issues130 4月份的考试，求拍...

zhusichao88UID: 2786754

The statement actually consists of two claims:(1)the socialization of children determines the destiny of society, and (2)that we haven’t obtain the skill of raising children who can help bring up a better society .I concede that socialization existed as a basic skill of human to survive in the society, However, it should not be the key of determining the destiny of society. The claim that we have not yet learn how to raise children who can help bring up a better society is lack of evidence.

Admittedly, socialized children today who is well-trained to adapt the need of society can live in the competitive environment hamonily by using his method of contacting with others. For supporting examples, the children who get on well with all of
his or her classmates must be the most popular one among his or her peers. Evidence demonstrate that respectful conmunication is proved to be an effective way of dealing with people. On the other hand, The useful experience for children to distinguish right from wrong will be accumulated during the process of the socialization. Actually, human beings are social animals from ancient time till now, the behavior of staying alone will lead to a grave syndrome of childhood characterized by withdrawal and lack of social responsiveness which is named “Autistic”, the socialization turn out to be the guarantee for children to integrate into the mainstream of a group.

however, In my point of view, the statement is too extreme to assert that socialization is the key for the destiny of society, ,socialization plays only one role in the pool of several decisive roles which determine the destiny of society. The task to impel the advance of the society should be burdened by children in the future. Nevertheless, To convert or adapt to the needs of society is far from adequate. beside fitting or training for a social environment, gaining more basic knowledge, ethics and ingenuousness are regarded as the essential factor for children to change themselves, socialized children with less knowledge, ethics and ingenuousness shall be compared to a skyscraper without a sound foundation. Let us take the “thief and his mother” from Aesop’s Fables as an example. At the beginning ,
the BOY stole a lesson-book from one of his schoolfellows and took it home while his mother not only abstained from beating him, but encouraged him. until one day the man who was once the boy was caught in the very act and was led away to the public execution, he bit his mother’s ear and upbraided his mother of her countenance. The fundamental ethics and ingenuousness is crucial for an individual to discriminate between virtue and evil.

Besides, I think nowadays we have already know how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. During the long history of human beings, we have been accumulating for over 5000 years just as the first cultural center-Sumer-appeared on the earth by the Euphrates River and Tigris River. The society is amending all the time while we are busy achieving our own target without realizing what had happened around us. During the past 200years,we focus more on the cases what we considered ridiculous in the pervious time.
Abolishment of slavery was taken while the vast interest of the people who keep the slavery was invaded, however ,the spirit of
democracy is widely spread during the Civil War. The WTO is constituted as a world wide organization to provides a forum for negotiations and for settling disputes all the nations participate in the organization . the conception of low carbon economy is now being a principle of governments as the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change have been established in Copenhagen in 2010. Such big accomplishments won’t be achieved without a method of rising children who can help bring about a better society, we can’t diminish the vast achievement of most educators who raise children successfully merely according to a few ineffective examples .it is unfair for those hard-working educators.

In sum, I partly concede with the speaker's statement above. On the one hand, I quite agree the how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society; on the other hand, I think we have already learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

meredithpc0426UID: 2754868

The statement actually consists of two claims:(1)the（可以去掉） socialization of children determines the destiny of society, and (2)that we haven’t obtain the skill of raising children who can help bring up a better society .I concede that socialization existed as （有点不自然哦）a basic skill of human to survive in the society, However, it should not be the key of（应该跟to吧） determining the destiny of society. The claim that we have not yet learn（learned） how to raise children who can help bring up a better society is lack of evidence.(观点很明确)
Admittedly, socialized children today who is well-trained to adapt the need of society can live in the competitive environment hormonally by using his method of contacting with others. （和society得好坏有什么联系呢？没说出来）For supporting examples, the children who get on well with all of his or her classmates（这个有点太绝对了，不够具体，可以说） must be the most popular one among his or her peers. Evidence demonstrate that respectful communication is proved to be an effective way of dealing with people. On the other hand, （The ）useful experience for children to distinguish right from wrong will be accumulated during the process of the socialization. （And they are of significance if we want to build a more civilized and justifiable society, with everyone holding up the concept of equality, and  integrity.）Actually, human beings are social animals from ancient time till now, the behavior of(unchecked preference for) staying alone will lead to a grave syndrome of childhood characterized by withdrawal and lack of social responsiveness which is named “Autistic”, the socialization turn out to be the guarantee for children to integrate into the mainstream of a group. (这样又怎么对社会不好了呢 他们一样可以为社会作贡献啊 那么多艺术家文人不都有自闭吗？LZ这个观点还要展开说 应该是大众都这样才不行 比如说会引起Blablabla….)

However,(存在转折吗？also 的关系吧？)In my point of view, the statement is too extreme to assert that socialization is the key for the destiny of society, socialization plays only one role in the pool of several decisive roles which determine the destiny of society. The task to impel the advance of the society should be burdened by children in the future. （这句话是干嘛的，没懂.）Nevertheless, To convert or adapt to the needs of society is far from adequate. Besides fitting or training for a social environment, gaining more basic knowledge, ethics and ingenuousness are regarded as the essential factor for children to change themselves, socialized children with less knowledge, ethics and ingenuousness shall be compared to a skyscraper without a sound foundation. Let us take the “thief and his mother” from Aesop’s Fables as an example. At the beginning , the BOY stole a lesson-book from one of his schoolfellows and took it home while his mother not only abstained from beating him, but encouraged him. until one day the man who was once the boy was caught in the very act and was led away to the public execution, he bit his mother’s ear and upbraided his mother of her countenance. The fundamental ethics and ingenuousness is crucial for an individual to discriminate between virtue and evil.(这个人socialized 了吗，如果没有 那也不能很好支持你的观点…可以说一写收到社会认可的人啊 比如麦道夫 人缘那么好 最后类。。。)

Besides,（换一个 Moreover，） I think nowadays we have already know how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. During the long history of human beings, we have been accumulating（what?） for over 5000 years just as the first cultural center-Sumer-appeared on the earth by the Euphrates River and Tigris River. The society is amending(being amended) all the time while we are busy achieving our own target without realizing what had happened around us. During the past 200years,we focus more on the cases what we considered ridiculous in the pervious time.
Abolishment of slavery was taken while the vast interest of the people who keep the slavery was invaded, however ,the spirit of
democracy is widely spread during the Civil War. The WTO is constituted as a world wide organization to provides a forum for negotiations and for settling disputes all the nations participate in the organization . the conception of low carbon economy is now being a principle of governments as the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change have been established in Copenhagen in 2010. Such big accomplishments won’t be achieved without a method of rising children who can help bring about a better society, (我觉得这块用children 和乾时期的children 对比才有力，那些事大人们的成就啊 虽然能间接证明 但是力度就差了些)we can’t diminish the vast achievement of most educators who raise children successfully merely according to a few ineffective examples .it is unfair for those hard-working educators.

In sum, I partly concede with the speaker's statement above. On the one hand, I quite agree the how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society; on the other hand, I think we have already learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

Lz 文笔还是不错的 但是一定要对题啊 多分析分析题目 还有就是不要只给观点 没论证 就跳到下一个观点了。 以上一点个人意见，批判性接受哈~~~加油！

zhusichao88UID: 2786754

极其谢谢meredithpc0426大侠！我继续修改！ 2# meredithpc0426