rescued survivers at risk of losing their lives. Now what we remember about this event is the leader’s speech of how to deal with the disaster, while those real heroes came from all over the
world
and word as the main force of the rescue mission and reconstraction are no longer remembered by us.

History should immortalised the memories of group of people. It is them who significantly made the events and trends in history. But we may encounter with difficulties that is hardly possible to figure out their names and what actually they did. Failing to document the great story of them, which is also a crucial embarrassment of historian, is pretty frustrated. We still can say The most significant events and trends in history were made by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten.

bzr2915UID: 2612029

放铺子里就乱了，就在这里改吧~

Issue 48 "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

Words:455
When we are looking into a history book, most of the content involves great historical individuals whose were probably the key factor of the development of history. However, I consider that the forgotten groups of people play an even more important role in history progress.
（点明观点，开门见山，不错）

There is an old chinses proverb says that:: when a great general borned, millions of people die for him. History always remember the famous people because of their brilliant story. For instance, one of the most famous general in the liberation of new china, Chenyi, was remembered and respected by Chinese people because of both his impressive talent in war commending and noble heart of loving his own country. This famous general did won a large number of important battles while his soldier preformed bravely which make him deserve to be immortalized by the history. however, Chenyi won’t be able to conduct the army perfectly unless his soldiers show high ability in practicing. Instead of talking about the admiring story of the general, the contribution of soldiers is of greater significant. That is to say, individuals could not become an vital role of historical event without the support of common people. Another reason leading to this consequence is perhaps people like Chenyi got much more opportunity of publication while other donot. Normal people in certain area need idols to attract their attention and give them hope of future, then a hero came into being answering  the call of time.（很精彩）

Although great leads possess some characters superior than normal person, the most significant historical event were made by groups of people. Human beings is a kind of species good at coorperate which is because most of things is hard to be accomplished by personal effort. For example, when the 1998 flood disaster happened in china, millions of people went to the front line to built dams and serve as lifeguard. Some of them rescued survivers at risk of losing their lives. Now what we remember about this event is the leader’s speech of how to deal with the disaster, while those real heroes came from all over the  world  and word（？） as the main force of the rescue mission and reconstraction are no longer remembered by us. （这个地方论证的不足，再展开一下论证部分细分一下段内的小层次，你的主要观点落在这一段，这么写给人草草而过的感觉，例子语言很好）

History should immortalised the memories of group of people. It is them who significantly made the events and trends in history. But we may encounter with difficulties that is hardly possible to figure out their names and what actually they did. Failing to document the great story of them, which is also a crucial embarrassment of historian, is pretty frustrated. We still can say The most significant events and trends in history were made by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten.

文章整体的语言很精彩，逻辑正确，内容切题，但是主要观点部分论证不足，展开的不够充分，楼主把握方法，勤加练习，前途不可厚量~

雪然UID: 2773876

2# bzr2915

谢谢～！！！
有信心了呢～:loveliness: