男花花的独立作文楼。坚持写。坚持进步。

习惯留念UID: 2690749

3月9日   

布置家庭作业是否有必要？


Summarizing childhood, I get three things appear in my mind, those are toys, homework and cortoon.The most impressive one is homework which provided the happiness and bitterness concurrently .Nowadays, here is homework also creates heat discussions among people. some people hold that homework should be banned because it takes a lot of time to students,however,I applaud to it as the reasons will be illustrated in coming paragraphs.


Coming first to uphold my argument is that homework can help students digest the knowledge learned in class efficiently. I will use myself as an example. being a student always make me have to absorb the knowledge just like a sponge ,yielding some difficulties for me because that the class time is so limited. when I was a junior high student, math depressed me all the time. In order to catch up other students, my teacher gave me millions of homework, at the beginning, I felt so puzzle and helpless, but at last, after practicing again and again, the math was conquered by my hard working. Until now, I am grateful for the math homework.


Investing further credibility to my argument is that homework can help students get rid of addiction to the TV or computer games. Looking around, we can find so many students spend much of their time on watching TV or playing computer games which not only waste the time but also harm the students' development. Once upon a time, a piece of news drawn my attention to this problem seriouly, as it said, the number of students who are involved in crime is increasing rapidly, surprisely, most of them admit that TV programs and computer games effluence them largely. From this piece of news, it is essential for educators to take the actions to prevent the students from unhealthy medical environment.Luckly; homework meets the requirement by eliminating students' time to access those things.


At last, homework can act as a tool for helping the communication between the students and the parents. It is known to all, because of the heavy burden of lives, so many parents meet the problem that being lack of communication with their children. My uncle is a perfect example. He was busy in his work and even after dinner, he preferred relaxing to talking with my sister.However, things changed, when my sister entered junior high school, her life is filled with homework. Once she encountered the hard question, she goes to ask help from my uncle. the chance of conversion between them is increasing and the communication is enhanced very much.

As the reasons list above, safe conclusion can be drawn that homework is essential for students, but it does not mean that the more homework is better for students. Because students also should have much time to relax, play and grow up. Only the proper assignment given to students, can they achieve health and efficient improvements.

piggysisterUID: 2562589

如果有人修改就锦上添花了

GwillUID: 2276374

如果有人修改就锦上添花了
piggysister 发表于 2010-3-9 23:36

看到锦上添花，我大致看了一遍，也改了一下

Summarizing childhood, I get three things appear（appeared） in my mind, those are (Don’t need those are here, just toys, …)toys, homework and cortoon.The most impressive one is homework ( , 这里要逗号分开) which （left me with）provided the happiness and bitterness concurrently .Nowadays, here is（delete here is） homework also creates(arises/causes is better here) heat discussions among people. Some people hold that homework should be banned because it takes a lot of time to (for) students( to finish/do it  or it takes up most of the students’ spare time), however, I applaud to it as the reasons will be illustrated in coming paragraphs（some grammar you have to pay attention here. I applaud to it as/because of the reasons illustrated in the coming/in the following.）

Coming first to uphold my argument is that homework can help students digest the knowledge learned in class efficiently. I will use myself as an example. Being a student always make(s) me have to(want to) absorb the knowledge just like a sponge (soaking up water), yielding some difficulties for me ( I really cannot figure out what you want to say here)because that（delete that） the class time is so limited. When I was a junior high student (junior in the high school), math depressed me all the time. In order to catch up(with) other students, my teacher gave me millions of homework,(. This sentence is over, use’.’) (At)at the beginning, I felt so puzzle and helpless, but at last(delete at last), after practicing again and again, the math was conquered by my hard working(delete by hard working since you have already said practicing again and again,这句话改了也有问题，前面主语是I felt…后面又变成了the math。要么前面一句话在helpless那里结束。后面再说数学难题被我克服了). Until now, I am (still) grateful for the math homework

Investing further credibility to my argument is that homework can help students get rid of addiction to the TV or computer games. Looking around, we can find so many students spend (spending, grammar) much(most) of their(spare) time on watching TV or playing computer games(,) which not only waste the(their) time but also harm the students' development. Once upon a time(do you mean long time ago??), a piece of news drawn(has drawn or drew) my attention to this problem seriously, as it said, the number of students who are involved in crime is increasing rapidly, surprisingly, most of them admit that TV programs and computer games effluence(influence) them largely(greatly). From this piece of news, it is essential for educators to take the actions to prevent the students from unhealthy medical environment (??).Luckily(书面语是fortunately ), homework meets the requirement by eliminating students' time to access (to, check the meaning when it is used as a verb) those things.

At last, homework can act as a tool (to help........查看help 的用法)for helping the communication between the students and the parents. It is known to all, because of the heavy burden of lives, so many parents meet the problem that being lack of communication with their children. My uncle is a perfect example. He was busy in his work and even after dinner, he preferred relaxing to (check how to use prefer correctly) talking with my sister. However, things (have )changed (since ....), when my sister entered (into) junior(不要junior) high school, her life（was） is filled with homework. Once she encountered the hard question, she goes to (ask sb for help) ask help from my uncle. The chance of conversion (conversation) between them is increasing and the communication is enhanced very much


As the reasons list above, safe conclusion can be drawn that homework is essential for students, but it does not mean that the more homework is better for students(grammar here. that the more the better.). Because students also should have much(some) time to relax, play and grow up. Only the proper assignment given to students (check grammar here, only …is given to), can they achieve health and efficient improvements.




楼上的同学，真的是添了很多花了哦，


楼主好好看看，希望你在语法方面和用词方面多下点功夫！

习惯留念UID: 2690749

3月10号
国内旅游是否比国外旅游对人更有益？

The rapid development of economy and the steady growth of people's living standard yield much entertainment for people, of which traveling becomes the most popular way for people to relax.Nowaday,whether travel to foreign countries arises a newly heat discussion among people. Some people think traveling to foreign countries waste lot of money and contribute nothing for the development of people,however,I applaud it as the reasons will be listed in coming paragraphs.

Coming first to uphold my argument is that traveling to foreign countries can build people the global perspective. As a saying gose"You will be never know how large the world is until you leave your hometown.” Take myself as an example, I am a International Business major student, I learn so much knowledge about the outside world from the books.However, when I set my foot on USA last year, I realized that the things are not always like what I learned ago. The vast land, the blue sky and the friendly atmosphere widen my horizon, making me know how small I am. When I back home, I perceive the things from higher level of thought and realized that I am  a human being of the world instead of just a person who limited in certain country.

Investing further credibility to my augment is that traveling to foreign countries enhances the communication with others all over the world. It is known to all, according to the development of techology,our world becomes smaller, making the communication become more essential.Fatunately,traveling to foreign countries meets the requirement. I have a friend who is a big fan of going aboard, those experience provide him the opportunities to communicate with foreigners. Thanks to the communication with almost 100 people, he conveys Chinese culture to them and receives the advanced idea return. Until now, he tells me that he is benefited by those wonderful experiences and he will continue to be a cultural messenger.

No less persuasive is that traveling to foreign countries can also make people have a deep understanding about their own country. I will take my friend as an example again, before he go abroad, he think China is so strong because the large changes have happened those decades. In fact, until he touched other countries, the huge gap is perceived by him. He said that Chinese people are not rich enough and so many problems are waiting to be solve in Chinese society. Only the Chinese people realize the difference between developed countries and their own country properly, can the Chinese improve the country better.

In a sum, as the reasons listed above, I hold that people can benefit more from traveling to foreign countries than traveling in their own country.However,it does not deny that the advantages of the traveling in their own country, such as saving money, more convenient and so on, are igored.Just as the saying goes again"You will be never know how large the world is until you leave your hometown. "If the opportunity to travel given to you, going aboard is a better choice!

cp19880313UID: 2643174

l
Summarizing childhood, I get three things appear in my mind, those are toys, homework and cortoon.The most impressive one is homework which provided the happiness and bitterness concurrently .Nowadays, here is homework also creates heat discussions among people. some people hold that homework should be banned because it takes a lot of time to students,however,I applaud to it as the reasons will be illustrated in coming paragraphs.3 u1 g( j) `+ I, l" i. z" S5 A
+ b* r8 n# W  y# R2 a
first to uphold my argument is that homework can help students digest the knowledge learned in class efficiently. I will use myself as an example. being a student always makes me have to absorb the knowledge just like a sponge ,yielding some difficulties for me because that the class time is so limited. when I was a junior high student, math depressed me all the time. In order to catch up with other students, my teacher gave me millions of homework, at the beginning, I felt so puzzle and helpless, but at last, after practicing again and again, the math was conquered by my hard working. Until now, I am grateful for the math homework.
g  x6 i2 b6 G) }
9 q3 \1 J# k: @# j& E5 D& o8 C

Investing further credibility to my argument is that homework can help students get rid of addiction to the TV or computer games. Looking around, we can find so many students spend much of their time on watching TV or playing computer games which not only waste the time but also harm the students' development. Once upon a time, a piece of news drawn这是完成时态
my attention to this problem seriouly, as it said, the number of students who are involved in crime is increasing rapidly, surprisely, most of them admit that TV programs and computer games influence them largely. From this piece of news, it is essential for educators to take the actions to prevent the students from unhealthy medical environment.Luckly; homework meets the requirement by eliminating students' time to access those things.
个人感觉这段的论据很牵强，不妨换个例子，看电视玩电脑导致犯罪，有些以偏概全。c$ R* h2 H3 p
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At last, homework can act as a tool for helping the communication between the students and the parents. It is known to all, because of the heavy burden of lives, so many parents meet the problem that being lack of communication with their children. My uncle is a perfect example. He was busy in his work and even after dinner, he preferred relaxing to talking with my sister可不可以换种形式（he preferred talking with my sister as a relaxation）.However, things changed, when my sister entered junior high school, her life was filled with homework. Once she encountered the hard question, she goes to ask for help from my uncle. the chance of conversion between them is increasing and the communication is enhanced very much.8 l3 K3 D3 H% x1 }8 ?* A1 |  N
这段的后半段我没看懂，你的因果关系让我很迷惑，究竟你想举例说什么呢？ 还有就是时态问题，这个应该注意，还是尽量少用过去时，否则考试时会出现很多时态错误。0 D4 s5 Q. ?1 U5 X" Q$ `
As the reasons list above, safe conclusion can be drawn that homework is essential for students, but it does not mean that the删掉可以 more homework is better for students. Because students also should have much time to relax, play and grow up. Only the proper assignment given to students, can they achieve health and efficient improvements.
l

总的说各个论点都挺清晰，结构也不错，可是举例应该再恰当一点会更好的。还有小的细节，时态。

习惯留念UID: 2690749

3月11日

严格严肃的老师和幽默好相处的老师，谁在教学上更有影响效果？


With the rapid development of the society, the demand for education is increasing largely, which advances the social state of the teachers.Nowadays, in order to provide more effective education for the children, people discuss the heat topic that a teacher who is a serious and strict person is whether more effective in teaching than a teacher who is a humor and easygoing person heavily. Some people value the qualities such as seriousness and strictness very much, however, I applaud to the humor and easygoingness as the reasons will be listed in coming paragraphs.


Coming first to uphold my argument is that humor can add more fun to class, making students learn easily. I will take my teacher Mr. Derek who is respected by all of us students as an example.Mr.Derek taught us the math which should be very difficult and boring for students.Fatunitely, Mr.Derek passed the knowledge using some interesting stories even some jokes. During his story-telling class, we are attracted to the math and achieve much improvement on it.


Investing the credibility to my argument is that easygoing teacher can build up closer relationship with students, which will benefit them too. A piece of news tells me that 80 percent students are afraid of their teacher, because of those distant relationship, students are lack of necessary communication. However, a easygoing teacher can solve this problem by getting along with students properly and easily. My friend is a perfect example, he became a teacher when he graduated from the university, because his easygoing quality, his students like him very much, what’s more, his students share their any happiness and sorrows with him freely. Due to this close relationship, my friend sees the improvement of everyone at last.


In a sum, I value the humor and easygoing teacher as the reasons list above, however, it does not deny the advantage of the serious and strict teacher. Certainly, this kind of teacher can help students focus on study heavily and also benefit students largely. Weighed two kinds of teacher, the former one will get my preference without doubt.

如是_ivyUID: 2704554

月10号
国内旅游是否比国外旅游对人更有益？- f0 a5 o) o! Z3 M
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The rapid development of economy and the steady growth of people's living standard yield much entertainment for people, of which traveling becomes the most popular way for people to relax.Nowaday,whether （加个to）travel to foreign countries arises a newly heat discussion among people. Some people think traveling to foreign countries wastes lot of money and contributes nothing for the development of people,however,I applaud it as the reasons will be listed in coming paragraphs. 其实国外的人很少用people的。虽然我知道we啊这样的词太主观了，但是people也尽量避免吧。

Coming first to uphold my argument is that traveling to foreign countries can build people the global perspective. As a saying gose"You will be（删了be，不然语法有问题） never know how large the world is until you leave your hometown.” 好奇下这句话翻出来是咩？Take myself as an example, I am an International Business major student(I am majored in International Business), (缺连词and）I learn so much knowledge about the outside world from the books.（用knowledge好么？我也不确定，我觉得怪怪的。直接I have learned a lot about outside world from textbooks) However, when I set my foot on the U.S.A. last year, I realized that the things(用the world好一点吧） are not always like what I learned ago（应该是before）. The vast land, the blue sky and the friendly atmosphere widen my horizon, making me know（特别Chinglish） how small I am. （前面这句时态要再斟酌一下）When I （要么加was要么去掉I）back home, I perceive the things from higher level of thought（还是很罗嗦和Chinglish。直接把the thing from 删了去） and realized that I am  a human being of the world instead of just a person who limited in certain country. 最后一句还是很Chinglish。这一段论证没有什么问题。但是可以再细节一点。啥大地蓝天友好的气氛不如细节到U.S.和中国麽样不一样的。


Investing further credibility to my augment拼写错了 is that traveling to foreign countries enhances the communication with others all over the world. It is known to all（用错了，短语是As is known to all）, according to the development of techology,our world becomes smaller, making the communication become more essential.（真觉得这个表结果的状语不如换成连词，因为这个逻辑关系有很多种解）Fatunately,traveling to foreign countries meets the requirement.（符合要求？这个有点儿诡异） I have a friend who is a big fan of going aboard, （还是差连词。不然句子就有问题了。）those experience provide him（加with） the opportunities to communicate with foreigners. Thanks to the communication with almost 100 people（尽量少用people，而且这里应该用person）, he conveys Chinese culture to them and receives the advanced idea（我不是愤青，但是觉得这个绝对了点）（加in） return. Until now, he tells me that he is benefited by （主动。而且是benefit from）those wonderful experiences and he will continue to be a cultural messenger.最后一句时态也需要斟酌一下。还有关于这一段论证还好。语言还是老问题。

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No less persuasive is that traveling to foreign countries can also make people have a deep understanding about their own country. I will take my friend as an example again,（句号。） before he go时态和主谓一致 abroad, he think时态和主谓一致 China is so strong because the large changes have happened（加for）those decades. In fact, until he touched other countries, the huge gap is perceived by him.（这句写的有点儿诡异，not until he touched other countries，has he found the huge gap between two countries其实我觉得我写的也有点诡异）He said that Chinese people are not rich enough and so many problems are waiting to be solve in Chinese society. Only the Chinese people realize the difference between developed countries and their own country properly, can the Chinese improve the country better.（Chinese用的多了，看着就觉得罗嗦，适当代词一下。而且居然对china还用their own country。昏了~主句写的搭配很生硬）鉴于考试时间有限，建议这一段和前一段合一下。时态要注意

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In a sum, as the reasons listed above, I hold that people can benefit more from traveling to foreign countries than traveling in their own country.However,it does not deny that the advantages of the traveling in their own country, such as saving money, more convenient and so on, are igored.Just as the saying goes again"You will be never know how large the world is until you leave your hometown. "这种句子不要用多了，要么换一句，要么简洁一点不要再列出来了。If the opportunity to travel given to you, going aboard is a better choice!最后一句语法有问题。主语应该一
直，要么你就写成一个条件状语从句。要么写成一个独立主格结构。而且最好用to go abroad

1语言问题。语法lz要加强啊。时态和主谓一致写的时候注意一点。建议写完后放在word里先检查一遍基本错误。
                lz总的来说表达有点儿生硬，很Chinglish
2论证问题。我觉得我自己的立论有点儿牵强和装精。但是就像我之前在群里说的这个题从单纯论证（不考虑应试）角度像你这样论证是没有意义的。因为你没有给出一个标准。究竟什么叫做benefit more的标准。因为你只是论证了俩去外国旅游有而国内旅游没有的好处，但是不能说明就benefit more了，因为同样，国内旅游也会有去国外所没有的好处，所以这样论证逻辑是有缺陷的。
我觉得我的立论装精在于，给的标准很扯淡。把国内外旅游和旅游本身的目的挂钩。更能符合和满足目的的就是更好的。只是一个纯逻辑上 的建议。

holyiriniUID: 2741598

With the rapid development of the society, the demand for education is increasing largely, which advances the social state（status） of the teachers. Nowadays, in order to provide more effective education for the children, people discuss the heat(heated) topic that a teacher who is a serious and strict person is whether(?这个放在这什么用？) more effective in teaching than a teacher who is a humor and easygoing person heavily（这个词放在这什么意思？）. Some people value the qualities such as seriousness and strictness very much, however, I applaud to the humor and easygoingness as the reasons will be listed in coming paragraphs.

Coming first to uphold my argument is that humor can add more fun to class,（主从的逻辑关系不紧密啊。） making students learn easily. I will take my teacher Mr. Derek who is respected by all of us students as an example，Mr.Derek taught us the（省） math which should be very difficult and boring for students，Fatunitely（？）, Mr.Derek passed the knowledge using some interesting stories even some jokes. During his story-telling class, we are attracted to the math and achieve much improvement（achieve goals.这个搭配有点怪。） on it.

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Investing the credibility to my argument is that easygoing teacher can build up closer relationship with students, which will benefit them too. A piece of news tells me that 80 percent students are afraid of their teacher, because of those distant relationships. Students are lack of necessary communication. However, an easygoing teacher can solve this problem by getting along with students properly and easily. My friend is a perfect example. He became a teacher when he graduated from the university, because his easygoing quality. Students like him very much; what’s more, his students share their any（删） happiness and sorrows with him freely. Due to this close relationship, my friend sees the improvement（中式思维。是不是Every student improved their scores at last.的意思？） of everyone at last.


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In a（删） sum, I value the humor and easygoing teacher as the reasons listed above, however, it does not deny the advantage of the serious and strict teachers. Certainly, this kind of teacher can help students focus on study heavily and also benefit students largely(副词的用法也要注意。有点中式英语的感觉。). Weighed（Weighing what？importance之类的。不该接老师吧。） two kinds of teacher, the former one will get my preference without doubt.

【because这种词要少用。词汇量上面还要多背点，并且积极应用到自己的作文里。还有一点，很严重的，就是哪里句号哪里逗号没有分清楚。经常看到两个独立的句子用逗号连着。这个要注意了。我注意到的地方都帮你改了标点符号了。还有，模板的味道太重了。模板不是在形式上的那个主题句，而是在思想，在思想的整合上也要加强。总的一句话，就是一定要摆脱中文思维，不要用翻译的方式来写作文。以上仅是个人观点。】

howard_hhqUID: 2648506

The rapid development of economy and the steady growth of people's living standard yield much entertainment for people, of which(and) traveling becomes the most popular way for people to relax. Nowadays, whether to travel to foreign countries arises a newly heat discussion among people. Some people think traveling to foreign countries waste lot(lots) of money and contribute (bring) nothing for the development of people, however, I applaud(cast doubt on) it as the reasons will be listed in coming paragraphs.
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Coming first to uphold my argument is that(感觉很怪) traveling to foreign countries can build people the global perspective. As a saying goes "You will be never know how large the world is until(unless) you leave your hometown.” Take myself as an example, I am an International Business major student, I learn so much knowledge about the outside world from the books. However, when I set my foot on USA last year, I realized that the things are(were) not always like what I learned ago (before). The vast land, the blue sky and the friendly atmosphere widen(extended) my horizon, making me know how small I am. When I back(come back) home, I perceived the things from(with) higher level of thought and realized that I am a human being of the world instead of just a person who limited (is constrain) in certain country.
(举例时态混乱，感觉不很很好地和你的global perspective想吻合)
Investing further credibility to my augment is that traveling to foreign countries enhances(reinforce) the communication with others all over the world. It is known to all, according to the development of techology, our world becomes smaller(把它弄成一个宾语从句), making the communication become more essential. Fatunately, traveling to foreign countries meets the requirement. I have a friend who is a big fan of going aboard (很怪), those experience provide him the opportunities to communicate with foreigners. Thanks to the communication with almost 100 people, he conveys Chinese culture to them and receives the advanced idea return. Until now, he tells me that he is benefited by(benefit from) those wonderful experiences and he will continue to be a cultural messenger.
感觉你这个观点好像比较牵强，没有多大体现people的benefit # J3 x, F! m5 e+ m% `: G
No less persuasive is that traveling to foreign countries can also make people have a deep understanding about their own country. I will take my friend as an example again, before he goes abroad, he think China is so strong because the large changes have happened those decades. In fact, until he touched other countries, the huge gap is perceived by him. He said that Chinese people are not rich enough and so many problems are waiting to be solved in Chinese society. Only the Chinese people realize the difference between developed countries and their own country properly, can the Chinese improve the country better.(only引导的状语提前才能倒装)
感觉你这个和你第一个有点雷同
2 X' `4 U% K0 E4 y+ ~4 R* i: K0 b2 i! N% YIn a sum, as(just as) the reasons listed above, I hold that people can benefit more from traveling to foreign countries than traveling in their own country. However, it does not deny that the advantages of the traveling in their own country, such as saving money, more convenient and so on, are ignored.(强烈建议你这个不要在这里写，最后放在总结的前一段或者是第二段) Just as the saying goes again "You will be never know how large the world is until you leave your hometown.”If the opportunity to travel given to you, going aboard is a better choice!

逻辑清晰，表达清楚，感觉你的论点有点重，你的例子也不太能论证你的观点，还有最后那段别这样写，很怪

speedzshawUID: 2556376

3.11 修改 by speedzshaw

习惯留念UID: 2690749

3月13日

Children should only play sport for fun, not in competition or contests?



As is known to all, playing sport is essential for growth of the children because it enhances not only their healthy but also their sport skills.Nowadays,a heated topic that what purpose for children to play sports arises discussion among people. Some contends that the fun is the only purpose, which means the competition or contests should be banned for childern.However,I hold
the converse opinion that playing sport in competition or contest is important as the reasons will be listed in coming paragraphs.


Coming first to uphold my argument is that competitions or contests build children the sense of competition, which benefit them a lot. As is known to all,competiton can not be avoided because the society is base on it. What’s more, the childhood is essential for children's development, if they receive this perspective peoperly,they will surely do better in future. Take my little brother as an example, when he was a little boy, my Dad always took him to play basketball in competition. At the very beginning, he felt uncomfortable and wandered why his teammates should try their best to achieve high marks.Fotunately,after my dad's education, my little brother understood the importance of competition. Even now, Thanks to the perception of competiton,he becomes out standing in other fields.


Investing the credibility to my argument is that playing sports in competitions or contests develop children by providing the opportunities to communicate. It is widely believed that communication can make people open and clear and make their friendship closer.For example,I am a big fan of football.When I am a junior high students, I was shy and silent.However,After I joined the football team,I made a lot of friends who shared the similar hobbies with me and communicate with me freely.We always acted as a union to beat our opponents on the field because the closer friendship,our team really achieved big success at last.Until now,I am grateful for the changes the competitions bring me that I because more open,active and optimistic to face my life.


At last,competitons or contests can add more fun to children. Imagine that your team are the winner in the competition after tough fighting ,what is the
feel
of the accomplishment. The answer is absolutely amazing.,then the obvious outcome is that success in competition not only adds more fun to children but also encourages them to advance.

In sum,as the reasons listed above,I contend that children should not only play sports for fun.Undoubtly,it does not deny the fun can not be a proper purpose.After being comprehensively considered,playing sports in competitions or contests holds my preference.

yqw8616UID: 2769928

As is known to all, playing sport is essential for growth of the children because it enhances not only their healthy but also their sport skills.Nowadays,a heated topic that what purpose for children to play sports arises discussion among people. Some contends that the fun is the only purpose, which means the competition or contests should be banned for childern.However,I hold the converse opinion that playing sport in competition or contest is important as the reasons will be listed in coming paragraphs.
& O' w" [3 _, I1 s  R6 K2 z4 G

Coming first to uphold my argument is that competitions or contests build children the sense of competition, which benefit them a lot. As is known to all,competiton can not be avoided because the society is base on it. What’s more, the childhood is essential for children's development, if they receive this perspective peoperly,they will surely do better in future. Take my little brother as an example, when he was a little boy, my Dad always took him to play basketball in competition. At the very beginning, he felt uncomfortable and wandered why his teammates should try their best to achieve high marks.Fotunately,after my dad's education,最好不要说父亲的教育，而是说从运动中学会的，这样可能更贴近主题 my little brother understood the importance of competition. Even now, Thanks to the perception of competiton,he becomes out standing in other fields.
' b: P1 S* Investing the credibility to my argument is that playing sports in competitions or contests develop children by providing the opportunities to communicate. It is widely believed that communication can make people open and clear and make their friendship closer.For example,I am a big fan of football.When I am a junior high students, I was shy and silent.However,After I joined the football team,I made a lot of friends who shared the similar hobbies with me and communicate with me freely.We always acted as a union to beat our opponents on the field because of the closer friendship,our team really achieved big success at last.Until now,I am grateful for the changes the competitions bring me that I because more open,active and optimistic to face my life.

At last,competitons or contests can add more fun to children. Imagine that your team are the winner in the competition after tough fighting ,what is the
feel!
of the accomplishment. The answer is absolutely amazing.,then the obvious outcome is that success in competition not only adds more fun to children but also encourages them to advance.(这一段如果可以再展开点就更好)

In sum,as the reasons listed above,I contend that children should not only play sports for fun.Undoubtly,it does not deny the fun can not be a proper purpose.After being comprehensively considered,playing sports in competitions or contests holds my preference.
花花本来给你留言说改天再改的，但还是决定中午不睡觉改，怕你是明天考试。我的英语水平也不高，所以有什么说的不对的还望包涵。
文章的拼写错误很少，结构转折也有明确的指示词，但是要是说理的句子多一点可能更好，能让文章丰富。加油!!!!!

习惯留念UID: 2690749

3月14日。。


是否应该自己做决定


As a human being, life is filled with dilemmas: whether to move to big city form small city,whether keep trying or give up when face the difficulties, whether to sleep or to study and so on.When you encounter those questions, how do you make a choice? making decision by youself or asking others for suggestions?For me,I applaud making decision by oneself as the reasons will be listed in coming paragraphs.


Coming first to uphold my argument is that making decision helps people become independent. As it known to all, no one can deny the importance of independent, which is a key factor for health improvement. I will take the education sense in USA for example. In USA,children are educated to care about themselves when they are in early age, which means make their own decision to choose what courses to learn, how to schedule properly and even whether go to university.Consequently,when those children grow up, they become more independent and stronger even when they face the difficulities.Conversely,In China, parents always make decision for their children.Unfotunately,the children who grow in those families become more shy and fragile when they enter society.Clearly,a huge gap between children from different countries can be eliminate by proper education.


Investing further credibility to my argument is that when you make decision it is you that have the deepest understanding about yourself, which added the plausibility to your decision. As the famous story goes, a little horse wanted to across the river but he did not know how deep the river is.After he knew the river is too shallow form a an cattle , when he was about to cross it, a dog coming over and says that river is too deep .There comes a puzzled problem, what exact depth of river.?The little horse considered his size and height at twice thoughts and determined to have a try by himself. at last, he found the river is not deep and not shallow,which is suitable for his crossing. From this story, we can safely say that others’ suggestion may be not suitable for you,you are the one in your own world.

At last, making decision all by oneself will build the sense of responsibility. It is widely believed that the sense of responsibility becomes more essential in society nowadays. Choosing what you decide to do means you should be responsible for the outcomes. No matter the success or failure, you should face them bravely. Before entering university, I choose the international buseniss as my major, at very beginning I found it is not the thing as I desired.However,I did not give up.Insteadly,I put myself into it,consequently,I achieved the success in this field.

In sum,as the reasons listed above,I contend that people should make decision all by theirselves.Only make decision independently, can human beings meet the improvement.

zhisnoopyUID: 2703722

不好意思，昨天没在家，今天才来看3.13的文……
As is known to all, playing sport is essential for growth of the children because it enhances not only their healthy but also their sport skills.Nowadays,a heated topic（好词~） that what purpose for children to play sports arises discussions（我觉得复数好点~） among people. Some contends that the fun is the only purpose, which means the competition or contests should be banned for childern.However,I hold the converse opinion that playing sport in competition or contest is important as the reasons will be listed in coming paragraphs.

Coming first to uphold my argument is that competitions or contests build children the sense of competition, which benefit them a lot. As is known to all,competiton can not be avoided because the society is base on it. What’s more, the childhood is essential for children's development, if they receive this perspective peoperly,they will surely do better in future. Take my little brother as an example, when he was a little boy, my Dad always took him to play basketball in competition. At the very beginning, he felt uncomfortable and wandered why his teammates should try their best to achieve high marks（这句话有两个地方我没懂，一是wander，我猜是不是wonder？二是，should这这里是表示应该还是其他语气词？还是哪个俺不知道或全然忘记的用法？）.Fotunately,after my dad's education, my little brother understood the importance of competition. Even now, Thanks to the perception of competiton,he becomes out standing in other fields.

Investing the credibility to my argument is that playing sports in competitions or contests develop children by providing the opportunities to communicate. It is widely believed that communication can make people open and clear and make their friendship closer.For example,I am a big fan of football.When I am a junior high students, I was shy and silent.However,After I joined the football team,I made a lot of friends who shared the similar hobbies with me and communicate with me freely.We always acted as a union to beat our opponents on the field because the closer friendship,our team really achieved big success at last.Until now,I am grateful for the changes the competitions bring me that I because（是不是become？） more open,active and optimistic to face my life.

At last,competitons or contests can add more fun to children. Imagine that your team are the winner in the competition after tough fighting ,what is the feel of the accomplishment. The answer is absolutely amazing,then the obvious outcome is that success in competition not only adds more fun to children but also encourages them to advance.

In sum,as the reasons listed above,I contend that children should not only play sports for fun. Undoubtly,it does not deny the fun can not be a proper purpose.After being comprehensively considered,playing sports in competitions or contests holds my preference.

每段开头的句子都很精彩哦~~然后，反正我觉得没啥好改的……