【求助】 我也不怕丢人了，第一篇issue（附上外教的意见），大家看看哪些需要改进啊

KevinLuo006UID: 2744838

ISSUE 41  二楼有老外点评~大家看看哪些改听~哪些我需要告诉他不用那么注意啊~~
We live in the society of the rapid technological development to increase life enjoyment. It`s the mainstreanm science like the physics, chemistry, engineering, biology that promote the world`s moving through the way of scientific research. Meanwhile in some field where people could not be satisfied by the mainstream science, some nonmainstream course, for example astrology, fortune telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits , played a vital role to satisfy people`s needs of that. However, in my view the potencial harm they bring to us is far outweight their benefis on psychologic.

Admittedly, beyond the scientific area can reach, the inquiry of nonmainstream areas definitly give a help to solve the confuse of many unknown things. When we were facing a dilemma or complex question to make choice and had to take full respons of what we`ll do, there `ll be no work to think in the normal logical way. We will feel helpless, confusion and unsafe. Further more, the guilty and regret brought by the poor selection or the sorrow of losing our dear families of friends will understandably force some of our people to resort to some other way like astrology or fortune telling to solve our mental problem, in which way they will help many of us to shift the burden of sorrow, guilty or regret to some authority sometimes does not exist.

However , the nonstream area of inquiry is fading with the time`s going on and will never become the vital role or the society or they`ll be called the “mainstream”. There are two main reasons about that. The function of the nonstream area in the past was more than i just disscused above. the reason why people will resort to the fortune telling, the astrology and to decide based on that
to meet their psychological need since they were the only reasonable method. Though controling the thoughts by inculting the ‘right method’, people might be guided to some irrational beliefs can lead to some harmful reaults. Like some devil heresy who try to overtune the steady of the society,they may tell you a damgerious further about your family and the only way to save them is to burn yourself or some they want you to do. The congent reason is easy to find in the world. The holy war and terrorism, which are oftern caused by the some twisted beliefs.

Onthe other hand , with the development of the mainstream science, we can answer more question that people used to rely on the nonstream area of inquiry which has made our human began to figure how to trust in a reasonable way. That`s the second reason for the fading of the nonstream area. Like the repersent of the evolutionism, by which more and more people are trying to believe in that it`s not the god to create the human being. Though there are many flaws in this theory and we still have lots of concequence couldn`t be solved by the logic or science, i believe the answer will be digged out.

In sum, we should not neglect the benefits the nonstream of inquiry have bought to us. However , due to the feature of irrational and unreasoning. It should be a vital role of our society.

KevinLuo006UID: 2744838

老外看完我的文章后给我的回信
Hi Kevin,

I am not really sure what is suppose to be important in writing this topic, but, first of all, there are many spelling and language problems in your composition. Also, I am not sure if you just want my comments, or you want something more, so I will just provide general comments right now.

There are many problems with the use of articles: "a","the" or none
For example, the beginning of the first sentence should read "We live in a society of rapid technological ..."
the first "the" should be "a" and the second "the" should not be there.

Second sentence can be more concise: "Mainstream science, like physics, ... biology, promote ..." however, I really don't know what you mean in this sentence ... I don't understand: "... moving through the way of science research."

Much of the rest has similar problems.

Also, if all you have to base your writing on is the topic sentence:


"Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."


then, it does not seem to be asking your opinion on potential harm ... it seems to be asking if these things play a vital role or do not play a vital role in society. It doesn't ask if these things SHOULD play a vital role or not - just do they.

Second paragraph: I think I can figure out what your first sentence means, but it is very poorly worded.
Regarding the first sentence: "vital role" and "mainstream" are not the same thing. "Vital role" means "an important role" and "mainstream" usually means "common current thought."  However, it seems the author of the topic sentence is using "mainstream" to make a distinction between accepted science (mainstream) and supernatural or spiritual things (nonmainstream).

Something that is not mainstream, in this context, can still be seen by many people as playing a "vital role" in their lives.

Do you pay attention to which animal year you were born within? Are you a rabbit, dragon or snake?
This is Chinese "astrology."

Do you shoot off fireworks at Spring festival to scare away bad spirits?
Do you burn "money" for your ancestors at Qing Ming?
These are "paranormal pursuits."

I think the author of this topic sentence would include these Chinese ideas and practices as "nonmainstream".

As far as the rest of your essay goes, while I can figure out what you probably intended to say, many of the sentences, as written, really do not make any English sense, and sometimes do not make logical sense.

In the last paragraph, a logic problem seems to be that you are implying that science can now answer questions that "astrology" and "fortune telling" answered in the past ("with the development of the mainstream science, we can answer more question that people used to rely on the nonstream area of inquiry").

But modern science CANNOT answer anything that "astrology" and "fortune telling" address. "Astrology" says that a person has certain characteristics, personality and fate based on when and where they were born. "Fortune Telling" is telling someone about their future. Science cannot do these things; science can only say "astrology has no scientific foundation" and "telling the future has no basis in known science."

I do not know who will read and score your essay, but if they are native English speakers, I think they will find a lot of problems with the language, spelling and logic of this response.

One thing I suggest is that you use the spell check feature in Word to see how many misspellings you have. You need to select all the text and set the language to English. In Word 2007 you can do this with the "Review" tab and "Set Language" option. Then select the big checkmark icon for "Spelling & Grammar" or press "F7".

Good luck.

KevinLuo006UID: 2744838

谁来帮帮我呀

霁月难逢UID: 2718354

让自己的作文被改主要有以下几种途径：
1、参与/组建互助小组；
2、主动出击，到别人的习作中改别人的文章，然后留下连接请求回拍，绝大部分情况下版友都会很负责的回拍的；
3、斑竹定期会开习作修改铺，在里面占位置就可以让斑竹修改你的习作；
4、同主题写作时会规定参与的版友按照一定的回贴顺序进行互改；
5、坐等别人来拍，由于习作量很大，这种概率很小，所以效率也很低，建议不要采用。