习作-3.16 argument1求拍

cooltozeroUID: 2705603

TOPIC: ARGUMENT1 - The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.

"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."
WORDS: 373          TIME: 00:52:50          DATE: 2010-3-16 20:54:21



Although the vice president's desire for making profit for the Nature's Way is understandable, his rocommendation in this ostensibly well reasoned argument is more likely to be counterproductive if accepted by the NW for he/she unfairly assumes that the residents will necessarily be NW's customers and bring profits to it.


In the first place, the three evidences mentioned in this argument can't lend strong support to the assumption that the residents in Plainsiville are highly concerned with exercises. Specifically, the good sales of running shoes and exercise clothing may result from other factors, such as the sellors's policy of promoting sales or certain athleticmeetings hold recently rather than the customer's interests in exercise. The information of local club's "more" memberes is too vague to arrive at any conclusion.  What age group of the residents particapate in the club and what pecentage they take in the hole population?  not given these, we can't guess that all the residents are aspiring the physical training. In addtion, the "fitness for life" program desiged for the next generation does not make any sense at all since neither we know they are reaaly willing to take part in this program nor we know how many schoolchilden are there in that city.  




In the second place, granted that, most of residents in Plainsville are concerned in excersing, it not menas that  they are certainly to buy much of health food or large unmbers of other health-related products. Possiblly, they just take exercises for beauty or some competitions. Afer all, health and exercise are two different concepts.




Finally, even the assumption that those in Plainville are concerned leading healthy lives is reasonable, whether the NW will be profitble in this area is still open to doubt. Seeing any plan of building nwe stores should consider the costs, the market, the labor force  , the living standard of a location and so on, obviously, the vice president oversimplifies the ralationship betewwen profit and products. If there already exist enough sellers in that place, NW will no doubt  lose money but to be profitable.




To sum up, to convince us, this vice president need to have more surveys in Plainsville to directly demonstrate that the resedents really need the NW.

jjooyyUID: 2704028

Although the vice president's desire for making profit for the Nature's Way is understandable, his rocommendation in this ostensibly well reasoned argument is more likely to be counterproductive if accepted by the NW for he/she unfairly assumes that the residents will necessarily be NW's customers and bring profits to it.

In the first place, the three evidences mentioned in this argument can't lend strong support to the assumption that the residents in Plainsiville are highly concerned with exercises. Specifically, the good sales of running shoes and exercise clothing may result from other factors, such as the sellors's policy of promoting sales or certain athletic meetings hold recently rather than the customer's interests in exercise. The information of local club's "more" memberes is too vague to arrive at any conclusion.  What age group of the residents particapate in the club and what pecentage they take in the whole population?  not given these, we can't guess that all the residents are aspiring the physical training. In addtion, the "fitness for life" program desiged for the next generation does not make any sense at all(too abosolute) since neither we know they are reaaly willing to take part in this program nor we know how many school childen are there in that city. ("we know" should be put in front of "neither")

In the second place, granted that, most of residents in Plainsville are concerned in excersing, it not menas that  they are certainly to(Chinglish) buy much of health food or large unmbers(?) of other health-related products. Possiblly, they just take exercises for beauty or some competitions. Afer all, health and exercise are two different concepts. 实际论证的只有两句话 会不会太少？

Finally, even the assumption that those(who?) in Plainville are concerned about leading healthy lives is reasonable, whether the NW will be profitble in this area is still open to doubt. Seeing(Considering?) any plan of building nwe stores should consider the costs, the market, the labor force  , the living standard of a location and so on, obviously, the vice president oversimplifies the ralationship betewwen profit and products. If there already exist enough sellers in that place, NW will no doubt  lose money but to be profitable.1.绝对，2。结构对吗？ 这段比较具体 论证清楚。。

To sum up, to convince us, this vice president need to have more surveys in Plainsville to directly demonstrate that the resedents really need the NW.

即使限时作文
组长发的作业 每次都会说把文章放在word检查一遍，怎么楼主还是不这样做。。
写完作文，更重要的是修改，这样才能提高，让别人拍未必能改进多少的。。。
ARGU重逻辑，重论证，给谁改，也改不出所以然来。。

cooltozeroUID: 2705603

TOPIC: ARGUMENT1 - The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.

"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."
WORDS: 373          TIME: 00:52:50          DATE: 2010-3-16 20:54:21

Themodified response.


The author ten to give a useful suggestion to the NW. However, the recommendation that NW should buid their next new store in Plainsville might be counterproductive, for several facets in this argument are questionalble. First, the author ignores alternative explainations and offer us vague data. In addition, the this argument confuses two concepts. The argument aso oversimplify the factors contributing to profits. Each of them will be discussed below.

The author fails to take into account other possible reasons for that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are all-time highs. It's possible that these merchants take some new promoting sales policies which significantly improve their sales. It's also possible that those residents purchase shoes and clothing just because of the good shape or pretty style of them. Thus, without ruling out these possiblities, we can't accept the author assuption that many residents are really interested in exercising.

The statement that the local health club has more members and weight training and aerobics classes are always full and the "fitnness for life" program designed for next generation are too vague too be informative. We are not told that actually how many residents participate in the health club or what a fraction of the totall population take part in it. After all, the argument provide on information about the scale of the club.  Moeover, whether this club can be representative of all the clubs are open to doubt. And since we don't konw population of school children in plainsiville, the assumption that they will significantly contribute to the stores' sales is too premature.

Another big problem with this argumet is that, the author simply equates the concept health life with exercising. Even grated that many residents in Plainsivlle are highly concerned with exercising, we can't confidently say that they are also highly concerned with health life and thus to buy health related products. That is to say, being concerned not means being likely to buy some supplement to strength their bodies. There is also the possiblity that excercising just make them so trong that they don't need health related products at all.  So, whether the nwe store could expect a good sales is still open to doubt.


Finally, the author fails to consider other factors such as competitors, labor costs, and the purchase ability of residents in Plainsiville that may decisivly determine the profits of the new store. Lacking more specific information about these factors, the assumption that this new store's products well be profitalble is too premature.

Overall, this argument is not reasonalble as it stands. To directily prove that a new store in Plainsiville will bring significantly profits to NW, the author need more thorough investigation.