issue130 真心求修改

小这UID: 2713003

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
The speaker claims that the grade the children socialised determines the destiny of society but we have not yet learned how to teach children to help bring a better society.I wholehearted agree with the forth that the children determine the future.But I do think we the talent or we are competent to raise children who can help bring about a bettter society.

What is the socialized mean? The person who are socialized can adapted himelf in the society and can form his bahaviors to accord with the moral principle or the convention in the society.What causes a person ,a child especially,to be socialized?The lead of a certain folks around the child have an effective effect. The character of a children forms at the age of their tenth,when they do not get into the society as they just need to follow the tarcher ,the tutor ,or their parents’ asvices.When I was young, I regard the woeds my teacher tells me as a rule that I must obey.
Always, a tutor or a parent can affect one for a life time.TakingThomas Edision for example:he uesed to be a adiot in others’ view.It is usual for him to get a F,and he cannot follow the progress of other pupils. The teacher asked him to drop out of the school.He became upset and have no confidence.If this situation goes on,what will happen ?Thomas Edition will be an average person and no one would memorise him.But Edision’s mother did not give up him.She took him home and taught him by herself.She guide Edision to be confidence and to be more and more confidence.She taught him never to give up when he encounter problems.Those characters led Edision to success as he experienced 1800 times offailure to make a light bulb .
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Undoubtedly, to socialize a child sucessful can do good to the society.How children are socializes determine the destiy of the society or the future of the society.As a saying gose:the children are the first rays of morning of the sun.They will be the host of the society ten years or fifteen years later.The decision made by the host may decide the destiny of the society.
Taking Ming Dynasty of China for example:the emperor Yunazhang Zhu establish the state and the citizens have a cosy lives under  his policy .The 2nd emperor followed the policy but the life of the citizen are no more comfortable as the circumstance outside the Palace changed. There are drought and people did not  have enough food to still their lives.The emperor was not well socialized as he did not know the situation outside his room.Then the 3rd emperor came to dominate the country.He cut the tax and even supply food to the residents.and Ming comes to it’s proverty.

Even though there are some shortcoings in the progress of teaching.I t is sill competent for us toraise children who can help bring about a better society.There is a grouo of people called educationist guide us the right way to teach.They investigate and they study the history to find a best way on how to teach children properly.The teachers who can teach the children should learn some curriculums on phycology ,teaching methods and so forth.The teacher should also to take an exam to make sure that they are trully competent to teach.And the evidence shows that our society is better than it ten years ago.Watch at the Nobel prize every year,does any of the prize winner not bring something to make our society better?Dose the president of every country work to promote the society?They are all taught by us and feedback to the society.Every citizen work to make the society better and the society pay wage to them as a feedback.

In sum,how children are socialized determine the destiny of the society as the children are the future.And even though there are some shortcomings in the teaching,we still competent to raise children to make a better society.
不知道是不是有点写偏题了。。。。各位帮忙看看。。。语言方面有什么问题吗？？
谢谢！！！