issue 55 初次练习 请各位帮忙改下 有拍必回

zpeng1024UID: 2640077

Issue 55 competition for high grades seriously limits the quality of learning at all levels of education.

Has the quality of learing at all levels fo education been limited by the competition for high grades? I concede that making high grades is important in some aspects. However, the potential harm of the excess pursing of high grades inflict on the students and on society far outweighs the benefits of the competing for it.  

To begin with, educator should help students develop their own principles of living, as well as by instilling in them certain basic values upon which any democratic society depends, and teach them certain amount of knowledge, thus helping the students growing into successful adult who is benfical to the development of the human. As parents we all want our children to be not only healthy,happy, and successful but decent ,strong, and good.  None of this can be judged by the grades.

In addition, more concern about the examination to gain the higher grades will certainly decrease the time spending on other activities, which is harmful to the education. In the first place, consider, for example. China's education of all-around development reform, before this the high grades was the only factors which determined the learning of a Chinese student, which could not provide the insights, imagination and other factors which are also important to the healthy growth of the students. Such students do not know how to solve the new scientific research problems, and have no idea to manifest themselves in  adults's ability to cooperate, compromise, understand other people, all of which would certainly affect the quality of the education.
In the second place, many successful men often do not have high grades in school. For example, one of the greatest politician, Churchill, having bad grades in studing at an early age. However, he beat the Germany in the second world war as the prime minster of the England, gained the nobel prize in literature, and viewed as the most convictive person in the twentieth century.
On the other hand, pursing for high grades is also necessary in some aspects. Consider, for example, in china which is holding 1.3 billion people, where education resource are limited, it is impossible for any individual to receive higher education, then high grades become one very important factor to compete for the opportunity. It seems to me that in elementary education pursing high grades are important for the reason for acting as primary impetus for sutding due to human's nature to outdo others, testing the quality of one's study, getting the opportunity to go to the university, yet in higher education we should focus attention on the scientific research, as well as on society problems.

In sum, i concede that pursing for grades is legitimate insofar to boost flame of studing, get the permission to university. However, when such pursuits severe as the prime goals of the students and educators, they would actually affect the quality of learning, as well as the all-around development of students.  
提纲： 1 说明教育的目的，而分数不一定能达到
2 过于重视分数会减少其他活动的时间，不利于学生全面发展 ，举例;中国的素质教育 丘吉尔：低分高能
3 分数在选拔人才 刺激学习等方面也有积极作用。

plukaUID: 2721764

Has the quality of learing at all levels fo education been limited by the competition for high grades? I concede that making high grades is important in some aspects. However, the potential harm of the excess pursing of high grades inflict（主谓一致） on the students and on society far outweighs the benefits of the competing for it. （T很清楚）

To begin with, educator should help students develop their own principles of living, as well as by（这个by是接在什么后面的？结构突兀） instilling in（instill及物） them certain basic values upon which any democratic society depends, and teach them certain amount of knowledge, thus helping the students growing into successful adult who is benfical to the development of the human（长句，又是as well as又是and，不符合俺的习惯，直接来并列，最后一个前+and不行么）. As parents we all want our children to be not only healthy,happy, and successful but decent ,strong, and good.  None of this can be judged by the grades.（最后一句来的有些突兀。私以为可以将此句作为TS。而目前的首句则可接着来解释发展，论证“教育的目标和成效往往不能用分数衡量"，这样更切题）

In addition, more concern about the examination to gain the higher grades will certainly decrease the time spending on other activities, which（小心指代歧义。此处的which是指代前面的整个句子，还是activities这一单词？从结构上很难区分。换用and this之类会比较清晰） is harmful to the education. In the first place, consider, for example. China's education of all-around development reform, before this the high grades was the only factors which determined the learning of a Chinese student, which could not provide the insights, imagination and other factors which（一连串的which= =这里后置定语从句用that没问题的） are also important to the healthy growth of the students.（本句的内容看上去挺连贯的，但是请解释：为什么分数决定的学习就不能提供insight之类？分析和解释是体现深度的好方法） Such students do not know how to solve the new scientific research problems, and have no idea to manifest themselves in  adults's ability to cooperate, compromise, understand other people, all of which would certainly affect the quality of the education.（私以为这些不是影响教育质量的因素，而是教育质量被影响了之后的结果）（另外，TS提到了other activities，后文可否解释一下是哪些activities？）

In the second place, many successful men often do not have high grades in school.（私以为这个观点作为随便举个例子还凑合，作为支撑“分数不重要”或者“分数undermine教育质量”的分论点就不妥了：明显就是逻辑错误：错误类比、以偏概全。。。这样的分论点真的OK吗？） For example, one of the greatest politician, Churchill, having bad grades in studing at an early age. However, he beat the Germany in the second world war as the prime minster of the England, gained the nobel prize in literature, and viewed as the most convictive person in the twentieth century.（就算硬要拿它作为分论点，也请深入些分析，比如谈谈为啥他们分数不高还能成功，这样还能挽回一点局面让这段显得比较有深度能切题。如果光摆现象，感觉太浅）

On the other hand（换用让步连接词更好）, pursing for high grades is also necessary in some aspects. Consider, for example, in china which is holding 1.3 billion people, where education resource are limited, it is impossible for any（every） individual to receive higher education, then high grades become one very important factor to compete for the opportunity（此句为观点1，还可以进一步发展一下。具体化。然而感觉还没说够，下句又起了另一个观点。）. It seems to me that in elementary education pursing high grades are important for the reason for acting as primary impetus for sutding due to human's nature to outdo others, testing the quality of one's study, getting the opportunity to go to the university, yet in higher education we should focus attention on the scientific research, as well as on society problems.（同样是有观点，缺发展。）（回到本段TS，发现谈的是追求分数的必要性。观点1说分数是分水岭，OK。观点2后半段扯到对大学生而言分数不那么重要，就稍微离开了点TS。要么就不要谈大学，只谈分数在小学重要，要么就把大学部分放到让步里，别放转折yet之后——转折后面的部分会被视为强调。而本段要强调的不是在大学不重要，而是在小学很重要。）

In sum, i concede that pursing for grades is legitimate insofar to boost flame of studing, get the permission to university. However, when such pursuits severe as the prime goals of the students and educators, they would actually affect the quality of learning, as well as the all-around development of students.  


提纲不错，文章论证还可以加强。

建议是写好TS，进一步加强联系TS与后文的意识，重视论证，重视深入分析。

以上~继续加油！

zpeng1024UID: 2640077

2# pluka
大爱无疆啊 太感谢了 仔细研究之