[big fish] 3月15日 ARGUMENT167 by wowoyuweiwei

wowoyuweiweiUID: 2754055

In this argument, the arguer informs us an experiment proves that in a short period of time the scent in lavender flowers can cure insomnia. 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia took the survey and when they used the pillows with this special scent they slept longer and more soundly. At the first glance, this argument seems well reasoned. However, when thinking about it twice, I realize that it is not such logical. The points I will discuss below.

At the every beginning, the author fails to convince us that the experiment can represent the every possible situation because we have no idea about why these respondents suffer insomnia. As we all know, there are different causes of the insomnia. Some of the patients would not like to close their eyes for they are afraid of the unknown circumstance. They can not help to stop thinking of terrible affairs may happen when sleeping. However, the volunteers with chronic insomnia are probably nervous about their daily work which makes them sleep unwell and, luckily, the special scent can cure them properly. For this sake, the experiment can not be a strong proof to bolster the statement.

Secondly, we do not know whether the respondents really had a better quantity of sleep. In this argument, the writer only told us they sleep longer and more soundly. But this evidence has no relationship with their sleep quantity. We can figure out many people do not sleep well even though they have a long and sound sleep. Why this happens is because their noses are in a bad condition leading them can not breath as normal as ordinary people. So this judgment can not convince me.

Furthermore, even if they did really sleep well, we should not conclude the scent is the key factor. We know that sometimes mental suggestion can change individual's actions and influences people a lot. So it is possible that the patients know they will be treated by a new way to help them sleep before the test. For this sake, they may get more relaxing and much sleepier. So, it does not well support the assumption.

In summary, the arguer should demonstrate the evidence about these volunteer can present all situations. Then the confirmation of their sleep quantity is really improved only because the scent of lavender flowers is badly required if the writer wants to effectively support his idea.

cooltozeroUID: 2705603

In this argument, the arguer informs us an experiment proves （proving)that in a short period of time the scent in lavender flowers can cure insomnia. 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia took the survey and when they used the pillows with this special scent they slept longer and more soundly. At the first glance, this argument seems well reasoned. However, when(after更好吧？） thinking about it twice, I realize that it is not such logical. The points I will discuss below.（这个句子只有主语，不是一个完整的句子）
（开头还行，但是，后面那几个短句也许变成长句更好一点）

At the every beginning, the author fails to convince us that the experiment can represent the every possible situation because we have no idea about why these respondents suffer insomnia. As we all know, there are different causes of the insomnia. Some of the patients would not like to close their eyes for they are afraid of the unknown circumstance. They can not help to stop thinking of terrible affairs may happen when sleeping. However, the volunteers with chronic insomnia are probably nervous about their daily work which makes them sleep unwell and, luckily, the special scent can cure them properly. For this sake, the experiment can not be a strong proof to bolster the statement.

Secondly, we do not know whether the respondents really had a better quantity of sleep. In this argument, the writer only told us they sleep longer and more soundly. But this evidence has no relationship with their sleep quantity. We can figure out many people do not sleep well even though they have a long and sound sleep. Why this happens is because their noses are in a bad condition leading them can not breath as normal as ordinary people（不懂什么意思）. So this judgment can not convince me.

Furthermore, even if they did really sleep well, we should not conclude the scent is the key factor. We know that sometimes mental suggestion can change individual's actions and influences people a lot. So it is possible that the patients know they will be treated by a new way to help them sleep before the test. For this sake, they may get more relaxing and much sleepier. So, it does not well support the assumption.（这个错误挑得精彩，学习了！！

In summary, the arguer should demonstrate the evidence about these volunteer can present all situations. Then the confirmation of their sleep quantity is really improved only because the scent of lavender flowers is badly required if the writer wants to effectively support his idea.（语法问题）


结构上没问题，但是显得稍微有点连贯性不够。   词语和语法上面再注意一点。