argument53~~有拍必回

ella_dylUID: 2595060

TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 406    TIME: 00:35:00        DATE: 2010-3-19 下午 02:46:35

In this argument, the author advocates that increased level of melatonin during pregnancy causes shyness. To justify this claim, the author cites a result of a research conducted thirteen years ago. The research concluded that infants who had been conceived in early autumn were more likely to show shyness, and they identified themselves as shy earlier this year. Although this argument seems reasonable at first glance, it is in fact ill-conceived.

To begin with, the argument is weakened by using the statistically and methodologically questionable study conducted thirteen years ago. First, 25 infants are far from enough to draw a general conclusion of all infants. It is entirely possible that these infants were physically distinguished from others. More importantly, no detailed information is provided about the living environment of those children during the past thirteen years. Have they experienced something unusual? Are their family backgrounds alike? Are they raised in similar ways? Have they received the same school education? Without the answers of these questions, the author can not unfairly make the conclusion.

Even if the results of study are reliable, the explanations are not convincing. First, mild distress does not equal shyness and it is quite normal for infants to show mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli. Secondly, the fact that children identified themselves as shy lends little support to the assumption that they are in fact shy. Chances are that they just thought it could be regarded as shy and thus they responded like that. Granted they are really shy, it is generally acknowledged that teenagers usually show sighs of distress at certain physical period. Thus, the argument remains soundless unless ruling out these and other alternative explanations.

Moreover, the author provides scant evidence to ensure that the level of melatonin is attributable to shyness. No statistics in detail about the function of the hormone mentioned in the argument is provided. Besides, by the mere fact that the melatonin affects some brain functions, we can not infer whose brain it affects. Perhaps it is the mother's brain upon which it influences. Any of these scenarios, if true, will serve to undermine the author's conclusion.

In all, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To strengthen the argument, the author should improve the survey related to the function of melatonin and rule out other possible factors. Without such evidence, the argument will remain logical weak and can not be taken seriously.

番茄斗斗UID: 2720914

TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 406    TIME: 00:35:00        DATE: 2010-3-19 下午 02:46:35

In this argument, the author advocates that increased level of melatonin during pregnancy causes shyness. To justify this claim, the author cites a result of a research conducted thirteen years ago. The research concluded that infants who had been conceived in early autumn were more likely to show shyness, and they identified themselves as shy earlier this year. Although this argument seems reasonable at first glance, it is in fact ill-conceived.

To begin with, the argument is weakened by using the statistically and methodologically questionable study conducted thirteen years ago. First, 25 infants are far from enough to draw a general conclusion of all infants（这句语法有点问题哦，25 infants draw a conclusion？）. It is entirely possible that these infants were physically distinguished from others. More importantly, no detailed information is provided about the living environment of those children during the past thirteen years. Have they experienced something unusual? Are their family backgrounds alike? Are they raised in similar ways? Have they received the same school education? Without the answers of these questions, the author can not unfairly make the conclusion.（ARGU不是纯粹的罗列ALTERNATIVE EXPLANATION，而是在提出的同时，应该解释清楚为什么另一个解释更有可能？如Are their family backgrounds alike？那么后面要论证的就是不同的家庭环境会直接导致孩子的心理不同）

Even if the results of study are reliable, the explanations are not convincing. First, mild distress does not equal shyness and it is quite normal for infants to show mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli. Secondly, the fact that children identified themselves as shy lends little support to the assumption that they are in fact shy. Chances are that they just thought it could be regarded as shy and thus they responded like that . Granted they are really shy, it is generally acknowledged that teenagers usually show sighs of distress at certain physical period. Thus, the argument remains soundless unless ruling out these and other alternative explanations.（这一段的论证有些牵强，表面看是一层一层的让步，婴儿不一定是shy-就算是shy了，青少年也不一定是shy--就算青少年shy了，青少年期shy是有可能的；研究下其逻辑链会发现，这样的推论是基于一个又一个的可能，不能让人完全信服；与其这样堆砌，倒不如就一个可能展开，论述清楚）

Moreover, the author provides scant evidence to ensure that the level of melatonin is attributable to shyness. No statistics in detail about the function of the hormone mentioned in the argument is provided. Besides, by the mere fact that the melatonin affects some brain functions, we can not infer whose brain it affects. Perhaps it is the mother's brain upon which it influences. Any of these scenarios, if true, will serve to undermine the author's conclusion.

In all, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To strengthen the argument, the author should improve the survey related to the function of melatonin and rule out other possible factors. Without such evidence, the argument will remain logical weak and can not be taken seriously.
总的来说，lz的语言还是可以的，但是模板的味道很重，论述上还不够到位，可以看看版里的精华帖和范文