0318作文

stefanie299UID: 2667762

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and Televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on young people.


There are a large number of people holds such opinion that modern technology facilities act many negative functions on adolescents. They spend too much time on those facilities which bring about myopia and addition. However, those mass media ways can bring about many advantages for children as long as adults or their parents could guide them how to utilize these facilities properly.

Firstly, mass media such as movie and television can arouse many benefits for certain children who lived in remote area. Take myself as an example, When i was a child I lived in the countryside where we did not have any newspaper or internet, just only a TV set possessed every family; so, TV set became a main way absorbed knowledge for me which is just as an encyclopedia. I knew that there are many beautiful places all over the world and many diverse customs in different countries from plentiful TV programs.

What is more, movie is always plays an educational role in people's daily life over decades years. It is also the most feasible mass media to educate children how to cultivate their positive attitude for every aspect in their study and life. Parents can spare their time from work to go to cinema with their children to see science and education films and documentaries, even more, best selling films. For example, AVATAR, which is the most popular film in 2009; from perfect 3D film and moved plot, children can feel the power of high-tech and enhance their awareness of protecting environment. Meanwhile, parents could communicate with their children from what they saw and felt, which can accelerate the relationship between them and ease generation gap.

From what have been mentioned above, we have full reason to believe that television and movie still play indispensable roles in today's society. Children can obtain much knowledge from these resources in a proper attitude. Thus, its advantages will far outweigh its disadvantages.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

There are a large number of people who holds such a opinion that modern technology facilities act many negative functions (You don't 'act' a function but 'perform' a function.) on adolescents. They spend too much time on those facilities which bring about myopia? (You mean ALL modern technology facilities cause myopia? Even the electronic toothbrush?) and addition? (You mean 'addiction', don't you?). However, those mass media ways?? (What 'ways' are 'mass media ways'?) can bring about many advantages for children as long as adults or their parents could guide them on how to utilize these facilities properly. (I'm still waiting to see an exact definition on the 'mass media' and 'facilities' that you keep talking about..almost everything nowadays is a 'modern tecnology facility', so what exactly are you talking about in this essay? LCD TVs? Outdoor NFC advertisement panels? I have no idea.)

Firstly, mass media such as movies and televisions can arouse many benefits for certain children who lived in remote areas. Take myself as an example. When I was a child I lived in the countryside where we did not have any newspaper or internet, just only a TV set possessed by every family (Although you could have used 'in every family' to avoid possible ambiguities..); so, the TV set becames a main way to absorbed knowledge for me, which is just as like an encyclopedia. I knew that there are many beautiful places all over the world and many diverse customs in different countries from plentiful TV programs.

What is more, movies is always plays an educational role in people's daily life over decades of years. It is also the most feasible mass media to educate children on how to cultivate their a positive attitude for every aspect in their study and life. Parents can spare their time from work to go to the cinema with their children to see science and educational films and documentaries, even more, best selling films. For example, AVATAR, which is the most popular film in 2009; from perfect 3D film and moved plot???, children can feel the power of high-tech (This is, in fact, an adjective phrase. You need a noun like 'productions' with it.) and enhance their awareness of protecting the environment. Meanwhile, parents could communicate with their children from? what they saw and felt, which can accelerate? the relationship between them (Who?) and ease the generation gap.

From what have been mentioned above, we have full reasons to believe that televisions and movies still play indispensable roles in today's society. Children can obtain much knowledge from these resources in a proper attitude. Thus, its their advantages will far outweigh its their disadvantages. (Where did you elaborate the 'disadvantages' in the essay, or compare the advantages with the disadvantages? If not, how can you convince your reader that this conclusion indeed makes sense?)

总结：

你的语法要好好注意一下，尤其是which从句的用法。。从句不是什么地方都可以随便用的。。

你的例子和想法都很好，但是你的表达完全不能够让读者理解你到底想说什么，受中文影响是一个方面，对词汇的选择是另外一个方面。论述上对于优点的阐述很完整，但是没有根据题目做出合适的比较 - 题目问的是坏处是不是比好处多，你不能光说好处有多么多了事，而是需要一定的比较性质的阐述。光在开头提一句是不够的。